Once, I cured a UTI by buying a pack of beer and drinking it, bc I couldn’t afford to go to the ER and it was the weekend. I used the alcohol to make me pee a lot and flushed it from my system.
That does not mean people criticizing the effects of alcohol on the human system are saying I shouldn’t have cured myself. Alcohol is still worse for you than not. Alcohol can be a social lubricant, fine and fun in small quantities, and is used to make medicinal extracts.
It is still, more often than not, bad for you.
You can use it to relax when you are stressed before a big speech, but alcohol is not relaxation, just the tool you used to bring it about. And using anything to suppress your nerves is not the same as becoming confident enough not to be nervous.
So this is where I’m coming from when I criticize BDSM. BDSM is not a person. It has no power over anyone, it cannot do anything to anyone. What you find in it, if you found anything, was not given to you by BDSM or your Dominant or your submissive. That’s the illusion necessary for you to claim your truth. That’s all. And that’s fine.
But just because you got something good from it doesn’t mean it’s not more fraught with problems than not. Doesn’t mean there aren’t some very serious questions to be asked about the nature of the seduction of power and what that means about the people who seek it either to wield or submit to it. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a serious talk about why it attracts so many abusers and creates so many victims. Why it relies on old archetypes of white dominance, male dominance, and aggressive power more often than not. Why so many people are absolutely intolerant of holding it up to critique because the intimate nature of the memories they have associated with it are too raw and they cannot separate their objective experience from the subjective fetish. Why more often than not, people who came seeking to balance out some suffering they have in life never ‘get’ what they are getting for and instead continually engage in the behavior instead of addressing whatever caused them to seek it. Why a clime that should be so open to alternative sexualities and genders still involves such a binary structure that LGBT people tend to need to operate in their own spaces within it, and why the binary of D/s strongly mimics the social oppression structure of Masculine/feminine.
People will talk about identity politics all fucking day until it has to do with them, and if it has anything to do with sex? Might as well be talking to a brick wall.