There’s nothing beautiful about anorexia
Believe me
Because I have fallen so deeply for a girl who counted calories like they were butterflies
Every pound she starved herself out of was another victory

There’s nothing beautiful about drug addiction
Trust me
Because the boy with blonde hair and blue eyes had a bigger taste for drugs than he did me I suppose
Days without even knowing if he was okay
I walked away when he told me he was dealing again

There’s nothing beautiful about being suicidal
Because my boyfriend calls me every morning
Scared of last nights suicidal yearnings
Worries my bloody red wrists had gotten the better of me

—  Our illness isn’t pretty

“Reunited At Last”

Prompt: Can you done where the reader is Bucky’s and Steve’s daughter but got kidnapped by HYDRA at a young age &I you don’t remember them. Now, you have escaped and have a lip piercing and tattoos (punked out) and they ask Tony to try and locate you and it ends with them finding you please
Requested by: Anonymous
Warnings?: Language 

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The Third Abstraction

(tw: metaphysics)

Without abstraction, there is only one truth: something exists. I suppose it’s better than nothing.

The first abstraction creates the universe. Colors, shapes, tastes, sounds, hot, cold, soft, hard, jabs of pain, jolts of pleasure, language, “I”—all of these are maps of the territory, convenient patterns that we use to operate in our illusory playgrounds. Insert here: Ship of Theseus, “What if my green doesn’t look like your green?” “What if everyone else is a creation of the Matrix?”, “If a dog wore pants, would he wear them like this or like this?“, and other sophomoric philosophy queries, but sophomoric only because we’ve all agreed that they are inherently unanswerable, so, hey, we’re all in this videogame together.

Meditation lets us live in the first abstraction. Sights and sounds appear: we note them and move on. We feel pain and pleasure, but since neither is real, neither is worthy of desire. In moments of true transcendence, perhaps meditation allows one to dispense with abstraction altogether, to just be.

But no conscious being is capable of lifelong meditation. We are animals. We need to eat. If you do not eat, your guts will hurt you. If you willfully ignore your hurt because you want to continue suffering, you are choosing this. You are trying to maximize some value. You are following the second abstraction. Please turn in your mindfulness card on the way out the door.

The second abstraction is biologically wired: comfort is better than discomfort, pleasure is better than pain. Certain of the first abstraction’s sensations are likely to bring pleasure: we learn to seek out those sensations and the sensations that cause them. With time, these causative sensations become the new goal. This leads to complex algorithms: “I prefer X over Y. When X appears, I will do A and B to get it, unless C.” Everything you have ever done, you did because you wanted to do it, you wanted to do it because of your value system, and your value system was a result of the second abstraction.

The first abstraction creates the universe.

The second abstraction gives us choice between the sensations offered by the first abstraction.

The third abstraction lets us choose between the value systems created by the second abstraction.

In the Pleistocene, an individual was born into a tribe with a shared set of values. There were slight differences between tribe members, but anyone too far out risked ostracization. No Neanderthal ever had moral angst about whether to go vegan. Even post-agriculture, cultural value systems were separated by geography, xenophobia, and illiteracy. But now information is everywherewe are more trope savvy than ever before—and social liberalism has given us the freedom to pick between value systems, i.e., to live in the third abstraction.

This freedom of meta is not inherently harmful. The third abstraction is anti-dogma, and it has helped us to escape arranged marriage, human sacrifice, and the other missense mutations of memetic evolution. But it also leads to emptiness: once you turn cheat codes on, the game stops being fun. Because you can edit your value system after any decision, you will never fail. “Get a job? And support the capitalist system of wage slavery?” “I may have lost, but that wasn’t even my final form.” Because you can make microadjustments to your moral compass, you will never feel guilt. “I know that’s usually bad, but this time it was different.” “Some people may disapprove, but according to my moral system…” Since all paths are equal, you will lose all ambition: you could try to achieve X, but it’s far easier to pick a worldview where X isn’t important. For the same reason you lost guilt, you will lose the joy of compassion (“Does being nice even matter?”), and this will leave you totally and intractably alone. Your only wish will be to convince people that your customized value system makes perfect sense: if they were in your shoes, they’d see the world the same way. “Given the circumstances, I did everything right.” You will tell yourself this, over and over, but you won’t believe it, so you’ll ask others to affirm you, but even when they do the self-esteem boost won’t stick—maybe you fooled them, maybe the thing they’re praising you for doesn’t really count. You will lose the ability to want anything except the feeling of wanting.

The first abstraction is close to Buddhism.

The second abstraction includes all the stories, religions, and How To Live algorithms ever created.

The third abstraction is synonymous with narcissism.

The Last Psychiatrist, the final boss of the internet, has written extensively about narcissism. He states:

Narcissism has been on a steady rise since the end of WWII and went parabolic in the 1980s; all social policies have to be understood in the context of that psychology, that culture. (Source)

It’s a simple thesis and no one wants to hear it: hipsters may lack drive, but the world they live in wasn’t set up by them, it was set up by their parents, i.e. the Dumbest Generation Of Narcissists In The History Of The World, the ones who magnified the importance and cost of college without having any idea of what should be its purpose, let alone its content. (Source)

Which raises the question: if we are narcissists because of our parents, from what murky depths did their narcissism emerge?

Hint: television became a popular consumer product just after World War II.

Narcissism is not a problem of our parents’ generation or our own. It is a problem of all future generations, and it would arise de novo in them even without our influence. Narcissism is the logical next step in a series of epistemological abstractions. It is built into the way we respond to choice. 

It is inevitable. The question is what to do next.

It’s finally starting to look like Wisconsin...

It’s the end of January and this is only the 2nd snowfall we’ve had around here, but it’s better than nothing.

I’ve been surprised at how just downright grouchy people have been over the last couple of months. But since we got that last 12 inch snowfall I’ve noticed a definite upswing in mood around here, and I think it’s because we’ve finally gotten some ‘bad’ weather.

I mean, this is Wisconsin, right? We’re supposed to have utterly miserable, bitter cold and neck deep snow. And while we all complain about it, secretly we like it. 

Seriously. We do. We look with utter contempt upon the ‘snow-birds’, those wimps and weaklings who travel south at the first hint of frost in the air. We chortle with glee at news reports of a half inch of snow shutting down Atlanta.

We live up here because we like this crap. But even more importantly, we love complaining about it. If the weather is nice and we can’t work up a good rant now and then about bad weather, we start to get depressed.

anonymous asked:

hheY! i dont know if anyones already said this ( someone already probs has bleh) but i basically think like,, the recent adaptation to the skin neck is to kinda show how genos has become more human i guess?? rather than bein super distant annd robot-y like he was at the beginnign of everything u feel

yeah but if it is so like if it has significance to his character’s growth then why not skdjhfa point it out?;;; thats mostly what im sad about like?????? its just… swept off like its nothing????? no acknowledgement at all??? like… if its just a cosmetic thing and were not supposed to read stuff into it thEN IM SALTY CAUSE I LIKED THE OLDER NECK BETTER


seungcheol fluff

“well here everyone goes again. jeongcheol this jeongcheol that. seriously, they know he has a girlfriend! he might as well turn gay for jeonghan, seriously! jeonghans hair is better than mine, he prettier than me, has a great personality, what am i supposed to do?”

you rant to your best friend. you and s. coups had been dating for a while now and of course it’s normal to ship. but then you got a lot of hate, people saying that he should be with jeonghan.

“it’s fine! you’re overthinking it. you know, he does love you a lot, more than you think. look, give it some time and if nothing happens, come and talk to me. now let me watch my netflix. bye!” she ends the call. you sigh as you slump on the couch. geez, who knew a silly ship could affect someone this much?

next thing you know, the living room door creaks open, seungcheol’s head peaking in. “were you eavesdropping?” you ask him, crossing your arms. “n-no.. ok fine yes i was.” he says sitting down on the couch, arm around your shoulder.

“yeobo. i love you, you know that right?” you smile at his comment as he continues. “why would i have any reason to date jeonghan? even if you don’t have the things he have, you have the things i love the most that he certainly doesn’t have. i do love you the most, even if i don’t show it a lot, i do. it’s just fanservice, you know? i love you.” he says, pulling you in for a kiss.

A/N : yo yo yo i wrote this on the way to school i know it sucks and it’s short

Originally posted by 17-exo

Character Speculation: John Hancock

We all know and love Hancock as this chill, chem-pushing asshole that stabs a guy for you and then acts like nothing happened.  He appears as a cold-hearted killer, one that should frighten anyone beyond reason, and yet he can still act as your companion.  I feel, however, that the fandom has painted him out as just, for lack of better terms, a chem pushing asshole.  That’s why I’ve decided to write this informal character analysis/speculation. I personally believe that there’s more to Hancock’s character than Bethesda revealed.

Warning: there are spoilers beyond this point for Hancock’s companion story.  You have been warned.  

So I suppose I should start at the beginning.  We know that Hancock was originally John McDonough, the brother of Mayor Guy McDonough of Diamond City.  According to John, he and his brother grew up in a waterfront shack somewhere in the Commonwealth.  It is also revealed that Guy was the classic older brother that played tricks on his younger sibling throughout their childhood.  When Hancock is telling you all of this, however, there’s a hint of nostalgia in his tone, suggesting that he doesn’t dislike his brother as much as he lets the Sole Survivor believe.  

Now it is unclear what happened to the McDonough brothers’ parents, but it is known that the boys moved to Diamond City a little later on in their lives.  It is here that most of my headcanons take place.  I speculate that their parents either died or abandoned them, and Guy was left as the sole caretaker of a young John.  For our purposes, let’s put the youngest McDonough at thirteen years old and the eldest at eighteen.  It is around this time that I believe John starting getting involved in chems as a way to deal with his parents’ deaths or abandonment. Of course, his abusing of drugs put a strain on his relationship with Guy, who was forced to watch helplessly as his little brother descended into addiction.

So where did John get his chems?  He certainly didn’t buy them from a doctor or a pharmacy.  That leaves the Black Market.  Now, it is common for the Black Market to be available in relatively poor areas of cities, which would be the Lower Stands in Diamond City.  Who lived in the Lower Stands at this time?  Poor humans, of course, but more specifically: ghouls.  Now, I’m not saying that all ghouls are chem addicts, but it is canon that many of them are.  So for the sake of this character speculation, let us assume that a young John got his chems from a ghoul.  

Let’s say that Guy found out where John was getting his chems.  This would explain why he hates ghouls so much.  The way he sees it, they corrupted his brother and fueled his addiction.  So when the time rolls around for Guy to run for mayor, he runs with the prejudice already stacked against the ghouls.  It is around this time that I believe he was replaced by the Institute, who saw an opportunity to expel ghouls from Diamond City and took it.  I do not believe that the real Guy McDonough would have treated ghouls in as violent a fashion as his synth counterpart did, even though he disliked them.  

So now the real Guy McDonough is out of the picture (we don’t know what the Institute does with the humans they replace, though they probably kill them).  Our focus switches back to John, who is now let’s say around eighteen to twenty years old.  He doesn’t know that his brother has been replaced with a synth.  In his companion storyline, Hancock tells us that there were riots after his brother was elected into office, where people were beating and killing ghouls left and right.  We’re also told that John tried to convince his brother to stop them, but failed.  It is at this point that Hancock says that he “didn’t even recognize him,” and leaves Diamond City for good.  

Now we all know what happens to John after that: how he becomes mayor of Goodneighbor and then a ghoul himself.  Everything that happened to him in his life led up to that point.  

Anyways, the reason I wrote this is because I wanted people to see that John Hancock—McDonough—isn’t just a static character.  I wanted the fandom to view him as more than just a chem pushing raisin.  Thanks for reading!

(Headcanons mentioned above are not only mine.  Haprima and I speculated ideas together.)  

Castles and Storms

A poem I wrote years ago. Still one of my favorites. (this poem is supposed to be formatted with center spacing… it looks better that way but Tumblr is stupid)

@devsfan55 @icecream-and-winchesters

My life is crumbling around me
As if it was an old castle,
Slowly worn down by winds and storms
And the slow passing of time.
One more storm will bring the castle
Crashing down around my ears.

I fear that more than anything else.
The castle has been my refuge,
A place where I can hide from the world,
Pretend that it doesn’t affect me like others.
There, nothing passes through the walls
Unless I call it to me.

For many years this defense has worked.
Then I grew older, and storms have come,
Many in number and fierce in temperament.
I weathered these storms in my castle,
Though I must admit that I was not left unscathed.
The scars have never really healed.

As the castle crumbles, I realize something:
There’s a little feeling, a hidden thought
That wishes that the castle would fall
And that I wouldn’t have to keep up the facade.
That part wishes for people to know my feelings;
It whispers that secrets need to be shared.

I begin to believe the voice.
It says, “Feelings should not be bottled up,
For that will only lead to the torment of your spirit;
You will be freer if you tell someone.
Don’t be afraid to be yourself and say what you feel;
Everyone is different and has their own views.”

But then I start fighting the voice, arguing,
“They’ll think I’m crazy if they know how I feel.
If I show emotion, they’ll take advantage of me.
No one can know the depths of my heart;
I want no one to see how life truly affects me.
No one could understand my pain.”

The voice is growing smaller now;
I can barely hear it any more
Over the sound of the encroaching storm.
My fear increases, I run blindly from place to place,
Seeking a better shelter than my battered castle.
I find none.

I finally fall to my knees in exhaustion
And listen once more to the voice.
It says it can help me make it through this time;
I can almost see the helping hand it’s offered.
Unconsciously, I surrender all of myself to the voice;
I give up and lay down, waiting for the storm.

The storm is here, and all of a sudden,
An excitedness overcomes me.
I quickly stand up and run to a window,
Watching the clouds get closer and closer.
The rains begins to pour, and I run outside,
Through the ruins of my castle and out of the door.

I stand in the pouring rain, embracing it;
I dance in the storm.

copyright m.l.b.

the state kicked me off Medicaid because they calculated my income wrong and now i can’t even file my first taxes ever until i file for a hearing? i did nothing wrong! i stayed within the income guidelines! i fucking hate that people who criticize social services because do you know how fucking hard it is to get on social services and stay on them for more than six months! i fucking hate this miserable red state shithole but i know the blue state shitholes aren’t much better! GAH!

i know this isn’t surprising at all and happens to me every six months but this stupid deadline makes it imminent and i’m going to cry. disabled people aren’t even supposed to have Medicaid reviews, i am supposed to be on permanently.

Decided to not be lazy and do my Schoolism assignment this week. Not sure how interesting it is to others when I’m just painting somebody else’s lineart, but it’s harder to get anything out of watching other student paintover feedback videos if I just randomly paint my own stuff. At least this way, I usually can find a student who did something similar to mine. 

Anyway, posting something is better than nothing I suppose ^_^

@icouldbeagoddess said:

“When is winter not harsh?” She let out a small laugh. She looked over at Ragnar as well, who was asleep. Bjorn slept by his side, and Gyda was in the cot right next to them.

“I must say, as bad as our conditions are, at least we are in good company. No where else would except us, I suppose.” Her eyes drifted to Gyda, then to Bjorn. “The sooner that Ragnar gets better, the sooner we can leave. We have nothing to return to. Our farm is burnt, our livestock slaughtered.”

                                       “You have done well to come here, Lagertha. His wounds could have been fatal if not treated immediately. I’m just glad we were able to help.” Helga took a quick sip from her ale, the smile on her features never leaving. “That aside, you are more than welcome to stay. It’s not good to rush the healing process like that. Ragnar will need his rest.”

She spoke out of experience as a healer. Having seen enough people return from battle badly wounded before, stubborn enough not to take plenty of rest and time to heal, only resulting in nasty infections or even worse…

anonymous asked:

I've always wondered why Perrie was so bitter even though her relationship with Zayn was purely PR.

I think it’s because Perrie was supposed to be getting the better end of the deal in the stunt than Zayn did, but it never quite worked out that way. Zerrie was supposed to help her and her band get more fame but instead they kept flopping worse than before every time they tried coming back to America. Not only is Zayn still way more famous than her in every country, he isn’t controlled by management anymore and gets to be with whoever he wants while she’s still known for nothing else except being Zayn’s ex. 

anonymous asked:

I know this may sound like a totally weird and out there question but how did you guys come to know so much about Haitian history?

Hello, thank you very much for your question.

First, just so we can be clear: are you asking us about how we study/approach Haitian history in terms of methods or is this more a question regarding general knowledge? Assuming it’s the latter, I would say the exact same way you would approach the history of any other country!

I suppose perhaps Haiti suffers more than other states from negative press. Because of this, it may seem tempting to fall back on dogmatic discourses (not at all too different from what I described here), but really, I assure you, there is nothing special about how we came to have a better understanding of Haitian history, granted with time. I’m sure being history students did help, but I believe we all share a true passion for Haiti even when we are exasperated by events. Personally, I think the key in my own studies has been a) to accept that I know very little (this, I think, is not the same as false modesty as in this case, it really has to do with acknowledging that learning is a continuous process, not an endpoint) b) to appreciate that by virtue of being Haitian or of Haitian descent, I am not automatically a specialist on Haiti (here I mean to say that I will not dismiss good scholarship because of who wrote it, instead, I’ll try to find what Haitian scholars have said about similar topic(s) and see if I can put these different authors in dialogue with each other).

Now, I’m unsure whether I truly answered your question, but in any case, feel free to come back and clarify your point. Good night.

anonymous asked:

Ask Cambor's parents what they think of his girlfriends.

Dad: “Hah! I told ‘im once if I told ‘im a hundred times, all he ‘ad to do to get a girl was try, and now ‘e’s got two? Cheers, boy! And remember, if y’keep ‘em, you’re doin’ better than Terry ever did.”

Mom: “I’m rather surprised that both of them are warriors. And one a gnome! My youngest is nothing if not willing to see the best in everyone, I suppose. As long as they’re taking good care of each other, and they’re happy, that’s really the important part.” She drums her fingers thoughtfully on her cheek for a moment, then adds, “I wish I could have a word with the tall one about a few things, though.”

(( @pinpep @shckaewynn ))

Their Favorite Thing About You [Physically]

Haruhi : Haruhi just downright loves your smile. It lights up the room, and it can always make her happy even when she’s feeling at her worst. Seeing you smile makes her whole day a lot better. 

Originally posted by a-n-i-m-a-t-e

Kaoru : Lips. As simple as that, this boys loves your lips. He could be kissing them, maybe just running his thumb over them. To him, your lips could not be more perfect. 

(i don’t even know what this gif is supposed to mean in this situation)

Originally posted by myanimestars

Hikaru : Why your hands of course. He loves being able to have contact with you, and more often than not that contact comes down to nothing more than holding hands. He doesn’t mind though, especially because of how your hands fit perfectly with his. 

Originally posted by akittentoremember

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@shxdim liked your post:

The palace gardens were as far as her father permitted her to wander without a guard at her side. They provided her with neither the freedom nor the escape she truly wished for, but, she supposed, it was better than nothing.

They were a place to relax and unwind alone, something very infrequent in the Royal lifestyle, and something very much appreciated by the princess herself. That was likely the cause for the irrational amount of displeasure that consumed her when she spotted another individual across the vast expanse of flower beds and shrubbery.

    “ Excuse me -
      These Gardens aren’t open to the public.
      Do you have permission to be here? ”

one thing that ALWAYS bugs me about shows when people are stranded somewhere away from civilisation and they have to battle for survival. and, apparently, the 100’s not different.

what’s with all the sex

like, SERIOUSLY. I don’t know a single woman in her right mind who’d go like “oh yeah let’s have unprotected sex in a place where every plant, animal or weather condition can kill us because NOTHING would be better than getting pregnant here. well, maybe going into labor and trying to provide for a child with supplies we don’t have could battle this option, but only by a notch”

HONESTLY. am I supposed to believe that every stranded survivor is automatically equipped in an endless supply of condoms? or every woman has birth control pills with her? (esp. when she’s an under 18 years old girl who’s been locked up for a huge part of her life on some floating through space craft?)

why dod you abandon logic, show, why.

Finally get to where I can get the wolf school gear… and it’s glitched. Patch 1.12 has it listed as fixing this very issue I have so I am wondering if it didn’t install correctly? I emailed support. I do not know what they could do but it’s better than just nothing/