caitiward

sometimes I forget that I’ve never actually met the Rooster Teeth employees in real life, and that they don’t know that I even exist, and then I remember and it’s one of the most painful feelings in the world because I love them so much and they make me so happy and I feel like they’re all my best friends but I’m not theirs and it hurts so bad

What a chance meeting between Velvet Scarlatina and Jack!!! Thanks for putting up with the late update guys! School’s been a wobbly git recently

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RWBY can be watched here
Achievement Hunter (AH) guys can be watched here

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Love ya’ll!
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Privacy on Facebook

Hi all,

I cannot express the gratitude I feel for the support I have received from the Rooster Teeth community - especially over these past few months. I understand it’s largely due to Jack and I; none the less, I feel like I have gained many friends and have been blessed by the kindest of gestures.

Over the past few months, however, I have been noticing that pictures that could only have come from my Facebook have been making their way into posts here, as well as most recently my status about LDR’s.

While I am constantly humbled by the posts I see on Tumblr about Jack and I, Facebook is the most personal form of social media I belong to.

I do my best to be as open and honest as possible on Rooster Teeth, Twitter, and here on Tumblr - but Facebook is where I keep in contact with school friends, my family and where I strive to maintain a sense of normalness. Where my mum can kick my butt and be like "Yeah yeah, we all had boyfriends once too, you know! When you have babies, then come back to us. Dogs don’t count." when I post sappy photos.  

In saying this, I ask that while I think my privacy settings are at maximum, anything that slips through the cracks please be left off of circulating social media. My family are very conservative, as are a lot of people from my past who don’t quite understand what the internet is capable of and why I have ten thousand followers on Twitter…

I know that no harm was meant and I am not in the slightest bit angry, upset or bitter - I just wanted to make sure I had made my wishes apparent. I know Tumblr is renowned for being such a respecting and honourable community, so I doubt there will be any issues in future. 

You guys rock - seriously. I am so so proud to be associated with you and I love the content that comes from this neck of the internet. 

:) Caiti

Stop The Stigma

I’ve been inspired by caitiward to help stop the stigma against people suffering from mental illness. Because up until recently I didn’t know what it meant to live with a mental illness. Because up until recently I thought I was just tired and that I was just in a rough patch that would improve and that losing interest in certain things was just me maturing and becoming my own person.

Did you know that these are three of the most ignored symptoms of clinical depression? Because I didn’t until it was almost too late, until I was crying over a bloody knife with the marks on my wrists. I didn’t think I was depressed, I thought I was angry because I was so tired and life wasn’t getting any better. I thought that I was fine until I finally realized I wasn’t.

I got into therapy, I talked about things that I had kept repressed and hidden for years of my life out of fear of what would happen if I spoke about them. And as I sat in that room with people looking at me and listening and sympathizing with my pain I realized that a weight had been lifted off of my mind. I didn’t have to go through this alone, I didn’t have to fight my problems alone and within those four walls I was safe.

But outside those walls there is this world: a world where people with depression are treated like lepers, a place where the scars on my wrists are noticed before I can even speak. A world where I am looked at differently when I tell a friend I have to leave for therapy, a world where I was silenced when I tried to report being sexually assaulted because I also suffer from schizophrenia so I must have imagined the assault.

Did I ask for the trauma of having to face my assaulter every day for another two years? Did I ask to be abused as a child? Did I ask to be treated like I’m some sort of criminal because I suffer from a mental illness? No, I didn’t. But I am. And it needs to stop. Just because I have schizophrenia does not mean I will go around screaming nonsense and speaking to invisible people and going on killing sprees. Just because I have depression does not mean I am going to sit in corners and mope all day and carve my pain into my flesh.

I will still get out of bed, even though it is hard. I will go to school, I will talk to my friends and I will spend time with those I love, even though I may struggle to get through it. I will write, I will draw, I will create things that are solely for my eyes to see because it’s better to let it out. I will keep talking about my problems until they aren’t problems anymore. I will have good days, I will have bad days and I will have days where I will feel like everything is perfect. Even on the bad days, I will try my best to keep moving forward because I cant let the negative hold me back from achieving the positive. Mental illness does not define me. While it may hold me back sometimes, it does not make me less of a person. I’m still the same person I was before, I will never stop being myself. Stop treating the mentally ill as though we aren’t capable of functioning and living life. We’re just people.