When Mary read John’s journal she found something odd in a certain page. The title written on the page was bolded and underline: WATCH THEM. Mary raised her eyebrow in confusion. Watch who? She straightened the crumbled page and began to read the entries.
April 13, 1994 (Sam 11, Dean 15)
I told Sam to stop sleeping with Dean, but the boy was so damn stubborn. I kept catching Sam holding onto Dean the next morning. It caught me by surprise with their closeness but I let it slide because Sam was close with his older brother. Still had to scold him for disobeying me, though.
October 26, 1995 (Sam 12, Dean 16)
Sam started to rebel against me, and I couldn’t have that. I didn’t do this for him to hate him. I just wanted Sam to understand that we weren’t safe, nowhere was safe for us. I just wanted my sons to be okay. Dean would always intervene when we began to argue. However, I have noticed something, Sam never yelled at Dean, instead he would cross his arms and sulk.
I didn’t like this one damn bit.
May 19, 1996 (Sam 13, Dean 17)
Dean went out tonight with a random girl. I allowed him since he’s a teenager and he needed to have a break from being stuck in a motel. I drank a couple of beers and watched t.v. since I couldn’t leave Sam alone. Not only that, but Sam had been angry all night and even snapped at me. I didn’t understand him sometimes. Lately, Sam has been moody and acting childish, I was beginning to think if it was Dean’s fault for spoiling him too much.
Dean returned from his date. I witnessed Sam running up to his brother and hugged him. Something churned in my stomach upon seeing them embrace each other. I had to drink a couple of more beers that night in order to forget what I just saw.
February 3, 1997 (Sam 14, Dean 18)
Today I saw Dean whispering to Sam in his ear and watched him turn bright red. I immediately separated them and demanded to know what Dean said. Sam responded with ‘he told me that his girlfriend’s younger sister has a crush on me, sir’. I laughed and shook my head. I was beginning to think that I was loosing my mind. I was seeing things that weren’t even there.
Later that day I told them no more sparring, having their bodies pressed with one another was something I couldn’t have them doing. It’s too risky.
September 14, 1998 (Sam 15, Dean 19)
Dean and I were hunting a siren in a small town, I left Sam behind since it was too dangerous. Dean accidentally fell for the siren’s trance, prompting me to kill the son of a bitch, but before I could Dean suddenly attacked me and tried to protect the siren as he shouted out, 'Don’t hurt Sam’! My eyes had widened in horror… Siren’s ability was to impersonate a loved one, someone you deeply desired. When Dean said Sam’s name… I nearly lost it.
June 22, 1999 (Sam 16, Dean 20)
I kept an eye on both of them from now on. Never once letting them out of my sight. I took Dean with me on every hunt now, Sam was old enough to be alone either way. I couldn’t tell my oldest son anything, he had no clue that I knew the truth. I’m not fully sure if there was anything even between them, but I needed to be more cautious. Sam’s mood had also rose, he had shouted at me and even threw my journal across the room. A part of me knew that Sam was angry because he was tired of the hunting life, but the other part of me knew was because he couldn’t see Dean anymore.
December 5, 2000 (Sam 17, Dean 21)
The first time I saw hickeys on Dean’s neck, I just knew it was not from a random girl. Not when Sam also had similar ones around his neck. No matter how hard I tried… both of them would sneak around. I started to wonder if it was somehow my fault. I never blamed Dean, maybe I should have, it seemed easier that way. Yet, it wouldn’t be fair. I left them alone a long time. Everything was all my fault and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.
August 27, 2001 (Sam 18, Dean 22)
Sam left us. I told him to never come back once he stepped out. I couldn’t believe I told my son those harsh words. What kind of father was I? I went to the bar and drank so much alcohol that I passed out in the impala. Dean was no better. He was furious and wanted nothing more than to hunt all the monsters out there. Dean never once talked about Sam. It was just us now. Maybe it was better this way. Although, I knew Dean had his heart broken for the very first time.
March 16, 2002 (Sam 19, Dean 23)
I got after Dean today for being reckless. He almost could have gotten himself killed by the werewolf. What was he thinking? Then, I found him drunk in a bar, flirting with the bartender. Enough was enough. I dragged his ass out of the bar and drove back to the motel. What broke my heart was that he kept calling out for Sammy… I should’ve been disgusted by it, I knew Dean wasn’t saying it in a platonic way. But when he started to cry and say 'I miss you, Sammy. Why did you leave me? I thought you loved me’. I just couldn’t bring myself to get after Dean, or say anything at all. He was already suffering as it was.
Once finished, Mary began to cry as she read each entry again, she covered her mouth with her hand. Did her boys really love each other? She had never seen them act lovingly, no more than brothers. But if they fooled John for the first couple of years… Who was to say they wouldn’t do the same thing to Mary?
Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Rape/Non-Con Category: M/M Fandom: Supernatural Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel Additional Tags: pre-S12E03, angst, rape/non con is just for non con happening to dean but it’s nothing sexual, Inprisonment, pre-destiel, Force-Feeding, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending Word Count: ~5k
not eaten since he got to the prison. It’s no normal prison though, granted it
seems purpose built, but purpose built for non-humans. The cells are large and
reinforced more than any human would even attempt to get through. There are
wardings for everything possible and most Dean didn’t even recognise.
been split up from his brother. Can’t even hear him, shout to him or anything. It’s
like a part of him has been ripped from him and he sits in the corner of the
cell, back to the wall and ass on the cold concrete floor.
is shoved through a pass through but Dean doesn’t touch it, barely looks at it.
of him tells him he should eat, maintain strength and get out of there but most
of him tells him to give up.
Eat your damn food in the next ten minutes or you won’t get any.” One of the
simply rests his head against the wall, choosing to stare at the damp patches
on the ceiling and ignores his protesting stomach.
has to die eventually and if this is how he goes then so be it. If he just gets
to see Sam one last time, then he’ll be happy. Maybe it’d give Sam a chance to
get out while he dies – Sam would be out; he’d go back to the bunker and find
Cas and they’ll be alright.
is what he tells them anyway. They’ll be alright.
hands are shaking as he cards a hand through his hair, hunger, exhaustion and
just plain anxiety aren’t helping and he feels weak and useless as he keeps
himself in the corner. Not sleeping, not eating.
guards are getting more frustrated by the day as he leaves his food and taps
the ground to AC/DC during the night.
pretty sure he dozes off during the twelfth night. Only to be woken by horrific
images of Sam, Cas and his mother being tortured, he can still hear their
screams even though he’s awake. He puts his hands over its ears and squeezes
his eyes shut.