S.Black: Fill Me With Light (Part 1/2)
Sirius Black. Post Prisoner of Azkaban. Part ½.
Summary: In which Sirius is drawn to a girl that is full of the light that was stolen from him during his thirteen years imprisonment.
Pairing: Sirius Black (Old) x Reader
Warnings: Very light sexual themes (Part 2 will 100% have smut so be warned)
Genre: Angst. Kind of fluffy. Future smut.
Sirius did know he wasn’t ready for freedom until he got it. Well, kind of. He had escaped Azkaban, meaning he wasn’t truly free. He was a wanted convict, stashed away into hiding to avoid the cold dementor’s kiss.
The House of Black was empty and full of terrible memories for Sirius. All the trauma-filled memories seemed to rush back to him the second he walked through the door. He hated this place. He hadn’t stepped into it since he was sixteen and swore he never would again. But it was the only place he had left to go.
“I’ll stop by tomorrow,” Remus promised as Sirius showed him out. They had had dinner together and talked about different subjects.
Sirius, desperate for any form of company gave a hum of agreement. “I’ll have Kreacher make some pastries and tea.”
“I might bring along some people,” Remus added, making Sirius raise an eyebrow. “Later this week. Just some Order members you might get along well with. That is if you want them over.”
“Of course, Moony. Maybe I’ll get back to my old partying ways.” Sirius joked, but his grin wasn’t wholeheartedly like it once was.
Remus smiled back, giving a small chuckle. “Maybe. I’ll see you later, Padfoot.” And left.
Sirius, alone his dusty childhood home, gave a heaving sigh. Merlin, he hated being alone. He felt like at any second a dementor would float through the window and steal all the remaining happiness left inside of him. That couldn’t happen. He needed to be here for Harry. When all this was over and his innocence was proven, they’d be a family. Harry would have someone who loved him and Sirius would clasp onto the last lingering bits of James he had. He had to survive. He had to stay hidden.
But this staying hidden thing meant spending a sad amount of time alone with nothing to do. At first, he tried to clean. That house was disgustingly grimy as no one had lived there for years. He abandoned that idea when he accidentally knocked the sheet covering his mother’s portrait off, causing her to start wailing insult into the empty house.
“Blood traitor! Disappointment! Get out of my house! GO!” It echoed so loudly Sirius was sure the shrill voice would ring in his mind forever. He hadn’t heard his mother’s voice in so long, but he would never forget the sting of her words.
He covered her up hastily as Kreacher came running out to comfort his poor mistress. The ugly house elf gave Sirius a glare as Sirius hurried out of the room.
That is the first night Sirius had gotten blackout drunk to cope with his overwhelming loneliness. Remus came by as planned and arrived to see a passed out Sirius surrounded by firewhisky bottles. He gave a sad sigh, cleaning up the mess and instructing Kreacher to take care of Sirius.
Remus brought it up the next day, but Sirius just shrugged it off. He defended himself by saying, “Didn’t have good alcohol in Azkaban, mate.”
Remus had no good rebuttal to that.
Friday night, Remus brought along a handful of Order members. Some Sirius knew from the good old days when everything was still good. Moody was as crazy as ever, making Sirius feel comfortable. He remembered laughing with James after meetings about Moody’s outbursts. Unfortunately, reminiscing made Sirius instantly solemn. He stayed back in a loveseat in the corner while everyone laughed, talked and drank.
Many people Sirius had to be introduced to. Nymphadora Tonks, his distant cousin, was a feisty Auror and Sirius felt a deep sense of pride speaking to her. Another member of the House of Black who abandoned the pureblood ideologies.
Another person he had to be introduced to was Y/N Y/L/N. She was fresh out of Hogwarts and as fiery as his cousin. He watched them talk adamantly about Auror training, something Y/N hoped to do. He’d look back down into his amber liquor whenever she would look over at him. He’d usually stop watching someone after being caught once, but he was too infatuated to stop.
It was probably because of her age, Sirius decided. Not in a creepy old man preying on a teenager way, but in a recollecting way. He remembered just graduating Hogwarts, his best friends with him. They joined the Order faster than you could blink, Lily in tow. Somehow between then and the Halloween night his world came crashing down, everything got so muddled up. He remembered being like her. Eighteen years old, wanting to help the greater good. Not caring if your life was at risk because you felt immortal.
Sirius learned the hard way that he, nor anyone around him was immortal. Yet, he missed that free feeling. He wanted to take back that free spirit personality that you radiated.
“Talk to her,” Remus spoke to him, leaning against the wall.
“What?” Sirius furrowed his brow, feeling like a creepy deer caught in headlights.
“You’ve been watching Y/N all night. Talk to her. Ask her whatever question I can see you’re formulating in your head.” Remus kicked off the wall and went to snag another brownie from the coffee table.
Sirius rubbed his temple, pondering on if he should bother. She was so young and fresh. Not like him at all. He was beaten down and always disheartened. He didn’t want to rub any of that negativity onto you. So, he stayed in his loveseat, stealing plenty of glance at Y/N and avoiding Remus’s insistent gaze.
At the end of the night, there was a handful of sober enough wizards disapparating from his home. One or two were walking and another was hailing a cab, trying to explain the convenience of cars to the confused others.
Sirius locked the front door after the last of the drunken crew left. He leaned against it, feeling the earth move around him in his drunken haze. He hadn’t drunk too much, not wanting to lose himself in front of strangers, but it was enough for him to feel light and airy.
A thump upstairs stole his attention from his buoyant feeling. Everyone was gone, as far as Sirius knew. He was about to dismiss it as nothing when he heard it again.
Sirius drew his wand, making his way stealthily up the stairs. No one was in the dimly lit hall as far as he could tell. He slowly walked through the long corridor, listening for any noise. What if it was a dementor? Sirius thought with a chill. What if it’s an Auror who wasn’t apart of the Order? Or a Death Eater?
All these thoughts stopped as a door swung open on Sirius left. He quickly swung to face the person, wand pointed at their face.
“Whoa, man. Watch where you point that thing.” Y/N laughed, pushing past him. She was holding her heels from earlier in her hand but was still stumbling. “You are very hostile, sir.”
Sirius spluttered, “Hostile? It’s my house. I thought someone had broken in.”
Y/N put her hand on her hip and leaned on the wall for support. “I didn’t break in. I’m guest, remember.” She drunkenly grinned.
Sirius chuckled, feeling the free spirit of her rubbing off on him. She was contagious. “Yes, I remember.”
Y/N leaned towards him, using him for a bit of support. Luckily, the adrenaline from earlier had completely sobered Sirius up and made him stable enough for her weight.
“Mr. Black,” She said softly in his ear, making goosebumps appear on Sirius’s neck. “Show me to bed.”
Sirius choked on his tongue. “I—Y/N.”
She yawned dramatically, stretching her arms. “I’m a tired drunk. I want to sleep.”
Sirius cursed himself for having such a dirty mind. Of course, that’s what she meant. “Right.” He guided her by the arm to the nearest bedroom.
It was his old bedroom, covered in Gryffindor banners and muggle posters. Sirius hadn’t been in here much, choosing to sleep in a spare bedroom instead. This wasn’t his bedroom anymore, he had grown too much to stay in such a naïve space anymore.
Y/N toppled back onto the bed with a huff. She threw her shoes to the side and sat up, looking around. “Gryffindor?” She observed.
“Yes.” Sirius nodded, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger. “I was one back in my Hogwarts years.”
“Nice,” Y/N yawned as she spoke, scrunching her nose. “So was I.”
Sirius pretended to be surprised, but he wasn’t. The girl in front of him was too gutsy to be a Hufflepuff, too reckless to be a Ravenclaw and too good to be a Slytherin. He knew she had to be a Gryffindor. Just another reason to be attracted to her, he supposed.
Y/N stood up, turning to face away from him. “Help.” She pointed to the zip in the back of the red dress she wore. She had looked amazing tonight, Sirius noted this the second he saw her.
Sirius carefully unzipped the dress. He expected her to wait until he had left before stripping off the garment, but he was dead wrong. Sirius’s heart sped up boyishly when she revealed the lacy underwear to him. She seemed unfazed by his gaping mouth, as she went back to lay back down on her stomach.
“Well,” Sirius backed away towards the door, “I’ll leave you to sleep.”
“G’night.” Y/N said, face already shoved into her pillow. Sirius forced himself to keep his eyes on the dark wooden floor and off the perky ass on full display in his teenage bed. If only sixteen-year-old Sirius could see his room now.
Sirius shut the door behind him in a hurry. When did he become so prudish? When did his mind and body clam up at the sight of a scantily clothed woman? Probably from thirteen years of not seeing a single woman. Sirius wiped his sweaty palms on his pants as he disappeared into the spare room he had been sleeping in, cursing himself once again.