cam simon

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“I can tell you that fully consensual, emotionally driven, not-for-profit sexual intercourse has been attained.”

The Way You Talk - Simon

Warnings: Nope

Words: 637

Requested: I noticed that in one of your tags you said something about Birmingham, and Idk if you’re from there or not but I am, and I would love a Simon imagine where Y/N is from Birmingham, I don’t have a general scenario so you can choose, but just something where Simon and the boys take the mick out of her and the general things that non-brummies say to Brummies, cause I feel like Birmingham is one of those places that’s like ‘if you know, then you know’ idk what I’m talking about, Thanks💖. I’m the Brum anon, um I was thinking maybe like Josh, JJ or Ethan or something and it could either be like they’re all out and taking the mick out of the way Y/N talks and the weird things we do in Brum (cause whenever they do the accent challenge their Brummie accents are just so wrong) or maybe like a CAH game with cards like ‘Y/N’s accent is worse than…’ or 'Y/N talks like she’s got a speech impediment, still smash tho’ idk something like that maybe? But Simon says he loves it, thanks😂😊

Masterlist

———————–

“Hey guys and welcome to Cards against humanity” Josh spoke through the mic introducing their video “and today we are already starting off strong” He continued reading out the card 

 You weren’t too sure why you were tweeted the video so many times but you finally had time to watch it so you did, settling in Simons bed with earphones in as he edited, it started as any normal CAH video them saying something they probably shouldn’t on YouTube and laughing it off straight after
Soon enough you realised why as your name came up 

“Oh god” Simon spoke as he seen the card causing a riot of laughter to spread through the call 

 "What’s worse than Y/N’s accent?“ Ethan spoke laughing to himself when JJ let out a loud laugh, you frowned at the video slightly you looked down towards the corner where Simons face can was and saw him roll his eyes 

 "I think I’ve won” he spoke laughing to himself 

 "Okay okay hurry up guys" Ethan spoke becoming inpatient with Josh as he was taking so long to pick a card 

 "I haven’t got anything" Josh laughs saying 'fuck it’ and choosing a random card 

“What’s worse than Y/N’s accent?” Ethan spoke as your eyes stopped on the first card, glancing down towards Simons face cam you saw him roll his eyes with a frown upon his face as Ethan laughed 

 "NOTHING" he shouted before choosing the card showing that JJ picked it They all laughed as Simon stayed quiet
This continued for a while JJ, Ethan and Josh speaking in their so called 'Birmingham Accent’ which you thought sounded nothing like you 

 You couldn’t deny that it hurt you because it did, you already had enough grief from fans taking the piss out of how you spoke you didn’t exactly need the boys to either 

 "Are you done" Simon spoke through his mic making all the boys be quiet for a sec

“Simon bro it’s only a joke” Ethan spoke up, Simon only sighed and didn’t respond Soon enough the boys moved on so you paused the video and took your earphones out, sighing with a frown settling on your face 

“You okay babe?” Simon asked making you jump 

“Yeah” you spoke looking down, he rolled his chair over to where you was sitting on the bed 

“You sure, you look sad” he spoke grabbing one of your hands in his before his eyes flickered to your phone seeing his CAH video open Sighing he spoke 

“You saw the video?" 

"Yep” you spoke still looking down at your lap 

“Are you upset because of what they said?” He asked sighing, you didn’t respond but just looked at him
“Baby” he spoke leaning towards you
“Why does it bother you so much?" 

"It bothers me because everyone has the same impression that sounds nothing like me, I’ve never met anyone who has such a deep voice, they all hate my voice how do I know that you don’t too” you spoke sighing acting 

“Well I know that, they just take things too far sometimes, and anyway I love your voice” he responded making you blush slightly 

“Really?" 

"Of course, I think that your accent is beautiful” he spoke again smiling at you, standing up and sitting on the bed next to you pulling you into him Cuddling into him you sighed 

“Your amazing” He chuckled 

“I love you” he whispers making you turn your head and look at him smiling 

 "I love you to" he spoke back before closing the gap between the two of you, pressing your lips against his going into a slow, loving kiss He smiled into the kiss before pulling away and kissing your forehead and switching his Tv on

I guess he could edit some other time

youtube

Whenever people tell me that racing drivers aren’t real athletes and that what they do is so easy anybody could do it I just think of this then try really hard to not punch them in the face.

Cards Against Humanity Banter (Number I Forget)
  • So my laptop decided to be a little bitch while in the middle of the original and completely deleted it...so I've restarted! Enjoy! Feel free to reblog with some of your favorites from the latest Cards Against Humanity video that I might have missed!
  • "VikkStarInMyPussy123" is worse than Adolf Hitler because "stop talking with your gay mouth you fuck."
  • "Getting your dick stuck in a child and not being able to get it out in time. I'm looking at you Vikk." is worse than Adolf Hitler because "*card removed due to copyright from the cunt duo TheFineBros*"
  • Ethan: Josh has got dick on the brain.
  • Josh: You got dick in your mouth.
  • Ethan: No I don't. I got facecam on Josh I don't.
  • Simon: Thanks for clearing that up.
  • Ethan: Where is the behzfinger? Is this something you made up while-
  • Josh: It's on your hand!
  • "Ethan, channeling his anger by making a sexhole in his desk."
  • Ethan: I don't have sexholes in my desk.
  • JJ: Lies! Lies!
  • Simon: They're called girlfriends.
  • Vikk: If you're six and watching this click off.
  • Josh: What? Hey, come to my channel! We don't have pedophiles over here!
  • After Josh rang the 'Ring for sex' bell, Fangirls tried-
  • "British cunt."
  • "Go monkey man!" -FIFAMonstah
  • Why Josh won't release illuminate-
  • "Josh deep throating a fangirl when she has been a bad girl."
  • "Josh has millions of daughters trying to caress his pussy juice beard."
  • JJ: The thing is, you know Josh has had pussy on his beard, and it just lingered. That's why he showers all the time.
  • Simon: No, that's 'cuz he has hygeine. You should try it sometime.
  • The __ are back.
  • Simon: Mine makes sense.
  • JJ: I swear if it's niggers.
  • "Fangirls shouting "YOU DA MAN DADDY" when meeting Josh."
  • Simon woke up to find-
  • Ethan: I'm so sorry Vik.
  • "Vikk, changing his name from Vikkstar123 to Vikk1-9 because he only likes 1-9 year olds."
  • "JJ's big black dick as opposed to Tobi's successful youtube career."
  • JJ: What do you think we do when we're sleeping?
  • Simon: Sleep?
  • JJ: Naw, you gotta put your dick in something.
  • Ethan: You put it in your pillow!
  • JJ: Naw, I'm past that stage man. What you guys never fucked your pillow?
  • Collectively: No!
  • JJ: Fuck you guys you've never lived.
  • "KSI naming his girlfirend Melony coz melon."
  • "Vikk going to a playground and going down a slide hoping to end up in Madeleine McCann's DM's"
  • Hi, my name is-
  • "WroeToNotRecording"
  • "Creepy Uncle Zerkaa"
  • "Calcuntface"
  • "KSI"
  • "JJ's EP - Sweep Up"
  • Bitch you got me "That's not me."
  • "Thquirrel, Roth Royth, and ahh...annn...annthrop....anthrop...thropolo....Fuck it you're not picking this card."
  • "JJ moving out of the house just live next door to Seana."
  • JJ: "Simon likes AJ3Scouser." Who the fuck is that?
  • "JJ thinking his fashion sense is sick, but actually looking like a bed sheet."
  • "Vik naming his child MySon456."
  • How does one become a member of the Sidemen? "You don't do them ting round here rudeboy."
  • "Negasonic Teenage Warhead"
  • "Vikk's pedophilic thoughts"
  • JJ: Why don't you stop mollesting kids?
  • Vik: No, yeah, sure, yeah, sounds great.
  • Ethan: Some things are hard to give up JJ. Bad habits never die.
  • Simon: Ethan, Lent's coming up soon.
  • Ethan: Oh, I've got to give up being gay?
  • Simon: No, not you.
  • Josh let JJ do __ to his beard.
  • "Dhinchak dhin dhinchak dhinchak"
  • "Another one"
  • "The many group chats dedicated to go to an event that the Sidemen are going to just to drag one of them in private and suck their dick."
  • Ethan: People are actually trying to put us in prison this is a problem.
  • JJ: If you're eighteen and up it's cool.
  • Simon: Rah...
  • JJ: What do you mean "rah?"
  • Vikk: It didn't specify a gender there.
  • JJ: I wouldn't like a male...not that I don't like gays...
  • Simon: It's cool he has a gay uncle!
  • JJ: Yeah I have a gay uncle!
  • Simon: Stop talking about your guncle.
  • "I GOT MY DADDY LOOKS FROM DADDY JOSH!"
  • "__ U smart."
  • The only thing worse than Behz's twitter is "Vikk's amazon buying history of Chloroform and duct tape."
  • Simon: Yo Primark is sick!
  • Ethan: Going there and shopping gives me herpes.
  • "That video of Tobjizzle where he doesn't have a hat on."
  • Josh: Does that even exist?
  • Ethan: Yeah! Vikk's the chloroform man! That sounds like a superhero!
  • Ethan: When I wait for people to put answers in I just look at snapchat stories.
  • Simon: You have the shortest attention span. Actually, no JJ is up there as well.
  • JJ: I'm touching my dick right now so...
  • "Stephen Hawking being a better goalkeeper than Josh."
  • Josh: He has a machine to help him.
  • Collectively: How did that win? "Who's boobs are better CAN YOU KEEP UP?"
  • Ethan: Does anyone still have the GIF of JJ flexing his boob?"
  • Simon: Alright "Vikk Likkes__(NO 12 year olds)"
  • Ethan: Can we keep it as "likkes?"
  • Simon: That's all I'm saying.
  • Ethan: Josh is really enjoying that.
  • Josh: *giggling* What the fuck is that??
  • "Simon once tweeted about trying out Minecraft because he secretly has kids gasping for breath in his car."
  • Ethan: That's why Simon hasn't done a car video!
  • "Tobi dressing as a pink power ranger and fingerng a dogs red rocket til it cums piss."
  • "Whilst Vik is getting down with the 12 year olds, Josh likes to__"
  • Vikk: I almost want to say Josh likkes to.
  • Josh: *giggling* I don't know what I'm laughing at!
  • "Seana sucking off JJ's dad thinking it was him."
  • JJ: I don't know why everyone calls me jeed 'cuz its jide.
  • Jide screaming "__!" into the night, but nobody can tell where it's coming from because they can't see him.
  • "Bronze Beasts"
  • "I'm gonna fuck your fucking fanny off you twat."
  • "Calfuckmehardinmymothafuckingclut"
  • Simon: What the fuck is a clut?
  • Ethan: You can't fuck a clit team!
  • Simon: That's not even a clit!
  • Ethan: Fuck my clut!
  • Simon: My motha fuckin clut!
  • JJ: Fuck my clut yo!
  • Ethan: JJ cam you go red?
  • Simon: No, it's Greta going red.
  • Ethan: OH...
  • Josh: You being racist Ethan?
  • Ethan: NO I was just pondering if he could go red...
  • "Behzinga the minger fingerer"
  • "The semen from Simon's dick slowly enters __s mouth."
  • Ethan: I don't like this.
  • Vikk: This game is getting really weird.
  • Josh: Its taken a weird twist at the end!
  • JJ: I feel like this is too descriptive...I can imagine it as well 'cuz I've seen his dick.
  • Ethan: What?
  • Simon: You're actually imagining my dick right now.
  • Josh: The semen slowly coming out of it...
  • Simon: Now Josh is imagining it.
  • Josh: I'm Dr.Pepper.
  • "Son Zerk"
  • "JJ misreading lyrics and singing 'Jail' by Awolnation."
  • Ethan: *say quietly* Jail. *giggles*
  • "I don't fuck with you, you little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fucking with__"
  • Josh: You need to read this properly!
  • "When Behz claims he's committing to YouTube."
  • "Vikk being a slow fuck and being told to curry up."
  • "Willypoo." (Josh's card)
  • Simon: A for effort.
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March 17, 1983: Duran Duran perform “Is There Something I Should Know?” on The Kenny Everett Television Show

This performance is chockful of classic DD stage moves:
The Nick Bob
The Simon Cam-Ham (hamming it up for the camera)
The John Head Toss
The Roger Drumstick Twirl
The Andy…Whatever He’s Doing
And for good measure…SEXY PIANO FINGERS!
Out of all of these, I don’t think I’ve seen Nick do the “Nick Bob” in years.  Nick, please bring the “Nick Bob” back ^_^