buy my stuff so i don't have to get a real job

anonymous asked:

You are so cool man. Okay, I just got into investing as in I opened an account with bank of america merrill edge for retirement but haven't done anything else. I know I should like buy safe stocks and stuff, but I am so wary of researching this. like i just don't trust sources that i google or magazines (my dad was interested in stocks and lost a lot of money so I just can't trust him or those magazines). I see that you have set up different markets (target retirement, inflation protected), (1/2

(2/2) and other funds. How did you get started? Where did you research? Like books or things. Thank you for your time!

Aw, thank you Anon! So, this is a little bit of a narrative, buckle up. (There is a readmore below! Read more!) 

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anonymous asked:

Don't think H is lying per say. Many artists have acknowledged that the music they are writing is made of projections, or written as if from the perspective of a close friend etc. Harry said this album is personal to him, so perhaps he is using different techniques. He is incredibly incredibly intelligent and I'm sure his songs will be laced with symbolism and double meanings (as he has demonstrated with Carolina and Olivia) while still being about his experiences.

When I say ‘lying” i mean not being honest about certain topics, not lying as in HARRY IS A LIAR!111 OMG SO FAKE IN EVERYTHING HE DOES!1HOW DARE HE!1111111. I meant that IF/WHEN (cause we don’t know the lyrics yet!!!!!!!!!) he sings stuff like ‘i slept with women,i had a one night stands, yeaaaaah sex drug and rock-n-roll bitches111!!11’ we know it’s not true and it might be a song inspired by something else or someone else, a story he heard, a dream he had, something he wanted to tell metaphorically using the image of a woman but if applied to his real life it doesn’t apply. Why? Cause 1.  i believe he doesn’t sleep with women and never has in the past 7 years (let alone in the ‘groupie’ way press wants us to know about) 2. i know that even if harry IS indeed an artist that lives in this rich&famous environment with everything this entails, he is also in a committed relationship which he sings about in songs that are indeed personal and close to his real life, songs he has written and published  for past 5/6 years and wrote for his new solo album as well. So I agree with you, he is clever and i think he explored different kind of genres and topics in his production, he has songs which are clearly about “someone” he is in love with who feels like home, a relationship he still has that had his ups and downs like a normal relationship has, that had struggles that were solved and they love each other more than before and will forever belong to each other etc., but he also might have (cause again, we don’t know what the context of the rest of the album is!!!!!!!!!!!!!) songs about women or angsty lyrics that might ‘hint at breakups’ or whatever houies like to get off on, and it doesn’t mean they are related to his real life (cause clearly they aren’t if we look at the reality presented in the past years and still now!) a life that remains private and not public to the world (cause he is in the closet!!!!!!!!! just like louis!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so it can be explored in songs for the audience only from certain angles. Plus, he has a big audience to appeal and people have to relate to his songs and make them theirs in order to like them and buy them so while he stays authentic in some songs, he also has songs that appeal hets and antis cause they are part of his public and if they like the content, they spend money and help with the sales. (let’s not pretend making an album is ONLY about art and music, it’s not a hobby, it’s his job and he earns money for that -a  lot of money!- just like the rest of the big acts in the industry, it’s music but also business and marketing, especially with ‘commercial products’ like Harry Styles™)  With this said, I suggest everyone to CALM DOWN and WAIT for the whole lyrics so we can know for sure what the songs are about instead of eating each other alive about interpretations that come from two lines possibly made up by an anti to mock larries. That’s all I meant with my post. I hope I cleared what I meant when I said this album is not 100% authentic and Harry is ‘lying’, his album will be as real as possible once he’ll be allowed to. Before that, this is the best he can do. Mixing metaphors, stories and real life in a work I am sure it’ll be very interesting, I agree. 

anonymous asked:

Do you have any headcanons for which batfam members have the most merch of themselves in stores? Which members might buy these things?

Batman: At first he didn’t like it when companies started making merchandises about him because it would ruin all the Scary Dark Knight Aesthetics he was going for, he even tried to use the Wayne Enterprises to pull some of them out of stores but it became to much for him so he just gave up on it, and over the years he just stopped caring it cuz really if people take him seriously while he’s jumping form buildings wearing a bat costume a few merchandises wouldn’t hurt.

Barbara: Thought that a Batgirl doll was cute so she bought one and brought home to her room but she makes sure to throw it under the bed whenever her dad enter the room so he wouldn’t suspect anything, I also headcannon that during her time as Oracle she would decorate her computer desk with many of the Batfamily plushies to keep her company while the rest are patrolling.

Tim: Had a big collection of all the merchandises before he joined the team, he mainly played with the Robins action figures where he would pretend to be one that goes on missions with Batman and do all sort of cool stuff, he stopped playing with them when he did become a real Robin and found out how uncool Batman & Robin really were, he made sure to sell all of those toys before anyone fond out about them and use them to embarrass him with it. All except for the second Robin figure, he kept that one for himself as a reminder.

Damian: is offended that someone would do such a juvenile thing to his public image, he also goes all Flynn Rider on them by criticizing how none of these merchandises looks like him: “Why is my toy barely half the size of the Batman toy?? I’m NOT that short!” or “Why doesn’t my toy have any weapons with them while Todd’s toy still has it guns with it?!” and the one infuriate him the most “I know that I mostly work at night but come on! WHY for God sake would they make my toy look like a pasty white boy!!”. But in the end since Alfred the cat like to play with them he would allow them inside the house.

Jaosn: Was salty that the only difference between his Robin toy and Dick’s Robin toy is that his was scowling and had pointy teeth and for the fact that they didn’t sell as well as Dick’s merchandises, as Red Hood he is slightly concerned about how popular his merchandises is among young boys not that he thinks that what he is doing is necessary wrong but because he thinks it’s a hard dirty job that someone need to do and he doesn’t want these kids to think it’s something “cool” that they shoul look up to but at the same time he would be lying if he said that he didn’t like the fact that his merchandises are coming close to out-selling Batman merchandises. He also buy some of it for Bizarro to play with and he when his toy head get eaten by Bizarro only then does Jason really get concerned.

bugdaboss  asked:

Ok so hi! Um…I'm a 14 year old Christian who wants to be a witch, but I don't know how I can get stuff for spells and I don't want my family to know…got any advice?

Hey there!! And welcome to the witchy family! I apologize this has taken so long, I just wanted to make sure I gave you plenty of info! I’m so happy to hear from fellow young christowitches. I’m a closet witch too, so my best advice to you is: EXCUSES AND CRAFTS.

You can make all your witchy things right at home!! But you’ll need some excuses because unfortunately “for my witchcraft” doesn’t alwayst go over well. XD

Heres a few things you might like to do that are easy,

JARS:

You can create jar spell and call them “decorative”.  That also makes them fantastic for gifts to others as well!!

JEWELRY MAKING:

I bought loads of unpolished crystal arrangements on amazon for super cheap, and made my own witchy jewelry! You can wear them according to their magickal correspondence everyday! But everyone else won’t know it’s more than an interest!

COOKING/BAKING:

Herbs!!! There is probably a good amount right in your kitchen! Picking up baking as a “hobby” makes its easier to get new herbs and essentials by saying they’re for a “new recipe”. Cooking/bake with intent is a wonderful every day crafting. You can even leave a little food on your plate as a spirit offering.

DRINK TEA:

Tea has all kinds of magickal properties- drinking is beyond casual. You could also get tea leaves/grains (without the bags) and practice tasseomancy (tea leave/grain divination)

Stir things sunwise for positive energy. (Stir opposite for enemies :P )

CIRCLE CASTING:  

This was one of my main problems I faced. How the heck do i cast a circle in a carpeted house?! Answer: Crocheting!!! Crochet a long line of whatever color you choose (remember  color correspondence!) And boil it in water infused with salt (and any herbs you’d like)

MEDITATION&MINDFULNESS:

You can literally do this at anytime. Stay grounded, stay in the moment, take a little to check in with yourself and the energies around you. If you actually have time to set aside for meditation, fantastic! Its a very healthy thing for your body and mind, which I think is a plenty good excuse.

SMELLS:

Who doesn’t love good smells?? You can buy essential oils and incenses with the excuse being because they’re more natural than those plug-ins.

NOTEBOOKS

My grimiore is a spiral notebook. It looks like a regular notebook, I carry it around with me everywhere. When someone asks, i say it’s because i like to write and draw. Which is completely true! You don’t have to have a rune-inscribed, leather bound, aged book for your magick to be real!! Its no less powerful than any other book. Its yours!

TECHNOLOGY:

This is the era of tech witches!! Witches use whats at their disposal. There are loads of apps, daily horoscopes, tarot, rune divination, moon phases, oils, candle, digital altars & grimiores , calendars,.. just about everything!!

SIGILS:

I constantly make sigils for anything and everything. They look like beautiful designs. You can draw them on you; if you wear makeup you can draw them on with that and then rub it right into your skin. You can draw them with chalk outside, you can draw them in the corner of your test, they work literally everywhere for everything!! If you want them to be secret, lemon juice is a fantastic invisible ink as is white chalk on white walls, dew on Windows, steam on mirrors after a shower ect.

DRYING HERBS/FLOWERS:

I have a vase in my room, and when I see an herb or flower I’d like to use for crafting I pick it and put it there. It just seems I like flowers, but the flower will die and dry up. You can also put them between the pages of big books to press them! Then there you have it!!

CANDLES:

You can make your own!! I say it’s a craft/hobby, you can infuse it with oils and herbs and flowers ect and carve things into them!! These are amazing personalized helpful gifts as well.

You can also get tea lights or birthday candles because they’re smaller, come in colors, and theres also battery powered versions.

MIRROR SPELLS:

A casual compact mirror you can take with you anywhere is easiest to use. you can use a dry erase marker to write on it so it wipes off clean and quick!!

COLLECT STUFF:

Find a cool rock, KEEP IT. You can paint sigils on it, use it in spells, charge them with specific intent, make a pendulum, ect.

GLAMOUR:

Charge and sigil everything!! Mirrors, hair brush, makeup, lotion, perfume/colognes, soaps, toothbrush, toothpaste, ..literally anything works!!

COLOR CORRESPONDENCES:

Buy a green wallet for wealth. Wear a blue shirt for your job interview. Buy a yellow school binder for success. Wear something pink to family gatherings for positive family relations, ect.

LEARN:

Research research research! Learn all you can. If a recipe calls for an herb you’ve never heard of, look it up. If you find a rock or crystal, try and identify it. Explore your craft and it’s history, and find friends on the way!!

ABOVE ALL:

Make everything your own!! This is your craft, do it your way! There is no such thing as wrong. We all have magick, embrace yours !

I hope this helps some, happy crafting!! ☽○☾ - M

The Fundamentals of Caring starter sentences

71 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
content warning: cussing, sexual themes

  • “I cannot take care of another unless I first take care of myself.”
  • “_____, come on. I know you’re in there.”
  • “My needs are equal to the needs of the person to whom I am giving care.”
  • “All I can do is try my best and maintain a positive attitude.”
  • “Just always remember: ALOHA. Ask, Listen, Observe, Help, Ask again.”
  • “I like helping people.”
  • “Sorry. My child has a unique sense of humor.”
  • “I’ve been out of work for a while and I could really use this job.”
  • “Yeah, but if we’re gonna throw down nine bucks an hour for somebody to wipe my ass, we need somebody who knows how to wipe an ass.”
  • “You’re being rude.”
  • “Why are you doing this to me?”
  • “It’s been two and a half years. What’s the magic number where you wake up and you’re finally ready? Six years? Eight? Eighty?”
  • “Would you tap that? Because I would pound that shit into the ground.”
  • “Could you call the Make-A-Wish foundation and tell them I want a blowjob from Katy Perry?”
  • “What is this gem, you ask? This is a map of your precious country’s lamest roadside attractions, odd museums, bizarre landmarks, and of course anything giant, from farm animals to cherry pie.”
  • “I have some fantastic news. I need to take a dump.”
  • “Who do you think would win in a fight to the death, me or a bird?”
  • “I enjoy this time together.”
  • “If you woke up and you were totally… fine… what’s the thing you’d wanna do most?”
  • “If somebody tries to rob the bank today, don’t be a hero.”
  • “Did you arrange these to look like large testicles and a small penis?”
  • “I wrote a couple novels you’ve never heard of.”
  • “So, what is this? Is this, like, research for you?”
  • “When you do write about me, I want you to describe me as handsome and cool. The best stuff is truthful.”
  • “Have you been working with lead-based paint in an enclosed area?”
  • “Come on. Don’t you get bored just sitting in this room and going to the park once a week?”
  • “I mean, doesn’t any part of you want to see the world’s deepest pit in person, not just on TV?”
  • “I didn’t realize you had a father.”
  • “So you don’t even read those?”
  • “Really? We’re still going on about this?”
  • “What’s with you today?”
  • “It was his choice, not mine. He can live with it. Let’s leave it at that.”
  • “A father’s supposed to be there for his kid. Protect him from harm. That’s the only job a father has.”
  • “There we go. Now go get me some juice.”
  • “I can’t have you making promises you can’t keep.”
  • “You think because you’re in a wheelchair that gives you the right to do and say whatever you want?”
  • “You ever considered that maybe I’m just a prick, with or without the wheelchair?”
  • “Is that the best you can do? That’s it? I thought you were a writer.”
  • “I don’t buy any of your bullshit. You can make jokes all you want, but you are wasting your life by sitting in this house and watching TV.”
  • “Honestly, what were you thinking?”
  • “It was very heroic how you jumped in there without missing a beat.”
  • “I want a text or a phone call every three hours.”
  • “ ‘He died trying to see the world’s biggest pit’ is a really bad obituary.”
  • “Dude, were you—? Were you just doing air quotes? Don't—don’t ever do that again.”
  • “Let me see if there’s any food in there I can actually eat.”
  • “Well, I thought it was good to get straight to the point.”
  • “I’m in a fucking wheelchair, okay? I could spew Shakespeare shit and a girl like that’s not gonna be interested in me.”
  • “Fuck you, you’re a [insert age]-year-old ass-wiper.”
  • “See, I knew the open road would be good for you.”
  • “Would you quit screwing around? I’m driving.”
  • “Don’t ever do that again! You scared the shit out of me!”
  • “We came to see a giant cow. We’re going to see a giant cow.”
  • “Hey, what the fuck? That’s mine.”
  • “I just… Here’s the thing. I don’t know what I’m talking about.”
  • “You know, when I get home, I’m gonna put you on the roadside attractions map. World’s biggest dick.”
  • “Oh, shit. Are you a pervert?”
  • “Yeah, it’s total bullshit. And on a stick. Like the world’s least delicious lollipop.”
  • “Man, I am starving. I think there’s an all-night diner across the street. What do you think?”
  • “Are you asking me on a date?”
  • “Dude, you were like James Bond there! That was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
  • “I knew one of your spells would kill me.”
  • “I told you, I only date assholes.”
  • “What’s it like being a parent?”
  • “Every corny thing you’ve ever heard about having a kid is completely and utterly true.”
  • “I thought I’d like it ‘cause it’s lame, but it’s actually pretty cool.”
  • “Did you steal this, _____?”
  • “Please don’t call me that.”
  • “He’s a heaping mess, but… he’s my heaping mess.”
  • “Life’s a real class-A bitch, isn’t it?”
  • “Well, take care of yourself in [insert city]. There are a lot of perverts there.”
  • “Would you just do me a favor and shut the fuck up for once in your life?”
To Stay Or To Go [Owen x Reader]

Request:  Hiii, I love your writing! Could you do one where Owen and y/b break up and then he finds out she got an offer to work at a lab in like New York and then tries to stop her from leaving?? Thank you so much ☺️

Warnings: None

Words: 1,423

A/N: I really, really, really wanted to post another imagine since I haven’t in so long. So please excuse the fact that this is not my best piece of writing and that it may be sloppily edited! 

“Claire!” You yelled excitedly as you ran through her apartment door, you had a copy of her key. You didn’t even know if she was home or not. 

“Y/N? What’s the matter-” She began to ask but excitement got the best of you and you just had to interrupt her. 

“I got the job!” You jumped up and down, smiling happily. It was your dream job, you had a offer for it a couple years ago but you declined it, not wanting to leave your boyfriend. But now your single and they have a spot open up again, it was perfect! Nothing was holding you back this time, you needed some change anyway. 

“Oh my gosh, Y/N, that’s amazing!” Claire exclaimed, smiling along with you. 

“I know it is! I’m so excited, like, I can’t even believe this is happening! It’s perfect!” You yelled, this was a habit of yours, yelling when you got really excited. Of course when you got to the lab in NYC, you would act professional. 

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The Bird and the Bees (RWBY)

This is for @megaexguilmon, I was your @rwbysecretsanta. You said you liked the Bees and the Branwens. Couldn’t put both birds in there, but you got one bird and some bees. Hope you like it, had to write fast to get it out today. Enjoy, and happy holidays!

Words: 2871
Relationship: Bumbleby
Characters: Yang Xiao Long, Qrow Branwen, Blake Belladonna

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Forbidden Documentary Footage Released
  • [NOTE]: Recording has been partially edited by unknown parties.
  • Recording begins. Title is shown, "Retail Hell".
  • [NOTE]: "Retail Hell" is an episodic series of documentaries with traceable origins described as "punks dissecting wageslavery." At least five episodes were released alongside an independently published magazine dedicated to skateboarding culture. Each episode has a different host(s) who attempt to interview workers at retail chains. Hosts often vandalize storefronts and harass workers while filming.
  • Recording begins with Host and Co-Host standing beside each other in a Target parking lot.
  • Host: You already know who the fuck I am.
  • Co-Host: And I'm Helen.
  • [NOTE]: Co-Host is wearing a gas mask.
  • Host: Mark's on the camera. All together, we're the Chain Gang. Welcome to Retail Hell.
  • Cameraman: Okay, that was good. The fuck do you mean by, "you already know who I am," though? Also, the what the hell is the "Chain Gang"?
  • Host: Everyone who matters knows me, dude. I-
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host skateboarding. Cameraman can be seen in some shots, but doesn’t join them. Footage from a skate park is edited in. Skateboarding footage lasts three minutes.
  • Recording cuts to footage taken from inside of Target. Host and Co-Host are in store's toy section examining products.
  • Host: Fucking Barbie.
  • Host removes a packaged Barbie brand doll from its shelf.
  • [NOTE]: Barbie doll does not resemble any known versions ever publicly released. Its notable features are its green hair, pink skin, and purple dress.
  • Host: Come here. Look at this. Made in China.
  • Host shows bottom of package to camera. Camera zooms in on "Made in China" label.
  • Host: That's how you know your shit is bad. 100% cruelty. Do you know how the Chinese government treats their own citizens? This is sweatshop garbage, and they just shill this shit out at places like this. It's bad for you too. Probably got fucking lead in it, or something. Radioactive, or something. My mom used to buy me barbies and shit as kid. Like, I fucking hated Barbie I didn't play with them, but I was still, like, exposed. That's why I've got a third arm.
  • Cameraman: You have three arms?
  • Host: It's on my ass. No one's allowed to look at my ass so no one's ever seen it. They're going to have to recall Barbie cuz kids all over the USA start growing ass arms. No, you know what they'd do. They'd normalize it cuz that's how business works. You'll start seeing "Ass-Arm Barbie". Hey kids, it's okay that you've got an arm on your ass. Barbie does too. Hey kids, you're a mutant freak because we spray down our toys with arsenic and all the food you eat is GMOs, but it's cool. Just buy our shit or you'll look like a bigger freak than you already are.
  • Cacophony of recorded voices and songs are heard. Camera turns to Co-Host who has activated a large number of toys. Host laughs.
  • Host: Holy shit! What the fuck are you doing?
  • Recording cuts to Co-Host holding small skateboard.
  • Co-Host: It's a baby board. I was born with one of these. They had to cut an umbilical cord from each piece of hardware. The doctors didn't know what was going on. I did, but only because I'm really smart. I was only about two years old when I was born.
  • Cameraman: The fuck are you even trying to say?
  • Recording cuts to Co-Host preparing to skate down an aisle on the small skateboard.
  • Co-Host: Skate or die!
  • Co-Host skates down the aisle and knocks products off of the shelves along the way. Co-Host barely avoids hitting a customer, but falls off of her skateboard at the end of the aisle.
  • Recording cuts to Host, Co-Host, and Cameraman getting into conflict with a security guard.
  • Security: Stop filming.
  • Security attempts to grab the camera.
  • Cameraman: Don't touch my fucking property, dude.
  • Security: You need to leave now.
  • Host: We're just trying to buy a skateboard, man.
  • Security attempts to grab the camera again.
  • Cameraman: Stay the fuck away, dude.
  • Security: Leave now. We're calling the police.
  • Cameraman: You're a fake fucking cop! Don't touch me!
  • Co-Host: We were all born with no purpose! Live fast! Die Fast!
  • Co-Host rides her skateboard into a display.
  • Host: Holy fucking shit!
  • Recording cuts to Host outside interviewing a Target employee.
  • Host: How do you like your job?
  • Employee: It's a job.
  • Host: Do you get paid well?
  • Employee: Hell no. Why does she have that mask on?
  • Host: Ever wish you could do something else?
  • Employee: What is this for? Is this gonna be on TV or something.
  • Host: It's a student project.
  • Employee: Alright.
  • Host: You know, your security guy is kind of an asshole.
  • Employee: I don't know anything about him. I just work the registers.
  • Host: You know I got an arm on my ass?
  • Employee: What?
  • Recording cuts to young child speaking to Co-Host.
  • Child: Why are you wearing that mask?
  • Co-Host: Because I have to.
  • Child: You don't have to.
  • Co-Host: I do.
  • Child: Can I wear it?
  • Co-Host: No.
  • Child: What happens if you take off the mask?
  • Co-Host: I'm allergic to air, so I'll die.
  • Child: I think you should take it off anyway.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host in line at a fast food restaurant.
  • Cashier: What can I get for you today?
  • Host: I'd like one McKiss please.
  • Cashier: Excuse me? A McKiss?
  • Host: Yes.
  • Cashier: Uhh, that's not something we have on our menu.
  • Host: Seriously? Let me show you.
  • Host embraces Co-Host who removes her mask. Host and Co-Host proceed to kiss passionately. Camera zooms in on cashier who looks confused.
  • Recording cuts to a plain white room. Camera turns to a door opening into a hallway. Co-Host shambles past door. Camera follows behind her. Co-Host walks up to a CRT television at the end of the hallway. CRT television only displays static. Co-Host kneels in front of the television and rubs her hand across the monitor, spreading blood across it.
  • Recording cuts to half an episode of the Flintstones. Any scenes indicating strife, negative emotions, or violence have been censored. Episode lasts ten minutes.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host standing in front of a chained door. Co-Host is carrying a large strapping cutter.
  • Host: This is going to be a first in Retail Hell history. I call it, Retail Hell: Deep Cover. We're gonna sneak inside. We might see some fucked up shit. I don't know. We're definitely gonna break some stuff. Hel, you got this.
  • Co-Host attempts to cut the chains with the strapping cutter.
  • Co-Host: This is impossible.
  • Host: Put all your weight into it.
  • Co-Host: I am.
  • Host: No, like all your weight.
  • Co-Host: I don't weigh that much.
  • Cameraman: I don't think that's the right tool.
  • Host: You're not doing it right. Let me show you.
  • Host now attempts to cut the chains.
  • Host: Fuck, this is harder than it looks.
  • Cameraman: Do you guys even hear me? I'm 90% sure that's not what they use to cut chains.
  • Recording cuts to Cameraman smoking alone in a bedroom. Unknown female enters the shot and the footage ends.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host within the backroom of a retail chain, presumably Target. Host is snapping a bolt cutter in front of the camera.
  • Host: These are the scissors of the gods!
  • Cameraman: Please be careful with those.
  • Host: This is it. This is the belly of the beast. This is the womb of capitalism... maybe not the womb, but this is where all the shit you buy goes before they put it outside on display.
  • Host picks up a box and drops it on the ground. The sound of glass breaking is heard.
  • Host: No fucking clue what was inside of that.
  • Recording cuts to Co-Host climbing backroom shelving.
  • Host: You won't do it.
  • Cameraman: This is a really stupid fucking idea.
  • Co-Host does a backflip off of the shelving and into a stack of boxes. Recording freezes before impact.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host exploring store. Store is partially dark. Camera's flashlight is on.
  • Cameraman: Why does it smell like wires burning in here?
  • Host lights a cigarette and begins to smoke it.
  • Host: Did you get me lighting that? Looked badass as fuck, I bet.
  • Cameraman: There's nothing cool about lighting a cigarette.
  • Host: Whatever. Gonna do, like, a soliloquy. Don't stop recording.
  • Cameraman: I'm not stopping any time soon, Ms. Director.
  • Host: Okay, uhh... this store is like a fortress of exploitation. A monument to fruitless capitalism where underpaid workers are treated like shit by corporate suits and customers alike. It's... uhh... fuck.
  • Cameraman: Can't think of anything deep to say?
  • Host: Chev made it look so easy in his episode. Like, he said some real profound shit and dropped the best skate video I've ever seen at the end.
  • Cameraman: You can talk about having an arm on your ass again. That was the high point of this video so far.
  • Host: Fuck you.
  • Host blows smoke into the camera.
  • Host: Where the hell did Hel go?
  • Cameraman: I don't know.
  • Host: Like, when was the last time we even saw her?
  • Cameraman: Don't remember.
  • [NOTE]: Co-Host is seen standing next to Host throughout this entire section of the recording.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host standing in front of a PA speaker that is leaking a clear, viscous fluid. The PA speaker emits sounds that resemble gurgling and coughing.
  • Host: Don't even know what to say about this shit. Sounds like my granddad dying or something. It's leaking. There's like a flood of this gross ass goo on the floor. It's like drool.
  • Cameraman: Touch it.
  • Host: I'm not touching that stuff. I don't touch shit if I think I'll regret it later.
  • Cameraman: You touched Lenny's dick.
  • Host: Fuck you.
  • PA speaker emits a loud screeching sound and wads of liquid shoot from it.
  • Host: The fuck?
  • Cameraman: Jesus Christ!
  • Clumps of a yellow, semi-solid substance begins to drip from the speaker. Co-Host removes her gas mask and plants herself face first against the wall under the speaker. Co-Host allows herself to be covered in the liquid and the yellow substance.
  • Host: This is the weirdest shit I've ever seen. Get up close, man. Look at this stuff.
  • Cameraman moves closer and zooms in on the substance in Co-Host's hair. Substance seems to be crawling and pulsating. Host, and Cameraman don't seem to perceive the presence of Co-Host. Co-Host rubs the yellow substance into her hair.
  • Recording cuts to blank footage. Audio is still available. Host and Cameraman are heard speaking. Sounds of other individuals are present, as well as the sound of fire crackling.
  • Cameraman: And it's completely fucked!
  • Host: So is he still dating her?
  • Cameraman: Yes, of course. Like, he's fucking desperate. He'll date any girl who gives him attention. It doesn't matter if she acts like a fucking werewolf. He's hopeless, and I'm tired of helping him.
  • Host: I feel you, though. Like, dude, even if this wasn't like his 90th time being in some shit I wouldn't help him. Dude blamed that fucked up shit on someone's dog. They're probably gonna put it down. That's fucked. That's an innocent animal. That's someone's family as far as I'm concerned. Fuck him. You gonna tell the cops or something?
  • Cameraman: Nah. I'm hoping his girlfriend just butchers him like she did that to that cat. For real, though. I don't mess with cops or feds.
  • Host: I feel you.
  • [NOTE]: □□□□□□□
  • Recording cuts to Cameraman sitting at a desk in a plain white room. Cameraman seems be unconscious, and is drooling onto his clothes. A purple carpet like substance is growing from his face. A plastic arm appears from out of the view of the camera and taps the Cameraman until he awakens. The Cameraman proceeds to vomit clumps of wires and coiled metal. Cameraman speaks, but his voice is dubbed over by a woman's voice with a slight southern accent. Cameraman seems to fade in and out of consciousness for the duration of the footage. Cameraman occasionally drools blood from his mouth.
  • Cameraman: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm a kid just like you. I love to play outside, I love learning and growing bigger everyday, but most of all I love my mommy. I like to paint. Watch me paint.
  • Plastic arms appears from out of the view of the camera, one with a green Sharpie brand marker and the other with a piece of paper. The piece of paper is placed onto the desk, and the plastic arm draws on it. Once the drawing is finished, the plastic arm lifts the paper and shows it to the camera. Drawing consists of green scribbles.
  • Cameraman: These are the big green hills where I live. Where do you live?
  • Recording is silent for thirty seconds, Cameraman seems to continue speaking however. Cameraman falls from his chair.
  • Cameraman: That sounds fun. I wish I lived there too. I like the snow. Let me show you what the big green hills look like after it snows.
  • The plastic arm moves off screen and returns with a bottle of milk which it pours onto the drawing. The hand shows the soaked drawing to the camera.
  • Cameraman: This is what the big green hills look like after it snows. Aren't they pretty? I like the snow, so I make sure to bring it with me wherever I go. Maybe, one day I will come to your town.
  • Recording cuts to the previous footage of the conflict with the security guard. Footage is dubbed over by a woman's voice with a slight southern accent. The dubber does differentiate the voices of subjects. The Host speaks in a higher pitched "girly" voice, the security guard speaks in a deeper voice, and the Cameraman speaks in the dubber's plain voice.
  • Security: I like your Camera. Let me see it.
  • Cameraman: You must ask before you can play with my camera.
  • Security: Can I play with your camera?
  • Host: Mark, please let our new friend play with your camera.
  • Cameraman: I shan't let him play with my camera. I am a bad boy, and I don't like to share.
  • Security: I'm telling my mommy and you will be in bad trouble.
  • Cameraman: Don't fucking touch me... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said a bad word.
  • Recording freezes once Co-Host enters the shot.
  • Recording cuts to blank footage. Audio is still available. Co-Host is heard being interrogated by an unknown individual who will be referred to as Unknown. Unknown either uses a speech synthesizer to speak or a has a natural speaking voice that sounds similar to a speech synthesizer.
  • Unknown: Why? Why? You lie.
  • Co-Host: Please, let me go.
  • Unknown: You breathe. Why lie?
  • Co-Host: Please.
  • Unknown: No. No. You lie.
  • Co-Host: I don't know what you're talking about. Please. I'm so sorry. I just want to go home.
  • Unknown: You lie. Him. You breathe. No mask. You breathe.
  • Co-Host begins to sob.
  • Unknown: Why cry? No cry. You bad. You wrong. Lie. Lie. Why lie? Why lie when breathe? No mask. No. No. You lie. Lie to boy. No.
  • Unknown's voice morphs into that of the child spoken to earlier in the recording.
  • Unknown: Why did you lie to him, bad girl. You're a big liar. You're a bad girl. Mommy's upset.
  • Recording cuts to footage of Cameraman engaging in sexual intercourse with an unknown female. Audio has been dubbed over by Unknown who repeats the statements, "no", "bad", and "don't look" throughout the entire thirty minutes of footage.
  • Recording cuts to footage of Host and Cameraman in conflict with an unknown entity. Recording has been dubbed over and replaced by dialogue spoken by a woman's voice with a slight southern accent. Unknown entity is humanoid in shape with a balloon-like head, a neon green plastic-like substance dangling from its head, and hot pink skin. Aside from large eyes drawn in "Anime" style on its face, it lacks any facial features. The entity wears a purple dress.
  • Host: Look, it's mommy.
  • Host is covered in blood and wielding an ax. Panicked, she points at the entity which is quickly pushing a shopping car full of toys towards the her and the Cameraman. Host jumps out of the way. Cameraman attempts to jump out of the way, but is hit by the shopping cart. The camera is dropped, but the unknown entity can be seen climbing on top of the Cameraman and sticking its arm into his mouth.
  • Cameraman: No, not my favorite camera. If I would have shared it this would have never happened. Now mommy is angry at me.
  • Host: Don't worry, Mark. I will save you.
  • Host hits the entity several times on its back with the ax. The entity bleeds a yellow and pink substance. Camerman crawls from under the entity, gets up, and stomps the entity's head.
  • Host: Ouch, hurting mommy hurts me.
  • Cameraman: Owie, it hurts me too!
  • Host: I think we both learned today not to hurt mommy. Hurting her hurts me more than it does her.
  • Cameraman: I don't know what that means, but I agree.
  • Host and Cameraman continue to attack the entity for the duration of the footage.
  • Recording cuts to footage of Host lying face down on the floor of a plain white room. A mannequin wearing the Co-Host's gas mask stands beside her. Bolt cutters are jammed into the mannequin's torso. An episode of the Flintstones can be heard playing in the background. Host raises her head to the camera. Her face is similar to the unknown entity's. Her head pops off and floats to the ceiling like a balloon.
  • Recording cuts to footage of a bonfire party. Host, Co-Host, and Cameraman are present and take part in different activities. A large number of unknown individuals are present as well. Audio of footage has been dubbed over by a woman's voice with a slight southern accent. Audio is significantly distorted. It is impossible to make out any words spoken.
  • [NOTE]: Co-Host does not have her gas mask in this footage.
  • [NOTE]: Audio is perfectly audible. It's just that mommy is speaking directly to me and you're not allowed to hear her.
  • Recording cuts to Co-Host stabbing the palm of her hand repeatedly with a butcher knife. Footage is in night vision and is taken in a wooded area.
  • Cameraman: You're a real fucking freak.
  • Co-Host: I know.
  • Recording cuts to Host and Co-Host sitting next to each other as they watch a bonfire burn.
  • Host: Hel, I love you.
  • It begins to snow heavily. Recording ends.
  • Recording was discovered by a user named, FriendlyHelper000, who posted a thread on the Runescape forums entitled, "This Is Why Liberalism Has Failed", which included links to the recording. Thread was quickly deleted and the user was banned. The publisher of the magazine which Retail Hell was distributed alongside claims to have no knowledge of the individuals in the recording.
  • Thank you for reading.

anonymous asked:

Life advice question! I am a girl in my early twenties in Canada. What would you guys recommend doing now to invest in my future? This can be anything you can think of, school, financial stuff, relationships, tips of anyyy kind....I know this may sound vague because you don't know me personally, I'm basically just looking for some wisdom. Cheers :)

When I was your age I saw technology booming around me, but I had no money to participate. I learned how to make tech & import electronics. You are more plugged into the future & present than I am. I can tell you it belongs to the doers, though. Youtube is amazing, I don’t know how long free access to millions will be free… to not take advantage of it is crazy. As the world around us automates, entertainment will be the final job frontier. The richest Chinese billionare keeps buying up Hollywood Studios, but that is boring to me. Real life & real people & getting to know others from all over the world has value beyond money.

Businesses that support creators, ad networks, product placement, editing software, merch, design, hardware(camera,audio,lighting) epublishing, running festivals so like minded people can get together from all over, there is so much room for entreprneurs. I learned about a self made billionare recently who started Harbor Freight, a low cost tool store. He imported tools & flew to China at 17 to meet suppliers. You want to be that guy. See a need (tools were too expensive) and invest yourself fully.

School is not for you if you don’t have a specfic goal. You can learn anything online, but you need school for certain certifications & jobs, invest in only those educations, everything else is a hobby you can learn on your own for free at a much faster pace.

Relationship advice is tough to give, people want different things these days, but I tell you those things aren’t as great as they seem long term. Having someone you can rely on for life is better than dating Leonardo for a few weeks… Be a swan vs a dog & learn to spot dogs, their temporary attention fades when they’ve picked up your scent. Pick people who you know will pick you up from the airport, get a side job just to buy you a birthday present, go on adventures with you, get the door or let you get it for them, too. Measure your relationship by how much fun you have just going to the grocery store together not what luxury vacays your former bff is going on and posting to FB, trust me they are miserable.

Learn about money, take a few finance and economic courses, don’t let anyone else touch or manage or have access to yours. Do your best to never “invest” in anything outside of Index Funds or Treasury Bonds. Most are scams. Only buy property where they aren’t making any more of it, if you feel rushed into something run like hell out the door. Scammers have jedi mind control tricks to part you from your money and health. The best solution is most likely doing nothing when pressured into a decision.

Learn from people of all ages & backgrounds, combined and valued for our different experiences expands the pie of life. Try to bring people together for just this reason. People who self segregate are the poorest in all aspects of life.

Now share some of your wisdom back please! Trust in yourself have more than you realize!

anonymous asked:

Sineala, I don't know who to ask. Is Captain America an asshole? I have been in Marvel for while, it started with Spidey, Avengers and now X-Men. He is really hated in X-men part of community, it's toxic hate. They label him as racist to mutants. :/

Sorry about taking so long to get back to you, anon! I… really had to think about how to phrase this.

Keep reading

"american beauty" sentence starters
  • "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world."
  • "Well, you have absolutely no interest in saving yourself."
  • "Lose my job? I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?' I QUIT."
  • "I figured you guys might be able to give me some pointers. I need to shape up. Fast."
  • "You're right. I suck dick for money."
  • "Well, what do you say I throw in a little sexual harassment charge, to boot?"
  • "Management wants you gone by the end of the day."
  • "Your father seems to think this kind of behavior is something to be proud of."
  • "It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back."
  • "When I was your age, I flipped burgers all summer just to be able to buy an eight-track."
  • "All I did was party and get laid. I had my whole life ahead of me."
  • "I rule!"
  • "She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself."
  • "It's never too late to get it back."
  • "I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated."
  • "You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?"
  • "Both my wife/husband and daughter/son think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right."
  • "I'm looking for the least possible amount of responsibility."
  • "You should see me fuck. I'm the best piece of ass in three States."
  • "Can you prove that you didn't offer to save my job if I let you blow me?"
  • "Are you just looking to lose weight, or do you want increased strength and flexibility as well?"
  • "I don't think we can be friends anymore."
  • "Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?"
  • "You're way too uptight about sex."
  • "I want to look good naked!"
  • "Someone really should just put him out of his misery."
  • "I'm not paying you to do... whatever it is you're doing out here."
  • "You don't really think [name] and I were..."
  • "Want me to kill him for you?"
  • "I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts whenever I bring a girlfriend home from school."
  • "I quit. So you don't have to pay me. Now leave me alone."
  • "Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die."
  • "She hates me. She hates you, too."
  • "There's plenty of joy in my life."
  • "Go fuck yourself, psycho!"
  • "My parents are coming tonight. They're trying to, you know, take an active interest in me."
  • "Gross. I hate it when my mom does that."
  • "Fuck me, Your Majesty!"
  • "I was hoping you'd give me a bath. I'm very, very dirty."
  • "You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have."
  • "I'm so sorry for the way things look around here."
  • "I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter."
  • "Who are you looking for?"
  • "This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living."
  • "There's nothing worse than being ordinary."
  • "Everything that's meant to happen does."
  • "You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak."
  • "Welcome to America's weirdest home videos."
  • "Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way."
  • "I'm sensing a real distance growing between you and [name]."
  • "My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell."
  • "Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!"
  • "Your mom's the one who's embarrassing. What a phony. But, your dad's actually kind of cute."
  • "If he just worked out a little, he'd be hot."
  • "You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."
  • "I'm serious. He just pulled down his pants and yanked it out."
  • "Never underestimate the power of denial."
  • "Are you trying to look unattractive today?"
  • "How dare you speak to me that way in front of her."
  • "Jesus, what is it with you?"
  • "I am sick and tired of being treated like I don't exist."
  • "Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in."
  • "See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
  • "Don't interrupt me, honey!"
  • "[Name]'s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die."
  • "You better watch yourself, [name], or you're going to turn into a real bitch, just like your mother!"
  • "I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you lose your job."
  • "You're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it."
  • "You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
  • "Uh, whose car is that out front?"
  • "Your mother seems to prefer that I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink."
  • "In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."
  • "She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love."
  • "I think you just became my personal hero!"
  • "Man, you are one twisted fuck."
  • "The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."
  • "You know, this really doesn't concern you."
  • "I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable?"
  • "I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it."
  • "Your wife is with another man and you don't care?"
  • "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."
  • "In less than a year, I'll be dead."
  • "[Name], today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself, and then I blackmailed him for almost sixty thousand dollars. Pass the asparagus."
  • "I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
  • "We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time."
  • "I can't believe you don't know how beautiful you are."
  • "Well, at least I'm not ugly."
  • "This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
  • "[Name], are you masturbating?!"
  • "If people I don't even know look at me and want to fuck me, it means I really have a shot at being a model."
  • "In a way, I'm dead already."
  • "You are so busted."
  • "I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
  • "Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably."
  • "The car I've always wanted and now I have it."
  • "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that..."
  • "Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."
  • "I'm just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose."
  • "Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but."
  • "It would be nice if I was anywhere near as important to him as she is."
  • "Gotta spend money to make money."
  • "I refuse to be a victim!"
  • "I was filming this dead bird."
  • "Do you party?"
  • "Oh, what? You're mother of the year? You treat her/him like an employee."
  • "Could he be any more pathetic?"
  • "I think it's sweet."
  • "You need structure... you need discipline."
  • "He's just so confident, it can't be real."
  • "So, you're fucking psycho-boy on a regular basis now? Tell me, has he got a big dick?"
  • "He didn't even look at me once!"
  • "I don't think you'd fit in here."
  • "It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn."
  • "Excuse me for speaking so bluntly, sir."
  • "Oh, I'm in trouble."
  • "I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting."
  • "This country is going straight to hell!"
  • "[Name], when did you become so joyless?"
  • "I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious."
  • "What is this? The fucking Gay Pride parade?"
  • "Sorry about my dad."
  • "To you, he's just another guy who wants to jump your bones."
  • "This is my first time."
Preference #86: Butt Touchin'

Jack: “…And you also have a meeting with the cancer center about doing extra stuff for the fundraiser. I think it’s like a big party with a speech or something. Then lunch with Louis, Ben and your brother. You still have to buy your mother’s birthday present; I am NOT getting it for you this time. Then we go round to your parents for dinner.’ You read off Jack’s ‘To-Do’ list in your special notebook. He’d made you his personal assistant with decent pay and everything. It was kind of nice working with your boyfriend, though not nice working for him. You didn’t realize how much he did until you ended up in charge of it all. He smiled up at you from his desk, giving you his normal sly grin, ‘Sounds great, babe. You’re doing a pretty good job.’ ‘It’s nothing really. Just keeping track of you and making sure you don’t do anything stupid,’ ‘Which you’re accustomed to anyways. Good job, babe. Keep it up!’ and then he slapped your backside loud enough for the whole office to perk their heads up from their laptops. ‘Jack!’ ‘What?! You never mind at home!’

Finn: Finn was a spanker. He liked spanking your ass any chance he could simply for your small gasp. He never did it during sex either. He only did it out in public amongst others whether they know it or not. So, when you all walked down the street to find some dinner, the sensation of being followed didn’t surprise you. You looked over your shoulder to see him combing through his hair with his hand innocently, looking away the second you made eye contact. ‘Don’t you even think about it.’ ‘Think about what?’ ‘You know what?’ ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about babe,’ His grin gave him away. ‘Yes you do. Don’t do it.’ ‘You’re talking nonsense again. It’s a bit embarrassing, darling.’ You scoffed. Your cheeks already grew hot. You could almost feel the small nerve that’ll travel to your most intimidate place the second he does it. SMACK! Yep. It happened. You gave the softest gasp, jumping somewhat and blushing horribly red as Finn ran. ‘Finnegan Harries!’ He only laughed in response, running into the restaurant ahead of you.

Dan: He’s not the type to slap your ass, though once he gets the chance, he laughs. He loves your reaction. Lying down beside him on your stomach, the sheets stopping just above your underwear, you could see the temptation in him. As he worked on his video edit, those brown eyes traveled down your body to your backside. He could tell what underwear you wore, that you somewhat wanted him to, and that he could get away with it. 'Pervert…’ You smirked jokingly. He snapped out of his trance, looking at you, 'Sorry? Wha-What’d you say?’ 'Don’t worry. I think it’s cute you still check out my ass when you think I’m not looking.’ 'Well, it’s not my fault, you kind of stick it out at me.’ 'I do not!’ 'Do too! Like, look at this,’ He slapped your ass once, 'It’s sitting right in arm’s reach. Can you blame for wanting to? Huh?’ He smacked it once or twice more before you rolled onto your back, laughing with him. He then kissed you, pecking a few times then saying: 'How about you slide those off for me and we can have some real fun with it?’ 'Dan!’ You giggled before he set his laptop aside and lied on top of you, smothering you in kisses.

Phil: He hardly touched your ass outside of a non-sexual situation. He thought it was disrespectful to you, and the last thing he wanted was you becoming annoyed by him for it. However, the day he found you walking around the apartment in your underwear, he couldn’t help himself. You eventually changed into shorts, though that hardly helped his condition. They might as well have been panties still. You knew he’d give into it soon and pounce on you at the oddest time. He didn’t. He simply stayed away from you. Until, you stood in the kitchen preparing dinner when a loud smack erupted in the room. 'Ow! Phil!’ It stung somewhat, though you couldn’t mask the pleasure shock it gave you. 'You know what your ass does to me,’ He said, somewhat frustrated and upset. 'Why do you…Ugh…’ You started laughing, and came closer to him. 'Aw, poor Philly. He’s all frustrated,’ You cooed, nuzzling your nose with his. He spanked you again, a bit lighter this time. You could feel a hardness pressing into your thigh. 'Why don’t I go take care of this for you?’ You asked, your hand rubbing the growing erection in his jeans. He merely answered in a groan before you led him back into the living room for a blowjob. 

reservoirdogma  asked:

OKAY TALK TO ME ABOUT OWEN AND CLAIRE HEADCANNONS because I haven't been able to find anything online for them and it's killing me dead I shipped them so hardcore. (I usually don't even buy those token romances in blockbusters but this one hit all my buttons somehow)

OK THESE ARE LITERALLY ALL ABOUT THEIR FIRST MEETING/FIRST DATE BECAUSE I AM OBSESSED also I am posting this publicly because like you I have been consumed by claire/owen feels and I want to take the world down with me and damn it I want someone to write real fic ok somebody write fic

- owen had been working with the raptors for a while before claire landed her job on the island, and he happened to be passing by helipad when she was first arriving. she climbs off the chopper wearing her college sweatpants and an old t-shirt (one of very few times that he would ever see her without her signature heels-skirt-blazer combo) and struggling to carry her three large suitcases (filled of course with heels, skirts and blazers). he thinks she might be one of his new interns so he introduces himself and offers to carry her bags, but not before letting it slip that watching her try to manage it all on her own is kind of amusing to him – which claire does not take well. she brushes past his extended hand, very clearly annoyed, muttering something about a long travel day and delayed flights and missing luggage and not having time for this. he follows her, making another joke about how much stuff she has because ‘damn, I thought I was an overpacker…’ and she sends him the deadliest of deadly glares over her shoulder before a driver helps her into a car and she disappears, leaving owen wondering where in the world they could be taking his intern and why he feels like he misses her

- the next morning during InGen’s weekly check-in with his team and the raptors, he has a do a double take before realizing that the woman in the black pinstriped pantsuit and four-inch heels is the same woman from the night before. she is content to pretend last night didn’t happen and introduces herself in her most formal tone, extending her hand. he laughs, trying hard to resist the urge to brush past her like she had the night before, but she’s giving him this look that’s caught somewhere between pleading and contempt, so he plays along for her sake (and also, admittedly, for his)

- after her first couple of months on the island, she starts to warm up to him a bit. owen always finds time during the check-ins to talk to claire. he starts calling them ‘dual check-ins’ – claire checks in on the raptors, and he checks in on claire. she’s not crazy about the idea (‘how many times do I have to tell you, mr. grady? just because we are in the jungle instead of a conference room doesn’t make this any less of a business meeting’) and she does her best to keep him at arm’s length, but there are moments where she allows her guard to fall (‘okay, you can ask me ONE question. but then you give me an update on the raptors!’). he respects her limits, knows when to stop pushing her. her family is a sore spot, he learns quickly, so he doesn’t ask about them often

- as acting manager of jurassic world, she does her best to make it to every weekly check-in, but things just keep coming up again and again, so she only ends up seeing him about every other week. he asks about her when she’s not there, and he will only demonstrate improvements in the raptors’ abilities when she is there to watch. his obvious crush on her becomes an inside joke among the InGen board members

 - at the end of claire’s first quarter as acting manager, InGen holds an event in her honor. owen – who has somehow managed to avoid all of these annoying banquets in his past couple of years on the island – is one of the first to arrive. he sits at a table with his team and tries not to let his eyes wander over to claire all night (it’s bad enough that the InGen board members are joking about his crush, but now his team is giving him shit for it too). he can’t help it, though. she’s wearing the most beautiful gold dress, and she’s smiling more than he’s ever seen her smile before, and whenever her eyes connect with his he feels his heart drop down to his stomach. after all of the official board members and presidents and owners and shareholders have given all of their official speeches, owen stands up before he can think twice about it and taps his fork against his glass. he tells everyone to ‘toast to claire, the woman who keeps us all going.’ when owen’s eyes meet claire’s through the crowd, he swears there’s a tear in her eye. he catches a moment alone with her before the night is over, and she’s not sure if it’s the wine or his toast or the way he looks in that damn suit, but she asks him out to dinner the following night.

- she shows up to his place the next night, six o’clock sharp, itinerary in hand. she hugs him hello when he opens the door, and he’s so surprised that by the time he rests his hands on her back she’s already pulling away. she calls him owen for the first time and his heart just about stops beating. her smile drops when she looks down and sees the board shorts. ‘did— I’m sorry, am I early? do you need more time to get ready?’ ‘nope.’

- he ends up making her ditch the itinerary after the first hour and takes her to a burger joint in the park that she says she’s never been to. ‘why would I want to go to the one restaurant on this island with the lowest customer satisfaction ratings? we’ve almost closed it down three separate times.’ ‘claire, if you ever closed this place, I’m sorry, but I would resign on the spot. I’m pretty sure it’s written in my contract.’ ‘there’s no way that’s written in your contract.’ ‘well, it should be.’

- owen gets ketchup all over claire’s white sundress and she threatens to send him her dry cleaning bill (two weeks later the bill is taped to his front door)

- during lulls in their conversation, he talks about the raptors. he talks about the raptors… a lot. at first, she’ll admit, she finds it kind of cute – endearing, like the way a child talks about their dog. but it comes to a point where she can hardly get a word in edgewise, and finally she insists that they get back to her itinerary. he makes some snappy comment about her always needing to be in control which he immediately regrets, but it’s too late to take it back. ‘fine, we’ll forget the itinerary. I’m ready to go home.’

- they walk back to her place in silence, claire three paces ahead with crossed arms, and owen trailing behind rewriting his apology over and over again in his head. when they reach her building, she turns to face him only for a brief handshake. ‘goodnight, mr. grady. I’ll see you on monday.’ ‘goodnight, ms. dearing.’

 - things between them are inescapably awkward after that night. their conversations are all busines, and claire has to hide the fact that she misses all of owen’s annoying inquiries into her personal life, and that it upsets her that he doesn’t try to show off in front of her anymore

+ a while after the events of jurassic world, he takes her on a second date. he shows up with his own six-part itinerary and she can’t help but laugh at the fact that four out of the six steps are ‘kiss claire’

snapgraclepop  asked:

Hey I'm just curious but is this blog just dedicated to your book and faith alone? Nothing wrong with that of course! I'm just wondering why you don't reblog from others or post stuff from other pastors and stuff. Maybe you have and I just missed it haha!! 😅😅

Hey dear friend, thank you for this question and for asking it so graciously. I actually have some specific answers that took a lot of thoughtfulness and care as I found my voice on this blog, so I kindly ask for your grace as I indulge a bit on the writing process: and perhaps impart some things for you to discern and consider. This post might sound defensive and icky, but I promise you that I’m trying my best to balance both self-promotion and sincere expression, and I ask for your help in this, too.

I once did reblog many other posts and quotes, until I had a horrifying church experience with a “Christian celebrity” and I quit trusting the blog-world. A huge portion of Christian writers (and social media) do not reflect the true person behind their pretty words. As I got deeper into the Christian literary scene, I discovered that many Christian books are not even written by their supposed author. I hope that every Christian here can use a strong filter of discernment even on their favorite speakers and authors, and also realize that you don’t need me or some articulate witty blogger to tell you the truth. God already gave you that between Genesis and Revelation.

So at least two of my goals with this blog are to 1) write my own content to serve others and not merely be a “curator” or “aggregator,” (which is fine if you are), and 2) only quote people that I personally trust. That’s why you won’t see many reblogs from others, and if you do, it’s only from a handful of people. I regularly reblog @tblaberge, @yesdarlingido, and @worshipgifs. I trust Todd, Lauren, and Anne, because I believe they’re the real thing, flaws and all. I also sometimes reblog @blakebaggott, @yeahmicah, @31women, @breanna-lynn, and @peterdwebb. I would let any of these people babysit my future kids. (And I’m sure I missed a few names, there are many good bloggers out there.)

About the books: I honestly hate self-promotion. I want to ask that you pray for me in this, that I might promote tastefully and with integrity, because I know I don’t always get it right. I try to only promote my books when there’s a sale (which happens to be this week, and happens about every five weeks or so), and I’m always conflicted about whether or not I’m being obnoxious about it. I’ve also learned to have peace about how others perceive what I’m doing. If you’re an artist creating something, I think Donald Miller has some great thoughts on authentic self-promotion here.

The thing is, my blog will always be free here (unless Skynet wins), and my books are a way of saying, “If you want to lend some support, please consider buying one.” If not, I love you either way. When I quote any of my own books, it’s also a way of sharing what I’ve made with you, like saying, “I’m excited to give you this insight, so you don’t have to get the book to read it.” I actually have a standing order that if anyone cannot afford a book, I will give a digital copy for free by email: no reason needed, because cost should never be an issue and I don’t do this for the money. I make two dollars or less per book, and since I’m sort of a nobody, I’m still a broke struggling writer with a job. (I would work anyway, even if my books sold a lot.) I donate as much as I can. And if you’ve ever wondered why a pastor should ever “need money” for being a pastor, I have a few thoughts on that here.

Dear friend, again I ask for your prayers in all this, because I really wrestle with how to be real. I want to write with authenticity while also trying to support my own family. This is the icky fight of every creative heart. It’s every artist’s dream to do what they love and live off it at the same time, and even if I never get there, I will write to serve you and serve God to the very end.

— J.S.

anonymous asked:

Ugh, this is going to sound so stupid, but I... Don't know how to grow up? Like, I'm a junior in High School and I'm Aro+Ace. I don't plan on getting married, ever. But the world only gives advice on how to grow up if you plan on dating, getting married, having kids, etc. I know I'm not the only one who's living through this, but when my friend comes to me for comfort over her recent breakup, or when my parents make a comment about how I'm "confused about boys," I just feel so alone.

I’m going to fill you in on a little secret: not a single grownup knows what they’re doing. Grown ups are basically just teenagers who suddenly have to pay bills and make their own phone calls and stuff. We actually have no idea how we got here. Literally the only difference is experience - we’ve done more stuff, so we’re better at doing more stuff. 

If the only things your parents and the people around you have to talk about it relationships, then I am honestly sorry for them. What a sad, small life they must have to not have anything else to talk about or think about. There’s so much out there! Getting an education, whatever job you’re at, hobbies, literally anything! 

Kiowa’s advice on how to grow up:

  1. Don’t. Retain your imagination and wonder as long as you possibly can. They make life so much brighter and more fun. 
  2. Remember that everyone around you is trying to figure this out too. They probably don’t know any more than you do, and if they do, they can help you figure it out. If they don’t, they’ll figure it out with you. 
  3. It’s okay to take baby steps out into the world. It’s also okay to just jump into independent adulthood with both feet. 
  4. Try things that sound fun. And if you don’t like them, don’t do them again. 
  5. It’s okay to stay at home in your pajamas, watch a movie, and go to bed early on Friday and Saturday nights. Parties are overrated and socialization can happen on your terms. 
  6. Alcohol and drugs are not good ideas, particularly in excess, but if you have to try them out, do so in a safe environment (aka not a party or with strangers or at a bar or a club). 
  7. Don’t stop learning just because you’ve graduated high school. College is a totally different ball game and if you pick the right classes/major, learning will be the most fun you’ll ever have. But even if you don’t go to college, there is so much to learn and no pressure to do it a certain way, in a certain time, or to pass a test. Learn for the sake of learning. 
  8. Figure out if you’re an introvert or an extrovert as early as you can, and try to figure out whether you like living with people or not, and how many people you can handle living with, before you get locked into a situation you can’t get out of. Always vet your roommates thoroughly. 
  9. Don’t get a pet if you can’t afford your own care. You should have a job that pays all of your bills with extra every month before you bring a dog/cat/horse/bird/whatever into your life. They rely on you, and they don’t care that you don’t have money - they need to eat, same as you, and Ramen will not do. If you have to eat Ramen to be able to feed your pet for a while, do it, but if you’re already eating Ramen mostly, don’t get a pet. Be realistic - some pets cost more than others. The cheapest pet I know of is a betta fish, and they still need a small tank, food daily, and regular tank cleanings to survive. Getting a pet will not make you more responsible - it will make you realize how much you shouldn’t have a pet. Don’t do that to an animal. Get a plant first. 
  10. I got distracted. Oh, right, eat well. Get your food groups in, don’t waste money on things that won’t keep, be realistic about what you need to eat and can eat before it goes bad. And buy at least one junk food every week, because while eating yogurt for breakfast and fresh sandwiches for lunch and pasta for dinner is awesome, you will want cookies at some point. Also, microwavable meals are not bad, but try to get ones that are made of real food. 
  11. Take care of yourself. Not just your body - also your mental health.
  12. Always have a coloring book and crayons/colored pencils on hand. You never know when you’ll need to be five years old again. 

-Kiowa

charon14  asked:

Hi, AY. I adore your art, you are my favorite tumblr artist or like contemporary artist ever. I love how you help people and all of your drawings and quotes. You inspire me a lot, I am an artist myself. Just wanted to say thank you and it would be super nice of you if you answered this so you know I exist. I am really shy and I don't know if I am good enough to start a blog whit just my art. Do you have like any tips and tricks? Thank you again, love you!

So here is the truth that no one tells you about life as an artist:

I worry about everything. I’m skeptical of anyone who likes my art. I convince myself that they must be confused or lying. I worry that eventually people will figure out that I’m a fraud or that I’m actually a terrible artist, and a terrible person. I have moments of paralyzing anxiety where all I can do is aimlessly check my social media accounts, buy toys for my Neko Atsume yard or rewatch Gilmore girls episodes I’ve seen over 50 times. I grew up being told that my artistic aspirations were unattainable and I somehow interpreted that as: you don’t deserve it. I had a hard time getting into art school (I had to apply 3 times), I get rejected from 95% of the things I apply to and most of my family still think of my art is a fun hobby and are waiting for me to get a real job. I used to think that if I reached a specific goal everything would work itself out. I would be set, confident. My anxiety would dissipate, my hair would always look good and my clothes would finally fit right. But it’s hard. It’s always hard. I’m always scared. I’m always exhausted. My jeans are always too tight and my hair is always a mess.

There are zillions of memes out there, telling us in cursive lettering on a beach scene background that if we’re positive and tough we can achieve our dreams… but that’s bullshit. You can work really hard and never get the recognition you deserve. And chances are, even if you “make it” as an artist, you may never be able to make a living doing what you love. Most of my creative friends and I struggle, because people love art, but they don’t believe in paying artists a living wage. So you have to make a lot of compromises (and constantly remind yourself that compromises are not necessarily failures).

The good news is, while some things are out of your control, there are other things you can do to help enhance your chances at success (and by success I don’t necessarily mean money or fame or anything permanent, I mean moments, little amazing moments, that you hold onto when everything else turns to shit…). I know that I’ll never be a confident person. I will always second-guess myself. It’s my thing. What I’ve learned is that instead of trying to get over my shortcomings, I have to work with them. When my self-confidence let’s me down, I let my stubbornness take over. So when I’m crying on my bathroom floor at 1 in the morning feeling terrified, I defer to that stubborn bitch inside of me, who is hell-bent on proving everyone who ever doubted her wrong. She gets me off the floor and back to work.

And all that stuff, all those emotions, they all go into my work… The good, the bad and the melodramatic. And that’s the thing people tend to relate to the most: the messiness, and the honesty. Don’t try to make work that you think people will like… (that kind of work always sucks) just make work that makes you feel good, or makes you feel better, or makes you feel something. The point I’m trying to make is that there are no formulas, no sure things, and no magic words. You just have to customize a survival strategy for yourself and take risks from time to time.

ps. just in case my answer seemed discouraging, let me be clear that I ABSOLUTELY think you should just go for it, take the risk and share your art with the world. It’s hard… but if means that much to you, it’s totally worth it.

The next drawing I post is for you <3