c: jw

well.

its like after a week of being baptized my dads already starting to call me a bitch or cabrona and that he wishes something really bad happens to me. I mean anything I do or say It pisses him off. Idk man those words hurt. I didnt talk back even though i wanted to so bad! i went to my room teared up cried into my covers and prayed. you know I truly loyally serve jehovah Im like the best daughter as it can get, and yet all i get in insults. and if he does compliment me which is rare is when he is drunk , and how can i even take that seriously? thats why when people compliment me Idk how to take it and accept it. This is only the beggining but I just remember that jesus had to go thru worse and i know jehovah will help me. he is with me ❤️

So I was talking to my mom about this season of Sherlock, and I, like most of you, expressed that I have been thinking about how terrible this season was for sherlock. He tells john he loves him, john doesn’t feel the same, blah, blah, we’ve all talked about it

My mom, however, is much more attached to john than to sherlock, and for some reason always manages to take the opposite view. She asked me to look at this season from John’s perspective, and in doing so I found some reliief from my unrequited johnlock feels. (its long so)

John starts this season (post-many happy returns) about to propose to his girlfriend. Sherlock has been dead for two years, and he’s moved on as much as he reasonably could. He’s found a woman who he loves, who loves him in return, and he is reasonably happy.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, in the brash manner he has always had, Sherlock bursts into the scene. He hasn’t said a word to John in years, and suddenly he’s there, interrupting John’s proposal? Of course John punches him in the face and tries to strangle him. He put john through TWO YEARS of absolute hell, and then just waltzes back in like nothing has changed? And John spent those two years moving on. he buried Sherlock, he grieved, and he’d FINALLY gotten to the place where he felt comfortable putting his heart on the line again, and then Sherlock has to come and mess that up. Of course John is angry. John has every right to be furious. Sherlock was alive, knew that John was devastated by his death, but didn’t do anything about it? And it must have seemed to John like everybody but him knew that Sherlock was still alive.

All of that we know, it’s pretty clearly on the show. But as with Mary in HLV, he’s stays upset. That level if hurt was not one that he could reasonably just “get over”, no matter how much he still cares about Sherlock. It’s going to take years to work back up to the level of trust they once had, for john to be at the same place in their relationship he was before Sherlock “died”. Of course he still loves Sherlock, of course their still best friends, but Sherlock messed up. Sherlock fucked up their relationship pretty royally.

And wait, here’s the kicker: Sherlock knows that. This entire season is Sherlock trying as hard as he can to apologize, because he knows he hurt John. He knows he screwed everything up between them, and that things may never be the same again. He sitting there watching what he thinks is John doing what everyone else he’s ever interacted with him do: realize he’s actually an arse, and leave. And for once he so desperately doesn’t want that to happen that he’s practically grovelling at John’s feet to be taken back. That why, three episodes and many months later, he’s still obviously begging for forgiveness and doing everything in his power to make john happy, despite everything, despite any selfishness. He’s trying so hard because he realized the one thing he couldn’t bear was John leaving him.

What Sherlock doesn’t realize, is that John was never leaving him. Yes, John is probably (definitely) still angry. Yes, John chooses to stay with Mary. But he never makes any move to distance himself from Sherlock. I remind you that this season was told from Sherlock’s perspective. Look back at all the times you think you saw John pulling away. Was John really doing anything to indicate that? Or was it merely Sherlock’s perspective? Yes, John was Sherlock’s pressure point and Sherlock wasn’t John’s. But I suspect that if it had been Mary who was clean and Sherlock who was not, that path could have just as easily been drawn the other way. A person can care about more than one other person. A person can care equally about more than one other person.

Honestly, the only person I see pulling away this last series is Sherlock. Yes, he’s pulling away because he thinks he’s being rejected, but I don’t see that as John’s intention at all. John still loves him, but John (for once) is doing the comparatively healthy thing of pursuing other relationships (romantic or not, it’s clear that in the past Sherlock was John’s friendship circle).

THAT DOESN’T MEAN JOHN IS ABANDONING SHERLOCK. How many times do I have to remind all y’all that having a relationship that prevents you from having other relationships is unhealthy and ill-advised. Codependency is the worst shit in the world―it sounds romantic “oh, he’s my whole world” but in reality it rapidly becomes stifling (emotionally and socially), and is entirely inescapable. If the only people you talk to are them and their friends, then when you have a problem with your relationship (and invariably you will) you have no one to vent to. If you have no one to vent to, the problem festers in the back of your mind, getting bigger sand bigger and swallowing up all the other tiny irritations. But, because you can no longer function without this person, you stuff that down, and down, and down, creating this great black pit of negative feelings at the core of your being that turns into depression, and (if left unchecked) murderous rage. The murderous rage is often directed at yourself.

(sorry vehement rabbit trail)

I don’t think that John and Sherlock’s relationship (even pre-fall) had gotten to that point, I’m not trying to say they are unhealthily codependent. But suggesting that because John did not leave his fiancée for Sherlock when he discovered that Sherlock was alive and in love with him, is suggesting he should take the first step down a dark road to a slippery slope. And just because there is evidence that Sherlock has started down that road (his clinginess, “I’d be lost without my blogger”, the entire reichenbach fall, the subtext that suggests john has talked him out of suicide repeatedly, going back on drugs after john gets married, killing magnussen for john when the punishment will be his death, going off to that death willingly) DOESN’T MEAN THAT JOHN SHOULD GO THERE TOO.

So, basically: yes, of course I feel for Sherlock. How could I not? But John is not being some kind of terrible monster, he’s being an independent human being who got hurt pretty terribly the last time he went tearing off after Sherlock, and has decided this time to keep his safety net.