calvin and hobbes quotes

  • Nursey: Bitty, can I have some money to buy a Satan-worshiping, suicide-advocating heavy metal album?
  • Bitty: Derek, the fact that these bands haven't killed themselves in ritual self-sacrifice shows that they're just in it for the money like everyone else. It's all for effect. If you want to shock and provoke, be sincere about it.
  • Nursey: Mainstream commercial nihilism can't be trusted?!
  • Bitty: 'Fraid not, kiddo.
  • Nursey: School is so disillusioning.

Bonnie: ……. Are you sure about this?

Clemont: Ye of little faith! You watch, Bonnie. This is going to be the greatest creation of all time!

[Jumps off the roof, machine fails. Clemont lies spreadeagled on the pavement]

Bonnie: Don’t sell the bike shop just yet, Orville.

Clemont: Shut up and go get me some antiseptic.

  • Gumball: Well, Darwin, how do I look?
  • Darwin: I'm doing my best to bite my tongue.
  • Gumball: I cut out construction Paper feathers and taped them on my arms so I can fly! Pretty neat, huh?
  • Darwin: If paper feathers are all it takes to fly, don't you think we'd have heard about it before?
  • Gumball: It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things, Darwin.
  • Darwin: I'd agree with that.
  • Gumball: Here's a gorge. This is a good spot.
  • Darwin: [looking down] You're going to jump off this ledge?
  • Gumball: Heck no! I need momentum! I want you to toss me over.
  • Darwin: You understand I assume no responsibility for this?
  • Gumball: Right. I get the patent.
  • Darwin: [tossing Gumball] HEAVE!
  • Gumball: I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING! I'M... [feathers fall off] Uh oh... [falls down the gorge]
  • Darwin: Don’t sell the bike shop, Orville.
  • Gumball: Shut up and go get me some antiseptic.