but-it-looks-so-half-assed

Ignoring the fact that it’s a world inhabited by animals, plot-wise I think Zootopia would be a fucking amazing Eremika AU.

Mikasa is a cop that is being racially profiled by the force for being half Japanese and is being given small jobs that leave her frustrated. Her first day on the job, she meets a charming conman named Eren that plays her like a fucking sucker and royally pisses her off so much that she forces him to help her in the first big case of her career that her entire job is riding on.

Bonus scene: Levi is the mafia leader that Eren swindled in the past and sold the rug made of skunk ass hair to.

Eren laughed nervously as he looked up at the piercing blue eyes of his former client. “Oh, hey, Levi. That was a crazy misunderstanding, wasn’t it?” He laughed again.

Levi just glared at him.

44. Part 4

Originally posted by toodopeforwords

We are supposed to be leaving the house soon but Robyn is sat chilling with her family in the living room, I had to walk out for a while. It got real hot in that room too, flicking my cigarette to the ground and walking back into the house, I been flicking all my cigarettes all around this place, wait till Monica finds out. Stuffing my tee in the front of my cut off sweat pants and walking in to the living room. Khari clocked me and quickly crawled over to me half screaming, he is so fast with all this crawling “you miss me” leaning over picking him up “love you” kissing his cheek, Khari pointed to Naomi and Majesty “are they harassing you son?” Naomi loud ass came running at me “we did nothing” she pulled my tee out of my sweatpants band “woah” trying to grab it from her but she ran off “yeah that’s fine, take my top” looking around the living area for a place to sit “it’s fine, nobody get up” sitting in the middle of the floor, placing Khari on my lap “we will sit here Khari, we don’t mind” wrapping my arms around him.

Feeling a pair of little arms wrap around my neck “ahhh” the scratches Robyn left actually hurt, moving my head to the side “oh it’s you, where is my tee?” Naomi grinned shrugging “she put it in the pool Uncle Chris, I said no” side eyeing Naomi at the side of me “why you put my tee in the pool? That ain’t even cool ma’am” I am lowkey annoyed “how else is he going to hide his scratch marks” Noella said half laughing “you damn right” feeling Khari grabbing my chin hair “you naughty boy” she pointed laughing, looking down at Khari “what is it now boy” Khari grinned at me “is that all you wanted me to do? For me to smile at you? Nigga I ain’t smiling anymore, I am tired, I am sick and tired of you” Khari giggled, he is loving the fact I am tired of him “he laughing” Majesty said sitting in front of me “because he is an evil child, he hits me and then likes me angry” feeling Khari slap my chest, dragging my eyes over to Robyn, her and Mel seem to be so close. Their heads are so close together, I was not happy to know Mel was here in the first place. Looking over and seeing Mijo’ daughter, pulling a face, I hope she don’t come near me.

Getting up from the floor holding Khari “sorry ladies, I have to go now” I always get stuck with the little girls, walking over to Robyn “he wants you” I said bluntly, she has not bothered with me since we had sex which is annoying me “we going now?” Robyn staring at me like I swore at her “yeah, I just need to speak to you” nodding my head walking off “Chris come here” my mom waved me over “what’s up mom” walking over to her slowly, she waved her hand for me to come down to her. Sighing as I did so “did you have sex again? Those marks were not on you yesterday” chuckling a little “mom it’s sex, chill. Why has everyone always got an issue with me having sex” moving back from my mom “you being mad disrespectful in this house Chris, my home!” Rorrey spat “we told you not to do it” pointing at myself in shock “tell your sister to stop looking so good then, man maybe you need to have some sex in your life. So fucking uptight” that soon got Robyn’ ass off the couch “stop it” smirking at Rorrey as I walked off.

Grabbing my chain from the bedroom side table “I want to go now” I am done with being judged for sex, I am all fun and games but they always hostile about everything “Chris can we talk” hearing the door close “we talking while we leave, come” I have no tee now because half my shit is in the suitcase and the tee I had out is in the pool “Robyn! Khari is crying” Lee said outside the door, sitting on the edge of the bed as Robyn opened the door “aww my poor baby, come here. Thanks Lee, I won’t be long” Robyn was quick to shut the door “ssshhh, it’s ok baby” Robyn soothed Khari, she wants to talk now after not speaking to me “you want to speak to me now, after leaving me in bed. You been up Mel’ ass all day” Robyn opened her mouth and then closed it, she knows I am right “sorry, we just never see each other anymore and we have just caught up. I didn’t mean it” rubbing the back of my neck rolling my eyes “whatever” I don’t care anymore.

Looking up at Robyn “so, what’s up?” she is awfully quiet now “uhm, can Mel share our jet home” my eyebrows rose high in shock “you offered didn’t you? Why are you forcing such a relationship I don’t want!” she is just as stupid as Mel, how annoying “daddy!” Khari screamed at me, I gasped because I was not expecting such a word “wait, you just called me daddy? Not da no more” quickly getting up from the bed “you called me daddy!?” he actually said “you heard that right?” Robyn laughed nodding “he did” snatching Khari from Robyn “my big man!! Called me daddy” holding him close kissing his face “daddy” he choked out giggling “oh wow, such a blessing. I love you” looking down at Khari “dada” he said whispering “I love you so much, yes I do” I feel a little choked up here “I ain’t finna cry” blinking my eyes several times “my baby boy” hugging him close, that has been the best thing I have heard.

Robyn smiled at me “he likes having you around, he prefers to be with you now” Khari started speaking baby language to himself “yeah and I always will be around for him” I am so proud of him “so you was saying Robyn?” I can’t stop smiling at Khari now “I feel stuck between you both” dragging my eyes away from Khari to look at Robyn “but I picked you Robyn, did I or did I not say that you can be friends with her but respect me, I said those words. Why don’t you get when she tried to put me away, she tried to get me locked up and you accept this. She is with a guy that nearly had you lose Khari and you accept that, are you stupid?” this is why I stay away from the Mel subject, I hate seeing Robyn sad “don’t you think it hurts when I think about it, just she has been with me through the times you wasn’t! She didn’t mean too” Robyn is blind “you really don’t like being happy do you? Pleasing others is your forte because whenever it is time to please yourself you hate it, I gave you a choice. I said you can be friends with her but don’t try and make this happen. Mel tried to ruin my life and I can’t forgive that, I took the people out of my life that tried to ruin my happiness with you so the only person that can destroy that is myself, but you are allowing people to do that for you” I can tell Robyn doesn’t know what to say “me and Khari will be downstairs, I am going VA just to see my family, a quick stop” I just give up with her.

I am not saying it is easy to let people like Mijo or Mel go, it’s hard. I miss him, that was my right arm but he took it too far. The thought of not having Khari around scares me, I adore him like he adores me. I don’t want Robyn sad so I said be friends just away from me, shit is driving me crazy because I am trying so hard to be a better man but it’s always shit, always tests. Feeling Khari rest his head on my shoulder “it’s cool son, we going to get through it. I promise” reaching the bottom of the stairs, Mel stared at me and I stared back “Chris, I am real sorry” I know she ain’t talking to me, looking around the hallway and seeing Rorrey in the corner, he already wants to punch me “you really want to talk about this now?” I would suggest she just doesn’t “I don’t like Rihanna being so stressed over this, I miss her and she is stuck” Mel looked behind me, turning around and seeing Robyn behind me, just what I need, a crying Robyn “fuck my life” I sighed aloud “Robz! Why you crying? He made you cry?” just my luck, everyone in this place hates me and then she decides to cry, staring at Robyn in sadness, I am so upset with her for this.

Swallowing hard, what would my therapist say to me. If I am in a situation I can’t handle, walk away, my face dropped seeing my mom, sister and the rest of the clan. I feel trapped now, I can do this, I can handle this without popping off “you so lucky to be holding my nephew” Rorrey said, I snorted “calm ya ass down, you always talk so much. Shut up” I am bored of hearing him “so what is this? Gang up on Chris? Why is everyone staring at me” it is literally all eyes on me “why is she crying Chris?” my mom asked, looking at my mom in disbelief “I don’t know! Ask her!” asking me like I know “just emotional Joyce” Robyn said, blowing out air “tell the real truth Robyn! You know what I am done with everyone saying it is my fault when it’s not, this has nothing to do with me. I told Robyn she can be friends with her friend, her jumped up friend that is with a guy that wanted Robyn killed, I could have lost my son, Robyn is blind and fucking stupid. So you all want to know why I can’t fuck with Mel and Mijo well there you go, Mijo was behind it, they whole break in and then Mel tried to get me put away for a very long time, she used the fact that the law hates my ass. She lucky I am even still here” staring at Mel “you are so twisted, you are sick for using Robyn. Don’t you think she has had enough of being used and manipulated, first G and now you! You know she loves you, she puts her own happiness before hers! I don’t like you and I don’t want you near me or my son, let Robyn be happy for once” she is too selfish to allow that, I know Mel.

Originally posted by ohxya

Biting my bottom lip trying to supress my cry, Chris looked at me and then walked off. Everyone stared at me “is that true?” Rorrey asked Mel, Rorrey stepped up to Mel “you want to tell me that was bullshit or what? You telling me that was real” I froze in one place staring ahead “it all comes together, Chris being dead against Mijo. Tootie, no wonder he had that breakdown” hearing Joyce say “I judged him, he kept that away” the truth is out and I don’t know what to do. Do I be with my friend that has been my rock, my ride or die, my best friend and sister, she practically is my everything. She held me when I was crying or Chris the father of my child, the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, my fiancé. Who do I run too, gripping the side of the bannister with a grip “mom, don’t feel bad, how was you supposed to know. He gets judged all the time” Tootie said, letting go of the bannister and walking down the steps.

@redarmswingydealything

Shaya gets Pokemon Go first and joins Valor because fuck you and Tywan ends up on Mystic just so they can fight over gyms

They still become notorious for being out at the ass end of night looking for Pokemon and stops because neither of them can throw Pokeballs to save their lives and run out constantly

Hadrian is Instinct and doesn’t talk about the game much so everyone is surprised as FUCK when he gets to level 20 in like half the time as the others and somehow this asshole ended up with two rows of 4000cp Pokemon

Vau is secretly trying to hack the game

Crayt went with Instinct too and is kind of obsessed but avoids playing near Shaya because she actually shoved him into oncoming traffic when he sniped a gym from her

The Vandal made two accounts because FUCK YOU

Sanzin and Wren went with Mystic and always steal the same gym with the highest CP Pokemon they have

Crim’s phone isn’t new enough to play the app

Sarissia’s is and she is “this close to changing the password Crim damn it Extru I have important work to do”

The Queen refuses the collect anything but Bug types but they’re insanely powerful anyway

It still strikes me as weird that they give mannequins in stores like really pronounced nipples and make them obviously bra-less cuz for the most part people dont walk around like that

wouldnt it make sense to make them shaped more like theyre in a bra? since most people with breasts wear bras, usually ones that smooth down the nipples so they arent pronounced, and it would give a clearer idea of how the shirt would actually wear on people. 

Just dont make sense to me that we got these giraffe women with long ass necks and diamond hard nipples like. The clothes dont even look like they fit them right half the time. It doesnt make the clothes look better half the time at all. 

Tamakyo Fake Dating AU

The basic premise is that Tamaki decides he wants to prove he’d be a great boyfriend (in general but maybe to Haruhi specifically for NO REASON) and enlisted Kyoya to fake date him.

Only Kyoya never half asses anything and has a very detailed list of Tamaki’s likes and dislikes so of course Kyoya finds Tamaki’s favourite bakery from France that closed down and he gets the family to give him the recipe or make some things Tamaki likes. And then Kyoya basically goes overboard in every way because Kyoya always feels like he has to do The Most.

Only, Tamaki, knowing this is a fake relationship, doesn’t put that much effort into it. And looks like an asshole in comparison to Kyoya. Haruhi tells Kyoya he could do better. The twins joke that Tamaki doesn’t Kyoya.

Tamaki realizes he has to up his game and thus, the competition begins.

“Play Action Fake” - Prompt 3 for the Hannibal Mile High Club

Bless you @confusedkayt for this prompt because again, YAY SPORTS!

“Hannibal trying to make a sports metaphor :P”

Side Note: 100 words? HAHAH. Did I say 100? LOL

“Hannibal, move your ass. I’m not going to jail for you twice,” Will says half-running, half-dragging his partner behind him.

“Perhaps if somebody had been paying closer attention, we would not be in this predicament,” Hannibal grumbled through gritted teeth. The hand Will held was slick with blood, and not all of it belonged to their victim. He was in pain, which Will hated to hear, but his sympathy for the devil only went so far. Hannibal was also being a major pain in the ass right now. 

“Look the point of a concealed weapon is that you don’t see it until it’s too late.”

“Really, Will? I did not know that. Did you teach that in your accelerated classes at Quantico? Your students must have been riveted during that lecture. Such a pity I missed that one,” Hannibal groused then stumbled nearly dragging them both into the muck.

Will slowed down a little, but only a little. The Polizia were close. He could hear their boots splashing in the dank waters of sewers in determined pursuit. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“My shoulder does not accept your apology.”

It took a herculean effort not to drown Hannibal in the nearest puddle. 

“Do me a favor, dear. The next time you feel like jumping in front of a bullet or blade for me…don’t. Just let them have me and spare us all the bitching,” Will snapped.

Hannibal brushed his hair out of his eyes indolently and belatedly realized there was dirt (or worse) on his hands. “I assure you, I will take that under advisement,” he said and made a face that could murder stone. 

The Polizia were closer now. Will could hear their voices only one tunnel away. They needed to hide, but where?  "Not good. This is why you should have let me bring a gun.”

“No guns on date night, William,” his boyfriend fussed.

"You’re going to regret that decision. I don’t think they allow conjugal visits between inmates, Hanners,” he said. If Hannibal was going to be a brat, Will was going to return his snark tit-for-tat. 

“We need a Hail Mary here.”

“Hah. You can say that again,” Will said. He scanned the area for something they could use to their advantage or better yet, an escape route. There was a large door in the tunnel, which read “Access.” It would probably lead them back to street level, but they would be sitting ducks in that stairwell. Then he paused and waggled an eyebrow at Hannibal. “Do you mean a prayer…or….was that a sports analogy?”

Hannibal shrugged. “Your bloodsports might be less entertaining than mine, but I do pick things up. I’m observant, Will, unlike someone else I know.”

Will ignored the insult. Hannibal had a point, but not the point he thought he had. “No, we don’t need a Hail Mary Pass. We need a Play Action Fake. Follow my lead once I give the signal.” Hope swelled in his chest for the first time in an hour. It was a stupid idea, but even a stupid idea gave them a better chance than they had now. 

“What’s the signal?”

“This.” Will said and kicked-in the door.

He pulled Hannibal through the portal, and together they hid behind the door. 

The noise drew the attention of the Polizia who incorrectly assumed that the fugitives had fled to the surface. 

Hannibal had his arms around Will who shook with repressed laughter when it became clear that this cartoonish plan was actually going to work. 

When the noise had faded and they were alone again, Will took Hannibal’s face between his hands and kissed him. “You’re brilliant,” he said. “I mean it was mostly my plan that saved of our asses, but I guess you deserve some of the credit.“

Hannibal tutted. “I’m also dirty. Let’s go home, Will.”

They walked back into the tunnels hand-in-hand. “A hot bath for two?” Will chirped. “I can think of worse ends to Date Night.”

"Such as cliff-diving for instance,” Hannibal provided, but there was amusement in his voice not anger.

“Oh, get over yourself, Hannibal.”

It is ungodly how long this took me, and it’s still half-assed. Could have probably spent more time on it, but my eyes are bleeding by now so no.

But here, have some more of my Ellana ^_^ I love my angry Dalish child to bits, even though she looks kind of sweet here (but not too much, we wouldn’t want that of course.)

I ran Unabridged again this morning. I also found a penny AND swallowed a bug. This is why I don’t run around other people.

Actually, there’s a half-marathon going on in Chicago this morning, and it starts basically outside my front door at 6:30, so while I was out running a bunch of other people in their activewear (activewear, activewear) were either heading my way or waiting for shuttle pickups. Watching them give me confused looks as I dragged my ass past them, running slowly in the opposite direction from the race start, was pretty amusing. 

Googlemaps says this morning’s route was 2.86 miles, so I continue to adjust my stride length in the fitbit app. 

The idea of just doing a 5K four times a week seems shockingly achievable at this point. Which is frankly insane because the idea of doing a mile and a half was essentially impossible at this time last year. Both of these facts combined make my goal of doing 10Ks by summer of 2017 look reasonable instead of delusional. This is weird. 

anonymous asked:

hey ghoul!! what's your favorite thing that you've ever blown up?

Well, one time me and Kobra were out doing our normal rounds, looking for suspicious activity and what not, and we passed this big ass building that had just been totally cracked in half and there were huge pieces of debris (aka rock) all over the fucking place. So, Kobra looks at me and says

So, I took this bazooka we’d nabbed way back that we always keep in the backseat (for emergencies of course) and load it up while Kobra just circles the wreckage. Once it was loaded I popped my head out and aimed for it as fast as could and pulled the trigger!

Dracs went flying in all directions, masks and guns scattered everywhere. They must have been hiding out behind the thing, the bunch a creeps. We didn’t even know they were back there but sometimes luck is just on your side when you wanna blow random shit up. Definitely the best thing I’ve ever blown up!

fightingforfamily  asked:

Joshua sat on the stoop of Angels house looking at the sky. "So you came back and you didn't even bother check up on us?" He said clenching his fist. "Lucifer was right about you dad, you're a selfish prick." He said taking a long swig the bottle of whiskey he had.

“Oy! You get smashed up there I am not bringing your bloody ass down!” The tell came from an open double window that she was half out of. “Josh get down before you hurt yourself!”

Oh shit back to the days…..first rate Mr. Trafalgar Law. I’m gonna treat this as a Re-assessment because I basically rated post-timeskip law in the first BUT IT WAS MIXTURE OF THAT PRE-TIMESKIP GOOD SHIT TOO. BUT SHIT HE’S HELLA NICE AGAIN I SAY. AGAIN.

This.This is my motherfuckin jam. MR TRAFALGAR LAW IS MY PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM SANDWHICH. He’s my peanut butter, not that crunchy shit that smooth as a baby’s butt shit. yea man. THIS MAN FACE. Oh. Just, you look, turn back to your drink, take a sip and then you look back, damn, that drink ain’t doin nothing to quench your thirst. LOOK AT THEM EYES  HALF LIDDED GOOD TEASING SHIT. YES OH FUCK. And he’s either got this happy shit eatin grin or this disappointed “ I’ll smack your ass later” look I want that in my  life. He just so nice. 15/10. Yea that shits gone UP.  You look at pre timeskip he’s a soggy ass biscuit in comparion to this crunchy snicker doodle. You know what he improved in 2 years? Growin out that filthy mop. OH WA WA WEE WAH YOU DON’T NEED TAT HAT BOY YOUR MESSY LUSCIOUS MOP IS ENOUGH TO GET MA HEART GOING DOKI DOKI hoo boy. I need a lie down. We ain’t just talking about that head hair. LOOK AT THEM MOTHERFUCKIN SIDEBURNS MAKE ME BUURRRRN OH YES AND HIS BEARD WWWAAAA WAAAA WEEEE MOTHER FUCKIN WAAAAAH. 12/10. Sure we all think Law is a  smooth as piece of shit. sure. he aint go no style though HE GOES OUTSIDE WITH  NO SHIRT AND A LONG ASS COAT, THAT’S BACKWARDS MAN JUST YOU IDIOT. His damn feather boa ugh. Just shut up law. NO. dont you do it…DON’T TEMPT ME WITH THEM EYES. 6/10. I don’t like how he’s looking at me on the google images. He’s thinkin “What you writin about me bitch….you know I’m damn fly….you know I’m a hot piece of ass…we both collect coins.” YEA I COLLECT COINS SHUT UP THIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Me and this deviled egg are made for eachother. Dude law’s top half is actually per-fuckin-fection I’m not kidding HE’S SUPER BUFF…sometimes…BUT he’s got tattoos oh shit TRACE YOUR FINGERS MAKE HIM TINGLE hoooooooo dayum. But dude your tracing your fingers down that kick ass chest like “oh shit me this is like a mother fuckin barrel” then you look down…..what are they….yea you know….damn flamingo legs. THEY AIN’T CHICKEN LEGS THEY GO ON FOR MILES AND ARE AS SKINNY AS MY DAMN ARM. C'mon man LEG DAY IS MY DAY YOU…YOU…ugh 10/10 though  UGH good god he’s delicious dough, I’m quotin myself he’s “TOO PERFECT” and he’s just “a mess of pure dark lush perfection” SHIT ME WHO DOESN’T WANT THAT OH yes. Please. Yes.

So before I do this- yes I’m the fucking idiot who fucked up the Green Lantern role and played the shitty Deadpool from the X-Men: First Class. But like all characters- we develop and now I’m known for squeezing my Canadian ass in a red spandex suit. I make too many sex jokes and bad puns. I look like Freddy Krueger half my career and everyone has seen me naked on screen… If not you’re really missing out on some great butt shots.

Hi I’m Ryan, father, and Hugh Jackman’s #1 fan.

Honk if you need me: captaindadpool

Sam just keeps pulling petty prank, or just petty reactions to everything with Bucky, never moving his seat, not offering him milk etc. until one day Bucky is like what the hell man, what is your problem, I just won’t pass you the milk either. 

Sam just sits there beaming at Bucky, and Bucky just gets more confused. Sam is like I don’t walk on egg shells around you, that means you don’t have to around me. Steve told me how you used to love being a petty ass, look all I’m saying is you can fuck around with me and I won’t take it personally. Bucky is getting overwhelmed, don’t look so worried you are still a person Bucky and you can be a jerk if you want to be 

Bucky doesn’t want to tear up so he just chuckles and says you don’t know what you are in for I invented half the shit you have been pulling

      Mnn… we might be visiting some colder worlds on our next journey, so I should probably prepare accordingly… hmm….

         hastily tapes some half inch sleeves onto a lame black hoodie

         Perfect.”

2

Hang me up on a half-assed display, I’m just a shitty piece of broken art (he/they)

I’ve literally been working for 22 hours straight (minus a 30 minute break 12 hours ago). Running a professional business and doing things correctly and to the best of my skills takes a lot out of a person, even when I’m only getting one third of the work.

I was forced to cancel a couple readings simply because of my time constraints at the moment and my desire to not give out half-assed readings just to get them done. ^^;; I really feel bad about it, but it needed to be done to really focus on priority work.

And for the love of all that is holy, please please do not send in orders that are time-sensitive (within either of my shops) and not let me know of that time sensitivity! I don’t like learning about a due date at the last minute, and it doesn’t help you guys out either! (Apparently this needs to be said, as I’ve lately been getting readings that are time sensitive to the point of 24 hours. I’ve also been receiving candle orders, and people not notifying me that they are for something at a certain date (like a birthday) and are expecting it to be delivered to a country out of Canada within a five day span. Please don’t do that to me >w<; )

Ha;;;; I wish to be more active on social media and doing emails, but it simply isn’t possible, at least for another week.

Didn’t sleep at all last night, and in just a couple hours my sister is flying in and the house is a mess xD Too bad my companions can’t help with that!

Fuckboi alert

Yesterday on my way to the dentist I’m walking down to street to catch a bus, and overheard this Fuckboi talking trash to a big girl.

He said, “I don’t want no fat b*tch*s, I want uh… Like b*tch*es with big asses ya know!”

And I swear it took everything I had to ignore his sheer stupidity. 🙄😒I don’t even know why this lady was even giving him the time of day. It looked as if they were breaking up or were already dating?OR she was trying to get with him? But like why…????

LISTEN big girls (and boys😚👌)! You fucking matter. Please. You’re so fucking beautiful. Don’t ever feel like you have to settle for trashy-ass partners because you may think that the pool of possible bachelors/bachelorettes has been cut in half by your sheer appearance. PLEASE. Don’t try to settle for assholes. Don’t try to justify you settling for a partner with a bad personality in exchange for their acceptance of your body type. JUST DON’T.

You don’t deserve that.