The trolls create Doc Scratch because he guided them to create him

Caliborn is born on Earth because he guided Condy to take over Earth

Caliborn win the house Juju because John changed the timeline with the house Juju

Gamzee honks because his diety LE honks because LE is Gamzee

Welp. This confirms it. Literally all of Homestuck is Dirk Strider’s fault. Vriska ain’t got shit on this fucking stunt. Let’s go down the list. Dirk:

Created or helped create Caliborn’s robotic leg, rendering him able to escape from the room more easily.

Is quite literally the AR’s original soul splinter, technically making him part of Lord English, and technically responsible for the current incarnation of Lord English not being a dumbass.

Since the AR appears to be the dominate personality in Doc Scratch, a lot of the shit Vriska pulled, plus Rose going Grimdark was indirectly Dirk’s fault.

Created Lord English. Literally created Lord English, therefore he’s not only part of the main villain, he mixed up the soul ingredients. 

I repeat, Bec Noir ain’t got shit on this. Dirk is officially the head of the “We fucked literally everyone over while meaning well” Club. He, Aranea, and Vriska can sit their asses down in their lonely little club and have some kind of tea party while they all bond over their respective fuckups.

I worked on a larger and more detailed pic for two hours until my photoshop crashed (yes i totally forgot to save) OTL this is what I had in mind.. kind of.. maybe I’m gonna draw the whole thing properly again, but not tonight


So in the new update, Caliborn goes on about how Dirk banished his soul into Lil Cal, and how ARquiusprite showed up out of nowhere and ended up getting pulled along for the ride.  And if you notice, HALF OF GAMZEE TOO.

This explains so much.

Why the game read Scratch’s sudden death as an opportunity to revive him into Lord English. (Caliborn)
Why Lord English is so muscular. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch is so shrouded in mystery. (Equius)
Why Doc Scratch and Lord English are so vastly intelligent, unlike Caliborn. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)
Why Lord English is so mirthful and angry. (Gamzee)
Why Lord English can destroy souls. (AR, a splinter of Dirk’s soul)

Lord English even stole his name from Jake English, who in turn got his name from his Grandma Jade English, who in turn stole it from Lord English.  Paradox.

It all makes sense now.