I, as well as so many other smut writers on
this and all other platforms, have gotten so many asks about why we write smut,
and we’ve gotten criticized for it.
This is why I personally write it and I’m
not claiming this is true for every other writer. In fact, it might just be me.
I want to explain myself, not because I think what I’m doing is wrong, but
because I want people to understand. If you don’t, you don’t. If you do, you
do. There’s not much I can do about it and I won’t try.
It has to do with sexual abuse, so if that’s
a trigger for you, do NOT read this.
I’ve never really addressed this on my
blog, but since it’s a new beginning for me in life, I wanted to be completely honest
with you guys. I’ve been here for a year and four months, and we’ve been
through a lot of things together.
When I was younger, I fell in love with
someone who was older than me. I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Long
story short, I got talked into doing sexual things I didn’t want to do (my plan
was saving myself for marriage). I trusted this person and I didn’t want to
lose him and disappoint him, and he knew it. He used that against me and manipulated
me using my own feelings. I wasn’t forced to do things, but I was emotionally
blackmailed into doing them, which made me resent myself, my body, and sex
altogether. I didn’t even masturbate because I just hated everything about sex and I didn’t even want to think about it.
I never talked about sex. I never enjoyed
sex with him. In fact, I cried during sex with him a lot of times. I used to
say I cried because it hurt, but I cried because my body and mind and heart weren’t
in agreement over it. I loved him, but I didn’t want to do the things I was
doing, and I ended up hating myself more and more each time I did it. I hated my body and I didn’t even want to look at myself.
After that relationship, it took me a long
time to date someone and I chose a guy who showed no interest in sex with me.
And he never asked me to do anything, which was more than okay with me. With
time though, I started to feel unloved and unwanted. I felt like sex was all I
was good for in my first relationship and now I wasn’t even good for that. This
guy wasn’t exactly mature, so he didn’t know what he wanted from life or
anything in general, and I don’t blame him. It was me and my problems. We had
sex once and I broke up with him afterwards. I hated myself for it, I hated my
body, and I told myself I never wanted to have sex again.
I went to uni and that’s when I really
started to write and read smut. Because writing about sex made me feel good again.
It made me feel like I have the power to write what I want. I could make my
character enjoy sex. I could make up a man who will respect her even when she says
no. I had the power over the men in the stories. I started to love writing
about it, I started to enjoy it, and I loved writing stories about people being
together and enjoying their time together because that’s what I never had. This
is when I actually started to explore my own body and with time, I didn’t hate
the idea of sex as much as I used to.
I still didn’t have sex with anyone, but I
was experimenting on my own and the idea of myself having sex wasn’t that
repulsive to me anymore. With time, I fell in love with someone and I started
having sex with him. At this point, I still didn’t want to admit to myself that
my first relationship was basically sexual abuse. I refused to believe that and
I refused to think of myself as a victim. I wasn’t a victim, it couldn’t happen
to me, he isn’t a rapist, that’s not how it was, we were in a relationship – those were the things I told
myself. And even when I was dating a nice guy who respected me, my body didn’t
want to fully cooperate. I couldn’t never orgasm with this man because my mind
wasn’t in it. I felt dirty again, I felt wrong and dirty, and I never knew why
because I wanted to be with him.
After that relationship, I started to take
meds and I started to admit some things to myself. I opened up about some
things and that’s when I realized why I hate sex in real life, but I can write a
million stories about it. In real life, someone took advantage of me and used
me for sex, made me feel horrible when I didn’t want it, made me feel like that’s
all I’m good for. In my stories, I could write about women who were powerful,
who knew what they wanted and who knew how to say no, who knew how to fight
back, and who knew how to leave when the time came. I could write about the women I never was able to be like.
And now, once I’ve realized all that about
myself and my sex life, I’m with someone I love. He knows about this – he’s the
first person in my life I’ve told this to. He understands. And for the first
time ever, I actually want sex. I think about it in real life, I want it,
sometimes I even feel like I’m the one who wants it more. Because I feel safe
and loved and respected. Because I know my no means no to him and he won’t
force me into doing anything. Because he asks me before touching me. Because he
asks me if I’m okay with everything. Because he stops in the middle of it and
takes a couple of minutes just to hug me and kiss me. Because I feel like I
have the power now.
And that’s the power that we should all
have from the beginning, we as women, we as people. Men go through this too and this goes both ways. Don’t let anyone take that power away from you.
You should have the power and it belongs to you.
If someone tells you they’ll
leave you if you don’t sleep with them, LEAVE THEM. If someone tells you you’re
not good for anything other than sex, LEAVE THEM. If someone tells you you’re
immature because you don’t want to sleep with them, LEAVE THEM. If someone
tells you you need to put up with the pain for them and that you would if you
loved them, LEAVE THEM. If someone makes you feel like a piece of meat, L E A V
You have the power over your own body, you
have the right to say no, you have the right to stop whenever you want, you
have the right to wait until marriage or to have sex whenever you feel like you’re
ready. YOU. You’re the one with the power over your own body.
“You’re probably hungry, so please accept this peace offering!”
He wants me to eat that thing?
Okay so, this is a Shance au based heavily on an anime I saw in like 2013 called gargantia on the verdurous planet.
Basically: Shiro has been in space his entire life preparing to fight in a war that’s purpose is to save the human race
But during a battle gone wrong. Shiro and his ship (aka: black lion in mecha form lol) get thrown way off from the objective and become suspended in space, to save the pilots life Shiro falls into a period of cryo stastis and when he wakes up he finds himself on earth. A planet heard of only in legends, and (supposedly) where the humans first originated from.
Earth is now almost completely covered by water, and all the humans (including Lance Keith Hunk Pidge Coran Allura Alfor Shay ect.) live on big floating man made islands.
Now Shiro has to find a purpose for himself, something he’s never even imagined doing, while also adjusting to a peaceful life after years of war and hardships and barely anything enjoyable, luckily he meets a very kind person (ya boy LANCE) who’s more than willing to help him adjust.
Will Fred and George notice that Sirius Black has appeared on the Marauders Map?
according to fanon which I just made up, the Marauders specifically exempted themselves from showing up on the Map so it couldn’t be used against them if it fell into the wrong hands.
(the wrong hands being, at the time, like, McGonagall, not actual Death Eaters.)
they were a little bit sloppy, however, so the exemption only applies inside the actual castle, and not on the grounds. so the bit in PoA where Remus sees Peter, and Sirius on the Map still works out. but we can all stop wondering why Fred and George never said anything about there being a guy named Peter Pettigrew in their brother’s dorm room for years and years.