callee's-stuff

Asexual!remus headcanons

•Remus is asexual and doesn’t really voice it unless necessary
•for months Sirius says sexual pickup lines to Remus when he first becomes interested in him
•"hey moony that sweater looks nice on you, it would look better on my bedroom floor"
•"hey moony I may not go down in history but I will go down on you"
•(cheesy, but that is Sirius blacks middle name)
•Remus either laughs it off or just ignores it
•one day as Sirius says one of his “brilliant” pickup lines in the almost empty common room
•(“I see you haven’t been studying, you must want the ’D’”)
•when Remus just nonchalantly says
•"Sirius you know I’m asexual"
•and Sirius is just completely ?????what ?????what does that mean??????
•and Remus sighs and explains as simply as he can
•"it means I don’t actually wanna have sex with you…or anyone for that matter"
•and Sirius stares at him in shock
•and Remus sits there waiting for a rejection or a disgusted remark like always
•and Sirius just throws his hands in the air and says
•"moony why didn’t you tell me sooner?! I would have just asked you on a date instead of trying to get in your pants first!“
•and Remus grins cause wow Sirius Black is such a dork
•but also wow he respects his sexuality like no one ever has before
•and he wants to take him out on a date too how special
•"so do you wanna?”
•"wanna what?“
•"go on a date with me silly?”
•"of course I’ll go on a date with you padfoot.“
•and they just continue on with their business grinning like two idiots