i like you (this is a problem)
“Here’s the thing-” Lily said, marching into the pub and pulling out a stool.
“We’re closed.” James interrupted without looking up from wiping down the bar.
“I want a dog.” Lily barrelled on without hearing him. “But my landlord doesn’t allow pets so I was wondering-“
“I’m not getting a fucking dog for you.” James said firmly.
Lily blinked at him. “I was going to ask if you thought it was morally wrong to raise it in my air-vent.” There was a silence. James was caught between hoping she wasn’t serious and knowing that she was. “Your idea seems better.” Lily admitted.
“Really. Talk me through that, is it because there is no animal abuse involved?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of then you’d have to clean up the poo, but the no animal abuse is also good.”
“Y’know” Sirius was lying on top of
the bar, waving around a beer and staring at the ceiling. Nobody looked up. “I
always thought once we owned a bar we would spend a solid 60% percent of our
time drunk, and that hasn’t happened.”
Remus, still wiping down tables, said “I shudder to think what you’d be like on your own.”
“Since we bought the bar we spend more time drunk than we used to?” Peter consoled, baffled.
Sirius sat up. “I would say we spent about 15% percent of our time drunk before the bar, and after the bar we spend about 25%. That is an increase of only ten percent.”
“Where are you pulling these numbers from?” Lily asked while holding the ladder for James, who was avoiding the dishwasher by pretending to fix the squeaky window.
“On top of being an excellent barman I double as a statistician.”
“You are neither of those things.” Remus said. Sirius glared.
“Fuck you Moony. At school you were always saying I didn’t do enough math, and here I am, doing math, and you’re abusing me.”
Remus threw a dishtowel at him and gestured to the kitchen. “Go unstack the dishwasher.”
“Fantastic.” Sirius said, throwing his hands in the air. “This is what I get for my brief foray into math. Insulted and unloading dishes.” He jumped off the bar and mockingly gave Remus’ back the finger. James laughed.