calamityman

i would very much like a gal lol

why? i dunno but i do know that im willing to….

- watch your stupid shows with you.

- make you delicious foods like nachos and ribs and and spaghetti and anything else that tickles your fancy.

- be sweet to you and call you awesome nicknames. or be playfully mean :P

- let you touch my sweet mustache whenever you want. as soon as it grows in lol

- let you touch my sweet peep whenever you want. ;P had too

- smell nice all the time. ALWAYS!

- wake you up with smooches.

- beat up your ex boyfriends. or any other dude

- sing to you while i drive or just randomly with my awesome vocals (theyre shitty)

- even if you don’t like it. because i do.^

- call you randomly

-answer your calls always

- let you call my face your queenly throne. ;P

- hang out with your family.

- touch your butt. :D

- tell everyone on earth your my girlfriend even if they don’t ask.

- write you notes to find.

- leave you alone.

- watch marley and me and cry before you do. lol

- tell you secrets until i realize which ones would weird you out.

- be awesome.

23 on the 23rd

So today October 23rd…2015. I turned 23years old today..don’t feel older nor wiser. Didn’t have anything planned for today. Especially since for some time, this date hasn’t felt like anything special. This passed year has definitely takin its toll…I spent some time in the beginning of the year in the sweet comfort of LAs finest twin towers correctional. It was an interesting experience. Well obviously I ended up being released. And we’ll my life off bat had turned to shit faster than a blink of an eye. I came back to the real world..only to come back to a stressful life because of the mistakes I made before I went in. For days after my release I had told myself no more drugs, time to focus. But no, the lifestyle ove lived to this very day wouldn’t allow that, maybe I was too weak, blind or maybe just didn’t care I’m not sure but I stayed in the lifestyle, both selling and using countless amounts of grade A drugs. I didn’t have a favorite..if it got me high it was going in my body that’s how I was living my life. It went on for months. Ranging from OxyContin to norcos and somas. From marijuana to codeine to LSD and shrooms… I can’t say I regret the times, cuz I don’t. I did what I did and used and abused what I wanted for a reason..whatever reason that may be. I’m not excusing myself nor am I condoning it. But ones things forsure I realized I had a problem..after the short lived fun times I soon began to realize that the drugs were definitely takin over my life..I had lost the only job I could find after being released..and only because I felt the need to smoke a blunt while on the job. I got kicked out of my court appointed class that was to be completed after 18months of being sober and attending all meetings, all because I was too busy getting high with “friends”. It took more than one sign to sort of make sure the light bulb was even on. Finally 8 months later from being in a cell, I find myself turning 23 in a loft in downtown LA. Quite and alone. Yet content..I made a promise to myself about 2 weeks ago…that I haven’t really told anyone about… I promised myself to stop bullshitting, I don’t know what the fuck I want to do with my life and I have no clue where to start or how…but one things forsure…I’ve been in the drug business and lifestyle since I was 13…I’ve lived a decade on this roller coaster with a highly abusive and stressful relationship. And as I said before I don’t regret not one moment..but fortunately for me I promised myself that a decade is a nice time, it’s time to hang up the gloves. I’m only 23…that’s pretty young and well I’m tired. It’s been fun. And intense but I feel as though this chapters officially ending for me and I can’t say I’m sad to see it go. It’s been swell. But tomorrow when I wake up on October 24th 2015. Will mark the first day of going cold turkey and starting my sobriety. Now realistically speaking I plan on going for as long as my body and will power will allow me to go. I plan on taking care of my body once again. Perhaps going vegetarian again, hitting the gym daily. I’m not entirely sure, but I’ve lved a dangerous life for too long and it feels as though it’d be nice to be able to relax and live life normally lol. I plan to learn how to smile again. How to be happy and content. This new chapter will definitely be focusing on how to make myself a better person all around. First by learning to love myself. It’s scary. It really is Because see my whole life it’s always just been easier on me to be negative towards everything, but I suppose the way I see it now is…“dare I be an optimist?” I’m not sure but at least I’ll be able to say I gave it a shot right….
So I suppose I say happy birthday to myself. And hears to a new chapter..let’s make it a good one.. You’re more than welcome to join.

2months ago I told myself I was done putting shit in my body..went back to being a vegetarian and got rid of all the bullshit I had, these 2months have been pretty fucking hard especially when you don’t got much of a support group. (Told my family and they were just like ok cool ,don’t really care…)I goto meetings when I can. I’ve got a better job. And I’m learning to smile a lot more. Not be so aggressive. I’m feeling a lot better both physically and mentally I’ve lost a few people in my life, people I considered friends just because I stopped using or stopped selling. I don’t plan on being sober for the rest of my life but I’m definitely gunna go for a long time because this shit took my life over and it’s time to get control of it again.I’m comfortable with myself or at least tryin to be lol. Still depressed still got anxiety but I’ve learned to control it I don’t rely on drugs to ease the edge. I’m tryin..but it’s not easy. Woke up today from such a bittersweet dream it’s had me reminiscing all morning so far. I’ve gone to Meetings countless times and I always hear folks say..“holidays are the hardest” and it wasn’t till today that I finally felt that. Life isn’t easy nobody said it would be. But drugs and alcohol didn’t make it any easier for me I fooled myself to think otherwise. In fact they made my life so much more stressful lol the way my life was going I was forsure gunna end up dead or locked up again. And I’m okay with living life without those feelings or thoughts…being sober is weird and at times hard but I definetly feel good about it and for the first time in a long time I can confidently say…I’m proud of myself… So with this say fuck you to all those who show no support. And I say thank you and if I could I’d hug everyone who does support me. Love you all and stay blessed