DIRKJOHN post credits (bdhdhdj disclaimer i have chinese headcanons for all/most of the kids let me live. its a mix tho) BASICALLY john is fluent in chinese (only speaking-wise) cause hes half chinese half malaysian and learnt at home. dirk, who is full chinese is like hm. i put effort into learning japanese i should maybe try learning some mandarin chinese (dave knows a bit cause hes self taught AND its the most widely spoken language in the world) but he goes to john rather than dave (secret Oh Shit Hes Cute Try To Date Him seduction plan.) anyways johns like sure!!! but i cant write any (can do pinyin tho) and dirks like aight Come At Me Bro.
bfnfbdh anyways john starts teaching but he gets this Awful idea to prank him. he starts out legit (dirk is taking notes with the tones and Trying not to sound like an american fucker with a wannabe accent) but slips in little phrases like ‘oh! this is a good one for meeting new people :) qing ni di si wo (which can mean ‘please kick/trample me to death’) means 'nice to meet you!’ and they get less morbid and just plain Kinda Wrong and Also Harmless as they go along (“kan qi lai hen….xi guai is for when someone asks you what you want to eat from a menu! just add “chi [whatever]” at the beginning” anyways. he still teaches legit things sometimes, keeping track of what japanese dirk knows and what words are similar and b4 the end of their first lesson he’s like “oh! youll like this one! ni hen ke ai means you’re cute! hehehe” and dirk is like…..did he call me kawaii
FAST FORWARD A BIT dirk asks dave how much he knows and shows him his notes and dave says Absolutely Nothing, just “did you ask john to teach you? just as well, i don’t know enough for this” and gestures at the words. the one to finally break it to him the next day is rose who sees him trying to practise pronunciation (she can defs speak) and looks over his shoulder and is just…. Oh Honey
dirk confronts john later and johns just giggling cause he knew hed get found out and dirks just like……ffuck you man. you cant say kawaii to me and LIE about it (he has no idea which ones are wrong bdhddjj) and johns like….pal….that was one of the only legit phrases i taught you. after that he starts teaching him properly. its fun and they kiss at some point (also john doesnt hesitate to tell dirk the phrase ke ai or kawaii came from chinese in the first place and that his weaboo ass needs to fuck off)