cakesniffer

i keep remembering random things from this series that had totally slipped my mind and i’m always astonished at how iconic it was… may i remind you:

- there was a salmon themed restaurant and all the food was salmon, all of it, frozen salmon chunk ice cubes
- the baudelaires escaped prison with a bench, a loaf of bread, and a jug of water. also it was klaus’ birthday
- the tagliatelle grande
- esme chased the orphans in a hospital records room, wearing stiletto knife heels and pushing fileing cabinets on them
- olaf was gunna cut off violets head in front of an audience, klaus and sunny saved her with alphabet soup
- cakesniffers deer god. cakesniffers
- the snow gnats that like?? ate people’s skin??
- violet and klaus pretended to be a two headed person. sunny pretended to be a half-wolf child
- sunny climbed up an elevator shaft with her teeth
- the snow scouts and their alphabet pledge
- esme’s lettuce bikini. also a dude flipped over sunbathers with a giant spatula
- vfd left each other secret messages in jelly what LEVEL of extrà
- the ENTIRE 13th book… the sheep on the island. they only drank fermented coconut milk and everyone was stoned all the time. kit arrived on a giant raft of books with the snake and the baudelaires helped her give birth. the library under the apple tree and violet thought “lemony” was such an ugly name

ASOUE in Hogwarts
  • The sorting hat wasn’t sure if it should put Violet on Gryffindor or on Ravenclaw so it whispered in her ear; ‘’which one’’ and she said ‘’i can handle anything.’’ She seemed brave to the hat because of those words so it decided that she belongs to Gryffindor. It decided almost immediately that Klaus belongs to Ravenclaw and Sunny to Hufflepuff. The Quagmires wen  to Ravenclaw too. 
  • Quiditch players asked Klaus to join the team, he actually didn’t want to, he prefered to be all day in the library but he said yes because he didnt want the boys of the team to judge him. He told Isadora what happened and she went to the Quiditch team and volunteered to play in Klaus’ place, but they told her no because ‘’she is a girl, and she could ruin the whole game’’ so Isadora just said; ‘’girls can’t only handle a lipstick- we also can handle a broomstick’’ so she grabbed one broomstick and flied to the sky really quickly doing acrobatics in the air.  The team was actually amazed, and let her join them. Isadora became a keeper and Klaus was absolutely grateful. 
  • Quigley joined Quiditch team as a Chaser but (damn!) his crush from Gryffindor, Violet Baudelaire became a Chaser too. Violet was pretty good, for sure better than Quigley who just admired her from his broomstick, and because of him they lost the first game of the year because Quigley is such a dork and let her win to only see her smile. 
  • Duncan insisted for a Weekly Hogwarts Newspaper, and he visit Dumbledoore daily to convice him to let him do a Newspaper. So after visit number 48, Dumbledoore gave his approval and Duncan made a Hogwarts Newspaper called; Weekly Wizardly.
  • But what about Sunny? Sunny was actually the best student in the class of potions. Maybe because of her talent in cooking, her grades in this class were the best in the whole school. 
  • The Baudelaires are very curious about that stranger proffesor Lemony Snicket from Ravenclaw, who teaches Theory of Magic and seems to know them. 
  • Baudelaires’ and Quagmires’ favorite proffesor is Mrs. Kit Snicket from Gryffindor. She teaches the spells and she is always funny and kind with her students. 
  • Isadora and Violet, Quigley and Klaus are on the same rooms, which means sleepovers, talking until the dawn and reading all night.
  • ‘‘N-no Klaus! You can’t like a g-girl from… Slytherin!’‘ Duncan and Quigley told him when he conffesed that he likes Fiona from Slytherin. 
  • Quigley asked Violet to go to the Yule Ball with him, and Violet said something ‘’Yes of course! I would really like to go with you!’’ but Quigley was so nervous about it so he got ill so Isadora went to the Yule Ball with Violet because they are Gryffinclaw besties and don’t give a f about what people think
  • Sunny is actually really good friend with all of the ghosts and stays awake until the morning to talk with them.
  • Count Olaf is one powerful wizard, with dark powers, commited to the black magic. None wizard had heard anything for him, for years  but everyone knows that he’s still alive somewhere, making a new plan to get into the Hogwarts..
  • Esme Squalor was a Slytherin Proffesor, one of Death Eaters (supporters of Olaf? Probably?) before she got in Azkaban, she was teaching spells and she was always a bit rude with the students… ‘’Oh gosh, i swear this wand is SO out, that i could throw it out of the window. Kiddo where did you get this broomstick from? Trash? Your cloak is a fashion scandal...’’ She escaped from Azkaban…
  • Carmelita Spats is in Slytherin too, and is actually the bully of Hogwarts. She usually bullies Klaus for his ‘’STUPID CAKESNIFFING GLASSES!!’’ but always her best friend Fiona stops her and she smiles apologetic to Klaus while Carmelita shouts ‘’I SWEAR WHY OTHER STUDENTS ARE BREATHING IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME FIONA? I SHOULD BE ALONE IN THIS HELL HOLE! IM THE ONLY ONE WHO DESERVES TO BE A WIZARD HERE… NOT IM NOT YELLING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CORRIDOR YOU STUPID CAKESNIFFER’’
  • Violet becames a really popular girl, fixing something when it’s broken with spells she invited herself. Also making useful magic devices.
  • Klaus becames teachers’ favorite student, not teacher’s pet, but he always knows the answers and is the smart guy from Ravenclaw so all of the teachers like him.
  • Sunny likes to help the elves making the dinner, and they always teaching her new and interesting cooking recipes.
  • Violet, Duncan and Klaus have an owl, Isadora has a cat (she is a cat lady yup) and Sunny has a toad. 
  • And they are all really happy actually because they deserve to be happy in Hogwarts, thank you very much. 

Opinion: Carmelita Spats

Okay so I’ve seen a couple of posts commenting on this previously, but I feel like it’s a massive thing and really shouldn’t be overlooked.

We all know that Carmelita is a ‘Bad Kid’. She’s rude, vain, spoiled, more than a little annoying, and she’s a bully. She’s a recognizable figure from many people’s childhoods, with cakesniffer as the substitute for whatever cruel name this kind of child called the reader or someone the reader knew at school.

But she’s still a child. At most, she’s Violet’s age, and because of the maturity that the ‘good’ children show in the series it’s easy for us to forget how young they really are. However bad Carmelita’s behaviour is, it’s likely there are lots of children who are rude and annoying and even bully others at her age. That behaviour needs addressing, but doesn’t entirely preclude her from growing up into a reasonable human being.

And the older I get, the more I wonder: where are her parents? What happened to her to make her behave the way she does, seek attention the way she does?

She teams up with Olaf and Esme, who are dreadful people by anyone’s standards and definitely old enough to know better, because they voluntarily tell her how special she is. She’s completely drawn in by the two villains, perhaps not because she herself is inherently villainous, but because they like her, despite all of the awful things she does. Maybe she just wants someone to love her. Looking at the scene above through that kind of lens, isn’t it a bit heartbreaking?

Their encouragement (well, Esme’s at least) makes her even worse, makes her threaten to shoot Violet Baudelaire with a harpoon gun, but is it any wonder, if they’re the only available role models she has?

I’d like to think that if anyone escaped the Hotel Denouement fire, it was Carmelita. Because no matter what she did, she was still a little girl, and she didn’t deserve to be punished so harshly. Out of anyone, she deserved another chance.

If anyone else has any thoughts on Carmelita I’d love to hear them, I’m full of feels for her right now!

Lemony Snicket Sentence Meme

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”

“I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”

“The sad truth is the truth is sad.” 

“I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.”

“Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”

“This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.”

“As I am sure you know, when people say ‘It’s my pleasure,’ they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There’s nothing on Earth I would rather do less.'”

“There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.” 

“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” 

“Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.” 

“This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?” 

“I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.” 

“Can’t we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.” 

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.” 

“How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?” 

“There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.” 

“Normally it is not polite to go into somebody’s room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead, or pretending to be dead.” 

“Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory’ means that if you don’t show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.” 

“It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.” 

“Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.” 

“Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.” 

“Summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.” 

“I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!”

“I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs.” 

“You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!” 

“The last time I saw you, I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!” 

“Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!”

“Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won’t hit you with a shovel.’ Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.”

“When things don’t go right, go left.” 

Things I’m ready to see in A Series of Unfortunate Events Season 2:
-The Quagmires
-“Cakesniffers”
-Esme Squalor (I’m so excited for her costumes and how they’ll portray her)
-Isadora’s couplets
-Hector!
-Hopefully more of Violet inventing things
-The hospital
-Everything to do with the carnival. The “freaks”, Olivia, the disguises.
These books were near to my heart when I was little and seeing a mostly accurate depiction of them is making me so happy. (the only inaccuracies being more information on VFD/ added characters and the ending of book 3 into book 4). Plus can we talk about how racially diverse this cast has been? Like it shouldn’t be a big deal but I find it so amazing that they are casting people of different races as the relatives when they didn’t have to. And the fact that Daniel Handler is writing most of the episodes and executive producing! I have so much faith in where this series is going and cannot wait for season 2 and 3

           DETENTION hall is never a pleasant place to be, as time seems to slow down and every second of silence was more mind-numbing than the last. however, at prufrock, it was at least ten times as UNPLEASANT. carmelita had since grown tired of trying to land crumbled up pieces of paper into mr. remora’s sleeping, snoring mouth and instead peered over the SHOULDER at her fellow inmate’s notebook.

          ‘whatcha writing there, cakesniffer? i’m still waiting for you to write a SONG about little old me.’

@miseryspoet 

I use the word "cakesniffer" ALL THE TIME, you guys.

detectivefancypants answered: CAKESNIFFER OH GOODNESS. What kind of phrase/word do you want?

I don’t know, so far I’ve considered “ravenclaw”, “oh golly”, and “love me dead”.


heroineoftime answered: I would get “pieceofshit.” That’s probably just me.

I really like this idea, but I’m trying to get my dad to pay for them, and if he disapproved of “cakesniffer”, I doubt he’ll let me get that. Welp.