I know they wanna see me fall I know the fraudulent I know
I know they hoping that it’s right back to the ghettos I go
I know my pigment is not that of a businessmen
I know they think I’m ignorant I’m fucking up my privilege
I know that money come and go so money not my motive no mo’
—  Vince Staples
Forgotten/left behind

This has been my biggest fear since i came out of my mothers loins lol. I dont ever want to be forgotten. Like when my mom left me when i was younger, that was kinda weird. So growing up i like barely have any memories of her when i was a child kinda. It was usually my dad. But then my dad left to go work abroad like my mom and i wasnt really informed. Like it was just a thing, and i felt like i didnt have to react then but i see how that is hurting me now. But yeah. i just felt like i was forgotten. My feelings were forgotten. There were many other moments where i was forgotten, but just like when i was living in my cousins house. 

We were helping my aunt move in to her house and i decided to take a shower before we left. While i was in the shower everyone just left me, and i got out and got ready and no one was home. Like i wasnt really scared of the fact that i was alone, but more that i was left behind. I think thats what made me have a panic attack then. Everyone thinks of it as such a funny memory but like it hurts sometimes to think that i even told them what i was doing and they forgot. but i know everyone is busy but it still hurt you know. I didnt hold these things against anyone but it still hurt. 

I guess thats why its so hard to move on from steven because these people that “forgot me” are still in my life and theyre a big part of it regularly. And im used to that and i dont know how to move on. 


so i wanted to practice drawing a character i havent drawn in a while..
it started out as a small drawing but then i decided it looked cool enough to make into a background and here it is
the first one is how it came out at first and the second one is the background version, idk if it’ll fit any screen since i made it personally for myself  (i check with my resolution)
but here it is anyway, how you like it!