came home to this shit

Holy shit y'all.

First of all, came home to horrifying news of what happened in Charlottesville. Absolutely heartsick and if anyone knows of a way I can help, please let me know.
Second, LET! ME! TELL YOU! About this trip.
Trip starts off fine - car jams to the airport, rocking out and having a great time, plenty of time for our flight. Then, we get to the airport and go through security and I get stopped. I’m thinking, oops I left a water bottle or something, whatever. I ask if everything is okay and take a step forward, security dude throws up both hands and yells “MA'AM PLEASE DO NOT MOVE.”
I’m like … uh ok
Then he calls like ten of his friends over, I’m swarmed by TSA people, they call the security manager guy or whatever. I’m freaking out a /little/.
They’re ALL looking at me, one guy takes my ID and starts WHISPERING my ID information into his walkie talkie and I’m like ?????
I look over at my partner and I’m like shrugging and the security guy is like so fucking jumpy like “MA'AM WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO”
Walkie talkie guy is still talking and over his walkie I hear this crackled “no priors”
turns out I left my nightstick in my purse but really yall? I’m 105 pounds. I’m not going to storm 10 security guys with a weapon I don’t even have in my hands.
So they confiscate it after asking if I was law enforcement (???no) and giant security man is like “I have a feeling you’ll just buy another” like no shit dude we just talked about this of course I’m going to replace the thing that makes me feel safer but whatever.
So, after that I lose my ticket. Turns out fine I make it on anyway.
The wild shit starts.
We get there, set up camp, hang out and we are drunk af and it’s time to go to bed cause we have some serious white water in the morning to rest up for.
I’m falling asleep and I get woken by a frantic person in camp going WHATS THAT LIGHT
all the sudden it’s impossible to breathe. Smoke is everywhere. Eyes, throat, nose, you name it. Other side of the mountain across the river is lit up from the back at first, then over the mountain comes this ROARING ASS WILDFIRE. I mean huge. It’s the desert and it’s fire season and it’s insane. It looks like the gateway to hell.
Flames are like 40 feet tall, it’s getting hotter and I’m panicking but it’s still across the river so everyone seems cool with it.
Emergency vehicle from the Reservation comes up like “we have an evacuation shelter you guys should come, no one is on this fire. It’s a low priority we have some others in residential areas”
So. We are at camp. Drunk. In the desert. In the middle of the night. And a wildfire is growing in strength like, feet away from us across the riverbank.
Wind picks up a little.
It starts RAINING embers down on the camp like fucking Pompeii.
My drunk ass is crying. Of course. And frantically packing up my shit after jumping out of bed while getting an ash bath.
Our party is finally like FUCK IT LETS GET IN THE BOATS AND GO
So we throw all our shit in the rafts, we jump in, we take the fuck off, its past midnight and we are rafting white water IN THE DARK, headlamps barely work from all the smoke, everyone is just paddling and praying
Thankfully the RAGING HELL INFERNO lit our way to the next campsite where we just collapsed onto the ground and didn’t even set up camp we just slept scattered everywhere
Anyway the next day we evacuated so
That’s what happened on my trip

the minyard bond

The Minyard twins rarely get along. Nicky spent good hours of his life playing therapist but the two were impossibly stubborn. Eventually they would be able to align each other’s interest by having a mutual hatred for something or someone, but that was difficult because Andrew was pretty apathetic and Aaron rarely wanted to correspond. 

until one day they just did. 

It was a fluke, unloading the bus at 3am and exhausted. Neil was half asleep already, side of his face bruised up from the force of his helmet being shoved against the glass wall. Matt had whistled when he caught sight of the bruising, commenting on what a good thing it was that they wore helmets if that was the result. They had won but it was a long game, referees making it rain cards. 

Andrew was hauling up one of the bags of goalie gear when Aaron said almost thoughtfully from behind him, lifting a cooler up-”Hey what if we had a third twin named Arnold but he lives in a mansion and has a pony would that be fucked up or what”

He had turned around and given his twin a look. “I should’ve eaten u in the womb”

They didn’t mention it again that night, trudging their way back to their respective dorm rooms, watching Matt try to get Neil walking in a straight line. 


Two weeks later after a light practise Andrew turned to look at Aaron in the locker room. “I bet Arnold would wear polo shirts.” Everyone gave him a weird look but Aaron gave a surprising wolf like grin as he shoved his helmet deep into the locker. 

“Boat shoes.” 

The two nodded to one another and then returned to their own respective silences. 

It was Kevin who announced what everyone else was thinking. “What the actual fuck?”


It was a constant thing, either Andrew or Aaron bringing up Arnold’s not real existence. “He’d eat kale chips,” Andrew decided. 

“Probably does charity work.” Aaron would nod in agreement. 

“Competitive chess player,” the two declared in perfect harmony. 


It was Neil who had the misfortune of being paired with Arnold Mayes from his mandatory English elective. It was his worst class due to his tendency to scramble up verbs and tenses (it was hard to keep strictly English when German, french, Polish and bits of Spanish would creep in.).

He wasn’t thrilled about working with Arnold, due with the guy’s insistent belief that they were somehow good friends (hopefully sliding further along that relationship, the way Arnold would hint.) and also the fact that Arnold Mayes had a slight resemblance of Andrew and Aaron with his blond hair and attachment to wearing black. He was quite a bit taller though, close enough to Kevin’s irritating height. 

Andrew discovered first, his class partner, and immediately in the middle of Arnold introducing himself pulled out his phone, opened the rarely used snapchat app that Renee had coaxed him into downloading and took a picture of the still talking Arnold to send to Aaron. 


Both despised Arnold. There was an unsettling way about how he liked leaning closer to Neil, in Andrew’s opinion, and he refused to figure out that Andrew and Aaron were not the same person. They were also highly biased against his basic existence. 

Neil came home one day to finding Andrew sitting at his work desk looking proud and was informed that he wouldn’t have to meet Arnold the following the day since he did his work for him. He threw a handful of printed papers at Neil that landed in a flutter. 

“That was unnecessary.” Neil informed him as he looked at the pages explaining how stupid the project was. “Pretty sure my assignment wasn’t drawing a picture of Arnold choking on-what are those? His shoes?”

“Yes.” Andrew said smugly. 


“How exactly are you going to kill him? He’s taller than both of you combined.” Kevin asked post practise when Aaron mentioned the partner. 

“Break his knee caps.” Andrew stated smugly when Aaron said at the same time, “Tackle the piece of shit.”

Kevin looked alarmed. 


Aaron came home from a late practise to find Neil and Arnold sitting at the kitchen table together, the space in between them somehow shrinking as Arnold slid his chair a few inches closer each time. Neil was close to tilting out of his chair in his efforts in subtle avoidance, jabbing aggressively at a flow chart. 

He yanked a chair out from the other side of the table and shoved it in between the two, plopping down stubbornly. “This looks stupid. Did you design this chart, Arnold? This is such a stupid chart.” 


Eventually Arnold Mayes went away after the project was completed (this was ensured by Andrew grabbing him in a dark alley and holding a knife to his throat) but the general hatred for possible Arnold Minyards remained an essential element to their conversation. They would comb through twitter, facebook and instagram for all users with that name and block them. One reporter was banned from attended press conferences because his name was Arnold and blond hair was a major red flag for the two (the reason was never really decided well but at the time it slid by surprisingly well until three years later Allison stated in an interview about them still bonding over hypothetical triplet status.)

It got to the point they would send each other Christmas cards out of sheer spite, rather send one to each other than an Arnold. (”You know Arnold isn’t real?” Neil asked one day as Andrew was focused on picking out a suitable card. 

“You know that bitch might have a manson?” Andrew retorted, picking one with a cat on the front.)


No one really understood the Arnold thing. 

inspired by:

anonymous asked:

My girlfriend is blind. She always tells me how cute I look today then winks. Well once when I came home drunk she told me I looked cute and I said " holly shit you can see now!!!!!??!? Omg what the fuck were you doing when I was gone?!??????!!!" She still laughs about it


Dean's Teachings (by age)

Age 9: Taught Sammy not to put a fork into the electric socket, no matter how perfectly he thought it would fit.

Age 12: Introduced him to chapter books for school, even if it was just twenty pages long and about a dog running away to be with his family. Sam only cried a little, so Dean considered that a success.

Age 13: Showed Sam how to stand up for himself when bullies sat on his lunch box and yelled in his face. Punching them in the arm was fair game, when they pushed him against the lockers and copied his vocabulary test (that he always aced). Smart little shit.

Age 16: When he came home from the first day of school in sixth grade, Sam ran straight into the bathroom, ashamed of how his body was changing. So Dean taught him that it’s okay to grow hair in places he never had before, he was just growing up. That’s all. And gave him a disposable razor, just in case.

Age 17: He watched Sam kiss a girl on the cheek outside the middle school, so that night he taught him how to kiss on the lips. Only way he knew how to show him was using two things: hushed words, and his own mouth.

Age 18: It was midnight when he was jostled awake, Sam was breathing heavy and Dean found himself reaching for the gun. The boy shook his head quickly walked a little closer, boxers tented. Dean knew he was going to hell that night, when he showed Sam the perfect way to swipe his thumb over the head of his cock when he wanted to jerk off.

Age 19: Dean was on the way to the store, Sam in the passenger seat. And he asked to get him lube. His little brother wanted a bottle of lube, and Dean almost crashed the car. Once they were back alone at the hotel, he taught Sam how to finger himself open, on their shared bed, while John slept on the couch, mere feet away.

Age 20: Sam asked for help, the last time for a long while, everything after this day, Sam learned for himself, that kinky son of a bitch. Dean was minding his own business, trying to get some research done in the old lore books his dad left back at the motel. Sam walked up to him, all legs and long hair and looked him right in the eyes to ask “Can you teach me how to have sex?”. So he did. How could he not, he was the best teacher.

The Green-Eyed Doctor

(gif source)

Summary: Reader gets in a bad accident and is put under the care of Dr. Winchester during her stay…

Pairing: Doctor!Dean x reader

Word Count: 3,400ish

Warnings: language, car accident

A/N: I’m in love with doctor Dean now. Quote for this one was, “As long as I’m around, nothing bad is going to happen to you.”…

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lookin straight through you seeing all the broken parts

anonymous asked:

Someone on twitter met cole and lili today.

if you’re talking about this…

then yep I sure have. she also saw KJ and was able to get a pic w/ him

and the shirt he’s wearing in the pic above matches the shirt that he’s wearing in this pic he posted 2 hours ago

so it very well might be that Cole came home a day early (don’t know why he went all incognito and shit) – but yes, this is all very sus behaviour from Cold Sprouts


Pairing:  Hotch x Reader

Request:   anon asked: can you do a hotch x reader where the reader is his pregnant wife and she goes into labor while the team and her are held hostage? or something along the lines of that

@millionsleeplessnights asked:  Pregnant Reader x Hotch, you can do everything you want!

A/N:  Thank you for making my life easier by requesting similar things lol.  Anyways so just in case, there is a warning that the reader will be going into labor.  Hope you like it! Lots of angst ahead too, and it doesn’t have a happy ending, I’m sorry.  Slight flood warning??  It’s 2500+ words, so.

Originally posted by criminalmindsbauagent

You smiled at Jack, handing him off to Jessica.

“Thanks again for watching him.  I’ve just been needing some me time,” you said to his aunt.

“Hey, it’s not a problem.  It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to spend time with him, so it’s really a win win for both of us.”

At seven and a half months pregnant, you felt like you resembled something of a blimp.  With Aaron gone most of the time because of his job, you were almost always alone, but you still had a job and had to watch Jack on the weekends, so you thought maybe you should have one to yourself for once.

“Just get some rest, okay?  You deserve it,” Jessica said, giving you a small hug.  You hugged her back.

“Will do.”

Once she and Jack were gone, you went back into your house to draw a much needed bath.  You turned on your relaxing playlist and listened as ‘Sleepwalk’ by Santo and Johnny murmured through the speakers.  Setting up candles and lighting them around the bathtub, you sighed in content.

Keep reading

Jealousy Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Pairings: Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Notes: Now taking requests! I need some more prompts for this darling! I’ll post guidelines later.


“You can do better than that (Y/n).” Your mentor Rachel said as she helped you train before she left for her mission.

“Rachel, you should be going. The jet leaves in 10.” Eggsy came in the training room and looked at the two of us. More like ogled us.

“Goddamn it Eggsy! You couldn’t’ve told me this five minutes ago! Fucking asshole!” She yelled and you laughed at her annoyance. She just glared at you. “Shut your fucking mouth.” She ran out of the room and slapped Eggsy on the back of the head.

“Merlin wants to see us (Y/n).”

“Alight. I’ll be there in a minute!” You yelled and ran off to change out of your workout clothes. It didn’t take that long, but you were curious as to why Merlin wanted to see you and Eggsy of all people. Making your way to Merlin’s office, you heard snickering coming from the other recruits. One look and the all stopped and walked away.

“Thank you Ms. (L/n) for joining us. I know that you’re only a trainee, but we need female agent for this mission and currently Agents Lancelot and Guinevere are already preoccupied.

“Why do you need a female agent?”

“You and Galahad will be attending a gala in three days to prevent nuclear codes from getting into the wrong hands.”  Merlin droned on with the details of the mission and then the two of you were dismissed and ordered to train and get to know each other. So for the second time today, you changed into your workout clothes. By the time you made it back to the training room, Eggsy was already there. His back was facing you and he noticed your presence almost instantly. The two of you sparred for an hour then went your separate ways to change. You planned on meeting him in the lounge so you could talk with him, and get to know him.

“Where do you want to start?” You asked Eggsy as you sat by him on the couch. He looked blankly at you and when it started to get a little creepy, he grinned at you. From there Eggsy started to tell you about him, and you found out that you both had a younger sister, and that you both came from shit homes. This was the routine until the start of the mission. Wake up, eat, train, talk, sleep. Now it was the day of the mission and you were trying not to freak out. You and Eggsy boarded the jet, since it was pretty far away, and that’s when you began thinking. What if I mess up? What would happen if I did? Would I be kicked out? What would Eggsy do? He would probably hate me, and Rachel will murder me. Shit, what have I gotten myself into. You didn’t hear Eggsy as he was practically screaming your name for the last couple minutes. He gently shook your shoulder as a way to jar you from your thoughts.

“It’s going to be alright sweetheart.” He said as your eyes showed how panicked you were. Eggsy placed a hand on your shoulder as the plane landed and the two of you made your way to the gala. Taking a deep breath, you pushed out the bad thoughts and started the mission. It took a couple hours, but you and Eggsy finished it without a hitch. Once you reached the plane, you fell into the nearest seat and relaxed. “See it wasn’t so bad.”

“Yeah, even though there were these old perverts grabbing my ass half the time.” You replied. Eggsy’s jaw dropped as he stared at you.

“What were their names. Do I need to teach them how to respect a lady?” Eggsy growled which sent a shiver down your spine. His eyes bore into you even more as you took too long to reply in his book.

“I..I..” You stuttered trying to contain your flustered state. He leaned in, your lips only a centimeter apart.

“They shouldn’t be touching what’s mine.” He whispered as he pressed his lips against yours in a heated and loving kiss. You wanted to yell at him for calling you his, but that thought was long gone at this point.

“You’re right.” You said as the two of you separated for air, and after this statement, Eggsy slammed his lips against yours desperately.

“How about I show you that you’re mine?” He suggested as the two of you started ripping each other’s clothes off.

“We’ll be-NOT ON THE FUCKING PLANE EGGSY. Couldn’t you keep it in your pants?” Merlin said as he discovered the two of you catching your breath after round three.

“Sorry Merlin.” You said.

“I know you’re sorry Ms. (L/n), but you Galahad. Get some clothes on you two, debriefing in ten. Make yourselves look decent.” Merlin headed back to the cockpit and Eggsy’s hand covered yours as you went to put your clothes back on.


“We still have time.” Eggsy said.

“Eggsy, we have ten minutes. That’s not going to be enough time to cover up all these marks and fix my hair.”

“Come on love.”

“Plus I don’t think you could get me off quick enough.” You said.

“Challenge accepted.”

Human x Vampire AUs

I wrote these as AUs instead bc…I don’t even have a reason just deal with it! And I kind of left some ambiguity when it came to gender bc not everyone is a gay dude (there I had a reason for that one) 

1. I came home to find you covered in blood and you’re seriously trying to convince me this is ketchup? 

2. You love the summer, you’re always outside and of course I fall for the one human you loves the fucking sun. 

3. You saw me watching Twilight and now you won’t speak to me, I swear it was on that channel when I turned the T.V. on! 

4. You bought me a coffin shaped bed to sleep in, I hate you. 

5 You keep asking why I usually only visit late at night and why I always wear so many layers of clothes during the day. 

6. You always do that stupid Transylvanian vampire accent when I’m mad at you, oh my god you’re doing it again, please shut up I don’t talk like that!  

7. I would never use my mind control on you for anything serious, but I’m so making you clean out the pool this year. 

8. You keep levitating in your sleep and when I fell asleep on top of you I always roll over and end up falling back onto our bed. 

9. We spend out weekends binge watching vampire shows and movies and calling out all the inaccuracies.  

10. You bought those glow in the dark vampire teeth and actually scared the shit out of me when I came home. 

anonymous asked:

Can you please tell us about you and your girl?? For scientific research.

I was so damn depressed all day. Like, forced-myself-to-gym-and-run-errands-but-otherwise-could-barely-move-or-breathe depressed. 

And then she came home from work, and I’m still depressed, because chemicals and shit, but I… I just look at her, and a few hours ago, smiling was absolutely impossible and now… now, it’s all I can do, even if it’s softly, when I look over at her.

You know.

For science.

I messed up but I decided to draw you because I wanted to test out my new style on your character? I make no sense but meh! I hope you like it (MR drew this) (me)

((AA H! this l ooks so cu te meli!))

Originally posted by taepott-archive