calm down edgelord

the types as bitches i hate in college and also ive had a lot of wine

ESFJ: that social butterfly bitch that doesn’t understand anything ever without asking twelve clarifying questions before you can explain shit, like i was gonna explain that obvious feature of your new iphone in four seconds chris, how about you chill and stop acting like IM the weird one

ISFJ: that boring nice bitch who has probably never had a unique individual thought in their life. they’re like, solely reactionary beings, the true wobbuffets of real life.

ESFP: that crazy bitch whose super weird but everybody likes because theyre just weird enough to be likable but never hangs out with you consistently because theyre too involved with theatre or ecstasy or some shit idk

ISFP: that sarcastic bitch whose somehow still obsessed with fandoms and superwholock and probably owns a horse back home or something

ENFJ: that starry eyed bitch who loves everybody and wants to save the world or some shit, idk, my eyes glazed over a quarter way through your monologue; besides, it all just pans out to you feeling bad about yourself because you can’t live up to the impossible standards you set for yourself anyways so am i really missing anything???

INFJ: that passive aggressive bitch whos always gotta remind you that they’re the most rare mbti type, and act all ethereal and distant and shit when we all know ur a dime a dozen on a college campus anyways

ENFP: that emotionally dead bitch who convinces everybody that theyre not because theyre so enthusiastic and tells you their whole life story the first time you meet them to cause shock and awe but also to get you lowkey emotionally attached

INFP: that sensitive bitch who wants to be a writer or an artist or something but is too obsessed with memes to get very far 

ESTJ: that polysci bitch who runs for class president when everybody knows damn well you don’t do any real anything on campus and the dean regards you with as much contempt as i do

ISTJ: that awkward bitch who knows they’re not that fun so they try really hard to put themselves out there and just makes it awkward and weird for the whole party

ESTP: that loud bitch who gotta be the center of attention all the time and everybody likes for some reason

ISTP: that angry bitch whose a wannabe sociopath and always telling you how much they hate people and want to murder people for, like, literally no reason like calm down edgelord tom.

ENTJ: that problematic bitch who starts shit right at the end of class because success and proving that they know shit is the only thing that makes them feel anything anymore

INTJ: that condescending sarcastic ass bitch that rolls their eyes whenever somebody raises their hand and is probably one dumb question away from bringing a gun to school

ENTP: that annoying bitch who starts arguments in class with everybody because they think its fun or wanna prove they know useless knowledge or logic or some shit idk stanley and idc just stop arguing with the professor its psych 101 and i want to go home

INTP: that quiet bitch who spends the whole party looking around in the corner and asking their friend if they can leave yet and only talks during class to explain something semi useless and tangental to the topic at hand 

the foxes as popular text posts #1

neil josten: i hate that my first reaction to stress is always Time To Die™ like ok calm down edgelord.

andrew minyard: they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

kevin day: me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

nicky hemmick: *walks up to straight couple* which one of you is the bee and which one of you is the fully grown adult woman who left her fiance for the bee?

matt boyd: *begins breakdancing gently* what’s wrong, son

dan wilds: listen, I’m a nice person so if I’m a bitch to you, you need to ask yourself why.

renee walker: it’s all fun and games until you remember the person you were from 2007-2010.

allison reynolds: how to kiss a boy: 1. grab his waist, 2. slip your hand in his pocket, 3. steal his wallet, 4. dont even kiss him, 5. just run.

aaron minyard: Why are there 2 A’s in Aaron? Why not 6? What’s stopping us?

david wymack: you gotta put your heart into it! no. no, not literally– not your actual– no. how did you even manage to get that. is it even yours. put that. away.

betsy dobson: [at a session with neil, about andrew] It’s weird to think that people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long.

abby winfield: always practice safe sex!! until you have mastered it. then you are permitted to practice Danger Sex

blessedhunk  asked:

Oh my God please if you have any please present your pining!Lance headcanons

  • Lance gets flustered around Keith because of The Crush which makes him louder and more obnoxious, which then makes Keith get defensive and annoyed and 2+2=4 so here we are with the bickering, u know the drill
  • He makes a point to be more and more flirty every time they meet new aliens or save someone just so that Keith thinks he’s like this all the time and won’t be weirded out when Lance throws an arm around Keith’s shoulder and drops a dumb pickup line
    • Keith thinks he’s joking
    • Narrator: Lance was not joking
  • Lance refers to his crush on Keith as “the Plague” when he’s ranting about it to Hunk and Pidge
    • the rants usually consist of Lance saying how dumb Keith’s hair is and “who stands with their arms crossed all the time like what is that about like wow okay calm down Edgelord we get it you have a knife”
    • Hunk: can this still be considered a crush if all you talk about is the things you hate about him
  • Lance does not hate Keith’s hair
    • he has had daydreams about Keith laying his head on his lap and running his fingers through it and making small braids in it like he used to do for his sisters and nieces
  • He’s lowkey-highkey obsessed with the way Keith smells 
    • not in a creepy way but like a “Keith just walked by as Lance was taking a breath at the exact same moment and he smells spicy and minty but its soft and it’s really addictive” way
  • The first time Lance has a dream about Keith, he wakes up in a sweat and rips off his eye mask and lies there staring at the ceiling then scrunches his face up and grabs his pillow and tries to suffocate himself
  • Lance gets nervous training against Keith in the training room because watching how fluidly Keith moves and hearing him pant from the workout and watching his shirt get damp with sweat does Things to Lance’s stomach and his arms always get wibbly and the poles they train with sometimes just fall out of Lance’s hands when Keith pushes his bangs back off his forehead and wow how did that happen
  • The more time they spend together, the more comfortable Keith gets with Lance and their rapport becomes more jokes than just competitive challenges and there’s a night where they both end up in the main control room talking about the stories they know about the constellations they used to see back on Earth
    • Lance gets quiet because he gets that hollow ache in his chest again that he gets whenever he thinks about Earth and his family and Keith notices and gently bumps their shoulders together and says “hey, you get to name this one” and points out the big window
    • thats how they spend the rest of the night, naming constellations they’re passing and making up stories and shapes inside of them and eventually they both fall asleep with their heads on each other’s shoulders