c: the mother

It’s weird to think that there’s people who are constantly, at-all-times, 100% comforted by/trusting of their parents,, like Who are you? Why aren’t you scared they’ll hurt you?

You will be shocked, kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever.

That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.
—  How I Met Your Mother, Season 9, Episode 21: “Gary Blauman”
It is so easy to starve yourself
in the same way she starved you of love.
It is so easy to withhold nourishment from your body
in the way she withheld nourishment from your soul.
It
is
so
easy
because that feeling of emptiness, of nothing inside 
is all
you have ever known
and so to feel full is so frightening, so unfamiliar
and apparently you are undeserving of that sensation
for how else can you defend her deprivation?
How else can you explain the fact
that the same woman who brought you into the world
the same woman who was your world
is the same woman who brought it crashing down around you?
How else can you explain that
if not by diminishing your own worth?
But darling,
what I wish you would realize 
what I wish you would open your eyes wide enough to see
is that none of
this
is your fault
but rather hers, 
rather due to her own inability to peer beyond her own demons
and see the angel that you are.
Darling, this is not your war
and your body is not a battlefield
nor are calories a crime.
Self-starvation is not your salvation
for it only continues the cycle she set
in motion.
The only one who can save you now
is you
and the only way out is to eat,
to fight through each tearful bite and merciless meal
to fight back against the urges and her voice shouting in your head,
to feed yourself and fight this sickness,
not the other way around.
Stop punishing your beautiful self for the cruelties she committed - 
the soul that should be serving time is hers and hers alone.
Darling, you are so much more 
than the unmothered child 
and
the unwanted daughter.
If you want to define yourself as un-anything,
be unbound, unleashed and uninhibited -
be more than the perfect puppet she wanted you to be.
Somewhere beneath the lies she laid upon you
and the criticisms and insults she said make up who you are,
somewhere beneath it all is YOU.
There is an innocent little girl and a powerful young woman
waiting to be released.
So darling, take a breath and unchain her,
darling, set yourself free once and for all.
Stop waiting for her to give a love she is incapable of ever giving
and learn to love
yourself
instead.
—  on overcoming an abusive mother, S.R.N.
me after Doctor Strange
  • me: Mum, can I do that thing?
  • mother: No.
  • me: Dormammu, I've come to bargain!
  • mother: What does that mean?
  • me: Can I do that thing?
  • mother: I already said no.
  • me: Dormammu, I've come to bargain!
  • mother: Are you okay?
  • me: Can I do that thing?
  • mother: It's not funny. And I said no.
  • me: Dormammu, I've come to bargain!
  • mother: Can you please st-
  • me: Dormammu, I've come to-
  • mother: OK FINE DO THE DAMN THING
  • Levana: So every time I asked about hating the cyborg and all that, it was a lie?
  • Jacin: Technically, I never lied. You asked me questions and I responded with madeup words.
  • *flashback*
  • Levana: So you were lying to the cyborg, right?
  • Jacin: Affirmatootley.
  • Levana: And you’re totally loyal to me?
  • Jacin: Yepskerdoodles!
  • Levana: Hey, do you like my new gloves?
  • Jacin: Posititochetochmecochamocha.