Why do people act like I’m hiding something from them when I tell them we don’t have a size/item in the store?
Like, do you think I don’t want to makes this sale? Because friend, let me tell you, I look at the financials for this store every single day and I can tell you we’re not in a position to not sell you what you want. This isn’t some like grift to hold it back and then unleash a flood of fucking camo denim cargo shorts on to the market.
Appearance: Tall, with black hair and eyes like green oak leaves.
Technical Specs (For Omnics): N/A
Special Skills: Alchoholism, ERK (Extensive Random Knowledge)
- Classic (Default): Snazzy black suit and tie, white dress shirt, camo cargo shorts. Aviator sunglasses with black rims. Wears shoes that are expensive but not particularly expensive-looking. Gun resembles a navy-blue Super Soaker.
- All Rare skins simply change the color of the suit, tie, and gun. All other features remain constant.
- Smokey the Bear: Grey
- Hot Stuff: Red
- Tacky: Neon green. Also his dress shirt changes to a Hawaiian print shirt.
- Orange You Glad…: Orange
- Reversal of Fortune: Button-down sky blue shirt, with snazzy black suit pants and dress shoes. His gun looks like a flamethrower.
- Forsythe Bond: Snazzy black suit, slim sunglasses, black tie, white dress shirt, black pants, black dress suit-basically he looks like James Bond. His gun resembles a handheld pistol, similar to those in the Bond films.
- El Pantolino: Aviator shades, Hawaiian shirt, shorts. All in bright colors.
- Sir Forsythe: A suit of armor reminiscent of what was worn by medieval knights, such as you might find on display at a museum, old castle, or cartoon about knights.
- The French Mistake: Dressed in the stereotypical fashion of a mime-black and white striped shirt and pants. However, he wears no face paint; but he does wear a beret. His gun resembles a croissant.
- Lady Milary Colombina III: Sir Forsythe’s entire gender changes. He is now a woman that matches his general description above, but with longer hair. Her outfit is a suitjacket, and tie over a tank top and short skirt. She still has the sunglasses and Super Soaker. Instead of “Sir Forsythe Pantalone III,” her voice lines have her say “Lady Milary Colombina III.” Pronouns are swapped where appropriate.
- Derpius Maximus: Forsythe is still wearing sunglasses, but he is also wearing a stereotypical laurel wreath, along with a Roman toga. His gun resembles an olive-green Super Soaker.
- The Truth is Out There: Everything is the same outfit-wise, but his appearance drastically changes. He is turned a sickly green color, with random tentacles sprouting from his body. He has several extra eyes and maybe an extra ear.
- Heroic: He points his gun at himself, looks down, and presses the trigger. Sickly grey smoke comes out of it, and he coughs and waves it away.
- Meme Fightin’ Machine: He does a dab.
- Not Again: A rainbow-colored portal appears behind him, and several spears poke out. He jumps forward and the portal disappears.
- Whoa Boy: Brutus, his pet lion, appears and stalks towards him. He slowly backs up, and then when the lion jumps for him he dives under the lion, which disappears into a rainbow-colored portal.
- Heroic: Midway through the Heroic emote, basically.
- Here Comes…: Sir Forsythe is riding a unicycle, arms on either side of him to balance him.
- I See the Problem: Sir Forsythe looking through the wrong end of the telescope.
- A Weight on your Mind: Sir Forsythe looking forward, eyes shaded with his hand, with an anvil about to fall on him.
- Heroic: Same as the Heroic emote.
- Just Die Already: He does a dab, but in the process accidentally throws his gun. He runs after it.
- When in Rome: Same as the Not Again emote.
- Brutus Minimus: Same as the Whoa Boy emote, except the other side of the portal is not rainbow, but the Roman Coliseum.
Weapon(s): A modified Super Soaker-esque water gun that shoots black smoke. It lingers for 3 seconds after it has been shot, and inflicts enemies that move into it with a DOT (damage-over-time) effect. (In the Bond skin, this remains the same; with the French Mistake skin, it is a croissant shooting smoke. Don’t ask.) Has 200 ammo.
- Smoked Out: Alt-Fire. Uses up 10 ammo. Creates an obscuring cloud of black smoke that allies can see through, but not enemies.
- Light It Up: He throws a small cylinder at a location that explodes into fire where it hits, afflicting nearby enemies with a fiery DOT effect.
- Gotta Go Fast: A rainbow-colored portal appears under him, which he falls into while the camera switches to 3rd person mode (similar to Reaper’s teleport). He is spit out at a random location exactly 420 decimeters (42 meters) away. This won’t put him off the edge.
Passive Abilities (If they have one): N/A
Melee Attack: He pistolwhips with his Super-Soaker.
Ult: Hallucinogens: He throws down a bomb that affects all players (enemies and allies, but not Sir Forsythe) in a radius around the impact point; affected players see a thin green tint to their screen, but they might be more concerned with the fact that enemies and allies around them appear to have their status scrambled, so it isn’t clear who is an enemy or who is an ally. This allows for friendly fire against your own team.
Backstory: When Sir Forsythe Pantalone III was born, it was a clear spring day. The summer sun was shining, glistening against the autumn leaves that lay on the newfallen winter snow.
Also one time he messed around with a prototype Chronal Accelerator without Winston’s knowledge and had a merry misadventure in Ancient Rome, where he acquired his pet lion, Brutus. He had to fight him in a match in the Coliseum while his father watched. Long story.
Other Information: None
- Smoke Bomb: “Sir Forsythe Pantalone III shall cover you!”
- Light It Up: “Sir Forsythe Pantalone III decrees this to be… lit.”
- Gotta Go Fast: “Sir Forsythe Pantalone III must beat a hasty retreat!”
Hero Select: “Sir Forsythe Pantalone III shall follow you.”
- Forsythe Bond skin: “Pantalone III. Sir Forsythe Pantalone III.”
Why isn't ryro and bren's ship name Bryan it should be Bryan
bc bryan is the name of someone who drags his friends to walmart to buy a new video game but then gets hung up for hours browsing the deodorant section and the liquor aisle even though he isnt old enough to buy alcohol but he keeps picking up bottles and reading the labels as if he’s genuinely interested in purchasing it and then he goes to check out but doesn’t have his money ready and spends five minutes digging his wallet out of his camo cargo shorts before paying the cashier in exact change, and the line behind him and his friends is getting really long and the other customers are getting irritated because goddamn it this is the “10 items or less express” lane and they have to get home to their mother in law who made them a nice chicken dinner but the Bryan guy takes forever to check out and then when he’s leaving in the parking lot he sees a girl walking in to the store and he catcalls her and fistbumps his friends who are still irritated that he spent two hours in a store and only spent $20 before they get to their car where they break out their vape pens and listen to the latest Fetty Wap album
My husband Tyler and I lay on our bed lazily making out before he had to head off to the studio. Which he was actually going to late to if he didn’t leave like, now.
“Babe, you better hurry up. You’re going to be late.” I laughed shoving him toward the edge of the bed.
“Fine.” He grumbled going to grab a shirt out of the drawer. Once he had put the shirt on we headed to the living room where our three year old son was watching a movie.
“I love you. See you later.” Tyler cooed kissing me on the forehead. “Bye Austy. I love you too.” He yelled giving Austin a thumbs up.
“Bye Daddy. See ya later.” Austin yelled back as Tyler walked out of the door.
“So what do you wanna do today munchkin?” I asked Austin walking over to the couch, picking him up sitting us both on couch.
“Go see Daddy and uncle Michael work.” He cheered throwing his hands in the air.
“How about the park first and then we’ll go see what Daddy and your uncles are up to?” I suggested.
“Ok Mommy.” Austin cheered once again jumping off the couch. “I go get dressed.” He yelled running down the hall to his room.
I followed shortly after him to mine and Tyler’s room to get dressed myself. I decided on cut off jeans short, one of Tyler’s cut up CRSL tanks and red lace-up vans. Just throwing my hair up in a messy bun and leaving my face make up-less.
I walked down the hall to the living room to wait for Austin. He came running into the room shortly after wearing and Young & Reckless shirt, camo cargo shorts, black slip-on vans and a backwards snapback.
“You ready bug-a-boo?” I laughed admiring how stinkin’ cute my son was.
“Yup.” He nodded popping the ‘p’ and giving me a thumbs up.
I grabbed my purse and Austin’s hand before heading out the car.
As soon as we left the house little man got hungry so we stopped for lunch before heading off to the park for an hour.
Austin was quite pooped by the time we got to the studio so I figured we’d only stay for a little while. If we even stayed at all. Tyler had no idea that we were coming so he might just have us go home. Who knows.
“Hello Mrs. Carter. How are you today?” The young lady at the front desk greeted me as I walked in carrying a sleepy Austin in my arms.
“I’m great. And yourself?” I replied.
“Really good. Hi Austin.” She smiled waving at Austin.
“Hi.” He whispered trying to hide his face.
“He’s so shy. Sorry.” I whispered cradling Austin closer to me.
“It’s ok. The guys are in 3B. You can just go on back.” She informed me pointing towards the hall.
“Thank you.” I smiled heading towards the hallway.
I walked down the hall until I got to the right room and put Austin down so we could greet everyone.
“Hi baby.” I cooed spotting Tyler.
“Oh my god. Hi.” He gasped obviously shocked to see us.
“Surprise.” I laughed waving at him.
“Y/N!” Michael yelled moving from behind Tyler.
“Michael.” I yelled back laughing.
“Aus. My main man.” Michael cheered walking a little further into the room.
“Hi uncle Michael.” Austin cheered in reply.
“Come here. I wanna show you something really cool.” He said kneeling down and holding out his arms for Austin to run into.
“This is really great baby but we’re super busy today. I wish you would’ve called.” Tyler whispered taking my hand.
“I’m sorry. He just really wanted to see you at work. You won’t even know we’re here, I promise.” I reassured him.
“Ok. Well I gotta go talk to Ty. I’ll be back. I love you.” He replied kissing me on the forehead and then heading back toward the room he had just come from.
“I love you too. Go do your magic.” I yelled after him.
By that time Michael and Austin had made their way back into the room I was in. “Austin. Come here baby.”
“What’s up Mommy?” He asked taking the hand I was holding out for him.
“We gotta stay over here while Daddy works. Ok?” I informed him as we walked over to one of the couches.
“Ok.” He shrugged and settled in on the couch.
We sat there just watching everyone work for about 30 minutes and Austin was actually being really good.
“Mommy? I’m thirsty.” Austin whispered to me.
“Ok. I’ll get you something. Wait here.” I toldhim getting up to go to the mini fridge in the corner to get us both something to drink. Luckily they had juice boxes.
“Never lose you flames.” I heard Austin sing and I laughed to myself. “Look Mommy. I’m like Daddy.” He yelled and I turned to see him dancing around with a plastic microphone, I’m assuming he found somewhere on the floor.
“Yea baby. Be careful though. Come over here.” I laughed sitting back down on the couch. He’s so darn cute.
As he danced his way back over to the couch though, the microphone flew out of his hand hitting Tyler in the chest just as he walked through the door.
“Austin Lucas Carter! What are you doing?” Tyler yelled grabbing the microphone off the floor in front of him.
“I’m sorry Daddy.” Austin whispered looking at the ground.
“You could’ve broke something. And you hit me. You know better. And y/n you’re supposed to be watching him. You guys aren’t even supposed to be here.” Tyler yelled throwing his hands in the air.
“I said sorry! Don’t yell at my Mommy!!” Austin yelled back at Tyler starting to cry.
“Austin baby, it’s ok. Come here.” I cooed turning him to face me. “Hey, no more tears alright?” I whispered wiping his tears “It’s ok. I got you. Let’s go home honey. You need a nap.” I comforted picking him and my purse up.
“And you.” I snarled turning to face Tyler. “I’ll deal with you later. Be sure to check the attitude before you get home.”
Austin finally calmed down and fell asleep on the way home.
“Shh baby. Go back to sleep.” I whispered tucking him in.
“Is Daddy still mad?” Austin asked looking rather distressed.
“I don’t know sweetie. He’s still at work.” I replied pulling his comforter up.
“I didn’t mean to. I’m really sorry.” He whispered.
“I know baby. I know. It’s ok.” I cooed rubbing his back and kissing his forehead.
“I love you Mommy.” Austin murmured drifting back to sleep.
“I love you too Austy. Sweet dreams baby.” I whispered kissing the top of his one last time.
After I put Austin down for his nap I went to the living room to watch tv and wait for Tyler to come home.
“Hi.” Tyler whispered closing the front door and leaning up against it.
“Come on y/n. Talk to me.” He pleaded walking over to the couch and sitting next to me.
“I’m really sorry baby. I didn’t mean to get that mad, I’m just really stressed.” He whispered grabbing my hand.
“So that give you a reason to go off on us.” I retorted yanking my hand from him.
“No. Of course not. I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.” Tyler defended cupping my cheek. “He hates me doesn’t he?” He asked looking really upset.
“Sweetie, he could never. He thinks you’re still mad at him though.” I told him.
“Dammit. Alright, I’ll talk to him when he wakes up.” He sighed relaxing further into the couch. “Are you still mad?” He asked turning to me.
“A little.” I tried to act upset. “But that cute little face is helping.” I giggled. I could never stay mad at him for very long.
“I love you y/n. So fucking much.” Tyler smiled grabbing my face and kissing me deeply.
“I love you too Tyler.” I giggled when he let go. “Come on. I think I can fix that stress.” I told him grabbing his hand and standing up.
“Shirt and pants off.” I ordered once we were in our room.
Tyler undressed himself and then eyed me up and down. “Wait, this isn’t fair.”
“Will it make you feel better if I take my pants off too?” I asked with a giggle.
“Yes.” He pouted crossing his arms.
“Fine.” I laughed taking off my shorts. “Ok. Lay on your stomach on the bed.” I told him and went to get the lavender scented oil.
I climbed on the bed with Tyler and straddled his legs just below his butt. I put some oil into my hands and started rubbing his shoulders.
“God baby. That feels amazing.” Tyler moaned with a face of pure bliss.
“Yea? Feel better?” I asked moving my hands up to his neck.
“Definitely.” He murmured and I continued on with my massage.
When I was done I laid on my side next to Tyler playing with his hair.
“You’re the best. I hope you know that.” He cooed interlocking his fingers with mine.
“I do but it’s always nice to hear it.” I giggled kissing his nose.
“Mommy, I had a bad dream.” We heard a small voice from the door.
“I’m sorry baby. You wanna lay with us?” I asked Austin sitting up on the bed.
“Are you still mad Daddy?” He asked turning to Tyler.
“Not anymore Aus. I’m sorry I yelled at you and Mommy.” Tyler told him sitting up beside me.
“It’s ok Daddy. I still love you.” Austin smiled.
“Why thank you. I love you too little man. Now get up here. Mommy and Daddy need snuggles.” Tyler laughed holding out his arms for Austin.
“Yah!” Austin yelled running to the bed so Tyler could lift him onto to it.
We all cuddled up at the head of the bed putting on a movie. Austin fell back asleep pretty fast wrapped u in Tyler’s arms.
“Thank you.” Tyler whispered looking over at me.
“For what?” I asked.
“My perfect little family.” He smiled.
“You helped too.” I laughed leaning over to kiss him. “I love you Mr. Carter.”
“I love you too Mrs. Carter.” Tyler smiled widely kissing me one more time and then the top of Austin’s head.
I honestly couldn’t ask for two better men in my life.