buying iphones

appropriate ways to react when someone is near death
  • count to ten
  • buy an iPhone
  • tap dance
  • ask them if they’ve seen your girlfriend (*cough* Marius *cough*)
  • perform a bittersweet, evocative song that doesn’t remind us of Musetta’s Waltz
  • reassure them that you’d propose to them if you were prettier
  • agree to feed them to a plant
  • don’t cry for them (Argentina)
  • tell them to say hi to God
  • hold your Bar Mitzvah
actual things that happen in the Book of Mormon/why it is the most Extra™ musical ever
  • “Have fun in hell!”
  • *doorbell buzzes* “HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHANGE RELIGIONS I HAVE A FREE BOOK WRITTEN BY JESUS”
  • Norway: land of gnomes and trolls
  • France: land of pastries and turtlenecks
  • Japan: land of soy sauce and Mothra
  • Elder Price’s lifelong dream is to get sent on a mission to Orlando, Florida, but instead he gets sent to Uganda
  • “UGANDA! COOL! ….where is that.”
  • Kevin goes along with the happy upbeat choreography despite feeling extremely ripped off
  • “well, he has a very active imagination–” “I LIE A LOT!” “no”
  • Kevin’s dad actually gets a random woman to dress up like someone in The Lion King and sing Circle of Life
  • “Personally I like Star Wars, but I’m willing to like Star Trek more if you think it’s better”
  • the writers probably only made Price’s first name Kevin because it rhymed with heaven
  • You and Me (But Mostly Me) aka every group project ever
  • Arnold tries to make a video diary
  • Josh Gad screaming
  • the entirety of Hasa Diga Eebowai (it’s such a jam though)
  • “Raise your middle finger to the sky and curse his rotten name!” “wait what”
  • “Well, let’s see. Eebowai means God, and Hasa Diga means, Fuck you. So I guess in English it would be: Fuck you, God!” “WHAT?!
  • Cunningham gets REALLY into it.
  • someone tries to fuck a baby
  • “But that’s horrible!” “I know!” “Hasa Diga Eebowai!”
  • everyone has AIDS
  • Nabulungi has the purest expression on her face while doing the most vulgar choreography ever
  • All the nicknames for Nabulungi, including but not limited to: Bambamchelfi, Jon Bon Jovi, Hockaloogie, Nagasaki, Nabagamba, Neutrogena, Neosporin, Nintendo 64, Nordstrom, and Nutella
  • Elder Poptarts
  • a fun, lighthearted tap number about repressing your emotions
  • Elder Thomas was out buying an iPhone while his sister was dying of cancer
  • “My hetero side just won” *thumps chest*
  • when the lights go down and when they go back up all of the Mormons are dancing and wearing pink sparkly vests. Including Kevin.
  • “Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes, then find the box that’s gay and CRUSH IT!
  • Andrew fucking Rannells had to have the words “no, no, i’m not having gay thoughts” come out of his mouth
  • the sound of tap dancing in the background as Elder McKinley leaves the living quarters
  • “There is no Bishop Donaghue! I made him up!”
  • arnold cunningham just wants his dad to be proud of him for once
  • Cunningham steals Price’s blanket despite having one of his own
  • Nabulungi uses a typewriter as a texting device
  • Cunningham has a panic attack when he sees that there’s no doorbell
  • Gotswana has maggots in his scrotum
  • “what the fuck is a steak knife”
  • General Butt Fucking Naked
  • Nabulungi, one of the purest characters in musical theatre, singing “soon life won’t be so… shitty”
  • AFRICA IS NOTHING LIKE THE LION KING.
  • “So he crawled up on that cross, and he stuck it out” hjdhfjqgfhnjs
  • Elder Cunningham hip thrusting to rock metal
  • “YOU’RE NOT MY FATHER” *stabs Darth Vader*
  • “Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen? More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me?”
  • “We will listen to the fat white guy”
  • right as Act 1 ends, Gotswana reminds us that he has maggots in his scrotum
  • “i know you’re really depressed, what with all your AIDS and everything,”
  • Arnold’s conscience consists of his father, Joseph Smith, Moroni, hobbits, and Yoda
  • arnold convinces everyone that fucking a frog is the solution to all your problems
  • clitoris
  • Boba Fett
  • Kevin mistakes hell for disneyworld
  • Elder Price has spent his life plagued by guilt over blaming his brother for eating a donut with maple glaze when he was five (5) years old
  • Elder Price has a nightmare that he gets sent to hell and Jesus calls him a dick
  • spooky wooky
  • Hitler makes an appearance, because of course he does
  • Elder Price thinks abandoning your mission companion is worse than serial murder and genocide
  • McKinley dancing seductively with the red boa
  • Jeffrey Dahmer and Kevin’s dad having anal sex
  • McKinley blowing Hitler
  • the music stops just so Kevin can scream that he can’t believe Jesus called him a dick
  • “That would take something… incredible” *spotlight on Kevin as his head whips around to face the audience fast enough to get whiplash*
  • Andrew Rannells licking his lips every other line at the Tonys
  • “AND I BELIEVE THAT IN 1978, GOD CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE” (“BLACK PEOPLE”)
  • Elder Price forces General Butt Fucking Naked to dance with him
  • baptism is a euphemism for sex
  • “I’M WET WITH SALVATION”
  • A song called I Am Africa sung by the whitest people ever with the whitest choreography ever
  • Elder Price actually gets the Book of Mormon shoved up his ass
  • “let us smile and laughrica”
  • Elder Price drinks twelve (12) cups of coffee because he’s lost all faith in the Mormon religion
  • just fucking. planet orlando
  • orlando (reprise)
  • “I’m Joseph Smith, and I’m going to fuck this baby!” “WHAT”
  • Moroni from the Starship Enterprise
  • “Will you fight the clitoris man?”
  • magical fuck frog
  • “Let’s be really fucking polite to everyone!”
  • the dysentary sequence
  • Jesus wanting everyone to fuck each other and everyone wears HUGE dick garments
  • “SHE’S GONNA GET HER CLIT CUT OFF AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT”
  • Nabulungi convinces everyone that Elder Cunningham was eaten by lions and then Cunningham walks in and they’re like “HE HAS RISEN”
  • “If you do not get out of this village right now, he is gonna command the Angel Moroni… from the DEATH STAR… and unleash the KRAKEN! Which will then…” “Which will then launch Joseph Smith’s TORPEDOES from its mouth of CHRIST and turn you into a LESBIAN!”
  • the fact that that somehow scares off General Butt Fucking Naked
  • elder price says fuck
  • “my name is Elder Butt Fucking Naked.” (brief pause) “did you know that the clitoris is a holy sacred thing”
  • The book of Arnold
  • the last line of the show is literally Gotswana singing “I still have maggots in my scrotum!”
image

Human / modern au for Tyril because I’m extra simp lately 👉🏻👈🏻

Inspired by @mylovechoices (instagram) and @garlickk PLEASE check out their au art and edits omg 😳

Also I put together some headcanons about what he would be like because .. why not lol


* • He comes from a big rich family (they own a HUGE business)

* • Definitely went to an Ivy League school

* • Very smart and well educated like .. SUPER intelligent (I mean he probably has a PhD at 25)

* • speaks at least 4 languages

* • Likes classic music and poetry

* • Everyone has a crush on him 👀

* • Very selective of his friends (which is why he doesn’t have many)

* • COFFEE and books

* • Always looks and smells so good (actually impossible for him to be ugly)

* • READING GLASSES

* • Loves sweaters (especially turtlenecks)

* • Does yoga and pilates (he definitely did martial arts too)

* • Is always on the cover of some magazine or tabloid

* • Very expensive hair care and skin care routine

* • Appreciates nature and has plants in every corner of his house

* • Drives an Audi or a Mercedes (you can’t convince me that he doesn’t)

* • Buys the newest iPhone as soon as it’s available

* • Never been to music concert only operas and theater plays

* • Always eats with a fork and a knife would NEVER get his hands dirty (he’s not about to let years of etiquette go just like that)

* • Has a therapist and a life coach

-

BONUS POINTS FT THE GANG :

* • He didn’t choose them to become his friends, one day they just decided they’re going to be whether he likes it or not and he has no say in it

* • Everyday Mal pushes him to think seriously of getting a restraining order against him

* • Imtura is his COMPLETE opposite but they don’t mind each other

* • He enjoys Nia’s company most they go out for tea and coffee often and have endless conversation .. he also buys her small gifts every now and then

-

EXTRA BONUS POINT :

A song that perfectly fits his life and vibe : life of the party - all time low (please listen to it it’s also a song by my favorite band 🥺)

Idk I ran out of ideas but thank you if you’ve read this far lol if you have any questions for modern au Tyril I’ll be happy to answer them these are really fun!

Jason Chaffetz made a comment about health care and iPhones. “Well maybe if they didn’t buy iPhones, they wouldn’t need to take our money.” 

FOX News: Do they honestly need refrigerators?

Also FOX: are farmers buying too much avocado toast?

y’all just imagine a bittyparse au swap. You have your Kent Parson A who’s dating a Bitty that never went to Samwell, and the two are talking about settling down and houses and christmas presents for family members. And you have your canon future Kent Parson B who’s patching up with Jack while ignoring Jack’s boyfriend Bitty (”can he even drink yet? cradle robbing much, Zimms?”). And the two of them wake up to find that they switched places. 

And Kent A wakes up confused because where is his boyfriend? Where are their pictures? Why does he have an Android, didn’t Bitty talk him into buying the rose gold iphone instead? And Kent B wakes up surprised that he’s in the bed with his ex bestfriend’s boyfriend who’s currently straddling him and kissing the hell out of him. 

anonymous asked:

Does marriage help a person lower his gaze, especially in the west

Does buying a Range Rover help the person lower their gaze from looking at the Rolls Royce? Does buying iPhone 7 help the person lower their gaze from the X?

If we don’t learn to be content with what we have and to not look towards what others have or what is around us, marriage won’t magically fix that. Marriage makes it easier and aids in lowering the gaze but one shouldn’t rely on that and procrastinate on working on themselves. May Allah make it easy for us to lower our gaze.

And Allah knows best.