You once said that a step towards recovery means I’ll need to break myself into pieces, darling I’ve been trying to put my heart back together. I like to step on myself sometimes, I don’t take compliments well because I don’t think too highly of myself. When you step on the same lego piece everyday even your ego starts to melt a little. You once said that if I find someone to hold my thoughts before I hold their heart– then maybe she’s the one. Or maybe there’s no one out there, who knows, right? We can circle around this a little longer than always, but I’ll always run back to the why. Why do I want to conquer my memories? Each city that I’ve built for them inside of my head is still bright and I’ve not let a single light bulb blow out, I’m so out of it– while thoughtlessly I’ve been reaching out of my head, my heart likes to beat me to it. It says that love can only be achieved if I chase after it. You once said that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Do you still believe in those words? Because if I’m not cruel to myself, I could be cruel to someone else. If I read enough books, do you think I’d finally own a chapter in my own life? If I open up some more, will I close off opportunities for myself to the prospect of loving myself? And what about them? Vanity is my master and I’m a slave. It’s okay to be a little vain sometimes, right? I’ve got it in my veins, maybe I’m the only honest one. You once said that if I trip over the same rock and stub my toe a million times within a week, you’d still say it’s okay. Like falling requires gravity to bend to my whispers. Like drowning demands my lies to swim back to shore. Like dying seeps through my eyes, how can I love if all I’ve got is missing pieces? You once said that a river flows like time and if I’m out of seconds– you’ll just record your voice saying I love you until I finally get it. I remember everything that love has to offer, but never the person. I remember the feeling of infection that is affection. And if I walk alone and get hit by a car, maybe it’s just another story that I won’t write. Some words live in between the lines, I’ve been seeing dualities. Life and death is just a kiss and hug. Black and white, storms and clouds are just pears and apples. Poetry and prose likes to sound sweet, but it’s the bitter bits of me that’s suicidal. Love and hate was born from strangers, so you never knew the difference between the moon and the sun– the lightness of tomorrow likes to coat the darkness of past days. Cigarettes and lung cancer, a dance of smoke that disguises itself as stress free, do you think I’ll die healthy? Drugs and my body, which one will make me feel better if I’ve been sweating for a week? You once said that we’re spinning around in a circle just waiting for someone to stop by– grab my attention and you can have my voice, steal from my hands and you can have my poems, which hurts more to have loved or to not have loved at all? An empty silence that’s so full of itself– I can’t hear myself think inside of my own head. I’ve got file cabinets tagged under read later, but I’m a sucker for love– so I feed into it. You once said if the sky breaks into a brighter day, you’ll be there. That is wishful thinking, my favorite kind. Words can’t give meaning to our story, but we still write. You once said that it has to mean something. Every statement paused long enough for several lifetimes to become real again. It feels like such a long time, but we’re still in love with them in there somewhere. It’s buried. It’s in a coffin, but it’s there and we know it. We can hear it. We can hear it. Fuck, we can hear it. That little beating that isn’t ours, it’s always theirs. And that’s my fear, you once said that maybe that’s my fate– I’m supposed to cling onto that strand of innocence, of who I used to be, to remember what it feels like to feel, it has to mean something. Giving meaning to nothing, my favorite pastime. Giving something to someone, the only way that I’ve been living. You once said that until I learn to keep more for myself, I’ll always end up in square one– alone, but as long as I’ve got you, it’s not true, right? Some thoughts like to sleep alone, that’s not one of them. Hold onto that piece of us, the poetic storm that is joy. Keep your kindness to a burn, a stretched out sunrise screaming your name is my simmer. I know about nothing and that’s my one redeeming quality. I know that I don’t know shit, and that’s why I write like this. I know that I don’t love like I used to, and that’s why I love like this. I know that I’m not the same person from last year, and that’s why my guilt likes to trip up. I know that I’m no longer in love with her, but I can’t seem to explain the empty feeling unless I spell her name backwards under a star somewhere that I can’t touch. I know that I’m still messed up, but I’m just taking advantage of my youth. You once said some people will get over you in a week, but it’ll take you a lifetime to get over someone. If forever is a drug then I’ve overdosed. If always is a lie then I’ll take the beautiful. If never is more and a secret is sore– then I’m sorry about the words that didn’t stop, I am trying. I am always trying. You once said that if we kiss the ocean long enough, the mountains will answer. I’ve buried my love letters on the highest mountain and emptied my heart into my art. If I live long enough to spread my wings, do you think I’d still be condemned? Life is too short to live in the past, but I can’t stop asking about my what ifs. Love is too long to just be over, but I’ll just keep painting over it with a new layer of red. If you’re still reading, then I’m still writing. This yin and yang battle of ours has no meaning. Tortured souls live in the canvas and I’ve seen enough chains– I shall be unbound someday. You once said I love you– darling, that’s the only fucking truth that I believe in. You once said that soulmates aren’t always lovers– I guess it’s just you. You once said that flowers don’t just bloom, they wilt– so I guess I’m just withered. You once said that if you had your way, I’d own the universe. You don’t get it. When you became my best friend, I got it.
—  You once said
Gummy Bears 2. A little trip

Hello, Love bugs.

Daniel X Fem Reader

Warnings- smut, drug use.

Hi! I live in Canada too and I love your fics. <3 I was wondering if you could write a smut like gummy bears (with Dan) except full smut and also can Dan and Y/N actually smoke weed pls. XX

Not necessary to read but here is number 1

“I know it’s ridiculous to be nervous about it but I can’t help it.” Dan looked back at you from the doorway of the shop with a little smirk on his face.

“We’re in Amsterdam Y/N. Weed is legal here. I mean if you are nervous about this then my plans for the red-light district have gone completely out the window. I didn’t know I was dating such a prude.” You shot Dan a look that he knew all too well.

“I’m not saying I am nervous about getting caught or something stupid. It’s just weird that we are about to go pick out some weed to smoke later. It’s not an everyday occurrence. This is totally recreational and not medical.”

“If you’re not comfortable with this than we don’t have to go in. I just thought it would be something fun and different to do.” You thought for a moment as you weighed the options.

“I mean. It is kind of something you should do when you come to Amsterdam. Right?” Dan nodded as he took your hand from your pocket so he could intertwine his fingers with yours.

“We can buy some and if we don’t use it we don’t use it.” You couldn’t help but feel like a little bit of a kill joy. Maybe you were just worried about the next spot Dan wanted to shop at. Maybe getting high now to calm yourself would help.

Before you knew it, you were handing over your ID’s to the person over the counter to verify you were good to go.

Keep reading

i made a 4-page comic for the 2017 @objectheadzine !! here’s a preview

it was a lot of fun to do, and the kickstarter for the zine will be going up soon so be sure to keep your eyes peeled

edit: hey if you like this art, consider supporting the kickstarter!

You know you’ve become stronger when you finally learned to accept that you cannot undo the past. That whatever happened has its own purpose and reason. That you finally learned to take a step forward and file the pain that the past had caused you inside your mental filing cabinet tagged as “Lessons Learned.” You know you’ve become so much better when bitterness has left your heart and you stopped blaming yourself for the outcome that has become the past. You know you’ve finally freed yourself from the chains that have locked you when you can now look at a scenery and smile because you know good things happen too, even to people like you. You know you’ve finally moved on when you are happy with all the little and big things that has come your way. When you can finally look back and feel no aversion towards what had happened. When you can finally look in the eyes of the person who had hurt you and realize that you don’t want him/her or any of that person’s shit back. You’re happy you’ve been blessed to have those cherished memories but you do not wish to keep things the way they used to be. You know you’re a changed person when you’ve forgiven the person who had caused you pain and yourself for being so stupid. You know you’re finally done with the past when you can finally walk into another person’s life full of renewed hope that this time, things might get better. That this time this person might be worth another try.