by dementors-kiss

tbh the only evidence i need that harry’s a gryffindor is the fact that he kept going back to the forbidden forest after voldemort tried to kill him, aragog tried to eat him, lupin turned into a wolf and attacked him, the dementors tried to kiss him, barty crouch was murdered and turned into a bone, umbridge was kidnapped by centaurs,, boy had to die in that forest before he stopped going back

Things that the Harry Potter films left out about Snape
  • Called Lily a mudblood, then tried to cover himself by saying that she alone was different from other muggleborns
  • Didn’t see a problem with his friends performing Dark Magic on Mary MacDonald, compared it to the Marauders pranks
  • Dropped a tree branch on Petunia
  • Attacked Remus in PoA whilst he was trying to explain things and literally said the words ‘I’ll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him too’
  • Continued to refuse to listen to Sirius’s explanation even though he was being compliant and had only once tried to fight back, without magic, after Snape attacked Remus
  • After he found out he wasn’t actually going to get an Order of Merlin, or have the satisfaction of seeing two innocent men in jail, he exposed Remus as a werewolf
  • Ripped a photo of James and Lily and Harry being happy and in love and a family in half and stole the half with Lily on it
  • Actively tried to get the Marauders expelled from Hogwarts
  • Dumbledore was 'disgusted’ by his attitude towards James and Harry 
  • Harry distrusted Snape that much he literally thought he was trying to poison Remus
  • Abused his position as Head of House to unfairly reward points to Slytherin and take points from other houses, especially Gryffindor, far beyond the extent it was shown in the movies
  • Told Neville he would feed Trevor Neville’s failed potion so the possibly fatal results would teach him a lesson
  • Mocked Tonks when her Patronus changed, despite the fact his also changed to match Lily’s
  • Insulted Hermione’s appearance and told her he didn’t see any difference after Draco cursed her teeth to grow and then watched as she ran out crying

It still fucks me up that Moody, one of the best and likeable professors in defense against the dark arts, turned out to be the psychotic Barty Crouch Jr. I mean, we didn’t really even KNOW the real Moody after all, yet I still felt sad when he died in Deathly Hallows, like we’d lost our Professor Moody. When in reality, we lost him years ago to a Dementor’s Kiss.

today i found my old primary/middle school diaries and among them, a notebook that contained a “theatre play” script written by my best friend at the time and yours truly. it was based on harry potter, fully rhymed and written entirely For The Laughs, which… shows. (sadly, it’s in polish, so i can’t quote any of it, but take my word for it, it’s hilarious even by my adult standards)

anyway, the plot of the play starts around book 5 with harry having a dream about the snake biting arthur weasley. for a while we stuck to the book’s plot but then everything goes off the rails - the characters inexplicably fly between the burrow, st. mungo’s and department of mysteries, dementors suddenly appear and kiss ron but he’s fine, moody sets himself on fire - call it crack if you like. and then, get this, the death eaters show up and bellatrix enters the scene and suddenly lucius malfoy tells her he brought her daughter with him - as it turns out bellatrix had a secret daughter nobody knew about.

which means that two 12 year old girls, as early as in 2003, knew that this plot twist was dumb enough to include in their pure shitpost of a play they’d written mostly in class when their teacher wasn’t looking.

  • Conversation with my friends as the Sanders Sides (I’m Virgil)
  • Virgil: I feel like a dementor semi-frenched me and took about 66% of my soul.
  • Roman: Well, you know what you need to do then?
  • Virgil: Find another dementor to finish the job.
  • Roman: No! Eat some chocolate.
  • Patton: I like chocolate!
  • Wizengamot judge: Dolores Umbridge, for use of a dark artefact against a student, attempted use of an unforgivable curse on that same student, and generally being a fucking menace to polite wizarding society, I hereby sentence you to the dementor's kiss.
  • Dementor: *comes up to judge and whispers in his ear*
  • Judge: Hang on, we'll have to come up with something else, as the dementors have informed me that even they aren't that desperate.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 (coming soon)

Draco wasn’t sure who said it, or even the exact words that were used.  They said Hagrid was carrying Harry.  There was only one reason he would be carried back to Hogwarts.  Draco was right; Harry was dead.  He felt a sob rip from his chest as he scribbled down one last line in his journal before shoving it in the pocket of his jacket.

Draco stepped into the courtyard.  His eyes moved past Voldemort but didn’t reach the crowd of Death Eaters advancing on the school.  Draco only had eyes for Harry.  Harry, in Hagrid’s arms, looked so small.  The usually chilling voice of Voldemort was nothing more than a roar in Draco’s ears.  The smell of blood and smoke faded around him.  The slight chill in the air was gone.  Draco was near losing himself completely when he heard his mother’s voice.

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Avengers Chatroom: Hammer Time

Requested by @estel-of-the-eyrie

Pairings: Some Thor x f!Reader

Scenario: Reader and co. try to introduce Thor, Steve and Bucky to various tv shows etc.

A/N: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) pietro is sin, so am i, forgive me

Clint has created a chatroom.

Clint has invited Wanda, Pietro, Y/N, Thor, Bucky, Steve, Nat.

Clint: Any suggestions on what the relics can watch?

Bucky: We are not relics!

Thor: I am. I am roughly 1000 years old.

Bucky: … And yet Steve and I are the victims of old age jokes.

Pietro: I can think of many jokes for Thor.

Clint: Later. Suggestions, now! Or else Tony will force them to watch his shows and we all know what happened last time.

Wanda: Brother, when will you stop using that… face?

Y/N: They should watch Supernatural!

Nat: No, Viking’s. Thor will like it.

Pietro: Why do we need to help though? Don’t they already watch shows and movies?

Thor: Stark wishes for us to be more “with the times.”

Steve: How was I supposed to know what twerking was? I don’t have time to sit around and learn all of this. I SAVE THE WORLD, DAMN IT!

Y/N: Wait, what now?

Nat: Tony had a party and Sam got people to twerk. Next thing, people were all over our captain.

Clint: Tony started trying to get Steve to join.

Nat: But Steve didn’t know what to do.

Steve: I tried… to do that dance…

Clint: It was painful to watch, really.

Wanda: And now Tony is upset?

Thor: Barnes and I are being forced to endure this because of Steve.

Steve: I’m sorry!

Y/N: Did anyone video Steve trying to twerk?

Pietro: I did.

Steve: Don’t you dare send her the video!

Y/N: Too late. Steve why do you have a better butt than me? What is your secret?

Pietro: His secret is Twerking, obviously.

Wanda: Back to the main topic… What about Pacific Rim?

Thor: Ah the one were large metal beasts duel ferocious monsters! I saw it with my princess.

Pietro: Who is this princess of yours? 

Thor: Lady Y/N, of course.

Wanda: I can sense all the innuendos Pietro is coming up with.

Wanda: I should not have read his mind… We should have just left him on Sokovia.

Pietro:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Y/N: Star wars?

Y/N: The Walking Dead?

Y/N: Harry Potter?


Steve: I know that reference! Bucky and I already watched it.

Sam has joined the chat.

Sam: I would rather kiss a dementor than be near Bucky.

Sam has left the chat.


Nat has added Peter.

Nat: Ideas?

Peter: Lord of the rings?

Thor: Is that the one where the old man denies entrance?

Y/N: Yes. We already watched it.

Thor: I do not mind watching it again. I am quite fond of Legolas, he reminds me of Clint.

Pietro: … ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ship it

Clint: We are not making any progress.



Clint: pls no.


Thor: As long as you are with me, princess.

Bucky: my secret is out. How could you do this to me, Y/N?

Nat: Can someone calm her down before she faints?

Wanda: Has Y/N ever fainted from excitement before?

Clint: It’s a possibility with her. We’d rather not risk it.

Thor: So it is settled then. We will watch this Hamilton?

Steve: I guess.


Y/N: I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love! Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da

Clint: Stop this madness.

Nat: I thought since I didn’t have anymore missions with Y/N for a month, I’d be safe from this… But I was wrong.

Peter: I’m going to go… before things escalate.

Peter has left the chat.

Clint: Someone do something!


Y/N: In other words, you can’t stop me now. I’m on a roll!


Y/N: Oh, I’m so scared. As if Nat would ever do that.

Nat: I wouldn’t. Just suffer through it, Clint.

Wanda: I’ll go let Tony know so he can arrange everything to watch Hamilton.

Wanda has left the chat.


Nat has left the chat.

Clint has left the chat.

Steve: Is she quoting Hamilton?

Bucky: Yes.

Steve has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

Y/N: Ditched, just like that.

Thor: I’m still here, princess.

Pietro: Me too. So, Y/N, are you and Thor dating?

Y/N: No.

Thor: Do you fancy my princess?

Pietro: Are you jealous? I know you like her.

Y/N: Shouldn’t you be annoying Vision?

Pietro: Have you raised his hammer yet? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thor: Lady Y/N has yet to attempt to lift Mjolnir.

Pietro: I heard Steve can raise Thor’s hammer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N: Why do you keep using that face?

Pietro: All those people trying to raise your hammer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but it never lifting.

Thor: They are not worthy.

Pietro: Of your hammer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pietro: Some people put on slow music but I bet you play Hammer Time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N: OKAY. ENOUGH. I see what you’re doing!

Thor: What is he doing?


Thor: Of course he does.

Pietro: So innocent. So pure.

Pietro has left the chat.

Thor: … None are worthy of Mjolnir. But I have a feeling you are worthy, princess.

Y/N: Thank you, Thor.

Thor: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thor has left the chat.

Y/N: wait


Y/N has left the chat.

bigjellymonster  asked:

An AU where HArry can hear the Horcruxes like he did in movies 6-8, but not just with the last Horcruxes. Like he hears the diary when he was 12 and the locket when he was in sirius' house.

- So Harry finds the diary when he’s 12, and he can kinda hear it whispering things. He then finds out it can write back so he like ‘hey diary, why can I hear you too?’ which makes diary!Tom suspicious because nobody was supposed to be able to hear him

- As a result diary!Tom changes his plans and instead of trying to lure Harry to the Chamber he makes a bigger effort to befriend him instead, trying to question him to find out just why Harry can hear the Horcrux 

- Because Tom’s nicer and charming to Harry he’s a lot safer with the diary, Ginny never realises Harry has it so she never steals it back, and Tom calls it quit on the Basilisk attack because he has a bigger interest in Harry now. He’s already spent fifty years in the diary so he can wait just a little bit longer

- Seeing as the attacks stopped Harry has no reason to suspect Tom of anything bad, and he basically sees Tom as a friend but somehow he knows he needs to keep it secret. He feels drawn to the diary, which Tom sees as a sign that his theories about Harry being a Hocrux are true

- When Voldemort returns Tom asks Harry for every detail and concludes that Voldemort can’t know the truth about Harry which gives Tom the upper hand–he can keep Harry on his side and use him to bring down Voldemort which would then leave room for Tom to take over

- A bit later in Grimmauld Place, they’re cleaning out the rooms and when the discover a mysterious, unopening locket Harry hears it whispering, just like the diary. Harry asks if he can have the locket, saying it looks cool, and nobody thinks anything of it because the locket isn’t cursed and they can’t hear the whispering. When Harry wears the locket at night locket!Tom comes into his dreams and they talk and Harry mentions the diary…locket!Tom advises Harry not to mention the locket to diary!Tom just yet but says they’re linked together. Locket!Tom soon realises Harry is a Horcrux, too

- Locket!Tom figures out how to use Harry to communicate with Diary!Tom, and together they plan a way to free themselves without killing Harry, and to take down Voldemort together (and individually they’ll figure out whether to kill the other or carry on working together later). But in the meantime they basically convince Harry that the Dark Arts aren’t all that bad and he’ll probably need to know them to defeat Voldemort, trying to mould him into a Dark wizard

- By the time sixth year comes, Harry has spent 3 ½ years under Tom’s influence, a year or so being influenced by two Toms, which is why when Dumbledore finally reveals that Voldemort was once Tom Riddle (he had no reason to tell Harry before because the diary never came up) Harry doesn’t try and get rid of the diary or the locket and talks to them instead. Locket!Tom takes the opportunity to possess Harry because he can now and could have done for a long time, release diary!Tom, and then they effectively kidnap him and take Harry to a safehouse

- They promise they aren’t going to hurt Harry and tell him not to freak out, and say they couldn’t have told Harry the truth in case he panicked but they’re totally on his side and they want to kill Voldemort because who needs an insane version of themselves running around? Harry believes them because he’s been charmed by Tom for so long

- Harry and diary!Tom strike up a relationship of sorts because they’re the same age, and both Toms train Harry in Dark Arts and train him up further. As time passes they hunt down the other Horcruxes using Harry’s ability to hear them to their advantage and destroy them (because as long as Harry lives so will they, and they already have two Toms so they really don’t need any more)

- Once Harry and diary!Tom are 18, diary!Tom proposed that Harry brings locket!Tom into their relationship because he doesn’t mind ‘sharing’ Harry. Locket!Tom and diary!Tom finally decide the two of them can live side-by-side, and now the other Horcruxes are gone they just need to dispose of Voldemort in a way that convinces his followers he’s completely dead so they won’t try and resurrect him. 

- Harry eventually finds a curse like a Dementors Kiss that will trap Voldemort’s soul, and after a long battle they use it on him. Locket!Tom soon takes Voldemort’s place in leading the Death Eaters, and at this point now Harry has been so twisted by both Toms that he doesn’t even feel betrayed and basically lets them do what they want…no killing or torturing Muggles or Muggle-borns, Harry says, but their actual enemies are fair game

- After Dumbledore and the other enemies are dead Harry and both Toms end up ruling the Wizarding World together, and Harry basically has an extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome but he doesn’t realsie and he’s happy 

I could write a whole fic of this tbh. I don’t know if you wanted Dark!Harry but it kinda fell that way xD

S.Black: Fill Me With Light (Part 1/3)


Sirius Black. Post Prisoner of Azkaban. Part 1/3.

Summary: In which Sirius is drawn to a girl that is full of the light that was stolen from him during his thirteen years imprisonment.

Pairing: Sirius Black (Old) x Reader (Younger)

Warnings: Very light sexual themes (Part 2 will 100% have smut so be warned)

Genre: Angst. Kind of fluffy. Future smut.

Words: 1662

Sirius did know he wasn’t ready for freedom until he got it. Well, kind of. He had escaped Azkaban, meaning he wasn’t truly free. He was a wanted convict, stashed away into hiding to avoid the cold dementor’s kiss.

The House of Black was empty and full of terrible memories for Sirius. All the trauma-filled memories seemed to rush back to him the second he walked through the door. He hated this place. He hadn’t stepped into it since he was sixteen and swore he never would again. But it was the only place he had left to go.

“I’ll stop by tomorrow,” Remus promised as Sirius showed him out. They had had dinner together and talked about different subjects.

Sirius, desperate for any form of company gave a hum of agreement. “I’ll have Kreacher make some pastries and tea.”

“I might bring along some people,” Remus added, making Sirius raise an eyebrow. “Later this week. Just some Order members you might get along well with. That is if you want them over.”

“Of course, Moony. Maybe I’ll get back to my old partying ways.” Sirius joked, but his grin wasn’t wholeheartedly like it once was.

Remus smiled back, giving a small chuckle. “Maybe. I’ll see you later, Padfoot.” And left.

Sirius, alone his dusty childhood home, gave a heaving sigh. Merlin, he hated being alone. He felt like at any second a dementor would float through the window and steal all the remaining happiness left inside of him. That couldn’t happen. He needed to be here for Harry. When all this was over and his innocence was proven, they’d be a family. Harry would have someone who loved him and Sirius would clasp onto the last lingering bits of James he had. He had to survive. He had to stay hidden.

But this staying hidden thing meant spending a sad amount of time alone with nothing to do. At first, he tried to clean. That house was disgustingly grimy as no one had lived there for years. He abandoned that idea when he accidentally knocked the sheet covering his mother’s portrait off, causing her to start wailing insult into the empty house.

“Blood traitor! Disappointment! Get out of my house! GO!” It echoed so loudly Sirius was sure the shrill voice would ring in his mind forever. He hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in so long, but he would never forget the sting of her words.

He covered her up hastily as Kreacher came running out to comfort his poor mistress. The ugly house elf gave Sirius a glare as Sirius hurried out of the room.

That is the first night Sirius had gotten blackout drunk to cope with his overwhelming loneliness. Remus came by as planned and arrived to see a passed out Sirius surrounded by firewhisky bottles. He gave a sad sigh, cleaning up the mess and instructing Kreacher to take care of Sirius.

Remus brought it up the next day, but Sirius just shrugged it off. He defended himself by saying, “Didn’t have good alcohol in Azkaban, mate.”

Remus had no good rebuttal to that.

Friday night, Remus brought along a handful of Order members. Some Sirius knew from the good old days when everything was still good. Moody was as crazy as ever, making Sirius feel comfortable. He remembered laughing with James after meetings about Moody’s outbursts. Unfortunately, reminiscing made Sirius instantly solemn. He stayed back in a loveseat in the corner while everyone laughed, talked and drank.

Many people Sirius had to be introduced to. Nymphadora Tonks, his distant cousin, was a feisty Auror and Sirius felt a deep sense of pride speaking to her. Another member of the House of Black who abandoned the pureblood ideologies.

Another person he had to be introduced to was Y/N Y/L/N. She was fresh out of Hogwarts and as fiery as his cousin. He watched them talk adamantly about Auror training, something Y/N hoped to do. He’d look back down into his amber liquor whenever she would look over at him. He’d usually stop watching someone after being caught once, but he was too infatuated to stop.

It was probably because of her age, Sirius decided. Not in a creepy old man preying on a teenager way, but in a recollecting way. He remembered just graduating Hogwarts, his best friends with him. They joined the Order faster than you could blink, Lily in tow. Somehow between then and the Halloween night his world came crashing down, everything got so muddled up. He remembered being like her. Eighteen years old, wanting to help the greater good. Not caring if your life was at risk because you felt immortal.

Sirius learned the hard way that he, nor anyone around him was immortal. Yet, he missed that free feeling. He wanted to take back that free spirit personality that you radiated.

“Talk to her,” Remus spoke to him, leaning against the wall.

“What?” Sirius furrowed his brow, feeling like a creepy deer caught in headlights.

“You’ve been watching Y/N all night. Talk to her. Ask her whatever question I can see you’re formulating in your head.” Remus kicked off the wall and went to snag another brownie from the coffee table.

Sirius rubbed his temple, pondering on if he should bother. She was so young and fresh. Not like him at all. He was beaten down and always disheartened. He didn’t want to rub any of that negativity onto you. So, he stayed in his loveseat, stealing plenty of glance at Y/N and avoiding Remus’s insistent gaze.

At the end of the night, there was a handful of sober enough wizards disapparating from his home. One or two were walking and another was hailing a cab, trying to explain the convenience of cars to the confused others.

Sirius locked the front door after the last of the drunken crew left. He leaned against it, feeling the earth move around him in his drunken haze. He hadn’t drunk too much, not wanting to lose himself in front of strangers, but it was enough for him to feel light and airy.

A thump upstairs stole his attention from his buoyant feeling. Everyone was gone, as far as Sirius knew. He was about to dismiss it as nothing when he heard it again.

Sirius drew his wand, making his way stealthily up the stairs. No one was in the dimly lit hall as far as he could tell. He slowly walked through the long corridor, listening for any noise. What if it was a dementor? Sirius thought with a chill. What if it’s an Auror who wasn’t apart of the Order? Or a Death Eater?

All these thoughts stopped as a door swung open on Sirius left. He quickly swung to face the person, wand pointed at their face.

“Whoa, man. Watch where you point that thing.” Y/N laughed, pushing past him. She was holding her heels from earlier in her hand but was still stumbling. “You are very hostile, sir.”

Sirius spluttered, “Hostile? It’s my house. I thought someone had broken in.”

Y/N put her hand on her hip and leaned on the wall for support. “I didn’t break in. I’m guest, remember.” She drunkenly grinned.

Sirius chuckled, feeling the free spirit of her rubbing off on him. She was contagious. “Yes, I remember.”

Y/N leaned towards him, using him for a bit of support. Luckily, the adrenaline from earlier had completely sobered Sirius up and made him stable enough for her weight.

“Mr. Black,” She said softly in his ear, making goosebumps appear on Sirius’s neck. “Show me to bed.”

Sirius choked on his tongue. “I—Y/N.”

She yawned dramatically, stretching her arms. “I’m a tired drunk. I want to sleep.”

Sirius cursed himself for having such a dirty mind. Of course, that’s what she meant. “Right.” He guided her by the arm to the nearest bedroom.

It was his old bedroom, covered in Gryffindor banners and muggle posters. Sirius hadn’t been in here much, choosing to sleep in a spare bedroom instead. This wasn’t his bedroom anymore, he had grown too much to stay in such a naïve space anymore.

Y/N toppled back onto the bed with a huff. She threw her shoes to the side and sat up, looking around. “Gryffindor?” She observed.

“Yes.” Sirius nodded, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger. “I was one back in my Hogwarts years.”

“Nice,” Y/N yawned as she spoke, scrunching her nose. “So was I.”

Sirius pretended to be surprised, but he wasn’t. The girl in front of him was too gutsy to be a Hufflepuff, too reckless to be a Ravenclaw and too good to be a Slytherin. He knew she had to be a Gryffindor. Just another reason to be attracted to her, he supposed.

Y/N stood up, turning to face away from him. “Help.” She pointed to the zip in the back of the red dress she wore. She had looked amazing tonight, Sirius noted this the second he saw her.

Sirius carefully unzipped the dress. He expected her to wait until he had left before stripping off the garment, but he was dead wrong. Sirius’s heart sped up boyishly when she revealed the lacy underwear to him. She seemed unfazed by his gaping mouth, as she went back to lay back down on her stomach.

“Well,” Sirius backed away towards the door, “I’ll leave you to sleep.”

“G’night.” Y/N said, face already shoved into her pillow. Sirius forced himself to keep his eyes on the dark wooden floor and off the perky ass on full display in his teenage bed. If only sixteen-year-old Sirius could see his room now.

Sirius shut the door behind him in a hurry. When did he become so prudish? When did his mind and body clam up at the sight of a scantily clothed woman? Probably from thirteen years of not seeing a single woman. Sirius wiped his sweaty palms on his pants as he disappeared into the spare room he had been sleeping in, cursing himself once again.