call the station

A nurse has heart attack and describes what she felt like when having one

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. 

 FEMALE HEART ATTACKS 

 I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is description is so incredibly visceral that I feel like I have an entire new understanding of what it feels like to be living the symptoms on the inside. Women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have… you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor the we see in movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack: 

 "I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation–the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. 

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack! I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else… but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment. 

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics… I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stints to hold open my right coronary artery. 

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand. 

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body, not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.’ And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what’s happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor – he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.
3. Don’t assume it couldn’t be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive to tell the tale.“

Reblog, repost, Facebook, tweet, pin, email, morse code, fucking carrier pigeon this to save a life!

I wish I knew who the author was. I’m definitely not the OP, actually think it might be an old chain email or even letter from back in the day. The version I saw floating around Facebook ended with "my cardiologist says mail this to 10 friends, maybe you’ll save one!” And knew this was way too interesting not to pass on.

shibolet3  asked:

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

6

Share her face as much as possible! My good friend Brianna has been missing since Friday. She was last seen getting into a car with a man that she didn’t know at a gas station in Michigan. If anyone has seen her please call your local police station, try to talk to her, and contact me ASAP. She’s a mother of 4 little ones & wouldn’t just vanish. Please keep this going around & your eyes open for her. Thank you guys so much!

❛ mulan ❜ sentence starters
  • “We’re under attack! Light the signal!”
  • “Send your troops to protect my people!”
  • “A single grain of rice can tip the scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.”
  • “I’m going to uh… pray some more.”
  • “How lucky can they be? They’re dead.”
  • “This is what you give me to work with? Well honey, I’ve seen worse!”
  • “You’ll bring honor to us all.”
  • “Boys will gladly go to war for you!”
  • “Even you can’t blow it!”
  • “Who spit in their bean curd?”
  • “I think it’s going well, don’t you?”
  • “You will never bring your family honor!”
  • “Can it be I’m not meant to play this part?”
  • “If I were truly to be myself, I would break my family’s heart.”
  • “What beautiful blossoms we have this year… But look, this one’s late! But I’ll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.”
  • “[ NAME ], you dishonor me.”
  • “So you’ll die for honor?”
  • “I will die doing what’s right!”
  • “I know my place! It’s time you learned yours!”
  • “You should go after them – they could be killed!”
  • “Anybody who’s foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine!”
  • “Well we can’t all be acupuncturists!”
  • “Okay okay, I get the drift, I’ll go.”
  • “Jump back, I’m pretty hot, huh? Don’t make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.”
  • “Just once chance, is that too much to ask? I mean it’s not like it’ll kill you.”
  • “Don’t even worry about it! I will not lose face!”
  • “That’s the master plan! Oh, you’ve done it now man!”
  • “You’re lucky? Do I look like a sucker to you?”
  • “Stop me? They invited me.”
  • “By building their wall they challenged my strength. Well I’m here to play their game.”
  • “How many men does it take to deliver a message?”
  • “Ah I see you have a sword! I have one too! They’re very manly and tough!”
  • “It’ll take a miracle to get me into the army.”
  • “Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls!”
  • “My powers are beyond your mortal imagination.”
  • “That’s it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!”
  • “It’s all attitude. Be tough, like this guy here.”
  • “I’m gonna hit you so hard, it’ll make your ancestors dizzy.”
  • “Ah, you ain’t worth my time, chicken boy.”
  • “Say that to my face, you limp noodle!”
  • “This is an enormous responsibility. Perhaps a soldier with more experience…?”
  • “Leader of [ PLACE ]’s finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time!”
  • “I mean, sorry you had to see that. But you know how it is when you get those manly urges – and you just gotta kill something!”
  • “I didn’t ask for their name, I asked for yours!”
  • “Y’know, we need to work on your people skills.”
  • “Place nice with the other kids. Unless of course, one of the other kids wants to fight, then you have to kick the other kid’s butt.”
  • “Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C’mon, scare me!”
  • “My little baby off to destroy people…”
  • “Are y’hungry? ‘Cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.”
  • “I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy. And I’ll do it with my shirt on.”
  • “You’re the saddest bunch I’ve ever met.”
  • “Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!”
  • “Heed my every order and you might survive.”
  • “We’re doomed! There are a couple of things I know they’re bound to notice!”
  • “I bet [ NAME ] and I could take you!”
  • “I never want to see a naked man again.”
  • “Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.”
  • “Hey, I’ll hold him and you punch.”
  • “Hello, this is the army! Make it sound more urgent please!”
  • “And I do not squeal like a girl.”
  • “There’s no time for stupid questions!”
  • “Hey, think of instead: a girl worth fighting for!”
  • “Bet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer.”
  • “How ‘bout a girl who’s got a brain, who always speaks her mind?”
  • “Yeah the only girl who’d love him is his mother.”
  • “Search for survivors!”
  • “What happened? You just gave away our position!”
  • “Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor.”
  • “You missed! How could you miss, they were three feet in front of you!”
  • “We’re gonna die, we’re gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming!”
  • “I knew we could do it! You the man! … Well, sort of.”
  • “You are the craziest person I’ve ever met. And for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.”
  • “I didn’t mean for it to go this far! It was the only way! Please, believe me.”
  • “A life for a life. My debt is repaid.”
  • “Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right. So when I look in a mirror, I’d seen someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.”
  • “You risked your life to help people you love… I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.”
  • “We started this thing together, and that’s how we’ll finish it. I promise.”
  • “They popped out of the snow! Like daisies!”
  • “Are we in this together or not?”
  • “Let’s go kick some honey buns!”
  • “Keep your eyes open. I know they’re here.”
  • “Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it’s your turn. Bow to me.”
  • “No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.”
  • “You! You took away my victory!”
  • “You don’t have a plan?!”
  • “It looks like you’re out of ideas.”
  • “Stand aside, that creature’s not worth protecting!”
  • “I’ve heard a great deal about you, [ NAME ].”
  • “You have saved us all.”
  • “I think I’ve been away from home long enough.”
  • “Are they allowed to do that?”
  • “You… you fight good.”
  • “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”
  • “They’re gifts, to honor our family.”
  • “Great, they brought home a sword. If you ask me they should’ve brought home a [ WOMAN/MAN ].”
  • “Woo! Sign me up for the next war!”
  • “Would you like to stay forever?”
  • “Dinner would be great.”
  • “You know, they get it from my side of the family!”

Playlist on 8tracks: in love with her ⚢

Only a Girl - Gia // She Like Girls - Metro Station // Cliffs Edge - Hayley Kiyoko // Girls like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko // Night Go Slow - Catey Shaw // Against The Night - Catey Shaw // Horizon - Luna Blake // Warm On a Cold Night - Honne // I’m Yours - Alessia Cara // Magnets - Disclosure feat Lorde // Someone New - Hozier // Here Without You - 3 Doord Down // Wherever You Will Go - The Calling // Can’t Helo Falling In Love (Cover) - Twenty One Pilots // Carousel - Melanie Martinez // Is There Somewhere - Halsey // Ghost - Halsey.

I’m a huge fan of podcasts so, here’s a few for those boring bus rides to school.

Docudramas - these are podcasts that are meant to seem like real life with a twist. while not for the faint of hear, gullible, or paranoid utterly enjoyable.

- the black tapes: a podcast by Pacific Northwest Stories which follows Alex Reagan exploring interesting people, most notably Dr. Richard Strand in the world of paranormal investigation.

- tanis: another podcast by Pacific Northwest Stories. this one follows Nic Silver as he looks for perhaps the last genuine mystery in the Information Age.

- rabbits: Pacific Northwest Stories strikes again, but this time in a little bit of a shorter (for now) story line. When Carly Parker’s friend Yupik goes missing, she delves into the world of an ancient game called rabbits which has worldly and otherworldly implications.

- limetown: a podcast by Two-Up which follows the mysterious disappearance of the residence of limetown, a city of scientists, after an emergency that not one seems to understand.

- the message/lifeafter: (it’s called life/after right now but the episodes of the message are near the beginning) podcasts by Panoply. the message is about a team of linguists figuring out an extraterrestrial message that has been sent to earth. life/after looks at what if an app could connect you to a dead loved one, and what would you do to keep that connection.

The Radio Show - these are styles like a talk show but are often bizarre and have twists and quirks

- welcome to night vale: a podcast by night vale presents. this podcast is fairly well known now, and for good reason. This mysterious town of night vale and its wonderful host Cecil Gershwin Palmer announces the news of the day and have done so for ~5 years now. with drama and a really nice voice as well as some wonderful cooing over carlos’s perfect hair, it’s what got me into podcasts.

- king falls am: a podcast by king falls am. a weird town, aliens, creepy towns folk, some real shade towards the US presidency, king falls am shows an early morning am talk show often overshadowed by their more popular and successful counter parts. Funny and intriguing.

- kakos industries: a very, very explicit podcast by kakos industries. (if you’re not good with a lot of frank talk about sex, then this is not for you) corin deeth the third is the CEO of kakos industries whose main aim is to do evil better. a company about the evil in the world, its comedic and comes in the form of an update for those with shares in the company.

Science Fiction - My favourite genre and often with comedy, these podcasts are hopeful and yet to “down to earth (haha)”

- eos 10, a scifi radio play: a podcast by Justin McLachlan. doctors on a space station called eos 10 deal with so much hilarity and difficulty. Dr. Ryan Dalius is transferred as head surgeon to help Dr. Arviddien deal with alcoholism which has stunted his practise.

- ars paradoxica: a podcast by ars PARADOXICA. Time travel and the effects of it is the story line of this podcast, amazingly made and shows Dr. Sally Grissom after being transported back to the 40’s in war time USA.

- marscorp: a podcast by Definitely Human. When EL Hob is woken she expects the mars colony to be started, but among many other mistakes and hilarity, there is laziness at work.

- the strange case of the starship iris: a podcast by Procyon Podcasts. When Violet Liu narrowly escapes the destruction of her starship, she is rescues by some travellers, but they are not what they seem, and soon the misfit crew will uncover a huge conspiracy.

- wolf 359: a crew aboard a ship has so much misfortune, I’m so sorry Douglas:(, but this crew manages to keep a ship falling apart in the middle of space, with some difficulty.

Other/Miscellaneous

- the penumbra podcast: a podcast by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert. the penumbra pod follows a few stories, but most notably the story of Juno Steel, a detective in Hyperion City on mars. He solves crimes, all while being a bitter lady, with the help of his assistant Rita.

- alice isn’t dead: a podcast by night vale presents. When a truckers wife, called Alice goes missing and is presumed dead, Alice’s wife (the trucker) goes on an adventure to look for her, but someone or something doesn’t want her to.

- the bright sessions: dr. Bright is a therapist for people with super powers, need I say more?

- return home: when a demonic voice summons Jonathon Parker to his hometown, curious things begin to happen and he is left the task of sorting them out.

- within the wire: meditation tapes with a twist

Thoughts on The Emoji Movie

           It came as no surprise to me, or anyone else, that The Emoji Movie was a disastrous train-wreck of a movie with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. From the moment it was announced, The Emoji Movie was a joke, little more than a punchline of what corporate Hollywood would make just to pander to a younger audience. Yet, by creating the shoddy garbage pile of a “film” (I use this term sparingly) that is The Emoji Movie, Hollywood has done something incredible—they have killed art.

PART ONE

           The “plot” of The Emoji Movie is one that has been presented countless times before: a misfit must leave home to change himself but learns along his adventure that his true value lies in his uniqueness. In this iteration of the “finding yourself” story the hero is Gene, a socially-outcast “meh” emoji who is terrible at what he does—he has all sorts of “non-meh” feelings that he simply can’t contain. On his first day of work, he is called upon from his emoji station to be used, but he freaks out at the last minute and causes a glitch in the sending of the emoji, leading to Alex (the phone’s user) embarrassing himself in front of the girl he likes. Because of this, the smiling emoji, Smiler, who is the “big status quo boss lady” decides to kill him. Gene, however, runs away from the antivirus software and hides in the “loser emoji” section of Textopolis (the city where all the emojis live together). There he meets Hi-5, who was once a famous and well-liked emoji who got to stay in the “favorites” section of Alex’s phone, but hasn’t been used in weeks and now seeks to regain his lost fame.

           In order to reprogram Gene’s malfunction and get Hi-5 back into the favorites section, the pair leave Textopolis and go to a piracy app that Alex, a fifteen-year-old boy, has on his phone for some reason. Gene’s parents then leave after him to try and find him and Smiler sends her antivirus robot soldiers outside Textopolis to apprehend Gene. Meanwhile, in a story beat stolen straight from Wreck-It Ralph and The Lego Movie, they meet Jailbreak, a hacker emoji who serves as the purple-haired punk love interest for the movie. Jailbreak refuses to help them at first, but when she sees Gene’s ability to express multiple faces, she agrees to work together to get to “the source code” in “the cloud.” Then, the antivirus robots appear in the piracy app, (despite the fact that they were given orders to follow Gene’s parents, who are nowhere in sight) and the hero trio escape through a tunnel to Candy Crush where Gene gets trapped and they have to play the game to help him escape. This scene has absolutely no bearing on the rest of the film and is only an overblown advertisement for a phone app, which one will likely notice as a reoccurring theme in this movie.

           After escaping Candy Crush, they take a tunnel to Dance Now (available now in the app store) and they have to play the game because Hi-5 pushed a button for some reason. Here they reveal that Jailbreak can’t dance, and the dramatic stakes are heightened, except they aren’t because Gene teaches her how and then they do the “Emoji Bop” together in what I assume is supposed to be a display of self-love. But oh no! The antivirus robots show up again somehow, so our trio has to escape fast, or risk being deleted. Then, because his phone is playing Dance Now music during class, Alex deletes the app, and Hi-5 fails to escape, sending him to “the trash.”

           Naturally, because of the friendship that the three characters have cultivated together after knowing each other for two hours, Jailbreak and Gene decide to use Spotify to travel to the trash and rescue their companion. Meanwhile, Gene’s “meh” parents have had a falling out because each one blames the other for their son malfunctioning. It’s ok though, because they meet in an Instagram photo and Gene’s dad reveals that he malfunctions too, so naturally they make it all up it each other Alex also decides to delete his entire phone because it sent the wrong emoji one time and made noises on its own. Gene and Jailbreak then save Hi-5 from the trash and they’re chased by a bigger, badder antivirus that follows them until they get to Dropbox, where it can’t get them for some reason.

           They then have to upload themselves to the cloud, and each character uses their own talents to get past the firewall. At this point the movie realizes it makes no sense and in a series of nonsensical rapid-fire events proceed as follows: Gene professes his love to Jailbreak, who it turns out is actually a princess emoji, Jailbreak denies him because of a throwaway line earlier in the movie about her being an empowered woman, the antivirus appears somehow and takes Gene back to Textopolis so he can die in front of the other emojis, Jailbreak and Hi-5 fly back on the Twitter bird to rescue him, Alex begins to delete his phone but chooses not to when Gene sends himself to Addie and she responds with “that was a cool emoji” (verbatim), Smiler is crushed by a giant robot, the emojis have a dance party, and everyone lives happily ever after.

           Watching the shoddy piece of work The Emoji Movie calls a story, I felt my head spinning with questions—not just regarding the plot holes and contrivances, but to the world itself. How do emojis reproduce? If emojis age in years, as is stated in the movie, how could any emoji be older than the amount of time Alex has had his phone? What if an emoji isn’t at the station when it is called upon? How does time flow in the phone as opposed to outside of it? Are all the emojis that marry the same emojis incestuous? Why do some emojis have names like “Gene” while others are simply called by their appearances, like Hi-5? Why is the Christmas tree shown in public in the first scene but then shown in the loser lounge two scenes later? How do the emojis know the history of their app? Why do actions in some apps affect Alex’s phone while actions in other apps do not? How to the antiviruses find Gene and his crew over and over again? Why didn’t Smiler send any antiviruses after Jailbreak when she first left Textopolis? Why does Alex try to delete his phone after sending one incorrect emoji and having it make noise in class twice? How does the illegal antivirus get into Dropbox? How did Smiler get the illegal antivirus? Why did Smiler feel the need to kill Gene in front of the other emoji? Why did Smiler feel a need to kill Gene in the first place? Why does the girl on the Dance Now app ignore jailbreak messing up after the second time? How do all the emojis come back from deletion? If the trash is emptied out daily why is an email from weeks ago still in there? And, most importantly, why did I choose to watch this movie. The Emoji Movie does not answer these question, because it doesn’t care.

           The Emoji Movie doesn’t care about its story, its congruity, or the specifics of its world, because none of it matters. The story beats, directly stolen from other, better, movies, are still in place, and none of the specifics beyond set up for this formulaic and unoriginal wholesale feel-good message have any relevance to the story. The pink-haired rogue stolen straight from The Lego Movie has no personality beyond what the plot demands, and the same can be said for almost any of the other characters. Gene, or, discount Wreck-It Ralph, has the defining personality trait of “feeling things” and his story arc leads to him “feeling more things” and Hi-5’s slightly more defined emotional journey leads from him wanting fame to wanting friends. All the other characters in the story are even less one-dimensional, somehow, with personality traits that are all literally written into their very names and appearances.

           But ultimately, these characters are simply set pieces. There is no investment in the world of the emojis, no feeling when the entire phone is deleted. Half the scenes in the movie are just cash cow product placement filler, and it becomes clear when one realizes halfway through the movie that none of the adventures they have seem to matter, even within the context of their own story. When the characters themselves seem to realize that their journey is pointless, it becomes impossible for an audience to care about or interact meaningfully with the film that they’re viewing, and the best that any viewer can conjure is a “meh.”

PART TWO

           The story of The Emoji Movie is a clear cash grab, and rivetingly unengaging in its poor execution, but more lies beneath the surface. The morals that The Emoji Movie tries to impart to its audience are well-intentioned (as any moral is), but also inherently flawed, and violently mangled in every scene where they are introduced. Indeed, the heaping dumpster fire of a film that titles itself The Emoji Movie exists on multiple levels of terribleness, not using poor storytelling techniques, but imparting poor morals through these techniques as well. It often contradicts itself, falling flat on its face and hopelessly bumbling between individualistic self-love and a quite utilitarian doctrine—almost impressive.

           The Emoji Movie has all the markings of a summer Hollywood “live your true self” movie at its beginning. The main character has a specific, boring role that he is expected to serve unquestioningly, and is made a pariah for breaking from this role. His sidekick also rebels against the system in his own right, trying to cheat his way back into a position of power. By focusing on these two, the story accentuates the flaws with the emoji system and how it emotionally damages those who are forced to suffer under it. Even the villain, Smiler, is affected in her own right—he constant need to maintain happiness seems to have driven her to a place of near insanity. In the opening monologue (a completely different problem), Gene points this out this flaw to the audience by noting how the laughing and crying emojis can never break their character and the viewers begin to see the thriving city of Textopolis as a flawed dystopia. However, after the first scene, little attention is given to these flaws, instead focusing on Smiler herself as a villain. The plight of the “loser emojis” (emojis that don’t ever get used) is also fantastically mishandled. They are only seen twice in the movie and the second time is in a post credit scene where they remain in their basement, unaffected by the event of the entire movie. After sitting through an entire movie with the message that we should be ourselves instead of acting how society tells us to, we see that by nature, some people will (or must) always be excluded from the metaphorical “emoji dance party” for being themselves. The “self” that The Emoji Movie pushes is not just a best self, but also a “most useful” self.

           This is expanded upon in Gene’s journey, where he goes from being a hyperactive “meh” emoji to (briefly) being a good “meh” emoji to finally learning to use his true power as a multi-faceted expression emoji. In the stages before he discovered his true potential, Gene was outcast by his peers—and any viewer could argue that this was rightfully so. Gene broke the emoji picking device and injured dozens of emojis in the process of his one mistake and possibly endangered the safety of the entire phone. Gene then realizes his mistake and goes off to “fix” himself, only to come back stronger and more useful than ever. As is the case in many stories, Gene is accepted only after his usefulness becomes apparent, and the villain is revealed as a bloodthirsty authoritarian rather than the level-headed leader the denizens of Textopolis cited her as being. All is forgiven for Gene and the emojis are given a world where they can serve their own purpose to society, whatever that purpose might be.

           Utilitarian theory is nothing new, and it has both its merits and its flaws, but the type of utilitarianism presented in The Emoji Movie is inherently flawed, as it places Gene’s happiness above the well-being of the collective for the majority of the movie. The ending in itself is also serves as a perfect propaganda point for the utilitarian theory that it begins to uphold later on. Gene obtains happiness when he is most useful to the group collective—and thus, happiness becomes associated with utility to the group. Instead of positing that happiness can be found through the self, or that the self can and should be used to help others, The Emoji Movie combines the two, raising the idea that true bliss can only be achieved when your “self” is given to others.

           Ultimately, this idea is an idea that I disagree with. Whether or not you choose to side with me is up to you, but, speaking objectively, the romanticizing of self-sacrifice is an idea that has tangible harm on audiences who are fed it without question. Modern Japan, for instance, continued to have problems with high suicide rates due to the presentation of hara-kiri, or suicide by sword as “altruistic” in many historical texts (Suicide in 20th Century Japan, 150). This is not to say that using one’s self to assist others is harmful—good deeds are the basis of a functioning society—it is simply to note that the mixed messages that The Emoji Movie gives point towards both complete discovery and complete subjugation of the self in an unhealthy and shoddy portrayal of a moral that has always been cliched at best.

           The Emoji Movie also makes the mistake of attempting to tackle “women’s issues,” despite not even passing the Bechdel Test. Throughout the movie, Jailbreak’s primary motivator is that she wants to be free to express herself however she wants, which she will obtain by reaching the cloud. The movie attempts to attach this to womanhood by attaching this to Jailbreak wanting to escape the oppressive strictures of heteropatriarchal femininity—except, in the finale, she is framed as being in the wrong for not reciprocating Gene’s feelings for her. Not just this, but the day is saved by her using her femininity and consenting to be with Gene, despite her feelings on the matter never being brought up for discussion. Despite the single throwaway line about “men getting credit for women’s work” The Emoji Movie is not pro-woman, and could easily be interpreted as the opposite of that. It defines traditional femininity as being the most useful aspect of a woman to a society and inherently ties all its female characters to something within that stricture, pushing its heteropatriarchal utilitarianist propaganda points deep into the dirt as it tries the make the point that “sensitive guys are cool too.” This is not to say that women who embrace their traditional femininity are by any means being women incorrectly—The Emoji Movie just happens to portray its women poorly, using them always as tools for the man-driven plot and never fleshing them out as characters.

           Tony Leondis offered his own interpretation of The Emoji Movie’s story, calling it a “coming-out story” which is significant, as Leondis is both the director of the movie and a gay man. If one looks from a distance and squints, the similarities between The Emoji Movie and a coming-out story can become visible. Gene is outcast for his “malfunction” as many gay teens will be. The butchering that follows this plot point is incredibly poorly done, and leads to something to utterly offensive and heterosexual to be called a “coming-out story.” First and foremost, a “coming-out story” needs to reach the very low bar of deviating from traditional heterosexuality in its story’s romantic subplots, somehow. This seems to go without saying, but the team of The Emoji Movie conveniently forgot this, instead tripling down on the action and giving the audience three heterosexual romantic subplots, those being the ones between Alex and Addie, Gene and Jailbreak, and Gene’s Mother and Father. None of these deviate at all from a traditional heterosexual romantic story, and, if anything, Gene and Jailbreak’s story enforces obligatory heterosexuality instead of contradicting it. Not only that, but the farther one goes into the plot, the less a coming out story makes sense. When Gene’s father reveals that he has the same malfunction, is he being implied to be the emoji version of “gay?” In a better movie, this could have been used as a tool to foster an emotional connection between Gene and his father, but The Emoji Movie is not that better movie, so this plot point is essentially forget after it becomes irrelevant. In the finale, Gene actually watches his parents get “erased” and can’t break out any expression except a “meh,” which is telling of how well the emoji movie establishes connections between its characters.

           The themes explored in The Emoji Movie are explore poorly at best, and offensively at worst, often taking a back seat to the far more important message of the film—the advertisements. Ultimately, the reason that The Emoji Movie does such a terrible job with its ideas is that these ideas are only borrowed plot points, there to mask the movie for what it really is—a massive commercial for phone apps. The true message of The Emoji Movie isn’t “be yourself” or even “make yourself useful” it’s “buy our product,” and everything beyond this is simply pointless fluff.

PART THREE

           It’s no secret that The Emoji Movie was a corporatist cash-grab, but it was astounding to see just how deeply that had sunk into the movie itself. The entire story is product placement after product placement, a journey to Dropbox, through Candy Crush and Dance Now,  so unabashed in its capitalism that it made me question the film industry as a whole. Where do we draw the line between business and art? At what point do we leave all hope of creativity behind and choose to instead sink into shameless cash grabs and commercials like The Emoji Movie? Then I realized, with a sinking feeling in my gut, that The Emoji Movie had indeed killed art.

           On its first day, The Emoji Movie made ten million dollars in box office sales—a fifth of what it cost to produce. Despite withering reviews and constant scorn from the demographics it seemed to be targeting, The Emoji Movie will chuckle through its entire life as a movie, because it played us all. This movie is a Frankenstein’s monster created by Hollywood, a mishmash of everything that makes money crammed into one pandering mess of a film, and I’m sure it knows this. I’m sure it knows that it looks like a dumb, out of touch, unwatchable pile of garbage, but I’m also sure that it doesn’t care about this, because it’s found a way to make money without even trying.

           The Emoji Movie probably paid for itself in the sheer amount of advertisements it crammed into its ninety minute runtime, and the young, impressionable minds watching it will all be immediately entranced by the colorful scenery of lands like Spotify and Candy Crush. Sales will go up for the sponsors, and the Hollywood capitalist fat-cats who decided that a movie should be made out of emojis will laugh all the way to their enormous Beverly Hills mansions. They knew that they could take advantage of the “car crash phenomenon” that makes people stare at things they shouldn’t, so they sent The Emoji Movie out to their theatres and made a quick buck for Sony Animation.

           But beyond this, The Emoji Movie sets a precedent. It showed that idiots like me can be drawn to this shit like moths to a light. It showed that movies do not need to have good quality, or have be art, to be marketable, and that the film industry should prioritize business and profits above all else. The Emoji Movie has proved, statistically, that quality cinema should always come second to quality advertising. The time to organize against the Hollywood capitalist is now. A boycott of terrible Sony films is the least the we can do to stop them, even though such an action would be little more than a thorn in their hide. We Must accept that our idiocy and submission to this trash is at least partially responsible for the state of film as it is in America today, and we must break free of the chains that force us into our roles as submissive cash cows.

           Good cinema does good things for those that watch it. It can be used as a tool to convey important and revolutionary ideas, or to relay important information to those that are systemically spat on by traditional education. Historically great films have caused great controversy, such as the movie adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird which caused riots in the south upon its release. When we let film fall to business we lose a part of our cultural identity—we submit art, heritage, and storytelling as just another part of a capitalist machine.

           We have the buying power. We choose where we spend our money, and where we place our values. No longer can I sit idly in my movie seat and watch terrible movies for fun—the time for action against the greatest threat to art in the western world is now. Resist capitalism, resist the state, and resist the attack upon the most basic human freedom of expression.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Until next time, Comrades.

-Sunshine

Blindfolded, Bound and Gagged (Dylan O’Brien smut)

Summary: Dylan teaches you a lesson

Word count: 4k. (THERE IS NO BACKGROUND PLOT. IT IS SIMPLY 4K OF FILTHY SMUT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.) 

Warnings: there’s a lot of things I should flag lmao…bondage, blindfolds, gags, overstimulation, vibrators, BDSM, orgasm denial, dirty talk, sir kink, dom!Dyl. Long story short, THIS IS ABSOLUTE FILTH. 

A/N: You’re lying if you say this isn’t your wet dream.

Originally posted by hothothotgg

Everything was on fire.

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an au (inspired by this post) in which Annabeth is a mob boss and Percy is her ocean photographer boyfriend. Shout out to Hannah for being the best beta ever and for headcanoning this au with me pretty much non stop for the last few days. 

The fluorescent lights of the interrogation room flicker, giving it a strange glow that makes Percy’s eyes hurt. His fingers tap the beat of some pop song that had played on the radio earlier today onto the metal table that sits in front of him. The table is cool to the touch despite the warm, stale air that hangs in the room, and the accompanying metal chair is starting to make his butt numb despite it only having been here ten minutes.

Shuffling sounds begin emanating from the door in the corner of the room across from Percy, and soon it creaks open. First to step through is a tall blonde man with piercing blue eyes. His athletic build fills up the doorway as he pauses briefly to appraise Percy. Percy appraises him right back, noticing a scar on the corner of the detective’s lip and half of a tattoo that peaks out from under the cuff of his sleeve.

As soon as the detective steps into the room, another enters behind him. Her posture is impeccable and she walks with her head held high like she’s a warrior entering battle. That can’t be good, Percy thinks afterwards. She has on a royal purple blouse that pops against her brown skin, and her black hair is pulled into a braid that cascades over her shoulder.

“Hello, Mr. Jackson,” starts the blonde detective. “I’m Detective Grace and this is my partner Detective Arellano. Thanks so much for agreeing to come down to the station today to talk to us today.”

Percy smiles with a calm confidence, “Of course. Always happy to do my civic duty.”

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“this guy…” x  x

Satele: It was designated Hammer Station…

Smuggler: Holy crap!

Satele: Yes, it’s all very distressing.

Smuggler: Yeah yeah yeah whatever, but that’d be the perfect name for a bar!

Satele: I…yes, very clever. Anyway, the Advozse-

Smuggler: Sure sure sure, just hold that thought for a second, I gotta make a call. Darmas?! Darmas, can you hear me?!!!?

Satele:

Ok but what if there was a soulmate au based on music

Like everyone knows a part of a melody and you have to find the person (or people) that knows the rest

So many possibilitie

  • married couples idley humming their tune around the house and hearing their partner finishing the tune and smiling because its such a simple bonding moment
  • Teens sitting in a classroom working and a hard worker starts humming under their breath and the quiet kid at the back goes bright red and chokes out the answering piece of the song
  • Musicians working their song into their work as an underlying melody hoping the right person will hear it
  • Dating sites where its just a bunch of voice clips
  • ‘Hi, um I’m X and this is my tune… da de dum, dahhh la de da de and then i dont know the rest, do you?’
  • Radio call in stations to help people find TRUE LOVE
  • Someone having a panic attack and crying and choking out their tune because it always calms them to sing it, and then the person caring for them starts singing along quietly
  • Popular kids pretending their melody is hip and trendy when its actually a beautiful classical piece
  • LyRIcS
  • The deaf knowing the lyrics to their song and signing it randomly, trying to find the person who knows the rest because it cuts out in the middle of the sentence like you’re my true love whatever wHATS THE REST OF THAT ONE SENTANCE ITS BEEN BUGGING ME SO LONG
  • People slipping phrases of their lyrics into speech, hoping someone will pick it up
  • People theorising like what could go next, maybe its like this or this and trying so hard that when they hear it they just smile because they were never anywhere near how beautiful their partners song is
  • FUNERALS PLAYING THE SONG AND TEARS IN THE ALIVE PARTNERS EYES BECAUSE THEY’LL NEVER HEAR THEIR SOULMATE SING IT AGAIN
  • FIRST DANCES AT WEDDINGS
  • THERE ARE SO MANY POSSIBILITIES