In my absence, these people will mend your hearts.

I’m leaving today because I’ve got to do what’s best for me, you’ll be okay! (hsm reference. whatevs.) and I won’t be posting for five weeks. I know there will be large voids in your hearts that are usually filled with my verbal abuse towards Jimmy Fallon, so I am leaving a list of carefully chosen people who I trust to get the job done because they’re better than you. They have each shown me much kindness at one point or another and I hope they know how much they mean to me. You people make dark days sunnier. I feel comfortable leaving this task in your hands. 

Humans you should follow immediately (in alphabetical order): 

allhailscottdisickamypoehleroidbeeishappybutsaidbesaidconanofallondirectiontoperfecti0n • falloniousgayteradehadersgonnahadeit-was-an-act-of-whimsyjeilisferdomojill-buttkendallbobendallkillamwithkindnesslicensed-snl-ologistthenocturnalcouchpotatopat-sullivanprimetinesmusiciansecialsshrillmurray • turtlezippervoldys-gonemoldyzazoom

(P.S. I know none of you will actually miss me but these people are better than you and I had to share. 
P.P.S. I’m totally forgetting people. Sorry if I forgot you.