Sorry for any grammatical errors. I haven’t edited it yet so I’m sorry in advance lolll.But this is something very personal that I wrote today and hopefully someone else could relate.
I was going through my memory box today and a lot of stuff that involved you came up. It brought me back to the good times and I almost texted you but then I remembered that you’re just a stranger now. It’s been a couple months since we last talked. Crazy huh? How in just a year we went from being inseperable to complete strangers. If someone had asked us a year or two ago if we could see our life without each other in it, we would have laughed and said no; Now here we are.
I would be lying if I said I haven’t thought about you or that I didn’t miss you. I do miss you, a lot. So much has happened since we last talked, and I wish I could share it all with you. There has been times where I picked up my phone to text you but then I would remember you’re not that person anymore; And it’s sad because for the longest time it seemed like you’d be that person who stayed in my life for a long while. I miss being close with your family and being able to call your home my home as well. I miss having the privilege of saying I had more than one family. It’s crazy how much can change in a short amount of time.
I hope you don’t hate me for walking away when I did. I hope one day you understand that I had to or else we would have never known just how toxic our friendship had been. There is quite a few things I know I could have done better and shouldn’t have done, same goes for you. We are both to blame for our friendship being as unhealthy as it was. Though it was so unhealthy, we shared a lot of great memories and I’d like to think it was equally good as it was bad.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry we’re not best friends anymore and I’m sorry I had to be the one to walk away. I’m sorry for any pain I caused. I’m sorry I couldn’t be your person anymore. I’m sorry we couldn’t do everything we wanted to. I’m sorry I tried to blame you for our friendship ending. I’m sorry I tried to hate you because damn did I try. I tried so hard and for awhile it worked because hating you and being mad at you was easier than missing you. But I realize that I could never hate you, no matter how mad I am about what happened. I’m sorry this is how it had to end for us, but that’s life for you. Not everything goes the way it should or how you want it to.
But I would like to thank you. Thank you for being my person for as long as you were. Thank you for being patient with me while I learned how to trust another person. Thank you for the memories I will never forget. Thank you for caring enough to break through the walls I had worked so hard to build over the years. Thank you for being the person I could run to for everything and anything. Thank you for being the person I could count on. Thank you for being the person I could confide in without the fear of judgement. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved. Thank you for showing me that I can still trust others and be trusted. Thank you for proving to me that people come into our lives for a reason and though they may not stay, the lessons learned are a blessing.
I would like to say I can see us being friends again in the future but I’d only be spitting out false hope. It would never be the same and if I happen to see you one day, I’ll smile and walk away. My heart will break a little and all our memories will hit me like a train but I’ll feel grateful for the time we did have together. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life forever and unfortunately I learned you are one of those people. They say some people only come into your life to teach you a lesson and leave, but the most important people leave a mark. Well you left a mark and I am thankful for you coming into my life when you did.
I know you may never see this but I needed to get it off my chest. There were a lot of words unsaid and a lot of words I wish I could have said. I guess I’m writing this to get a small sense of closure for myself.
I hope you and your family are doing well. I hope you get everything you want and more in the life you chose for yourself.
Not So Picture Perfect || Kian Lawley Imagine (Requested)
“Literally all I want to do is go home. I really don’t want to be here,” I told Callie as I worked on the gym elliptical.
“What, why? You love the gym. What’s wrong?”
“Kian flies out with Jc and Dom today for the second half of the tour and won’t be back for 3 weeks.”
“Okay, I know you love him, but it’s only 3 ½ weeks. They will fly by, especially with Maya’s birthday party and Ricky’s “I Hit One Million” Bash.”
Even though I hate to admit it, she was right. It’s just 3 lousy weeks and with the technology we have today, it will be like he never left.
“Fuck, you’re right. Did you know I hate that about you?”
“Yeah and I love you too, beyotch. Call me later, okay?”
I finished my 90 minute workout and headed home to see Kian for the last few hours. I grabbed my gym bag and unlocked the door to see Kian’s suitcases against the wall. I let out a sigh and called out to him.
“I’ll be there in a sec!” he yelled back. When he came into my view, I saw that he was on the phone.
“Yeah, Dude. I’ll be there in about an hour. Okay. Bye”
I gave him a confused look,”I thought your flight was at 10 tonight.”
“It was, but there was a screw up with the airline and our flight is 4:40 now.” I looked at the clock behind him and it read 1:27 pm.
“So that means you have to leave now,” I said defeated.
“Yeah, I’m sorry Baby.”
“No it’s fine, it’s not your fault. Did you need me to drive you?”
“I don’t need you to, but I definitely want you to,” he said as he embraced me.
I helped him load his bags into the car and hopped in. I couldn’t help but think that i wouldn’t have moments like this for 3 fucking weeks. I hated it, but Kian loves his fans and would do anything for them. I would never stand between that.
After what seemed like the shortest ride in history, we pulled up to his terminal. Jc and Dom were already out there waiting for us and I helped unload Kian’s things. We stood there for what felt like forever, just holding each other.
“Ugh, ew! Come on already, Vitaly’s inside!” JC whined beside us. Kian and I decided to gross him out even more and started tongue battling each other.
“God! Didn’t you guys do enough of that before he left?!” asked Dom.
“We actually didn’t,” I said to Kian, looking kind of amused.
“Well this is going to be one uncomfortable flight,” he joked.
“Speaking of flight, we gotta catch ours!” JC said.
“Fuuuck, I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know, but I’ll be back soon, okay.”
“Okay, have fun.”
“I will, I’ll call you when we land,” he said running into the airport.
“I’ll be waiting,” I said to myself.
When I arrived back to our place I was finally able to take a well needed shower. When I was done, I ordered food off of Postmates and caught up on ‘Are You The One?’ I really hated being here without Kian, but I had to remind myself that I did it during the first half and was (somewhat) fine.
My phone started to ring and I got excited when I saw that it was Kian calling.
“Hey, Baby. How are you?”
“Lonely. How was the flight?”
“Pretty good. Some kid threw up though, which made Dom almost throw up.”
“Ew, but kinda awesome, haha.” Our conversation didn’t last long due to the fact that he had a long day tomorrow and it was late where he was.
I decided that it was time for me to go to bed as well and try to not be so bleh.
The next few days were getting easier and easier. Almost two weeks have already passed and Maya’s birthday party was a great distraction. I hear from Kian every night and every night I miss him more. Tonight is Ricky’s bash and I’m really excited. I took me like 4 hours to get ready, but I was almost done. I was applying the last bit of makeup when my phone buzzed.
I heard Callie come in and we naturally had to capture this moment.
That night was complete blast. I can’t stress how proud I am of Ricky T for reaching over one million youtube subscribers. Callie and I finally got back to my place and I was about to take a shower when my phone started to ring.
“Hey, I saw your Snap. You look beautiful, how was the party?”
“It was really fun, but tiring. How’s the tour going?”
“It’s good! The fans are amazing, the closer I get to coming home, the more anxious I get to be with you.”
“*Sigh* I can’t wait for you to come back.”
“I know me either, but I’ll let you get some rest and I’ll do the same. Sweet dreams, Babe.”
“You too, Kian. Good night.”
The next few days were quite boring, but Kian comes home in a little over a week and I’m so happy! I had been trying to reach him for the last few hours now, but he wasn’t picking up. I finally gave up on him and tried calling JC, but it was too loud to hold a conversation. My last resort was Vitaly who evidently was asleep and didn’t know anything.
I realized that this was the first night Kian hadn’t called me and I got a sort of uneasy feeling in my stomach. I quickly shook it off and decided to go to bed.
It was about 7:15 am when I was woken up by the constant vibration of my phone. After about 2 solid minutes, I groggily turn over and check what it is. I see that it is a bunch of Twitter notifications and I decided to open them. I see an assload of pictures of Jc with some random girl wither ass out, but that’s when I see it.
“What the fuck?” I say to myself as I read the tweets. I feel my heart drop as I see my boyfriend cradling another girl’s ass. I immediately decide to call him and of course it goes straight to voicemail.
Over the course of the next 9 days, I didn’t leave the house. Ricky and Callie came over to keep me company, but I just wanted to be alone. Kian tried calling every 5 minutes, except when he was on stage, but I ignored all of them. Even the rest of the boys were trying to contact me, but I only talked to Vitally since he wasn’t there that night. He tried to get me to talk about it, but knowing that he would relay it all to Kian, I just changed the subject.
So many people were talking about what happened, even Kian’s ex Andrea. All I could do at this point is cry and look at old photos of Kian and I.
Kian comes back tomorrow and I had to make a hasty decision. I was in the middle of my thoughts when my phone vibrated over and over again. I thought I shut that fucker off. I go look at it and I see it is the man of the hour once again.
I can’t help but smile a little bit as I cry even harder now. Is it worth letting go? Is it worth staying? Then he said it.
We Fight, We Breakup, We Fuck, We Makeup- Derek Luh Smut
Request: Could I request an imagine with Derek where we’ve been together for 2 years and we get into a huge fight but we make up with something a bit smutty
Warnings: Cursing and I’ve never written smut before so this might be crappy 🙈😩
I was sitting at home scrolling through Instagram and checking out my Twitter mentions while watching Catfish simultaneously. I put my phone down for a couple seconds to channel surf when I hear a car pull into the driveway.
Derek’s home from the studio. Finally. Lately Derek has been going to the studio and coming back late, but I’ve always fallen asleep before he gets back. I hope there’s nothing I should be worried about.
My thoughts are soon stopped in place when I hear the keys jingle in the door it opens ever so slightly. He walks in and a gust of wind blows through the house. I’m suddenly slapped in the face by a strong scent of alcohol mixed with… weed.
Is he serious right now? We’ve talked about this shit, over and over and he thinks he can get away with it?! No. Not today. Before he sees me, I turn around and walk towards the staircase and sit on the fourth step, my feet resting on the third. Phone in hand, and ready to yell.
He closes the door behind him and stops in his tracks when he sees me sitting on the steps. “Hey baby. How are you,” Derek smiles. I look at him up and down and notice that his eyes are bloodshot red. He’s high right now.
When he notices that I don’t reply, he asks, “What’s wrong, baby?” Still ignoring his questions, I finally speak up. “Did you have fun at the ‘studio’, Derek?,” I ask putting air quotes around studio. “Um, yeah. I got a lot done today,“he lied straight through his teeth. His perfect white teeth that seemed to blind people whenever he smiled. Fuck, Y/N focus.
“Oh really, like what?,” I challenged. I wanted to catch him in his dirty ass lie. “Um, I published a song, wrote some more lyrics, and here I am.”
“Really, Derek? Because you were gone since 8 tonight and currently it’s 2 in the morning. You’re trying to tell me that it took you 6 hours to write a couple songs and publish one? Do you think I’m stupid Derek?,” I ranted standing up on the stairs from getting angry.
“Okay, I’m gonna need you to chill because you’re raising your voice.” Was I raising my voice? I didn’t even notice.
I stepped down that stairs and made my way over to Derek, bringing his clothes towards my nose. Just to show him that I knew he was lying. I look up at him and I see he has a worried expression on his face.
“Huh, smells a little familiar don’t you think? The perfect mix of alcohol and oh what’s that? Weed?,” I say with anger and irritation laced in my voice. “So Derek, is the studio your final answer because I caught you in a damn lie and right now I’m very aggravated.”
He stays silent.“That’s what I thought. You know what Derek, I am so fucking tired of you always lying to me! I’m over it,” I say raising my voice. Yeah, I noticed this time.
“Woah, what do you mean always lying to you? When have I ever lied to you, Y/N?,” Derek asked raising his voice to same level as I did.
“Hmm,” I pretended to think. “How about the fact that you told me you were going to the studio when in reality you went to the club, you promised you’d stop smoking but look at where we are right now and let’s not forget - -.” He cut me off,“OK hold up, who said I smoked weed. You’re always assuming shit, and it’s getting on my fucking nerves,” he yelled at the top of his weed filled lungs. He can’t fool me.
“Oh, I’m assuming shit? Derek, your eyes are bloodshot red, you smell like fucking weed. I’m so done with your shit,” I say walking up the stairs. I get into our shared bedroom, grab my Adidas duffel bag and start stuffing my shit in there.
I jump up in fear when I feel snake their way around my waist. As soon as my brain proceses that it’s Derek, I immediately shake him off of me considering I was still pissed at him. “C'mon babe it was one blunt,” Derek whined. “So you did lie, you’re a fucking, ugh,” I grunted being too angry to finish my sentence.
“Come on, Y/N, we’ve been together for 2 fucking years and you want to leave just because I smoked a blunt tonight,” Derek protested. “It’s not even that Derek,” I say turning around. “It’s the fact that you promised me you’d stop smoking and you went behind my back and still did it. You probably even smoked this whole week, but got away with it because I fell asleep before you got back. So you know what, yes I am leaving,” I say ever so calmly and turning back around to finish packing my stuff.
I’m almost done packing when I am pulled from behind and spun around. I feel pain in my back when I am slammed against the wall with two hands on each side of my body.
I am confused as to what’s going on when I hear Derek whisper,“ I guess now I have to fuck you to remind you how good I am when I’m high.” I almost moan at his words. He moves his lips down to my neck and starts kissing it roughly. I can tell there going to be hickies there in the morning.
Derek continues his actions until I moan. He whispers in my ear again,“Bounce.” I jump up and wrap my legs around Derek’s waist.
Let’s just say we had a lot of fun that night. Maybe I’ll let Derek keep smoking weed.
A/N: Thanks you guys so much for reading. This was requested by the lovely lady: almoststupendousparadise. I love you guys and I’ll talk to y'all soon ✌️🤘👋
Can you do an imagine where Cameron kisses you and is really touchy/clingy with you all the time and the guys tease him about it but you love it and think it’s cute? Thank you ilysm 💕💖
Hey love, Wondering if it was possible for you to write an imagine where you and Cameron have a heavy make out session where you give each other hickies, grind etc?
photo creds: couplenotes.tumblr.com
The setting sun cast a golden glow across your eyes as the end of the day drew near. You sat on the edge of the pool, swishing your toes into the cool water as you watched Cameron mess around with the guys. He’d invited a bunch of them over; the Jack’s, Nash, and Aaron. The guys were tangled in the grass in a wrestling match that you couldn’t help but laugh at, and as they rolled through the greenery, you saw Cam’s head poke up to look at you. His big goofy grin spread across his face as he cheesed at you happily from across the garden, so you reciprocated the gesture. You heard him say something, and then untangle himself from the boys to come jog over to your side. He plopped down on the warm stone beside you, and dipped his own feet into the water.
“Hey gorgeous,” he said happily.
“Hey Cam,” you grinned, “having fun?”
“Mm,” he shrugged, “I think it’s more fun when I’m with you.”
He kicked his foot up, sending water droplets all over your legs, and looking pleased about it, too.
“Cameron!” you pouted and gave him a shove whilst you scooted away from him.
“Sorry, but I couldn’t miss the opportunity,” he chortled.”Now come back here, I wanna hold you.”
You raised your head and threw him a glare, trying not to break your angry facade.
“I know you can’t stay angry at me,” he teased.
Your face melted into a smile as you scooted back to his side, “Well, you’re right.”
You put your feet back in the water, bending your head down to stare at the crystal ripples across the surface of the pool. You saw Cameron’s wavering reflection in the water, his eyes on you as he noticed a stray hair in your face that he tucked gently away behind your ear.
“You’re really beautiful, but I like you better when you’re not just a reflection,” he said, signalling that he wanted your attention.
You giggled and raised your head, turning to lock eyes with Cameron. His big brown eyes held yours, his bronzed skin glowing under the light of the sun as he wrapped a warm arm around your waist. He bit at his round lower lip, his thumb gently caressing your back, but he only brought himself close enough to you that small gap lay between your mouth and his.
“Fine well if you’re not gonna kiss me,” you joked and pretended to pull away, causing Cameron to pull you forward and laugh into your lips. You brought your arms into a lock around his neck, Cameron’s hands holding your face to his as he molded his warm and soft lips gently into yours. He smelled like the freshly cut grass and he tasted like heaven, so much so that you found your chests pressed together, your nails digging into his skin as you urged him for more.
Suddenly, you were interrupted by a loud whistle, and out of nowhere a huge wave of water crashed over you and Cam. You stuttered and pulled your lips from his, wiping the water out of your eyes and turning to face four smug faced boys in the pool. The Jack’s, Aaron and Nash whooped at you from the water, “Sorry, did we interrupt you?” they called sarcastically.
You stuck your tongue out at them and folded your arms, “At least I have someone to kiss right now.”
Johnson shook out his blonde hair like a dog and swam at you, his hands grabbing at your exposed legs, “Say it again,” he dared.
Cameron kicked at Johnson’s shoulder with his own foot, “C’mon, give it a rest.”
Jack raised an eyebrow and smiled, “Can’t keep your hands off her for five minutes can you?”
“Don’t you get sick of him?” laughed Gilinsky.
Nash swam to the poolside and plopped down right between you and Cam, forcing you apart.
“Guys,” you smiled, eyeing Cameron, who’s cheeks were flared in embarrassment.
“I wonder what would’ve happened if we’d left Cameron for one more minute,” said Johnson.
“He was all over you, (Y/N),” Aaron added.
“I like him like that,” you smirked and extended your hand to Cam, who stared at it questioningly.
Nash grabbed your hand before he could take it, and laced his fingers right into yours. “Awh, look, we’re holding hands,” he sung out at Cameron.
Aaron and the others began swimming towards Cameron at the same time.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” you asked them.
“Stop,” Cameron hissed as Nash pushed him towards the water, the other boys dragging him down.
“Ca-” you started, but he just shook his head at you and let himself be tossed into the water with his shirt on.
When he came up, all the boys had exploded into laughter.
You threw them a glare and kicked Nash back into the water to shut him up.
Cameron hoisted himself out of the water, and began to slink away.
“Babe, wait up,” you called, offering him your dry towel. You were in your bikini, but you’d dried off a while ago, so you stuck your hand out, and Cameron took it halfheartedly.
He tossed off his soaked shirt and looked himself over, “at least I had my swim shorts on.”
You pursed your lips and nodded, sighing a bit, “Sorry Cam.”
Cameron wrapped the plush white towel around himself, “Not your fault.”
He ran a hand through his brown-golden hair until he had it in place again, his deep brown eyes resting back on yours.
You smiled a bit and ran your fingers through his wet locks, “stray hair,” you smiled.
Cam chuckled sadly, his smile forced.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked. “Please tell me those guys aren’t getting to you.”
Cameron flicked his tongue across his lips, his eyes flickering back to the guys, who were all watching you both.
“Oh come on, babe,” you laughed.
“They won’t stop getting on me being like this about you,” he sighed in frustration.
“I don’t mind, it’s cute” you said.
“But they piss me off so much,” he glared at them.
Your fingers grasped his jaw, making him look at you, “I love you so much,” you smiled wide.
“Am I too clingy?” he responded quietly, his eyes searching your face.
“I could never get enough of you,” you breathed seriously.
His lips twitched, “Your like a drug, (Y/N)”
You folded yourself into his arms, pecking him once, twice, three times. The water droplets sparkling on Cameron’s rippled chest were snuffed out by your skin on his. You moved your face from his, but his hand snapped up, bringing you back into his sugar sweet lips, his breath hot on your face as he paused for air before swooping back down on your mouth. You nipped at his lower lip, your eyes closing, hands moving to his soft hair and letting the sensation of his smooth lips pressing firmly to yours take you away. Cameron tilted his head, crashing his lips to yours for more, his tongue finding its way into your mouth easily. Your tongue slid between Cam’s lips, both your tongue’s fighting for dominance, a low growl rumbling hungrily within Cameron’s throat. You moaned quietly into him, your nails grabbing at his hair, his grip on you unbreakable.
It was Cameron who let go, his chest rising heavily, his lips satisfyingly raw. He brought his hands down onto your curved hips, a smile growing on his face.
“You know they’re all watching us?” you asked.
“Of course,” he smiled and turned you away from the boys, his lips finding your jaw. You bent into him, aware that every second he satisfied you, his eyes were right on the embarrassed boys in the pool. He groaned into your skin, sucking and nibbling at your jaw until he’d left his mark. You let the primal instinct in you take over, your back hitting the wall of the house and closing the space between your bodies. He wasn’t done with you yet, though. You bent your head to the side, Cameron’s hot lips back at your exposed neck and drawing noises of satisfaction from you. His body glued to yours, he held you pinned there, and began to grind his body gently into you, the rhythm of his body on yours matching the pace at which he worked his mouth on your skin. Flustered and aroused, he detached his lips from your neck, leaving noticeable purple marks across your flesh. You sighed in satisfaction, nuzzling your head into the crook of Cameron’s neck, one of his hands wrapped tight around your waist, the other holding your head to his sun kissed skin. Cameron ran his fingers through your tangles, dropping a kiss on the top of your head and lifting his head to the distanced boys, who stared dumbfounded at him, drool practically hanging from their open mouths. He threw them a smug expression and momentarily raised his hand to give them all the finger.
“We should go inside,” Cam mumbled faintly into your skin.
“Why?” you asked, raising your eyes to his mischievous ones.
“Because what I’m about to do to you would not be appropriate for the guys to see,” he chuckled.