The final days of a show are so painful because I’m always exhausted and don’t want to talk to anyone and everything hurts but most of it is because part of me is trying to pull away from the cast as much as possible to make the end hurt less but here I am daydreaming about how much I love the show and the characters and the story and my marvelous new friends and it’s literally an incredibly painful thing to keep being affectionate and loving to them because I know it will hurt so much at the end but like I have to push through or I’ll hate myself for growing cold out of fear of loss. ugh ugh ugh. I don’t have any coping mechanisms for this. it’s so unpleasant.