there’s a guy in one of my classes who i am secretly battling for dominance over by wearing awful hipster outfits. i dont know if he is thinking the same thing but regardless i intend to win
i thought i won today when i walked into class wearing my awful 1995 figure skating tour of the world (sponsored by campbells soup) t-shirt, mom jeans, and 1980 moscow olympics-theme denim jacket but then he had to walk in wearing a donald duck jacket with matching donald duck socks like what a fucking power move
shiro introduces matt to new students with the wrong name just to see how long they can get away with it
shiro: “hey this is my friend boiled chicken” matt: “what’s up”
shiro: “this is my friend undercooked spaghetti. he looks 17 but he’s actually 36 and was held back 19 years”
new student: “your name is…broccoli? are you sure about that?” matt: “are you calling me a liar?”
shiro throws juice boxes into the trash can and yells “KOBE!” but they never get in
matt: “why are you crying?” shiro: “i got an A- in this test. i studied so hard as well!!”
matt looking at his C+ that he was happy with: “haha yeah…sucks…”
shiro: “sir would you like a breath mint?” iverson: “why?”
shiro: “cos the only thing out of your mouth is shit”
on a dare matt goes into the gym for a school assembly, wearing nothing but boxers with bejewelled letters on the back spelling “M A T T H O L T”
iverson: “i drink to forget but i always remember”
early on in their friendship, shiro goes into matt’s room to get a textbook and sees the walls plastered with ‘Campbells® Green Pea Soup’ posters. he’s so terrified that he never mentions it again
the first time shiro and matt meet each other:
matt: my name is matthew with a ‘b’ and i’ve been afraid of insects my entire l-
shiro: stop stop stop, where?
shiro: where’s the ‘b’?
matt: tHeRe’S a bEE?
shiro always walks into the wrong classroom and doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he just says ‘haha, forgot my…calculator…’, picks up a random’s kid’s lunch box, and walks out
shiro: i’m feeling a little rebellious today!! (: so i’m not going to tie my laces, i’m only going to do 46/50 of the maths equations assigned to us, and i’ll mess up my entire presentation!! by typing it in comic sans haha
matt scrunching up the worksheet he was given and putting it in his mouth, chewing slowly: this is how i feel about homework sir