One week at camp, our cabin kept being raided by raccoons - they were coming through the doorway and snuffling around our bunks. Some of my kids found this really unsettling, and it was starting to get on my nerves - sleep was precious, dammit, and they were getting bolder. So, one night, I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine. I chased them out of the cabin, off the porch, and into the woods, throwing pieces of bark at them and shouting. I was maybe twenty yards into the woods before I stopped, ‘cause when I looked around, I saw dozens of eyes reflected back at me from every direction, including above. They had stopped retreating. I had reached their lair, and they all began to growl and hiss menacingly.
I decided I did not want to end up on the cover of a Men’s Life magazine under a tagline like “RACCOONS RIPPED MY FLESH”, or with rabies, so I got the fuck out of there.