Dear Future Girlfriend;
I need you to work up the nerve to talk to me because I’m too shy to say anything first. Just ask me how my day was and smile at me so I know that it’s okay to say something other than “It was great, yours?” because that’s so..generic. And… I need you to not be generic. I need you to be some sort of original. I need you to take me somewhere special… not the movies, not to a bar, not out to dinner… maybe some coffee and somewhere I can see the stars. I’m more open when I can see the sky… I need you to understand that I will always have something to say even if I say nothing at all and I will always say “I’m fine.” and maybe even shoot you a smile.. I need you to know that sometimes you’ll just have to accept that I’m not ready to talk but hug me tight so that I know you know me. I need you to hold my hand every chance you can, so that I can learn to trust you. I need you to know that when I’m scared or when I’m emotionally hurting.. it’ll be your hands I’ll want to grab first and I need to know that they will always be there to hold…even if we’re in the car for two minutes or quickly running in and out of a store. I want to feel you in every way that I can. I need that to be okay with you. I need you to be willing to tell me a bedtime story which will consist of unimportant things that happened during the day or random things you know so that you won’t be upset when I fall asleep on you. I need you to know that I like my coffee with milk and two spoonful of sugars and an almond joy creamer. I need you to remember that I hate to write in any color pen except for black. I need you to leave me alone when I’m writing, but every now and then give me a kiss, but say nothing afterwards even if I smile at you. I need you to be patient with me. I need you to understand that although I might be outgoing all the time.. there will be moments where I will appear to be broken…and that will be the truth. I need you to be willing to stand by any side of me… I need you to let me learn to trust you and let me fall in love with you at my own time. I need you to write me letters that i can read over and over again until I’m old and gray. I need you to make me breakfast sometimes. I need you to let me fight my own battles but be there by my side in case I choke up and can’t speak. I need to know that you will love me even when I mess up. Even when my eyes aren’t shinning and are glossy with tears. I need to know that no matter what i will always be beautiful to you. I need you to tickle me even when I beg you to stop and wrestle me to make me adore you. I need you to make me smile with flowers or books or a session of montage. I need you to make my heart melt with your warm words and kind actions. I need you to be forgiving to the ugliness that surrounds you. I need you to believe in the beauty of this life and to share it with me. I need you to be my bestfriend; listen to me vent, talk shit with me and laugh about it, make fun of me, cheer me up, sit in the silence with me, play with my hair when I’m sick, sing me stupid songs, dance with me anywhere and everywhere, do stupid things with me, follow me… want me to follow you. I need you to fight with me without cursing me out, and to always invite me out with you and your friends. I need you to know that most times I’ll decline but I just want to know that I am welcomed. I need you to tell me when I’m being a cunt and when I’m wrong. I need you to be open minded because my secrets… are heavy. I need you to be the person I can’t be without. So, that I can be the person you don’t know how you’ve lived this long without knowing. And, I need you to need all of this too.