Kylo Ren x Reader

“Please Don’t Leave Me”

Note: I’m now taking Kylo Ren requests so send them in!


It was only supposed to be another day. But you felt it. You felt it in the air, in the way he moved across the room. His thick eyebrows narrow and his dark eyes surrounded by sleepless dark circles. Something was different, and you couldn’t place your finger on it.

Kylo was tense, his shoulders hunched over the table as he looked down at his helmet. His gloved hands grasping at the edge while his pitch black hair fell in front of his eyes. He had been standing there for 20 minutes now. It was still early morning before Kylo would put on the helmet, concealing his identity for the day until he’d see you again. Despite your guys’ usual small conversations in the mornings with hushed voices and soft kisses, he was quiet, not saying a word to you. You knew something was wrong from the second you woke up. He was already up, showered, and dressed, not in his usual spot beside you with his strong arms hooked around your small body… The bed sheets were instead cold around you. Usually, he was the last one ready for the day, lazily moving about the morning after you with heavy steps. Sighing, you grabbed a shirt from the closet, noticing Kylo walk over to the table that had his helmet propped up inside it.  You buttoned the front of your shirt, walking slowly behind him. He could feel you there, nearing him. Your energy seeping out of your heart as you yearned to touch him, to say something. To comfort him. But you didn’t dare. Days like these… He became unpredictable. Even towards you. Fear built up in your stomach. Though he’s never touched you before, you knew how ill-tempered he was.

Pushing your voice out, it came out as a whisper. “Ben…” He only let you call him by his real name. It wasn’t like he could stop you, but somehow, it make his heart squeeze and his breath hitch as a shiver ran down his back. He loved it.

Watching him, you sensed his body only growing colder as the seconds went on, and you swallowed. He had been getting stressed out more easily, more frequently throughout the last two weeks. Ever since Snoke stopped his training. Kylo didn’t understand why, which lead him to ask more and more questions. Too many questions. Snoke would continually say. But Kylo was impatient, arrogant. You knew this, yet, despite your friends’ warnings, you stayed with him.

Striding towards him, you then latched your arms around his waist, pulling his back against your chest. He was much taller than you, bigger, so you had to wrap your arms tightly around him in order to interlock your fingers, but he didn’t mind the feeling. Resting your forehead against the thick fabric of his shirt, you breathed out and felt him relax a little. But that didn’t stop the coldness of his energy making you grit your teeth. “It’s okay.” You murmured. “I know how it may seem-“ Kylo’s head then shot up, and he pulled you off of him.

“No. No, it’s not okay, y/n. You have no fucking idea.” He ran his long fingers through his hair. Burying them deep into the raven waves that fell heavily around his pale face.

“It’s Snoke isn’t it-“

He shot a sharp gaze towards your direction, and you swallowed your words. Hesitantly, you reached out to him. Mistake. As soon as your fingers lightly grazed his chin, Kylo’s hand shot up, and he threw it down. His voice cracking as he shouted at you. His fingers still wrapped tightly around your wrist. Pain shot up your arm and your fingers grew numb.  

“Stop trying to help me! STOP! JUST STOP! YOU CAN’T!” Suddenly you couldn’t move. His booming voice making tears stream down your face. His lips were quivering as he stood only inches from you. Your body was numb, straining under his pressure.

“Ben-“ Your voice was raspy, and you gasped for air. He had you under his grip. Holding you in his anger. The force swirled around you, binding you, choking you. “Ben-“

Suddenly, his face softened and his eyes widened. You felt him release you, and you nearly collapsed to the ground with weakness. But Kylo lunged toward you, grabbing you so that you didn’t fall.

“I’m sorry-Y/n I’m so sorry. Please-Are you okay? Fuck-Oh god-I’m so sorry.” Once you regained your strength, you pressed your hands against his chest, shoving him off of you. Startled by your sudden strength, he tripped back a step. But then moved towards you again. You held up your hands.

“Don’t, touch, me.” Your voice was hard, and it felt like you had just slapped him in the face. Guilt filled your heart, but fear still shook you to your core. Your wrist throbbing-you didn’t look down to examine it, but you could still feel his fingertips digging into your skin.


“I have to go.” Quickly turning around, you rushed for the door. But Kylo beat you there. He then fell to his knees. Before you could do anything, he had wrapped his arms around your small waist, pulling you against him. Burying his face in the fabric of your shirt. You stood there, shutting your eyes. Holding your shaky hands in the air, Kylo’s shoulders shook against you. Looking down, you then pressed your eyebrows together, and gently pushed your fingers through his hair. Moving his head back so he looked up at you. His face was tear-stained with red-rimmed eyes. Big, puffy, chocolate brown eyes. You felt a wave of sadness crash over you.

“Please-I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me.” His voice wavered against the pressure of his emotions, and you clenched your jaw. Lowering yourself to the ground, he leaned into you, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck and pulling you tightly against him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and held him. Tears streamed down your face and you leaned your head down. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to… I didn’t-…”

You hushed him, closing your eyes and letting your tears soak into his shirt. “I know. I know.”

modern matthias headcanons bc i love death:

- the human embodiment of that “*surrounded by wolves* calm down puppies i can’t pet all of you!” (or smth like that) tumblr meme
- probably definitely works at a dog shelter
- has like three wolfdogs and two huskies
- gives puppies as bday presents
- has a super simple style bc he thinks buying clothes is wasteful so he probably wears the ones he owns to rags and THEN finally succumbs to buying new basics (under nina’s strict supervision)
- ACTUAL GRANDPA who has no idea how a phone works let alone an app/computer program
- BAD with technology in general
- likes documentaries (can literally watch three hours worth of nat georgaphic films about the tundra)
- mostly makes toast and oatmeal for himself bc he treats food the same way as clothes: he needs his meal to be sufficient and nutritious but anything more is extra and unnecessary
- HOWEVER (thanks to @helvr for this headcanon honestly god b l e s s) he has a surprising knack for baking/baked goodies so he can spend hours making pastries for other people
- blushes like a ripe tomato everytime nina so much as hikes up her skirts to smooth out/readjust her leggings or unbuttons one (1) front button of her shirt
- helps homeless kids/orphans with inej and just does sO MUCH GOOD IN THE WORLD OKAY
- totally scandalized by nina’s tv picks bc her fav shows usually have lots of nudity/openly expressed sexual desires and he’s just Shook
- reads lots and lots of self-help books and they really do help
- strives to be a better version of himself EVERY DAY
- looks hella good in jeans 👌 and nina makes sure to tell him on a daily basis (cue the tomato hue)
- spends some weekends at the library, educating himself, reading /even more/ about cultures and beliefs that are foreign to him so he a) broadens his horizon and b) doesn’t offend anyone by being ignorant in some way or other
- you’ve heard of the dad friend, now get ready for the grandpa friend
- the other dregs like to prank him (innocent jokes ofc) and all he ever does is scoff and sigh
- they collectively decide to buy him the same grumpy cat tshirt so he has a total of five (!!!) tshirt that are literally THE SAME
- that is until a package from kuwei arrives and it’s a hand-stitched grumpy cat sweater
- matthias looks into the camera like he’s on the office A LOT
- HIGHKEY think he’d LOVE brooklyn nine nine?? like?? it’s a show?? about justice?? and the importance of diversity?? showing different people from different places/backgrounds who have an incredible team dynamic and whose sole purpose is to fight modern crime??

freakshowgirl13  asked:

So I was wondering if you could write about the guys taking their S/O out dancing, and what song you could see them dancing to, thank you so much for your time, and I hope you have an excellent day XD

You guys have no idea how much fun it is to look through my music library to pick songs for the guys <3 ok but think of how hilarious square dancing would be


  • Okay let’s be honest, he’s a prince so he’s definitely had formal dance lessons from Ignis for obvious reasons.
  • But clubbing? Ohohoho boy. That’s new territory.
  • He’s not clueless, but dancing like that in front of everyone else, packed onto a dancefloor; he’s dead if someone recognizes him, but the place is dark so it’s fine
  • Like oh look it’s the prince of Lucis having a drink and dancing with someone ohoho scandalous 
  • You drag him out into the sea of people, swaying your hips and dancing against him to the song; that’s when he’ll get into it
  • His hands are on your hips while your arms are slung around his neck, and he’s grinding against you while your foreheads are pressed together
  • Ok so nevermind the boy has got this clubbing thing down perfectly he’s also probably got a hard dick from all of that grinding
  • You’ll probably leave very soon after that just because the idea of getting tangled up with each other is a lot better than being squished between sweaty people


  • He’s a party animal and you can’t convince me otherwise. Out of the guys, he’s most likely to drag everyone out to go dancing at some big city club
  • Did he pregame? Idk probably
  • Get ready to carry this boy home later after he’s done flinging himself all over the dancefloor to songs like this
  • He’s fast and energetic, and since he’s somewhere that people don’t know him, he can really let go and enjoy himself
  • You’re going to be sweating from trying to keep up with him, like, how is he doing this???
  • He’ll be blushing, but you bet he’s going to grind against your ass enough that you’re going to have to drag him back to an empty bathroom stall to take care of his -ahem- problem


  • If you think about this behemoth of a man dancing in a club like right in the middle of all of these other short people, you’re going to laugh a lot, but you’ll laugh even more when you see it
  • Honestly dancing in public is not one of his first choices since he’s so damn tall so you’re going to have to give him puppy eyes to go
  • Okay but get the guy a few drinks and he’ll dance with you
  • Until then, though, he’s going to be watching you show off for him to this
  • There’s just something about it; it’s so sexy and he loves ever second of you swaying and flipping your hair
  • When you bite you lip and gesture for him to join you it’s on
  • Gladdy’s got moves, and he’s going to use all of them on you


  • Listen, listen, Ignis next gets the award for best dance moves and most suave in the club
  • It’s not something you’d normally expect from the prince’s confidante, but it’s absolutely amazing to witness him dancing to this
  • The front buttons of his shirt come undone and he has you pulled flush against him to feel every move of his body
  • And oh my god the way he’s looking at you
  • You should just melt right on the spot, honestly, because he’s giving you bedroom eyes in the middle of a crowd just to make you flustered and it totally works
  • If he hasn’t got his hand on the small of your back to hold your hips against his, he’s got you turned around so he can lean over your shoulder and whisper in your ear

When did this get nsfw what the actual heck


[Image description: two photos of a woman standing indoors, one a full-length shot and the other three-quarters. She is white and has dark brown hair, shaved on the sides and worn curly off to one side on top. She wears glasses with frames that are tortoiseshell on top and clear, pink-tinted plastic on bottom. She wears a long-sleeved button-front chambray shirt, light blue with an all-over print of small, dark blue flowers. The sleeves are rolled up and the top button unbuttoned. She also wears mustard-yellow slim-cut trousers, a grey belt, grey striped socks, and floral flat-soled tennis shoes. The background contains a light wood-colored dresser, a pale teal bar cart with glasses and bottles of alcohol, and a pale green wall filled with many pieces of framed art.

Okay, friends, the test of this spring/summer will be to find out if I can be the kind of person who casually kicks around in cute flat sneakers; I have/have owned more than one pair but haven’t cracked the key to a comfortable fit for me yet. These ones are promising, though!

Shirt: Old Navy | Pants: Old Navy | Shoes: Target

So I was reading through @randomthingsthatilike123​‘s super accurate Sanvers headcanons and it gave me some first-time thoughts (b/c I firmly believe they have not had sex yet) and felt the need to share with the class.

  • The first couple of times Maggie stays over it’s like, obnoxiously respectful and cuddly and tender and Alex spends a lot of time giggling because ok she is a grown adult and so is Maggie but also there’s a girl in her bed and she’s never felt so giddy before.
    • It’s a great kind of giddy though, b/c Maggie is wrapped around her back and somehow even though Maggie’s shorter it feels like she’s covering all of Alex up and it’s so intimate that she has to like, breathe through it a bit.

Keep reading


[Image description: two photos of a woman standing outdoors in front of a tall, leafy hedge, one a full-length shot and the other three-quarters. She is white and has dark brown hair, short on the sides and worn curly off to one side on top. She wears glasses with frames that are tortoiseshell on top and clear, pink-tinted plastic on bottom. She wears a floral button-front shirt, blue with white flowers, a grey cropped sweatshirt, raspberry pink slim-cut pants, and silver Birkenstock sandals.]

I full realize that this outfit is borderline absurd but I’m in love with my cropped sweatshirt and needed something to throw over the top, so here we are!

Sweatshirt: Target | Shirt: Uniqlo | Pants: Old Navy | Shoes: Birkenstock


[Image description: two photos of a woman standing indoors, one a full-length shot and the other three-quarters. She is white and has dark brown hair, shaved on the sides and worn curly off to one side on top. She wears glasses with frames that are tortoiseshell on top and clear, pink-tinted plastic on bottom. She wears a long-sleeved dark blue denim button-front shirt, leggings with a blue background and a black damask pattern, a black scarf with a multi-colored splatter print, and floral tennis shoes. The background contains a light wood-colored dresser, a pale teal bar cart with glasses and bottles of alcohol, and a pale green wall filled with many pieces of framed art.]

A casual dog-walk look! I will admit I don’t often wear leggings-as-pants, but honestly these heavy ponte ones are hardly tighter than the slim-cut pants I usually wear, just lacking pockets (a not insignificant omission, though!).

Shirt, leggings, shoes: Target | Scarf: gift

Just Us


Devil hadn’t expected Rachael in the first place, so he definitely hadn’t been expecting her to drop the bomb on him that she wanted to get back together. Along those lines, he definitely hadn’t expected to agree.

And so the night had been a bit of a rush; unfortunately they hadn’t had any time to really reconnect considering the meetings he had planned. Rachael had ended up going to bed only to have him find his way beside her in the middle of the night rather shyly. He’d been asleep not long after, not leaving a lot of room for any intimacy.

But the next day was a bit different. After they both split up to take care of their own business, Rachael would return to find Devil directing her to one of the side rooms of his suite, the closest thing he had to a personal dining room. At the small table was a ready-made dinner by candlelight, and one she could tell he made himself by the smell of buttery pasta and wine. 

The mercenary sent her a wry smirk as he folded his arms behind his back. He’d dressed for the occasion by not wearing his usual more comfortable clothes, instead finding a button-front white shirt over dark jeans. 

“I know you don’t like me romancing you with big outings,” he said almost sweetly, “so… I figured a night in would be good.”


Grooms: A Glossary of Tuxedo Terms and Wedding Tuxedo Styles


Tuxedo, a.k.a. tux
This is by far the most common, most classic tux jacket, and is worn at formal and semiformal events. There are a surprising number of choices to make when picking a classic jacket. You can go single-breasted (with a one- to four-button front) or double-breasted (with a two- to six-button front). There are three types of lapels: peaked, notched, or shawl (see below for more lapel info).

Full dress, a.k.a. tails or tailcoat
This style jacket is cropped in front, with two tails in the back and a two- to six-button front. Generally worn at ultra-formal evening weddings.

Mandarin, a.k.a. Nehru jacket, Mao jacket
This jacket features a stand-up collar with no lapel and is worn with a Mandarin-collared shirt. Hint: This combo provides a sneaky way to avoid wearing a tie.

Cutaway, a.k.a. morning coat
For formal daytime weddings, the groom wears the cutaway coat – short in the front, long in the back, and tapering from the front waist button to a wide back tail. Cutaway jackets are either black or gray and are worn with matching striped trousers.

Stroller coat
This is a semi-formal suit jacket cut like a tuxedo. Usually charcoal gray or black and typically worn at weddings that take place before 4p.m.


Notched lapel
This lapel features a triangular indention where the lapel joins the collar. This is considered the least formal lapel style.

Shawl collar
This is a smooth, rounded lapel with no notch.

Peaked lapel
This broad, V-shaped lapel points up and out just below the collar line.


If you choose a formal tuxedo, your trousers should match your jacket in style and color. If you’ll be in a formal daytime wedding and will wear a stroller coat or cutaway coat, wear gray or gray pinstriped trousers.

Shirt Collars

Wing collar
The most formal choice and the collar style most often worn with tuxedo jackets, this stand-up collar has downward points.

This collar style crosses in front and is fastened with a shiny button.

Mandarin collar, a.k.a. band collar
This collar stands up around the neck and is the most contemporary-style tuxedo shirt. If ties remind you of a hangman’s noose, you’ll love this option, since you can wear it without a tie.

Spread collar
This resembles a standard button-front shirt but features a wide division between points in front. The wider collar looks great with a Euro tie or a standard necktie tied in a Windsor knot.


As for sleeve cuffs, you have a few options: standard dress-shirt cuffs held together with cuff links; French cuffs, which are folded over and closed with cuff links; and cuffs that close with a button. The choice is yours, but, in general, formal shirts call for cuff links.


Bow tie
The thing to wear with a classic tux. Bow ties come in several colors besides basic black — white is reserved for super-formal events, and colored bow ties are suitable for any occasion.
You can also wear a classic tie with your tux, to create a more casual – yet still elegant – wedding look. Pick a silk tie in silver or blue, which will be dressy enough to stand up to a tux.

Ascot tie
This wide, formal tie is usually patterned, folded over, and fastened with a stickpin or tie tack. Usually reserved for ultra-formal daytime weddings and worn with a cutaway coat and striped gray trousers.

Bolo tie
You go, cowboy! If you’re having a Western-themed wedding, live in Santa Fe, or are a working broncobuster, this stringy tie is for you. But if your bride has visions of Breakfast at Tiffany’s dancing in her head, think again before breaking out your bolo tie for the wedding, and go instead for something more classic.

Euro tie
This is a hybrid between an ascot tie and a regular, run-of-the-mill necktie. It’s a long, square-bottomed tie knotted at the neck and worn with a wing collar or spread collar shirt. The Euro offers a more formal look that’s not as all-out as an ascot.


Vests, a.k.a. waistcoats
For an ultra-formal evening wedding, clad yourself in a white tie and waistcoat. Or choose a colored waistcoat instead of a cummerbund for the Four Weddings and a Funeral look, popular in Britain. Vests let men in the wedding party lend a bit of personality to their looks.

These are pleated swatches of fabric worn around the waist when you’re not wearing a vest. Usually basic black, but you can choose a colored cummerbund to match the bridesmaid dresses or the wedding colors.

Cuff links
Use these little babies to add a personal touch to your wedding ensemble. If you want outlandish, try a set of magic-eight-ball cuff links. If simple elegance is your style, stick with black cuff links outlined in gold. Who knows? Maybe your bride will give you a set as a gift on the big day.


[Image description: two photos of a woman standing indoors, one a full-length shot and the other three-quarters. One photo of the woman’s shoes, seen from above. She is white and has dark brown hair, shaved on the sides and worn curly off to one side on top. She wears glasses with frames that are tortoiseshell on top and clear, pink-tinted plastic on bottom, and wears magenta pink lipstick. She wears a long-sleeved, dark blue denim button-front shirt underneath a loose-fitting sweater with wide cream and navy stripes, magenta slim-cut trousers, teal and white striped socks, and floral tennis shoes in red, pink, teal, and black. The background contains a light wood-colored dresser, a pale teal bar cart with glasses and bottles of alcohol, and a pale green wall filled with many pieces of framed art.] 

Stripes and florals are maybe my favorite springtime pattern mixing options, hardly revolutionary (”Florals, for spring? Groundbreaking.”), but a classic mix for a reason!

Sweater: Gap | Shirt: Target | Pants: Old Navy | Shoes: Target

mermaidskelton  asked:

Hi! I would consider myself a newbie towards Mac, I only know a few songs and I watched one of his documentaries. What are the basics I should know about Mac? Have a great day/night!

[Copied this from a previous post]

umm heres my best Mac Demarco for Dummies Sparknotes whatever list….

Things Mac loves:

-The Simpsons

-Elton John

-Viceroy cigerettes

-Probably goodwill

Signature Looks:

-5 panel hats


-More Denim

-Overalls (specifically black, cameo, and tan)

-Gapped front teeth

-Button up shirts

-White tube socks

-Red vans

-Usually wears the colors dark green, some shade of blue, white, and red

Things to know:

-His girlfriend’s name is Kiki

-The weird faces he makes (*see instagram for reference)

-His instagram is @macdemarco


[Image description: two photos of a woman standing outdoors in front of a tall, leafy hedge, one a full-length shot and the other three-quarters. She is white and has dark brown hair, short on the sides and worn curly off to one side on top. She wears glasses with frames that are tortoiseshell on top and clear, pink-tinted plastic on bottom. She wears a tartan blazer in tones of mossy green, pale blue, and teal, teal trousers, a floral button-front shirt in navy blue with pale red flowers, and brown lace-up boots with bronze toe caps.]

Still going strong with my pattern mixing!

Blazer: LL Bean | Shirt: Gap | Pants: Gap | Boots: Born

Just Friends

Lee Pace (Baby Pace) Fan Fiction

by ladywyldfire

18+, nsfw, smutty smut

Length: 6125 words (15-20 min. read)

Note:  This is set in 2004, when Lee was 25.  

I walked back into the living room, rubbing my shoulder. The movie on the TV screen was on pause and Lee was sprawled out on my sofa, taking up most of it.  He looked up as I came in and saw me wince as I kneaded at the sore muscles.  

“Is that still bothering you?” he asked, pushing his shaggy hair out of his eyes. When I nodded he sat up and slid the ottoman over in front of him, putting it between those long legs of his.  He patted the cushion invitingly and said, “Come on over and let the master work his magic.”  

I giggled and took a seat in front of him as he pushed play on the remote.  His big hands covered most of my upper back as he began to work the sore muscles in my shoulders.  I hadn’t realized how tense they were, but I was relaxing under his strong and sure strokes.

“You wearing anything under this?” he asked, suddenly tugging at the button front shirt I was wearing.  

I was half stunned by how good his hands felt, so I just mumbled, “Tank top.”  The next thing I knew he was leaning forward, arms around me, unbuttoning my shirt.  I took a deep breath as his hands worked their way down the front of my shirt.  He was careful not to touch my breasts, but even the soft brush of his arms against them as he carefully worked the buttons made my heart race.  I was glad I was facing away from him in the dark so he couldn’t see the blush rising on my cheeks.  

Lee had been one of my best friends forever, since back in high school in Texas. I had known his preferences before he did, but that didn’t stop me from nursing the hugest crush on him.  With his dark hair, grown out long right now, hazel eyes, and chiseled features it certainly wasn’t a shock that I was attracted to him. Oh yeah, and the fact that he was one of the tallest guys I had ever met.  He towered over everyone, including me. His height wasn’t intimidating though, given his gentle nature and all around nice guy personality.     

I had silently bemoaned my luck many times that I had no shot at the most amazing and gorgeous guy I knew.  So I had settled for being his friend instead, which was still pretty awesome because he really was a great person.  Lee was genuinely nice, kind, and caring to everyone around him. He was also a toucher, at least with me. He always sat close to me when we talked and put a hand on my leg or dropped an arm casually around my shoulder. I certainly didn’t object. I had often snuggled up with him under a blanket, and sometimes fallen asleep leaning on his shoulder or with his arm wrapped around me during our movie nights. He was sort of like a giant, cuddly, teddy bear that made you feel safe and loved.  A very good looking, giant, cuddly, teddy bear that made you want to be with him.  But he was oblivious to his good looks and charm, never understanding why people were attracted to him.  Which, of course, made him even more attractive.     

We didn’t see each other much anymore, with his acting career on the rise and me in my last year of college.  He had just finished up filming his first big movie and I had a break from school, so we were trying to play catch up on the last couple years of our lives this weekend. I had been surprised but thrilled to get his call saying that he wanted to come for a visit.

He finally got the last button undone and slid my shirt off my shoulders and down my arms. His chin brushed my shoulder for just a moment and I felt the rasp of his stubble and the warmth of his breath against my skin as he tossed my shirt on the floor.  He leaned back against the sofa, put hands back on my shoulders, and started kneading the muscles again.  Without the barrier of fabric between my skin and his I could feel the warmth and softness of his hands.  I sighed and relaxed into his touch.  He moved his hands lower down my back as his thumbs worked a path along my spine.  His hands were so big that his fingertips trailed along my sides as he slid them down my back.  I shivered as he worked them up and down, making sure not to miss a spot.

“Better?”  he asked, his voice gone deep.

“Mmmmm.  Much,” I replied as he tugged me back by my hips to lean against his chest and swung his legs up on either side of me.  Without thinking I dropped one of my hands onto his thigh and felt his leg tense up just a bit. That was odd, he had never minded my hand on his leg before tonight. I was just about to move it when he leaned down and planted a warm lipped kiss on my bare shoulder.  

I shuddered as his hands tightened on my hips and his lips traced a path up my neck. “Lee, what…” I started to stutter out, but he cut me off with a “Shhhh,” whispered in my ear.  He nibbled gently on my earlobe for a moment, then slid his lips back down my neck.  He pulled my hips back a little more, until I was resting fully against him and could feel his hardness pressing against my back.  A surge of white hot desire shot through my body.

He lifted his mouth from my neck and I turned my head to look over my shoulder at him.  “Lee, what are you…” I tried again, but this time his lips on mine cut me off.  He had the most gorgeous, luscious, and amazingly colored lips I had ever seen. I would be lying if I said I never thought about what they would feel like on mine.  It was even better than I had imagined.  His lips were soft and warm as he pressed them against mine, gently teasing my lips with his tongue until I parted them for him. He was an amazing kisser, gentle and passionate at the same time.  I could feel his heart pounding against my back and the ever so slight motion of his hips grinding against mine, pushing his rock hard erection a little harder against me each time.  

“Wait, Lee!  Stop for a minute. Please,”  I managed to gasp out between kisses.  He paused, eyes opening to study my face.  “What’s going on?” I asked him.  He sighed and leaned a little closer to me.  

“I…missed you while I was gone. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”  His voice dropped to a deep rumble as he leaned in and put his mouth close to my ear.  “And I…want you. I want to be with you, ” he whispered. He throbbed slightly against my back at those words.  I shifted back against him and he groaned softly. He pulled his head back and met my shocked gaze.  

I gaped at him for a moment and then gently asked him, “Lee, have you ever been with a woman?”  

He dropped his eyes and shook his head, but then looked back up at me and said softly, “You could…teach me.  Please?”  

He wanted me?  My best friend wanted me to show him what it was like to be with a woman? I had wanted this man since before he was even a man.  I had spent hours curled up in his arms watching movies with never a hint of any physical response from him.  I had often hidden my body’s reaction to his innocent touches because I didn’t want him to stop, even though it was torture for me.  What had changed for him all of a sudden? Would this ruin our friendship? Would it be just one night?  All this flashed through my mind in an instant as I studied his pleading eyes in the flickering light of the long forgotten movie still playing on the TV.  There was no question in mind as I made my decision.  I leaned up and pressed my lips against those gorgeous lips of his again.

He shuddered and I felt him twitch against my back as he gave himself over into my kiss.  This time I was the one chasing his tongue into his mouth and he moaned, but let me stay in control of the kiss.  Hesitantly, he brought his hands up to cup my breasts through my thin tank top.  I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath it and my already hard nipples rubbed against his palms as he ran his hands over them. I reached one hand up and buried it in his hair, as he left a trail of hot open mouth kisses down my neck to my shoulder. Suddenly his hands slid down my stomach and he was tugging at the bottom of my shirt.  

“Can I?” he asked, mouth still against my neck.  

“Wait,” I told him as I pushed myself up off him and climbed across the ottoman to stand up.  

“What are you…” he started to ask, but stopped when I pulled the ottoman gently out from under his feet.  I paused for a moment to admire him.  The movie had finished playing at some point leaving the room lit in the soft glow of the empty TV screen. Lee was slouched down on the sofa, eyes dark, cheeks flushed, hair tousled and hanging over his heavy eyebrows. The odd light of the TV had erased all his freckles, leaving his skin looking perfectly smooth and unblemished except for the small mole under his eye. He was wearing a black T-shirt, with no overshirt for once, and his favorite, soft, so dark green they were almost black, well worn corduroy pants. He was sporting a rather impressive bulge in those pants as he shifted slightly on the sofa.  He bit his lip and gave me a smoldering look as he watched me move toward him.

I slid slowly onto his lap, with one knee on each side of him, straddling him but not touching him, and rested a hand on each of his broad shoulders.  His hands came up to my hips as I leaned down and claimed his mouth with a kiss.  For this moment, up on my knees above him, I was taller than him, so he had to lean his head back to kiss me.  I tangled one hand in his hair at the top of head and pulled his head back against the sofa as I let my lips trail down his neck to that little patch of hair that grew oddly in the hollow of his throat.  He wore no cologne tonight so I was free to explore his slightly salty warm skin with my lips and tongue and bask in his natural clean scent.  I kissed my way back up to his mouth as his hands slid up inside my shirt.  He was gentle as he explored me with his hands, touching, feeling, teasing me.  Each caress of his fingers sent a bolt of pleasure straight to my core.  Slowly, I lowered myself down on him.  

At the first brush of my hips against his, he shivered.  As I increased the pressure against him, rolling my hips slightly he shuddered.  And when I ground hard against him his entire body jerked.  I kissed him, harder than we had kissed before, and he let out a strangled moan as  I continued to roll my hips against his, feeling how hard he was even though both pairs of our pants.  I ran my hands down his chest, making him gasp as my fingers brushed his nipples through his shirt.  His hands slid down my stomach to tug at the bottom of my shirt again.  

He whispered against my mouth, “Please, can I take this off you now?” I leaned back a little so he could pull my tank top up and over my head. Then he leaned forward and in one smooth motion he pulled his own shirt off and tossed it into the growing pile of clothes on the floor.  He wrapped both arms around me, engulfing me completely, and pulled me against his chest. As our bare skin met we both groaned.  His chest was so warm and his muscles hard against me.  Our lips found each other again and I wrapped my arms around his neck.  His moan against my mouth was the sexiest thing I had ever heard.  

“You are so soft and…” he started to mumble as he dropped his head down and kissed the side of my neck again, while loosening his grip on me.  I arched my back as he kissed my collarbone then trailed his mouth down my breast, finally taking one nipple into his mouth.  He was tentative at first, barely exerting any pressure.  I grabbed the back of his head and twisted my fingers into his hair.  

“Harder,” I half whispered and half moaned.  He complied, first sucking gently and then harder and harder as I moaned and writhed in response.  The coil of anticipation and need was building deep inside me as I ran my free hand down his chest to toy with one of his nipples.  I gave it  an experimental tweak and his mouth faltered on me.  I pinched a little harder and he yelped and bucked his hips hard against me, hands flying down to my hips to hold me against him as his mouth lost all semblance rhythm.  I pulled his head back then untangled my fingers from his hair and dropped my hand to his other nipple.  He was arching his back off the sofa a little bit as I pulled on his delicate flesh.  With each movement of my fingers, his breathing became more ragged and he ground harder against me.  

He started to make the most delicious moaning noises as I pressed my lips to his and then down the side of his neck. This time I didn’t stop. With lips and tongue I traced a path down to the center of his chest and the small patch of hair that grew there and then across to one nipple. I kept working the other nipple with my fingers as I teased him with my tongue then very gently my teeth, finally sucking hard on his nipple.  He was digging his fingers into my hips so hard I was afraid he was going to start leaving bruises and he was almost frantic as he ground against me.  

I finally slid my mouth back to the center of his chest and continued my descent toward his stomach.  I had to pull his hands off my hips so I could slide back further on his lap as I worked my way down.  Eventually I slid to the floor between his knees as I trailed kisses down his stomach to the very slight roll of extra flesh right below his navel. I knew he hated it and was self conscious about it, but I had always loved this little piece of imperfection on his otherwise perfectly sculpted body. Each kiss made his stomach muscles jump and I could feel the throb of anticipation as I brushed his crotch with my chin.  

“Oh my god…baby…” he groaned as I tugged the button on his pants open.  He twitched as my hand brushed against him.  “Oh fuck…” his voice trailed off as I pulled his zipper down revealing the fact that he wasn’t wearing anything under them.  I tugged on his pants and he lifted his hips so I could slide them down a little. As I did, his cock sprang free and I was momentarily distracted. It was big and beautiful, just like the rest of him.  Long, thick, and straight, with just the slightest hint of a vein running up his length.

I was a little nervous, not sure how I would compare to his previous encounters of this type, but I didn’t want to stop now.  I looked up to find him watching me as I wrapped my hand around him.  When I touched him, his hips jerked and he fisted his hands into the sofa cushions. His skin was velvety soft and he pulsed in my hand as I stroked him a few times.  He watched, mesmerized, as I licked my lips and then ran my tongue along the underside of his shaft from where my hand gripped him towards the tip. He shuddered as I swirled my tongue around his tip and then slowly slid my mouth over his length.  I looked up at him to find him panting for breath, hands locked on the sofa cushions  His eyes were on still  me, watching as I took him in a little deeper with each motion of my head.  

“Oh god…baby…fuck…your mouth…shit…” Every profanity I knew was pouring out of Lee’s mouth as he bumped into the back of my throat.  I had to take a breath, so I slowly slid my mouth back up him.  I took a deep breath and prepared to take him in again, but he grabbed my head and stopped me.  “I don’t want…I mean…if you don’t stop…I can’t…”  he stumbled over his words as he tried to catch his breath.  “I want…to be with you…inside you,”  he almost begged me.

“You will be, baby, I promise.  But I want to do this.  Please Lee.  I’ve wanted to do this for so long.  Don’t make me stop now.” My words rushed out in a jumble as he studied my face.  He swallowed hard, then released my head and leaned back against the sofa again.  

This time as soon as my mouth was on him, he started cursing.  Hearing this gentle, sexy, giant use the most vile swear words I had ever heard as I sucked and slid my mouth on him was a huge turn on.  I looked up at him as I slid him all the way into my mouth and found him watching me again.  “Fuck…baby…that is so hot…” he moaned.  He lifted a hand and then set it down on the sofa again.  I pulled his hand off the sofa and put it on my head, giving him permission.  He cradled my head gently and I let him guide my mouth on him. It only took a minute or so for me to feel the telltale twitch and then he gushed hot into my throat.  He continued to swear between gasps of breath until he finished and I released him.  I planted a kiss right on his tip and was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath and twitch from his still hard cock.  

I stood up in front of him and stretched.  He sat up a bit on the sofa, adjusted his pants, and pulled me toward him, wrapping me in his long arms while he caught his breath.  The stubble on his chin prickled against my naked skin as he looked up at me.  “That was…you are…”  he struggled for words for a moment.  “Amazing,” he settled on.  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked with concern.  

I laughed gently and replied, “Of course not.  I’m not that fragile.” He unwrapped arms from around me and leaned back,giving me that smoldering gaze again, but this time followed it up with one of his crooked smiles.  It was a look that oozed sex and promised pleasure.  I had no idea that he could look so sexy and I shivered as he continued to look at me.  

“Good.  Because now it’s your turn,” he said as his hand came up to my hips and he lowered his face to my stomach.  I gasped when I felt his teeth graze my skin as he worked my button open quickly with his mouth.  Using one hand, he held the top of my pants steady as he gripped my zipper pull in his teeth and slowly slid down my front with his mouth, unzipping my pants as he went.  I shuddered at the warm trail his breath left behind.  Unlike him, I was wearing underwear and fortunately I had chosen a pretty lacy pair of panties this morning when I got dressed.  He pushed the front of my pants open a little wider and traced the pattern of the lace with one finger as he ran his lips along the elastic at the top in a series of kisses.  

“Ummm,” he made a satisfied sound in the back of his throat.  “You smell good,” he said softly,  his breath hot against my hip.  I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.  No man had ever told me I smelled good before, at least not with his face where Lee currently had his face.  I could barely breathe as he began to slowly work my pants down over my hips.  There was a fire raging between my legs and I was sure that by the time he got my pants off my panties would either be melted or soaked.  Or maybe both.  He continued to slowly slide my pants down, helping me to step out of them until I stood before him in only my panties.  Then he leaned back to look at me.  

“You are so beautiful.  All soft and warm and curves,” he said wonderingly.  He tugged me closer to him and planted a soft kiss just below my navel.  He paused for just a moment then suddenly stood up and lifted me into his arms.  He carried me to my bedroom and deposited me gently on my feet by the edge of my bed.  He leaned down to kiss me, the difference in our heights making it a little challenging.  He still had his pants on but he hadn’t bothered to button or zip them and they had fallen down a little as he carried me.  I could feel him brushing against my stomach as he pulled me close to him and slid his hands down my back to toy with the elastic of my panties.  

“Time to take these off?”  he asked me huskily between kisses.  I didn’t trust myself to speak.  I could only nod as he put a hand on each of my hips and slowly slid my panties down.  He pushed me gently down to sit on the bed in front of him then he dropped down on his knees in front of me.  He slowly pushed my legs apart and slid in between them, pulling me close to him. I was shaking with desire as he wrapped one arm around me and kissed me.  His mouth was gentle on mine, but the feel of his body between my legs was driving me crazy.  He shifted a bit, tugging his pants down with his free hand and suddenly I could feel his hardness pressing hot against my center.  I gasped and almost involuntarily started sliding my hips against him.  

I had known Lee long enough be able to tell when he was nervous.  And he was nervous now, shaking slightly against me as he kissed me, but at the same time I could tell how much he wanted this. His hard cock pressing against me was proof enough of that.  What I had done to him earlier had taken the edge off his desire maybe, but he was definitely ready for more.  He eased his body back from mine and started tracing a path up the inside of my leg with his hand.

“You are so wet,” he gasped against my mouth as his fingers slid up to touch me for the first time. I was so focused on his hand that I couldn’t even respond. Lee’s fingers moved achingly slow as he gently explored me.  I couldn’t contain my moan as he ran a finger across my clit and I was sure he could feel me throb against him.  He dipped a finger down into my wetness and slowly dragged it back up to rub at my swollen nub.  His mouth went still against my mouth, but his breathing sped up as he paid close attention to my reaction to his fingers.  I dug my fingers into his shoulders as he slid a finger inside of me then back out to toy with my clit some more.  I was moaning and writhing against him as he continued his painstaking exploration of my body. Then his mouth was in motion against mine again and his fingers worked me, circling and rubbing.  I could feel the pressure starting to build inside me, but then he changed the way he was touching me and it receded.  I let out a groan of frustration and he grabbed my hand from his shoulder and guided it down to rest over the hand between my legs.

“Show me what to do,” he whispered against my mouth.  I had never had a man not only admit he didn’t know what to do, but also put me in charge of showing him how to touch me.  It was a very intimate and powerful feeling as I began to guide his hand on me.  Where to stroke, where to circle, how hard, and how fast, it was all under my control as I literally felt him learn his way around my body.  It was an extremely sensual experience, but it didn’t last very long.  He was too good of a student and in a few short minutes he no longer needed my guidance.  

I shuddered under his fingers, sliding and circling, teasing and torturing me.  He kissed me all the while, listening to me moan his name against his lips.  He felt the tension building in my body, felt my muscles start to tighten as he brought me closer and closer to the edge.  

Then suddenly his hand was gone, sliding back down my thigh as he pulled back from me, beginning to kiss a path down the side of my neck.  I whimpered at the loss of sensation and felt his lips curl into a smirk against my shoulder as he kissed lower and lower.  He cupped one of my breasts with his hand and dropped his mouth down to my nipple.  Each touch of his tongue shot a bolt of throbbing desire through my body until I was aching for him to touch me again.  He worked his way to my other breast as I buried my hands in his hair and twisted it around my fingers.  Then his mouth moved lower, tracing a path down between my breasts and onto my stomach.  He pushed me gently back to lay on the bed as he leaned forward to trail his mouth ever lower.   He traced a pattern on the curve of my stomach just below my navel with his tongue, following each stroke of his tongue with a lavish kiss.  I was literally writhing under his touch as he took his time kissing and licking all the way down until he reached my center.  

He paused and breathed in my scent again and then hooked an arm under each of my legs.  He pulled them up and over his broad shoulders and placed a kiss on the inside of one thigh, sliding his mouth all the way up to where my leg joined my body.  There he stopped short and moved his mouth to my other thigh, repeating the action until his mouth hovered above my core. Then finally, ever so gently he ran just the tip of his tongue from my entrance to my clit.  The pleasure of his mouth was almost blinding in it’s intensity and he moaned against me as I bucked my hips involuntarily into his face.

“Sorry,” I gasped, embarrassed at my response to him.  But it didn’t seem to bother him at all.  His hands came up to gently hold my hips in place as he increased the pressure of his mouth against me, exploring me now with his tongue as he had his fingers earlier.  

“Oh my god, baby” he mumbled between flicks of his tongue. “You taste so good…”  I almost came undone at those words alone, but then his mouth fastened over my clit and he started to suck.  A bolt of white hot pleasure shot out from where his mouth touched me and my legs started to shake against his shoulders.  I arched my back and pushed my hips against his hands as he held me still  while his tongue worked it’s magic.  I could feel my peak approaching and starting to spiral through my entire body.  

“Oh fuck,  Lee,”  I gasped.  “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop..Lee…don’t you fucking stop..Lee…ohhhh…Lee!”  I wasn’t even sure what I was saying as his mouth pushed me over the edge and the waves of pleasure swept through my body.  I clamped my legs tight around his head as I rode it out, finally pushing his head away from me when I couldn’t stand his touch anymore.  I was drenched in sweat and trying to catch my breath as Lee gently detangled himself from my legs. He took a moment to slide his pants all the way off and then leaned over me to plant a damp kiss on my mouth.  

He gathered me into his arms and gently resettled me on the bed so that we were resting on the pillows together.  He leaned over to kiss me again and I could feel his hardness pressed against my leg.  I wrapped my arms around him and pressed as much of my body as I could against his.   

“You’re shaking, ” he murmured against my mouth between kisses as his arms tightened around me.  

“Gee, I wonder why?”  I muttered back at him before I pushed him over onto his back and swung a leg over him so I was straddling him.  He looked up at me in surprise and then his expression changed as I rubbed myself against him.  

“Are you…I mean…can we…already?”  he gasped as I leaned down to kiss him.  I kissed him hard, my lips demanding against his and he returned it in full, thrusting his tongue into my mouth and battling me for dominance.  It was a good thing his upper body was propped part way up on the pillows, otherwise I don’t think I would have been able to reach his mouth while rolling my hips against his.  I slid back and forth a little on him, like I had done on the sofa earlier, but this time there was no fabric barrier between us.  I was soaking wet and as I slid slowly towards his tip, Lee started making these little gasping noises against my mouth.  

I ran my hand down his chest, stopping momentarily in that patch of hair and then gave his nipples a hard pinch.  His hips came up hard against me, which I was ready for, lifting up and pressing against his tip as I gave his nipples another hard tweak.  He jerked his hips again and the sudden movement made him to start sliding into me ever so slightly.  He moaned and I pressed a little harder against him, letting him slide in a just little deeper.

“Oh fuck…baby please…” he was starting to whimper and beg against my mouth as I let him slide a little deeper then pulled back almost all the way off him.  His body was starting to shake against mine as I teased him.  I sat all the way up to get better leverage on him.  My legs were starting to burn with my efforts and each time I slid off him the head of his cock rubbed against my sensitized flesh, sending little flashes of pleasure through my body.  Lee was writhing and moaning underneath me barely able to stand the slow push and pull back of my body as I rocked back and forth on him.  

Finally I had enough of toying with him  and this time when he strained up toward me I didn’t pull back but pushed down instead.  My pelvis hit his as he slid into me completely.  He stilled for just a moment, gasping, then started slowly rocking against me. I started rolling my hips along with him and he started moaning.  I looked down and took a moment to admire his huge body sprawled under mine.  His stomach muscles flexed as he moved against me and I could see the pattern of freckles on his chest in the dim light of my bedroom.  His hair was damp with sweat and hanging in his eyes as he watched the place where our bodies joined together.  

Without warning he sat up and wrapped both arms around me in a tight embrace.  The change in position made him sink even deeper into me and I gasped as he nudged something inside me. A spot that shot an intense wave of pleasure shooting through my body.  Suddenly he pushed me over, reversing our positions so that he was on top of me.  His mouth found mine as he pulled his hips back and gave an experimental thrust into me.  I gasped not only because he hit that spot again, but also because he had buried himself so deep in me.  He groaned in response and started to thrust into me in earnest.  He seemed to enjoy being in control, but I could tell he was holding back.  

“Harder, Lee,” I urged him as I arched against him digging my nails into his back.  

His breath exploded out of him in a grunt and he growled “I don’t want…to hurt you.”  He picked up the pace and little and allowed himself to thrust a little harder, but not much.  

I scraped my nails down his back as I begged, “Please, Lee. Harder.”  

“You sure?” he gasped as he slammed hard and fast into me, sending a spasm of pleasure through me and making me moan.  

“Just like that, Lee, ohhh..” I trailed off as he thrust so hard into me I lost my breath.  I leaned up and caught his lower lip between my teeth for a moment before his next thrust rocked me so hard that all I could do was throw my head back and moan.  

“Baby…oh fuck…you feel…” Lee started to curse again as he pounded into me again and again.  Each thrust was almost making me see stars and my body started tightening as my climax approached.  He slammed hard into me again and I arched against him and let out a muffled wail as the damn broke and pleasure washed over me.  He felt me spasm and contract around him as he gave a couple more thrusts and let out a feral moan of his own.  I felt him twitch deep inside me and the molten hot gush of his release filled me.  He kept moving, but at a much slower pace as we wound down together, gasping and moaning at the little aftershocks of pleasure running through both of our bodies.  Finally, arms shaking from supporting himself above me, Lee slid out of me then rolled us back over so I was on top of him again. I stretched out on him and leaned up to kiss him gently.  He sighed contentedly against my mouth and then guided my head down to lay on his chest.  He wrapped one arm around me and then slid his other hand into my hair.  His fingers tugged gently on my hair as I listened to his heartbeat.  I could feel myself starting to doze off.  

“Lee, stay with me,” I murmured before I could give in and fall asleep.

“Shhhh. Baby, it’s ok. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” he mumbled back.  

“For how long?”  I asked him.  

I heard his heartbeat speed up as he answered softly, “For as long as you want me.  I’m yours. I always have been, I just didn’t realize it until now.”  

“And I’m yours,” I whispered back.  He wrapped his arms around me a little tighter and kissed the top of my head.  I listened as his heartbeat calmed again and his breathing got a little deeper then I let myself drift off to sleep, safe and warm in his embrace.


I have been writing fanfiction for I don’t know how many months already but I had never published anything. Since my favorite fanfiction writers all post on Tumblr, I think that this is the perfect place for me to start publishing as well. 

This is huge for me because I literally feel like I am giving you my brain to play with. So you know, I hope you’ll like it and play nicely. ;-)

Special thanks to @superheroshepherdess for dealing with my grammar mistakes, wrong tenses etc. and encouraging me to post this. I love you! xx

For a special reason (which she will get after she reads it) I dedicate this story to @magicalpostface


It was bittersweet.

The thought of being pregnant made her swell with happiness. It made her smile to her ears and have so much faith in herself, Owen and basically the whole world. She gently touched her stomach, like she was afraid if she’d touch it too harshly, it would all be over.

It hasn’t even started though. Amelia didn’t even know if she was pregnant, she wasn’t even late. And yet, she found herself putting her hand on her abdomen and imagining a baby in there. She gently rubbed it, although there was possibly nothing in there yet. She couldn’t help it. She was ridiculously overwhelmed.

Then she remembered she already had her hopes up once. She had already felt this happy. She already had a baby in there and it didn’t end up well. Her hand flinched and moved from her abdomen. Her face changed. She wasn’t smiling anymore. Her eyes were filled with sadness, desperation and anger, and yet somehow at the same time looked empty.

It was bittersweet.

A week later Owen was buttoning his shirt in front of their bedroom mirror. He looked at his watch and they would have to hurry to get to the hospital in time. Amelia was still in the bathroom, probably doing her hair or make up, he imagined.

“Amelia, are you done?”

She came out of the bathroom immediately. She took her bag and quickly started filling it with things she’d need throughout the day. “I’m late.”

“Yes, we both are. We should leave as soon as possible,” he said, already putting on his jacket.

“No,” rambled Amelia.

“No? It’s already 6.40 and we should be at the hospital at 7,” said Owen, this time with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Amelia turned towards her husband and shook her head. “No, it’s not that. We’re late but I’m- I’m late, Owen,” she said slowly.

“Yeah, that’s what I just-,” Owen turned around and looked at Amelia. He felt so stupid. “Oh. Oh!” She walked past him and took the car keys. They talked as they walked towards the car. “That’s a good thing, right?” he smiled.  Although they’d talked about and agreed on trying to have a baby, he wanted to be sure because she seemed a bit off.

“It is,” she nodded and slightly smiled as she opened the car door and sat behind the steering wheel.

Owen studied her for a bit as she started the engine. She wasn’t unhappy or disappointed but something seemed off. It maybe have been selfish but he decided to let it go. He was too excited to let anything ruin his mood.

After some silence, he finally wondered aloud: “So what should we do next? Were you thinking of taking a pregnancy test or…?”

“Yes. Definitely that. It’s more private. I don’t want a resident to poke me for some blood and then gossip around the whole hospital that Dr. Shepherd wonders if she’s pregnant.”

Owen laughed because she said it so dramatically. “Then we’ll do that. Before rounds?”

“Ok,” she nodded and smiled and him. Amelia noticed he was glowing like he was the one being possibly pregnant. “You’re excited, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” Owen almost yelled. “And you’re telling me you’re smiling just because you like driving?” he teased. He also noticed the thing that was missing before, was there. She was happy about it. Her eyes were sparkling.

“I do like driving. But I also like the idea of a tiny baby with fat cheeks that you sing to sleep at night.” Owen seemed like a child opening Christmas presents to Amelia. He was so full of hope and sparkle. It made her think how good a dad he would make. He’d read bedtime stories with funny voices. He would definitely be the dad who lets his child fall asleep in front of the TV and then carries him to his room. He’d be the one who’d wake up early to make pancakes for breakfast. Their shared happiness and excitement made Amelia realize how much she needed this. She needed him to be excited and talk about it. The fact that the mere possibility of a new life inside her excited him to the point where he was biting his lip and dreamily looking through the window, probably thinking of baby names already, made her feel like she has just won the award for the best life ever.

Amelia let him be and focused on driving. She still occasionally peeked at him to see him grinning. Her mind was full of happiness until darkness crept to the surface. She thought about if it would have been any different if Ryan were alive for their son. Would they stay together? How would he handle the news? Where would she be right now? It suddenly hit her how much of a privilege Owen had, to find out about his possible child.

It was bittersweet.

Amelia came out of the bathroom in the attendings’ lounge. “The coffee, orange juice and the water you brought me worked the miracle of me peeing on the stick. It says two minutes.” She threw herself on the sofa opposite him and placed the test on the table, facing down.

“Two minutes then,” nodded Owen and set the timer on his phone.

They awkwardly sat there and waited for the time to pass.

Amelia laughed all of a sudden.

“What’s so funny?” Owen asked.

“You. I mean, not you precisely. I just remembered you changing Ellis’s diaper and her pooping on your hand. As weird as it sounds, the fact that someone might poop on you, makes me smile.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Did the baby mess with your brain already?”

“Smartass. Besides, maybe I’m not even pregnant. It could be a false alarm,” she shrugged.

Owen just nodded and looked at his phone to see how much longer they’d have to wait.

“What if I’m not…”

“…Then we’ll have an additional month of having fun. Or two,” he winked, “or however many it takes.”

Amelia laughed at his naughty comeback.

They kept waiting in silence for a few more seconds before a beep on Owen’s phone went off.

“I guess that’s it,” he said and turned it off. “Are you ready?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. I am.” He stood up and took the test that was still facing down in his hand. He almost turned it around when she yelled: “Stop! No. You look at it and tell me. I’m too nervous.”

“Ok,” said Owen. Amelia turned around meanwhile. This was it. This was how they’d find out. Right then and there.

Owen turned the test around and saw a clear plus sign. He opened his mouth but nothing was coming out. The fact that they were having a baby in a few months was completely overwhelming. He finally managed to spill out the words. “It’s positive. You’re pregnant.”

Amelia’s back was still facing her husband and she didn’t turn around when he finished his sentence.

Owen furrowed his eyebrows. “Amelia?” He could hear her quietly crying. “Amelia, what’s-”

She turned around before he could finish his question. She handed him another pregnancy test with a very visible positive sign. “I wanted to be as sure as we could be,” said Amelia, her voice breaking a little as she proceeded, “It’s completely true. And real. We are having a baby.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks but they were happy tears. The kind of tears she hadn’t experienced in a while.

“We are having a baby,” he repeated after his wife. She immediately jumped towards him and put her hands around his waist while he put his around her torso. At that moment, everything felt perfect.

Unfortunately, the moment was interrupted when Owen’s pager started vibrating in his pocket. He only removed one hand to check it, the other one now caressing Amelia’s cheek.

“Damn it. I have to go. We’ll celebrate tonight, ok?”

“Perfect,” she answered as he kept showering her with kisses before he finally ran out.

Amelia sat down and smiled, barely believing she could be this happy. She had to look at the test again, just to make sure it was still real. She took that test which Owen previously checked. A fat plus sign jumped into her eyes. And that made her remember the plus sign she saw when she took a pregnancy test in LA. She stared at it, remembering it looked exactly the same. Exactly as strong as this one. When she saw it, she was confused about it. Ryan wasn’t there anymore and she was alone. But after a while, she grew fond of the idea that she was pregnant. And the thought of how much positivity and hope that test had given her back then, made Amelia sick now.

Her head filled with questions. Would her baby be ok? How would they take it if something was wrong? What if it’s fine and it’s a boy? Will that bring up too much memories and pain? But what if it’s a girl? A mini Amelia Shepherd? That would be beyond terrible.

Amelia was glad when her pager beeped. She hoped for a complicated, long surgery that would take her mind of the questions flooding it.

It was bittersweet.

Amelia was lying in their bed. She was playing a silly game on her phone. She didn’t know why she downloaded it because it was stupid. But here she was, addicted to it. Better than being addicted to drugs or alcohol, anyway.

“Damn it,” she yelled and pressed play again.

Owen came out of the bathroom and sat on the edge of his side of the bed. He set the alarm for the next day and laid down. He looked at the brunette beside him and sighed. She had been like this since that appointment and he couldn’t get her to talk or open up. It was exhausting.


“What?” she said absently, still focused on the game she was playing.

“It’s been almost two weeks…” He waited. “…since the appointment?”

Amelia wasn’t even a tiny bit interested in what he said and wanted. “Don’t want to talk about it.”

“Amelia…” he tried, once again unsuccessfully. He observed her poker face that was focused on her phone. “We have to talk about it. It will be easier. It will help you. Please,” he begged.

She quit the game and put the phone on her nightstand. “I don’t need help. I’m fine.” She turned around so he was facing her back. “Besides, it’s not like we can do anything about it. It is what it is.” She stretched her hand and turned the light off.

Owen worriedly looked at her direction. He knew she was not dealing with this. He wanted to help but she wouldn’t let him. He slid his hand under the covers and gently rubbed her arm. As he tried to proceed down to her stomach, she took his hand and put it away. She sharply said: “Don’t.”

It was just bitter.

She breathed through contractions but Amelia felt like they were going nowhere. Although the ob/gyn told her otherwise, she felt like her labor wasn’t progressing at all. She had been breathing, walking around, eating ice chips and feeling like crap for solid 13 hours.

It didn’t hurt that badly but it still did. Her forehead was sweaty and she felt like her hair was sticking to her face although she had put it up. It was a terrible day.

As she felt another contraction, she leaned forward, hoping that would help the pain. Owen offered his hand and she squeezed it. He knew that the contraction must be a pretty bad one because, for the whole day, she had not once held his hand. It wasn’t much but he was glad to at least be there for her if he couldn’t help with the pain.

“You did great,” he cheered her as she sat down, finally a little bit relaxed, now that her contraction was over.

Amelia didn’t answer him.

The ob/gyn came in and checked her cervix. “Ok, this baby is ready to come out. You can start pushing now. Ready?” Once again, she didn’t answer. She placed herself in a position that felt right and most comfortable for her.

All throughout the delivery, Amelia was squeezing Owen’s hand and pushing when she was told. Owen knew she was strong but he was surprised by her strength that seemed to be only increasing. She was determined to get the baby out of her as soon as possible, and no amount of pain would stand in her way.

Although Amelia felt like the birth was progressing slowly, the little body came out of her really soon after she had started pushing.

“It’s a girl, congratulations,” smiled the ob/gyn and placed the crying baby on Amelia’s breasts. As soon as Amelia got to hold her and as soon as the five little fingers strongly squeezed her pointer finger, she fell in love all over again. She was amazed by the depth of her blue eyes. Those were Owen’s, for sure.

“She’s just perfect,” grinned Owen and kissed Amelia on the forehead.

“She has ten fingers and ten toes and her heart is beating strongly,” rambled Amelia, “and she has your eyes.” She looked at Owen.

“And your hair,” he added.

After a while, after their daughter was cleaned, measured and weighed, Owen was holding his girl in him arms.

“Owen, she is…”

“…yeah, I know.”

“Today is May 15th…”

“…It is,” he nodded, knowing that was bothering her throughout the pregnancy.

“She was actually born precisely as we were told… When I first heard the due date… I thought I’d be mad. I thought I’d hold it against her but I don’t. I was afraid I wouldn’t love her. But she’s perfect. She picked the right day,” smiled Amelia sincerely through her tears.

“I never doubted you. And she has quite the timing, doesn’t she?”

“Owen, I’m sorry, I feel terrible for-”

“Don’t feel terrible. Just hold her and you’ll feel better,” he said and put her in Amelia’s arms. The baby yawned, making Amelia smile as she just stared at her.

It was a perfect moment and Owen decided to step aside and capture it with his phone. Amelia would want to see this later.

While Owen photographed his favorite two girls, Amelia leaned and kissed her daughter’s cheek. She whispered quietly: “Thank you for giving me the greatest gift. Happy birthday, unicorn baby.”

It was only sweet now.