I never thought I would see this day, but I had to ask myself this question a few days ago (shortly after changing my URL and my activity dropping to never-before-seen lows). This spot used to be so exciting to me.. so secret, so supportive.. oddly it was like an old friend I came home to at the end of the day.
At first I blamed my drop in activity on a new boyfriend and a resulting different lifestyle this past semester, but now that I am back home for the summer my interest has almost decreased further. I was starting to realize that everything I reblogged felt old; I am still gaining inspiration from images and stories, but not nearly the same way I used to.
And then it occurred to me that maybe I just wasn’t using this space creatively enough. What was originally the main goal of my blog - not just self-inspiration but mostly an outlet for me to express and participate in my more creative interests - just wasn’t there anymore.
My blog has undergone a lot of change lately, and not just in URL. This past year I worked up the courage to expose it as part of a class project, and I think as more classmates and friends found out about it the more I retreated into my off-Tumblr shell. The place that I’d once freely expressed myself was gone.
But again, as odd as it sounds, Tumblr to me is a like a second home that I can’t escape from. It’s been through too much with me! So I am determined to get over this.
I think the biggest step for me will be to start using it more as a creative space again. Whether it’s posting my own photos and writing, or just communicating more with other users, I need to get over my fear of my real-life people watching over this. They probably aren’t. And if they were, why should it matter anyways if this is what I want to do?
I guess I’m just stuck between wanting to express myself freely but also wanting to be private and keep things to myself.
To end this rant, I guess I would just like to say that Tumblr is not boring. The things I have felt here, learned here.. the people I’ve been with and grown with here.. none of it is boring. I am the one holding back on my passions, and at the bottom of the problem is fear. Fear of being open, fear of exposure.. fear of letting myself be seen and be judged.
My summer challenge for myself (aside from finding work, being healthy, writing, and being with my family) is to start doing more personal posts.