Why Daehyun is my Ultimate Bias...
So this is a bit of a long story.. As many of you know, and some of you who are new to my blog won’t know this but, my ultimate bias is Daehyun of BAP. Its almost been a year since I became a fan of BAP and from the moment I heard his voice, I knew he was special to me in some way. Now… here comes the part I have never written out in detail.
So it was August of 2014 and I had just started high school. I was a freshman, I had new teachers and new classes and it was all very different. I have always had anxiety problems and occasional depression but this is when it all went bad I guess. I started just not being happy about anything. I met new friends at school and they made me happy for parts of the day but the second I got home I realized that I wasn’t really happy. I was up till 1 am doing work for school and up another hour, or even more just because I wasn’t able to sleep. I wasn’t able to stop thinking. And the stuff that started to get to me was what I was thinking… I was thinking of how unprepared I am for growing up and how immature I am and how even though I was doing good in school (great actually) I felt so stupid. Everything around me turned negative and it came to the fact that I was just incredibly sad and I hated going outside and talking to people and I felt so useless.
And it was around this time when I met a new girl at school. And I started having feelings for this girl. And she is what sorta made it click in my head that I was bisexual and i wasn’t upset about this or scared but I just felt so weird about it. I felt like… lost I guess and honestly it was terrible. I felt alone and like i didn’t have anyone and i would cry myself to sleep and i hated myself for such a long time… I started to get anxiety attacks at school and that just made everything worse. Then as the semester went on I started getting like… made fun of I guess by a boy in my class who would call me a whore or stuff like that and even though I knew he was just saying all of that to make me upset, my self esteem went plummeting… I was being harassed in a way by a friend of the girl i liked for stealing her best friend and she did everything in her power to make me feel terrible about making new friends and trying to be happy so I sort of just gave up on happiness..
So to put it into a few words, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t sad. I just feel completely useless. And i never really did much with others and was always at my house and never wanted to hang out with other people and I started to listen to kpop more and I got in BAP by a recommendation. And I listened to their music and he was the first thing I noticed… I heard Daehyun and I felt weight lift off my shoulders. Daehyun made me smile, and actually smile. Not fake a smile but he made me genuinely happy. His voice calmed me down and his laugh made me feel better. I fell asleep to him singing. He made me feeling happy for the first time in a few months and that was really important to me.
So he isn’t just my bias in BAP. He isn’t just my ultimate bias. He is my sunshine. He is the one who makes my terrible days, amazing. He can turn the worst situation better for me. He is the reason I smile now. I have no clue how long it would’ve taken me to be happy again without him..
I’m really sorry for rambling on and on.. But he is just really important to me..