cactus needle

Why I hate coconuts

We were playing Dungeons and Dragons and coming up to the big finale boss fight. House rules are that three 20s = instant kill.

The party decided to allow their pet sentient cactus to fight along with them after teaching it how to throw and retrieve a coconut. I went along with it for the laughs, treating it as an improvised weapon with pretty large negatives on dice rolls.

The very first round of the fight went to the cactus. The cleric instructed Needles the Cactus to throw his coconut at the boss.

MFW 20

MFW 20 20

MFW 20 20 20

MFW my uberboss was one-shotted with a coconut

MFW I had to think of how a coconut, thrown by a two-foot tall walking cactus, had managed to slay a black dragon.

Suffering of The Damned - A Curse

First and foremost, I do not care if you are anti-curse. This is obviously not for you. Don’t jump in my messages or my asks with your negativity.

Things you’ll need:

  1. A jar of graveyard dirt
  2. Cayenne pepper
  3. Cactus needles
  4. Thorns
  5. Cigarette ash

What to do:

  1. Set the jar of dirt in front of you
  2. Dump in the cayenne and say: “You will feel the burning flesh of the damned.”
  3. Press in the cactus needles and say: “You will feel the fingernails of the damned against your skin.”
  4. Dump in the thorns and say: “You will feel the dread of the damned.”
  5. Dump in the ashes and say: “Your lungs will be singed with hell fire.”
  6. Say “Every time you take a breath, you will smell the burning flesh of the damned. Every time you close your eyes you will see the torment of the damned. Every night you will feel the fingernails of the damned scratching the back of your eyelids. You will feel the dread and the torment of the damned until you are at your wit’s end, until you have no more, only then will you realize the error of your ways. Only when you have known the suffering of the damned will you be freed. Only when you repent will you be freed of your torment.”
  7. Close the jar
  8. Sprinkle the contents where your target will walk. (They need to come in contact with it. It doesn’t matter how they come in contact with it, they just have to come in contact with it.)

This curse only lasts as long as their pride, when they repent the curse will dispel.

If you don’t smoke cigarettes, you can just use ashes from incense or burnt wood. I just used cigarette ash.

If you want to use this for future curses, I would mix the ingredients together and cut out the incantation completely until you are ready to enchant it. You don’t need a curse jar just sitting on your shelf with no target.

You can use this in curse poppets or as a curse jar, but I recommend making sure they come in contact with the contents of the jar.

If do this, tell me how it works for you!


Watch a DJ and a cactus make killer music together

When watering his plants, German DJ Daniel Gourski stumbled upon the revelation that his barrel cactus’ needles were the perfect instrument for an electronic trap song. For the song, Gourski recorded himself plucking on the cactus, then equalized and used a compressor on said recording. Listen to the song here.

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