c.s.b

energy flowed through her body like petals

flowing softly she mumbled what seem to be the sweetest of lullabies

equestrian attire today she felt noble

her accomplishments duly noted

her smile pearly white

her face bright..gleaming

happy - like sunshine

as she peeked through the corridor her nervousness had set in

to the bathroom she rushed

pulled out her case , lock on locket she unlocked the syringe

she didn’t think she had enough heroin to last her through this race

this shit had to stop

she laughed to herself as she slumped down seamlessly in the corner

licking her lips her mouth was dry 

she remembered jhonny as one remembers their first morning sun

when he left her she swore to get clean and stay off this evil shit but ..it’s like the more her heart went numb , her brain went dumb

she would never forget him

her first time

his 100th probably 

i mean she had waited 27 years to lose her virginity and he didn’t even fucking write

he made me so fucking high she thought

screaming to herself now sitting fully on the bathroom floor , he made her so fucking high

annoyed she pulled out the syringe still left in her skin just to quickly inject it again but there was nothing left 

fuck!

quickly she checked the time

5 minutes to this race

bored she yawned knowing already that she was gonna win

and just that she did

i wonder if anyone could see the demon now in me 

jhonny would probably tell me pull myself together

sweating profusely ….

60% heroin and 40% the race

she didnt know how much longer she could hide this 

that she wanted to hide this 

that she wanted to even race horses anymore

maybe being a junkie would suffice

i mean, 

she knew for sure it would bring jhonny back 

her parents would be distraught

she sighed at the loud obnoxious leg cross she seen of her father in his chair , pipe in hand ,scowl on face 

he wouldn’t even look her in the eye

as he did with everything he would summon her mother to fix her

make her look like a “lady” again

breathing rapidly she felt her body getting numb

and she quickly heard the lullabies but she wasnt singing them this time

they were coming from a white sky 

her body burned

hot , almost faint she felt as if she was falling..no floating 

what the f*ck was happening

blurry eyed she looked down to see the syringe still stuck in her arm, 

jhonny stop it she said, he was shaking her way to hard

she kept screaming “im awake , im awake” 

but he couldn’t hear her

his tears fell in her lap as she seen the birds fly overhead

jhonny ?

baby?

are you there?

can you hear me?

wet puddles she felt 

barely his voice was

so light she now felt

now realizing that she was overdosing

oh my god “someone call 911”

she said im fucking overdosing…..

fighting to keep her eyes awake she felt the prick on the syringe come out and she heard a whisper of what was her time of death

8:08 pm , cause of death : over dose on a narcotic substance. 

screaming, screaming, screaming, screaming

screaming she was but no one could hear her as she took her last breath…..

"somebody notify the family " 

- the last words that were left 

8 8 14 

- C.S.Blandshaw

#Grattitude

I traveled through about 6-7 states in the last two days. I can say that i’m so grateful for all the blessings in my life. Even when things don’t go “my way” or aren’t as smooth as planned there is always an inner voice inside of me saying Crystal stay humble ….stay kind…and most importantly stay patient.
Many miss the markings of God because they wont or can’t sit still long enough to reach the glory…im learning…..and have learned that blessings are a gift: Take them when you can , where you can.

I do what I can , where I can , with what I have never yearning to go past God’s timeline. I live for his will daily in my life and never my own.
Today …yesterday, and every day forward will be a good day!
#Namaste
- C.S.Blandshaw
7.11.14