cake jokes!

Birthday Surprises for the Pennywises - Headcannon (SFW)

Don’t mind me, this idea I’ve had has been floating around my head for a while….

It’s just scenarios for both versions of Pennywise having their human set up a surprise birthday! You know they’ve probably never had one and that’s a darn shame!

Birthday - Pennywise/Papa Penn (Tim Curry version)

  • You would try your hardest to keep it a secret and even though he knows, he keeps his mouth shut. He enjoys watching his little doll’s weak attempts at being sneaky.
  • You take time to set it up at the house while he’s out hunting. He makes it REALLY OBVIOUS how long he’ll be gone, but you’re so stressed about the surprise you don’t notice.
  • You have trouble blowing up and tying the balloons up, so wishing you had the ability to just will them into existence.
  • You keep it simple, red balloons of course, a huge 3 layer cake (as a joke, you got “Over the Hill” candles because who know how old he is) and a “Happy Birthday” sign. 
  • He watches you from the window, munching on a hand, chuckling at how worked up you get over it being perfect. So, rather than walking through the front door like he should, he walks through the back door to surprise you!
  • You shout at him not to come in yet, and you quickly give the room a once-over one last time before calling him in.
  • He comes in, mock surprise all over his face and he loves how you look when you beam with pride. 
  • “Aw dollface, you shouldn’t have! All this for little ol’ me?”
  • You let him sit in his favorite La-Z-Boy while you shower him with lots of kisses and his presents. 
  • You only have a few presents, a few cigars and a nice bottle of scotch, but you’re favorite one is in a simple envelope. Lighting a cigar, he opens the envelope and his eyes light up with what’s inside.
  • You had taken some boudoir photos of yourself and printed the ones that you knew would be his favorite.
  • “Oh, kitten,” he says as he takes a long draw from the cigar, “you look… delicious… damn…”
  • When he looks up, he notices that in the time it took for him to admire the pictures, you had stripped down to the same outfit in the photos. Eyes flashing yellow, he can only observe and smile as you do a little dance while you sing “Happy Birthday”.
  • … I think you know what happens next?!?!? 

Birthday - Pennywise/Junior (Bills Skarsgard version) 

  • He wouldn’t really know what was going on, but chalks it up to stupid human behaviors.
  • You have an idea about how long his hunts last, but he’s always unpredictable so you set up quickly and waited for him to get back.
  • The room has a circus theme and you go over the top by getting streamers, party poppers, popcorn, cotton candy, ice cream, etc! The cake just has Happy Birthday candles, but it has his signature colors all over it in homemade icing. 
  • You were the kind of person to also rent a bouncy house and petting zoo, but that would look really strange…
  • When he does, he doesn’t say anything at first until he looks into your eyes and sees how happy you are. Once you explain what it is, his smile nearly cracks his face open and begins by diving into the popcorn, his favorite!
  • “Ooooo what should I eat next?!” he giggles, “The cotton candy? The ice cream? Hahaha, I want everything!”
  • You figured that the circus-themed party would be enough, but you did get him a few small gifts, just some trinkets from the pawn shop like figurines of clowns, shiny things, and circus memorabilia.
  • When he tries one of the party poppers, you screamed a little because you weren’t expecting it, which made him hone in on your fear and drool, eyes drifting apart loving your scent. He takes a few and saves them for later when he decides to surprise you again! 
  • That starts a food fight, and soon you’re both on the floor all over each other covered in cake, streamers, and sticky sugar!
  • You take some of the icing and put it on his nose, laughing as he tries to shake it off, bells jingling. You use your tongue to lick it off, secretly giving yourself a high-five on your excellent baking skills.
  • He loves this idea so he takes some icing to put some on your nose and as you lean out of the way, it lands on your neck.
  • Before you have a chance to wipe it off, he takes his long tongue to slowly lick it away, which makes you gasp and flushes your face. His bright blue eyes flash yellow when he looks back up at you.
  • … I think you know what happens next?!?!?

Hope you like it!!

Tagging some of my favorite people who might enjoy: @hoe-for-daddywise @pennywisethot @conejito-del-polvo @beepbeeptimetofloat @pennysthighs @bustafatclownnut @robindanielle @bunbunblondie 

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future stuff! 

Masterlist here: https://smileysam13579.tumblr.com/post/167604358427/my-personal-headcannonfan-ficiton-masterlist

jungkook: rollercoasters, cherry cola, adrenaline, rock concerts, hickies, all-nighters, sky-diving, summer nights, cold pizza, comic books, ghost-hunting

tae: art galleries, paris, runway shows, friends-to-lovers, puppies, midnight drive-ins, giggling, piggy-back rides, honey-scented, gucci, royalty, teddy bears

jimin: airy laughs, cotton candy, hand-holding, spring warmth, blushing, i-love-yous, chaste kisses, pillow talk, plushies, cherry blossoms, pouty lips

namjoon: novels, travelling, vinyls, overthinking, the ocean, romantic nights in, museums, evening rain, road trips, 3am conversations, new years eve

hobi: sunflowers, shooting stars, sugar-sprinkled donuts, campfires, succulents, spooning, coming home after a long day, disney movies, sun-kissed skin

yoongi: neon lights, chokers, new york, hangovers, sour candy, kittens, eyeliner, leather jackets, poison, lo-fi beats, slow kissing, gummy bears, sarcasm

jin: retro-gaming, polaroids, bubble tea, surprise hugs, inside jokes, birthday cakes, pastels, pillow fights, hot air balloon rides, red lips, ice cream dates

Yuuri Katsuki is Demisexual

First off a real quick definition of Demisexual for those who may not know about it:

Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction.


Reasons why I think Yuuri is Demisexual:

-The entire show is advertised and described partly as ‘a sexual awakening ‘ for Yuuri

- at 23 years old  he has not dated or had sex or really put much thought into actively having sex appeal

- when presented with a sexy routine , he doesnt know how to define sexual attraction

- laments and repeats the definition of sexual attraction over and over again to the point he associates ‘losing all senses of reasoning’ with the gluttony of eating his favourite food dish

- honestly tries to equate craving food with craving sex because thats how far out there sexual desire is for him (which from all of the rampant ace cake jokes in the asexual community this is a pretty common expierence)

- privately scolds himself thats hes a man and 23 and should be able to have sex appeal ….if he only wanted to (which screams toxic masculinity and societal expectations of everyone being interested in sex , something of course the show explores and rectifies at least in the aspect of gender roles via Yuuri’s genderfluid eros outfit and mindset towards performing in a feminine way not masculine because hes more comfortable in that role )

- eventually figures out how to channel sexual desire into his routine by imagining seducing a playboy (a.k.a Victor who he is romantically attracted to)

- blatantly states that he wants Victor to watch him perform this routine , in a way that makes it clear hes thinking only of him/ only cares about his response

- Victor specifically helps Yuuri perfect this routine by stating things like ‘skate like youre trying to seduce me’

- as he gets more comfortable with Victor he becomes more receptive to Victors affectionate advances as well as his suggestive ones like look at episode 2 compared to episode 8:

- which is really important because a lot of the early part of their relationship is spent with Yuuri rejecting Victor , which confused a lot of fans because they are obviously romantically interested in each other

-but when you look at the specific scenes scenes Victor is rejected there is always a sexual element involved (Wanting to sleep in the same bed together , The offer to be whatever role Yuuri needs him to be , specifically be his boyfriend : in the context of power dynamics of coach and student its pretty easy to allude he means he’ll sleep with Yuuri to motivate him. ) versus the advances Yuuri accepts is more comfortable with and grows to repricate (hugs , affection touching , holding hands)

- the more time passes , and the more evident it is that Yuuri is falling in love with Victor , the more natural his Eros routine gets for him (and more intricate we go from flirty eye contact to licking his lips to blowing a kiss as his opener) :

- Yuuri establishes with words and gestures before every Eros performance that he specifically is performing and thinking about Victor.   and this evolves as he gets more in his element of his sexuality , not for the audiences consumption , but for Victors

- Its obvious even looking at how Yuuri interacts with Victor before he performs the Eros routine at different points of time in the show , sexual awakening indeed:

- last thing that really clinches the idea of Demisexual Yuuri is the Eros routine itself compared to other ‘sexual’ routines ( Specifically Seung Gil-Lee and Christophe Giacometti’s.  )

- Chris’s routine is overtly sexual in the body language that its clear he is sexually interested in anyone who will provide him sexual gratification , the routine is very ‘come hither ye who dare’

- Seung Gil-Lee on the other hand is much more so a focus on being a conduit of peoples sexual desires , but having no agenda himself in his performance except to win presentation points (his body language and face tell very different stories , and he establishes the audiences reaction means nothing to him)

- Yuuri on the other hand no matter what he uses as a story bases for his routine , ultimately thinks of Victor , of seducing him and only him , and the audience just happens to get to watch that seduction. This is visually established with the opening of the routine where Yuuri turns and looks at Victor and only Victor before dancing

Originally posted by vyctornikiforov

Originally posted by yahoohanjizoe

Originally posted by alisayamin

In conclusion : Yuuri is Demisexual , have a nice day.

Asexual problems:
  • Me: Holy crap they're so hot!
  • Friend: Wtf aren't you asexual?
  • Me: Oh, sorry. I mean "holy crap they're so pretty!"
  • Friend: Again, aren't you asexual?
  • Me: ...
  • Me: I'm sorry I forgot that being asexual also makes me blind.
Nietzsche's Angel Food Cake

1. Allow the angel to reach room temperature. Then kill it.

2. Kill God. Set Him aside.

3. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

4. Ecstatically whip, as if possessed by a storm-wind of freedom, 1-½ cups of excellent egg whites with ¼ tsp. salt and 1-½ tsp. cream of tartar. Continue until peaks are as if raised to their own heights and given wings in a fine air, a robust air.

5. Gradually add ¾ cup sugar, about 3 tbsp. at a time.

6. You are brilliant.

7. Now, add 1 tsp. vanilla and ¼ tsp. almond extract, and then sift together 1-¼ cups flour and ¾ cup sugar.

8. Blend in God and the angel. Emboldened, add the egg mixture.

9. Gaze into the überbatter. The überbatter will gaze into you.

10. While prancing about in a frenzy of self-satisfaction and anticipation, use a rubber scraper to push the überbatter into an ungreased 10" tube pan, for it is destined to be there.

11. Bake on a lower rack until done, usually 35-40 minutes, while reciting to the upper rack a long, convoluted anecdote about your childhood.

12. Invert the tube pan over a bottle for a few hours. Then impetuously rap the pan. Shout, “Aha!” and slide a knife along the pan’s insides.

13. Call what tumbles out a cake if you dare. Call it miraculous even.

14. Eat it. It is delicate, morbid, loveable, and you will die depressed, delirious, and overweight.