Voltron Quotes Inspired by Shit My Friends Have Said
Lance: I’m garbage but like ~Gucci~ garbage. Like I’m dead and disgusting inside, but I’m still beautiful as fuck. Try me bitch, I can and will steal your man.
Hunk: I’m sad so I’m eating my feelings, but eating so much makes me more sad which just causes me to eat more DO YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?!
Allura: I’m growing out my hair in hopes that one day I can use it to strangle my enemies
Keith: Do you think anyone has ever tried to fuck a knife? Hey don’t give me that look just hear me out!!
Shiro: Stop calling me the dad of the group! I just want the sweet release of death, I can’t take care of you children!! I mean it, stop-alright yeah okay, I’m the dad. Sure whatever. Daddy needs a drink.
Pidge: You know what I wanna hear? Stephen Hawking talking dirty. What?! Technology is sexy, don’t kink shame me!
Coran: Have you ever been attracted to facial hair? Like sure that guy is cute, but his beard? …damn.
Slav: There’s a 47% probability that I’m pissing you off.
Zarkon: Oh god I hate them. Well, I don’t really hate them. I just want their cat. Do you think they’ll be pissed if I just stole it?
Lotor: If my hair gets messed up, I’m killing all of you and taking over the world. I spent three hours getting ready, and I will not hesitate to stab a bitch if they come too close.
‘ my kink is getting some fuckin sleep. ’ ‘ omg here goes your lil crybaby ass. ’ ‘ the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up. ’ ‘ don’t start buddy. don’t you dare. ’ ‘ gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right. ’ ‘ not to vent, but: fuck. ’ ‘ the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to. ’ ‘ i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot. ’ ‘ sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful. ’ ‘ i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again. ’ ‘ shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot. ’ ‘ it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed. ’ ‘ i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out. ’ ‘ i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle. ’ ‘ i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water. ’ ‘ i don’t have enough black clothes. ’ ‘ sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired. ’ ‘ i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me. ’ ‘ me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly. ’ ‘ i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous. ’ ‘ the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed. ’ ‘ i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired. ’ ‘ i always look sleep deprived. is that hot? ’ ‘ just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough. ’ ‘ my heart is a soft and sensitive mess. ’ ‘ all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities. ’ ‘ honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring. ’ ‘ hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection. ’ ‘ now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab. ’ ‘ i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old. ’ ‘ my new years resolution is to stop. ’ ‘ i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way. ’ ‘ i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened. ’ ‘ i know i’m cute, but you can remind me. ’ ‘ hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me???? ’ ‘ i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever. ’ ‘ me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me. ’ ‘ girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor? ’ ‘ anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact. ’ ‘ today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss. ’ ‘ going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds. ’ ‘ everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed. ’ ‘ i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated. ’ ‘ hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes? ’ ‘ i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like ’ ‘ i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible. ’ ‘ remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED. ’ ‘ why did we just accept catdog? ’ ‘ my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong. ’ ‘ you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable. ’ ‘ i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything! ’ ‘ i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on. ’ ‘ honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin. ’ ‘ would an alien think i’m pretty? ’ ‘ i love boys, but only as a concept. ’ ‘ why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here???? ’ ‘ i identify as an inconvenience to the world. ’ ‘ i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao ’ ‘ dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap. ’ ‘ i’m literally tired of myself. ’ ‘ don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol ’ ‘ what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword. ’ ‘ i highly recommend never having feelings. ’ ‘ self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens. ’ ‘ staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling ’ ‘ do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends? ’ ‘ um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me? ’ ‘ date a girl who fucks everything up. ’ ‘ not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost. ’ ‘ i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing. ’ ‘ a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot. ’ ‘ you can start again anytime! ’ ‘ all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past. ’ ‘ i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much. ’ ‘ you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep? ’ ‘ i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway. ’ ‘ tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again. ’ ‘ first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down. ’ ‘ i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life. ’ ‘ i’m tired of things costing money. ’ ‘ don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh? ’ ‘ who cares? do better, move on. ’ ‘ i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income. ’ ‘ appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb. ’ ‘ thnks fr th mntl llnss. ’ ‘ what hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive. ’ ‘ i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here. ’ ‘ binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant. ’ ‘ i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell. ’ ‘ this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes. ’ ‘ i’m alive, but only ironically. ’ ‘ there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me. ’ ‘ do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo? ’ ‘ lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat. ’ ‘ my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’ ’ ‘ i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer! ’ ‘ i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me? ’ ‘ you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly. ’ ‘ you son of a mumford! ’ ‘ hi, i’m here to ruin everything. ’ ‘ you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead. ’ ‘ the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him. ’ ‘ everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho ’ ‘ no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men. ’ ‘ i need $$$$$ not feelings. ’ ‘ ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again. ’ ‘ oops, i don’t care lol ’ ‘ why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth. ’ ‘ maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this, ’ ‘ i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering. ’ ‘ concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content. ’ ‘ i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half. ’ ‘ pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars. ’ ‘ life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho. ’ ‘ i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over? ’ ‘ we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. ’ ‘ we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself. ’ ‘ whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong. ’ ‘ new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter. ’
I wonder if phil’s mum is the type of mum who jokingly favours the partner, like for example maybe she gave dan extra dessert and when phil was playfully offended she squeezed dan’s shoulders and said “ohhh he had a rough little trip, he deserves it!” and phil was like “that was a week ago!” and she said “alright you caught me it’s the dimple, how can you deny someone this cute of anything?” and pinched his cheek, and dan was like “yeah phil, how can you deny me of anything?” and phil just rolled his eyes bc he CAN’T
@not-just-any-fangirl and I were thinking…there are never enough uni prompts out there so we devised some of our own. Go wild!
“You found me crying in the computer lab because I just spent three hours writing up a lab and then it timed out and I lost everything please don’t judge me”
“I stole your coffee cup and started writing on it and the coffee is spilling everywhere I know I look crazy but I just figured out how to solve the chem problem that’s been bugging me for days and I need to write it down before I forget I’ll buy you more later.”
“Excuse you that is MY lab spot I don’t care that it’s unassigned or that you look like a college god I’ve been sitting there for four weeks now MOVE”
“We’re in the same class and we have a research paper due and I see you eyeing the book I need look that is my book I will hit you so hard you’ll need reconstructive surgery to fix your pretty little face”
“We were the only two in the study lounge and you were playing Paper Mario on the PlayStation the student union put up and you offered me the second control when you noticed I was about to throw my organic chem textbook out the window, thank and also I will kick your ass if you choose yoshi agaiN GOD DAMMIT”
“You walked into the student lounge on our dorm floor and saw me cry-studying and walked out and now you’re back with coffee and a bag of chips and I’m seriously debating proposing to you with my ring pop.”
"Were the two smartest people in the class and the teacher is cool and gives rewards for whoever answers the question correctly first, and we have different answers and you won’t admit I’m right wait how are you doing that no I’m not saying I’m wrong shut up”
“I’m having a quiet freak out because the numbers on the lab sheet aren’t adding up and I see you trying to help me out by holding up your fingers but I don’t know if I add the fingers or you’re signaling two different numbers help.”
“I ordered the wrong spice level in my wrap and now I’m crying as I eat it Bcus I’m not a punk ass bitch also do you know how expensive food is don’t you judge me”
“I’m in line and I really really want this giant packet of cookies by the counter but I also feel judged next to your souvlaki dinner so I’m gonna try and stealthily grab-don’t you dare laugh at me.”
“We live on the same floor and the dorm between ours always has REALLY loud sex so now we’re both in the main lounge at two am do you want this last bite of ice cream?”
“I locked myself out of my dorm AGAIN and my roommate isn’t back until tomorrow and I don’t wanna call the RA to open the door because then I get charged can I please please ple a s e stay in your room until then.”
“I kept getting harassed by some creepy person as I was trying to study and they’re picking up on my ‘fuck off vibes’ and I started to actually get scared and then you put a coffee in front of my face and called me babe and scared them away thank you please let me buy you a new on one oh you have a really cute smile when you’re shy”
“I come to the library every day to 'study’ but really I’m just watching Netflix over your shoulder and I’m really invested in this series and the day we’re supposed to be watching the season finale you’re not there and I??? Feel personally betrayed??”
What do you think about an “i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au with charmer or nurseydex or zimbits or something??
Well, I don’t know if you expected three mini fics, and I didn’t fully follow the prompt, but here we are.
Look, Chris knew it was dumb. He knew that everyone on earth had a plain black suitcase, he knew he should have double-checked the luggage tag, he knew it was important to be sure abut these things. But knowing what he should have done couldn’t help him when he finally got his suitcase home and opened it up to find mostly yoga pants and sundresses.
He zipped the bag back up and flipped open the luggage tag. It was cute, pink with some metallic lettering saying “I’m outta here!” in a handwritten font. Chris blamed jetlag and the redeye flight for making him miss the fact that it wasn’t his Sharks tag. He blamed the bag’s owner for not filling out any of the information on the tag.
Well, sorry random girl, he thought. He opened the suitcase up again to try to see if he could find anything that would give him a clue as to who the suitcase owner was. He moved a makeup bag aside, and hit gold immediately. Well, Samwell red. A Women’s Volleyball tshirt– mystery suitcase girl had to be on the volleyball team.
“Hey Ransom!” he yelled. “You’re facebook friends with all the volleyball team right?”
“He’s friends with everyone on campus!” Holster yelled back.
“Ask their captain if anyone flew in from the Bay Area and lost their luggage!”
“Is Justin here? My captain said he’s got my suitcase.” Chris overheard her at the door. He grabbed the bag and started hauling it downstairs. As he set it down at the bottom and caught sight of the girl in the doorway, he froze. She was pretty. Like, really pretty.
“Um, hi,” he said.
“So you’re Justin? Oh my god, I’m so glad it wasn’t some total rando who got my bag.”
“I’m actually Chris, Justin was just the one who was friends with your captain. Um, I’m sorry, but I kind of had to look through your stuff? Your luggage tag wasn’t filled out.” The girl laughed.
“Yours wasn’t either! Me and my teammates were like one minute away from googling the record holder for most San Jose Sharks merch, but it totally makes sense that you’re on the hockey team.”
“Since we both forgot to write our numbers down, maybe we should do that now?” Chris suggested. The girl grinned, grabbed his phone out of his hand, and opened up a new contact. She punched in a number, and when she handed it back he saw a text of several random emojis addressed to the new contact of “Caitlin Farmer” with a girl farmer emoji and a volleyball emoji.
“Text me sometime, and maybe we can get dinner?” she said, and she was gone with her suitcase.
Chris collapsed on the couch, a dreamy look in his eyes.
“Chowder? You get your suitcase back?” Bitty called out from the kitchen.
“Yeah! and I think I’m in love now!”
“Cheryl, I’m telling you, I had a ton of inspiration on the plane and I wrote some great stuff for act three. No. No, it wasn’t just me thinking it’s great because I popped some melatonin and got really sleepy. It’s like, legit. Yeah, I’ll send it over as soon as I get home and–”
Derek slammed into something. If he’d been holding his phone in his hand (bluetooth is a blessing when you drop stuff easily) it would have launched across the airport. As it was, his post-flight latte was soaking through the nice white shirt of the handsome stranger in front of him.
“Shit,” the stranger said, looking down to survey the damage.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have trusted myself to make a phone call and not be clumsy after such a long flight,” Derek said. He set his briefcase down and pulled a wad of napkins out of the outside pocket. The guy took a deep breath, going from murderous to calm in a few seconds.
“I wasn’t looking where I was going either, it’s not your fault,” the guy said, setting down his own briefcase and accepting the napkins. He blotted at his shirt.
“Let me pay for the dry cleaning. Or a replacement,” Derek offered. The man shook his head.
“It’s fine, it probably needed to go to the cleaners anyways.” He checked his watch. “If I run, I can probably get a new one before my meeting.” He wadded the napkins into one big ball, picked up his briefcase, and walked towards the exit with a terse nod. Derek, feeling terrible about the whole thing, picked up his own briefcase and walked to baggage claim.
By the time he was reunited with his home office, a cozy bookshelf-lined room in his brownstone, he had almost forgotten about the coffee incident. He was focused on sending the manuscript to Cheryl. Unfortunately, that was going to be difficult, considering he pulled a PC laptop out of the bag instead of his Mac.
Derek stared at the computer for a full minute. He almost couldn’t believe that this was happening to him. Hesitantly, he opened the laptop. On one side of the keyboard there was a weird thing that a few seconds of phone googling told him was a fingerprint scanner. Shit. He hit the space bar experimentally. Something flashed on the screen, and then was replaced with just a plain black screen with red text: ACCESS DENIED
Derek swore. He started to look through the rest of what was in the briefcase, but was disappointed to find it empty except for the laptop’s charger, three packs of gum, and receipts from a lobster shack in Maine. Shit. Nothing in here would tell him anything about the redhead he’d launched a latte at.
He closed the laptop dejectedly, ignored his editor’s text messages, and went into the kitchen to make himself lunch and feel sorry for himself. This was the universe punishing him for covering a cute guy with coffee. If he had just kept his focus and waited to call his editor later, he could have sent the draft along and saved it and not be desperately trying to remember his inspiration.
Just as the self-pity spiral was really taking off, the doorbell rang. Derek sighed, put down his tea, and walked to the door. When he opened it, it wasn’t Girl Scouts or Jehovah’s Witnesses, but the guy from the airport.
“Cancel whatever you’re doing today, I need to teach you the most basic principles of digital security,” the guy said, pushing past Derek into the dining room. He shoved a stack of papers onto a chair and pulled Derek’s laptop out.
“I’m Will, by the way, I make software that’s hopefully a step ahead of viruses.”
“Is the draft still there?”
“The draft of what?” The guy looked confused.
“My third act breakthrough. I’m a novelist, I need to get it to my editor and I couldn’t remember if I saved it,” Derek explained.
“You know you can set up an auto-save every five minutes or so, right?” Will asked.
“This might be surprising to you, but I’ve never had a cute guy storm into my house and yell at me about computers before.” Will looked up from Derek’s computer, blushing.
“I haven’t had a cute guy dump a gallon of coffee all over me and steal my laptop before, either, but here we are.”
“Maybe you can yell about computers over lunch with me?”
Button downs. Tank tops. Slacks. Shorts. Three rolling pins. A pie tin. A half-emptied multipack of sharpies.
No lucky puck. No clothes in his size. No jerseys.
Jack sighed. It would just be too much to ask for anything to go well today. He picked up his phone to call someone with the Falconers, in the hope that they could talk to the airline and sort all this out. At the same time, his phone lit up with Tater’s face.
“Zimmboni! Look on twitter. Small internet baker has your suitcase!” Tater hung up before he could reply, so Jack just opened twitter instead.
omgcheckplease: A bunch of pucks, some dirty jerseys, and a history textbook. Either I’m back in college or this isn’t my suitcase.
omgcheckplease: .@falcsofficial please tell your #1 player to DM me and come get his shit
omgcheckplease: and @falcsofficial tell him to give me my shit back. my hockey days are in the past, I need rolling pins, not a mouthguard
Jack smiled and laughed in the way a person laughs when they’re alone, just blowing more air than normal out of his nose. He looked through the twitter for a minute– the guy, Eric Bittle, was a Providence-based chef, whose latest tweets were mostly greetings to the various cities he’d been visiting on tour. Jack clicked the media tab on the account, and looked through the pictures. Bittle was cute. He wrote a reply.
zimmboni: .@omgcheckplease how do I send u a DM
omgcheckplease: .@zimmboni you don’t deserve to be verified, oh my god #verifybittle2k17
A few seconds later another notification popped up, and he tapped it to be brought to a DM window.
omgcheckplease: hey! sorry about the mixup. I can only imagine how confused you were to find all my book tour stuff.
zimmboni: Probably as confused as you were finding hockey stuff?
omgcheckplease: I wasn’t joking in my tweets, I did play hockey before I got into the whole cookbook/food show thing
zimmboni: Exactly, I did a book tour last year in the off-season :-)
omgcheckplease: oh my gosh, isn’t it the best and the worst?
zimmboni: I know. It’s great to meet people and talk about your work, but it’s exhausting.
omgcheckplease: that’s why I’m so excited to be back in Providence! at least until the next cookbook.
zimmboni: Well we should probably meet up to trade suitcases. Want to meet somewhere for dinner?
omgcheckplease: don’t trust me to learn where your house is?
zimmboni: I mean, if dinner goes well enough…
omgcheckplease: OH. okay, then, Mr. Zimmermann, it’s a date.
Jack smiled to himself, and got ready for his date.
No-no, lance with a fake mermaid tail that he wears in the water and entertaining kids. A hose that constantly provides air so he can stay underwater for long periods of time. Swimming with peaceful fish in a large tank.
Okay I absolutely LOVE THIS so give me an entire Voltron aquarium AU
Voltron Aquarium was owned by Alfor, but he retired and his best friend Coran took over
His daughter Allura wanted to take over because she studies zoology but she’s still young and in school and Alfor wants her to graduate ,so Coran takes over so he knows his staff will still be taken care of
Allura still plays a huge part, she’s one of their best animal handlers and she teaches a lot of programs for local schools
Shiro is their primary physician for the animals, so he and Allura usually work together a lot to see if problems are medical or behavioral and just generally make sure the animals are happy and healthy
Hunk works there too, as a sort of grounds keeper and technician to make sure the outdoor displays look nice, the exhibits have proper lighting and temperatures and space and nothing is broken
And during the summer they offer boat tours! They have a boat they keep at a local marina and Hunk drives the boat while Allura teaches programs
Pidge can’t work there because she’s still in high school, but she volunteers there every weekend bc she’s a huge nerd
Sometimes she helps Allura teach programs and she knows all the animals and could babble about their ecosystems for hours
Keith is a marine biology and environmental science student at the local college and is there basically all the time because he has a membership that gets him free admission
Shiro is his best friend from childhood and they both grew up on the beach and developed a love for aquatic life so they both study it
So Keith goes there to hang out with Shiro, lend a hand when it’s needed bc he knows the whole staff and aquarium pretty well, but mostly he just hangs out by his favorite exhibits while doing homework
A local extremist “animal rights” group and publication called GALRA holds protests outside the aquarium saying that holding animals in captivity is wrong
The staff is annoyed and Pidge fights them a lot bc they work with a lot of conservation groups to create animal welfare programs and protect water rights, and their animals are all well taken care of with appropriate exhibits
Nevertheless GALRA is loud and public, and so they notice they’ve been losing money, especially on the days when the protestors are there
So they need a big new idea that can bring people in, but it has to be something they can be public about without GALRA condemning them and making things even worse
Hunk is the one who suggests it, he knows his neighbor is obsessed with ocean life and is a professional mermaid
It’s perfect because the aquarium needs a non-animal based exhibit and Lance has been struggling to make ends meet
He works during the day as a fitness instructor, and he’s studying at the community college nearby, but the mermaid thing is mostly just a hobby that he and his partner Plaxum do every once in a while
He and Plaxum get hired as a mermaid duo to perform shows fairly regularly
Keith shows up one day and notices it’s really crowded and is like ???? because he doesn’t know of any new exhibits or anything
So he goes exploring and sees one of the pools is occupied by two people
He looks around and there’s no staff around, are these people trespassing? So he goes over and starts telling Lance that guests can’t just jump into the pool, and there’s a crowd gathering so he needs to get out before he gets in huge trouble
Lance just looks all confused, then laughs and is like “Come back in 20 minutes”
So Keith gets all annoyed and leaves but he can’t help it, he’s curious, so he comes back later to see that these people are still in the pool, only now he notices they have mermaid tails and are putting on a whole show
And look, Lance may have just been doing this mostly as a hobby, but dang if he isn’t good at it
Turns out Lance is studying ecology and biology and like wow, he knows what he’s talking about
He and Plaxum look so graceful performing these shows, and he is really good at charming the audience and putting on a very convincing act while also teaching kids about marine ecology
At first Keith thinks it’s silly but I mean, Lance is very attractive and the mermaid costume is doing wonders for him
And Lance has his whole mermaid act, so he is very sassy and fun and teases Keith when he gets caught staring at them and pretending not to be invested
But like he’s clearly there with Plaxum and so he kinda just observes from afar
Except he’s there late one day, and sees Lance leaving after a show, and Keith realizes this is his first time seeing Lance with clothes, and his hair is dry and kinda curly from the water, and he looks tired but so so cute
So Keith is like whoaaa okay run away but nope, Lance sees him and starts up a conversation
And it turns out the mermaid persona is like, exactly that, a persona? And Lance is actually very sweet and soft-spoken and nice and wow Keith is done for
Keith just so happens to start hanging around the aquarium during every show, and Lance is an oblivious idiot who thinks he’s there to watch Plaxum and be a fish nerd
Cue some good old fashioned mutual pining
Until one day, Keith is hanging around waiting for Shiro to clock out and notices Hunk talking to Lance
So Keith starts to walk over and Lance doesn’t notice and Keith overhears him talking about how cute some guy is and how he’s there all the time but he only ran into him the one time and he can’t be flirting while doing a show
Keith is all :( because Lance likes someone else
And Lance still doesn’t notice him and is like “I don’t even know his name! I just call him cute mullet boy with the red jacket in my head” and like
Cue Hunk looking behind Lance to Keith, with his mullet and his red jacket and a freaking lightbulb goes off
So Hunk is like “His name is Keith” and Lance is like ?!?!?! you know him?! Can you introduce me?
So Hunk is like ummmm introduce yourself
And Lance turns around and realizes Keith has been eavesdropping and wow they are both very gay
So they start dating and they’re the ocean’s greatest power couple
Anyways Lance’s exhibit does wonderfully and GALRA can’t fight them on it and the protestors stop showing up so business is doing really well
And it’s happy and gay and mermaids bring everyone together!
i don’t think people understand how much i love being called cute or “pretty boy” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m starting a campaign so all the boys in the world can know just how cute and pretty they are !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and every boy gets a bunch of flowers too !!!!!!!!!!!!! or a box of chocolates if they don’t like/are allergic to flowers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m a pretty boy !! you’re a pretty boy !! everybody’s a pretty boy !! gosh darn do i love boys
the campus library has always had this old looking sofa chair on the second floor and usually,,,,,people would avoid it because it looks tattered and uncomfy
but,,,,,,,the ancient thing is right next to the only open power socket and tbh once you sit in it for a while,,,it’s actually not that bad
so during finals week - it’s like an all out WAR for that dumb chair because everyone wants to charge their laptop and sit in some contorted position while typing their essays last minute
and you’ve devised a system for snagging that chair - all you have to do is get there ten minutes before opening and BAM running up the stairs to the second floor - throwing your backpack onto the chair - and you’re good for the next,,,,,,,,,,6-8 hours
it’d worked for three semesters straight until,,,,,,at some point you got there and instead of it being empty,,,,,,,,there was this guy
and there he was,,,sitting blankly typing away,,,,hands moving quickly across the keys and earphones in
but,,,how could he be there???? Earlier than you??? the library TECHNICALLY just opened and he hadn’t been waiting outside like you were
so,,,,,,cautiously you go up and tap his shoulder
with an almost deadpan expression he pulls his earbud out and goes “what?”
you crinkle your nose and motion to the chair “,,,,,did you sleep here?”
sensing your disdain about the chair a small smirk tugs at his lips and shaking some blonde hair from his eyes he goes
“no. i work here so i have these-”
out of his pocket he pulls out a set of keys, the tag that hangs from the side reads ‘library’ and your eyes narrow
“that’s not fair - this chair is sacred during finals and it should be anyones-”
“aren’t you the person who waits outside the library a half hour early to get it, that isn’t fair either.”
speechless you look at him and blink. the boy just grins and puts his earbud back in and you turn away deciding that whatever you’ll go use another-
but then you realize spending fifteen minutes bickering with him has guaranteed no spots left,,,,
and this persists for the entire first week of finals - you do your usual ‘early bird gets the chair’ thing but EVERYTIME he’s there
with his expensive looking laptop and perfectly neat blonde hair and music textbooks and pretty cute eyes i mean no what pretty dumb ,,, eyes???
but finally,,,,,you crack
the monday of a big essay due for the only class you’re really worried about you march your way over to that old chair
and the boy is there,,,,this time no laptop just scrolling aimlessly through his phone and you stand in front of him and you’re like “this might be childish, but i will result to it if i have to. please let me use this chair or else,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i will just sit in your lap.”
the boy looks up at this,,,running his lips over his tongue and tilting his head because “you wouldn’t dare.”
and you’re like honestly. hOnestly im tired. im tired of sitting on the floor of the library next to 594073 other kids waiting to fight like a pack of wolves over the first free outlet and if i have to sit on some guys lap to get this hellish essay done then,,,,,,,,,,fuck it i dont care
instead of getting up like you expect,,,he just chuckles and shakes his head leaning back in the chair and going “i don’t believ-”
but just like that you sit right down, looping one arm around his neck and the other balancing your laptop on your knees and you’re like “this essay is a twenty pager so get ready.”
twitching the guy nudges you a bit but you’re like “not moving” and he’s like “listen,,,,,,if you just wanted an excuse to sit in my l-”
and you’re like nO you jerk i wanted this chair fair and square ok so seriously you can get up and let me have it and this will be over
but instead you suddenly feel his arms wrap around your waist and you’re like huh,,,,,,
and he’s like “well it’s not that bad.”
and you’re like no WAY HOW INFURIATING CAN HE-
but then you feel him rest his chin on your shoulder and he’s like
“my finals are done so you don’t mind if i nap right?”
and you’re like at a loss for words because what- just get up what is he doing????
“im woozi by the way.”
“why the heck are you introducing yourself to me and why don’t you just get-”
“im not letting this opportunity go to waste, you’re cute and you’re the one who sat in my lap first soooo,,,,,”
you open your mouth to think of a comeback but,,,,,,wait - did he just call you cute????
and you’re like “,,,,,by any chance were you just sitting here the whole week because you knew id come here everytime?
with no reply woozi rubs his cheek against your shoulder and yawns
“sure, but seriously - im gonna nap ok?”
you shake your head looking at him,,,,,,,,and you know when he’s not smirking at you like he knows everything in the world,,,,he is kinda cute??
but you try to chase away the thought and focus on your essay but just as you start typing you hear him go
“,,,,,,,,,don’t know what the library rules on pda are so we both might get kicked out of this chair,,,,,,,,,”
To Rap Monster Jungkook: to Rap Mon-hyung who is sleeping besides me right now, I think you are really good looking. Jin: Mon-ah, did you know that I took care of all your belongings when we are in-flight? I bet you didn’t know this right? You might drop things here and there or forgot about where your belongings are but you are still the cool leader / dongsaeng I know. V: hyung, please stop being so clumsy! stop breaking things! J-Hope: my friend! Namjoon! Rap Mon! when are we going out to have fried chicken again? Suga: our leader Rap Mon, namjoon ah, thank you for being our leader. Jimin: hyung, please stop losing your phone, you are not going to buy a new one again are you? Rap Mon, #1 the coolest on earth when on stage, and also #1 clumsy off stage *laughs*
To Suga V: our Suga-hyung please stay healthy and don’t get hurt, world’s best angel Min Yoongi! Jungkook: Suga-hyung! we should go out to have lamb skewers soon! but first thing, it’s time we need to be active go to the gym and lose weight. Jin: Yoongi-ah, you are forever my roommate. Even if we get married in the future, can we stay together in the same house too? J-Hope: hyung! thank you for the birthday gift you got me, promise I will buy one for you when it’s your birthday. Jimin: hyung, I really like it when you smile. Rap Monster: hyung, you really look like a grandpa nowadays,please be more active don’t just sleep!
To Jin Rap Monster: although you sometimes act like you have that mental age of 2.6, you are still the hyung I love and respect. V: can I please have the “debut Jin” back? not this Jin-hyung who throws dad jokes everywhere *laughs* Jimin: thank you– JM ; you are the funniest among us– JM ; you like to crack dad jokes– JM ; and sometimes pretend to be clumsy–JM but really, thank you, thank you for everything you’ve done. J-Hope: our beloved Jin-hyung, I really like you hyung! but please act like your age? Suga: Please act like your age, hyung! Jungkook: I really like how you always brings a smile on our face, Jin-hyung hwaiting!
To J-Hope Jimin: To Hobi-hyung who looks 200% cool on stage, my roommate, sometimes who act like an adult and sometimes like a playful teenager, who always go on a shopping spree with me, who always taking care of the members, who is noisy 24/7, please stay healthy and don’t get hurt. Jungkook: Hobi-hyung who is always bright and cheerful, I’m learning from hyung to compose songs from now on. Rap Monster: like a horse, like a pro on stage, with really good fashion sense, who is working hard on composing songs, our center Jung Hoseok. The “Seok” I admire the most? Kim Ji-Seok (south korean actor). Jin: Hope-ah, you are like the guide in my life, you teach me how to perfect my dance moves, but it’s really scary when you cold me, I’m sorry
V: I really like when you smile, and your cheerful personality. thank you hyung, and I love you.
To Jimin Jin: Jimin-ah, you are truly an angel and for that, I wrote an acrostic poem just for you.
박: 박씨가문(the Park family) ;
지: 지인짜 멋있는 친구야 (a really cool friend) ;
민윤기 (Min Yoongi). Suga: Jimin’s biggest charming point is when he works hard, lets stay together forever and I received the gift you bought me, thank you. J-Hope: our Jimin! the coolest and handsome Jimin! please clean all the clothes you piled up in the room when we get back to the dorm later. V: please stop doing aegyo because it’s not cute at all. but then why I still find it very cute whenever I see you do aegyo? Rap Monster: although you can be very annoying sometimes, you are sexy but minus your short height *laughs* , looks really cool when you dance and is working hard as always, our chim chim. Jungkook: why don’t you ever call me “hyung”? just joking haha. Jimin-hyung who always shines bright, manggae-tteok forever!
To V Suga: be it video games or music, you can do it really well, hwaiting! Jin: whatever video games you are playing, can’t you just turn down the volume a little bit? Jimin: Taehyung my best friend, can you just stop playing video games for a while? Please stop before I throw your computer away. Rap Monster: it gets really noisy when you are playing video games but I bet you didn’t know this. You may be really oblivious and didn’t realize whats going on around you, but you are still the cute and lovable Kim Taehyung I know. Jungkook: Hyung, please stop playing video games, you might get hurt and die if you play too much! J-Hope: you know I always love you, our Taehyungie~ please stop playing games and come practice with me.
To Jungkook V: Jungkook ah, I’m the hyung, the real hyung here. our Jungkookie, lets play with me. Rap Monster: can be very dense sometimes, very good looking like came straight out of manga, with 10/10 passion, have big eyes and is muscular, loves wearing white t-shirts a lot, #1 for lower down our group’s average age, Jeon Jungkook. The “guk/kook” I like the most?
된장국! (soybean paste soup) Jimin: please stop growing up so fast, you are still our baby. Suga: Jungkook-ah, it seems like you are learning how to compose songs, hwaiting, don’t give up! J-Hope: Jungkook-ah, lower down your speaker’s volume please! I can even hear even when I’m in my room, you muscle-pig~ Jin: JK! what’s with you and the speakers? lets go out and play with me will you?
TRANS: jimint1013 DO NOT TAKE OUT OR REPOST WITHOUT CREDIT
- oh man oh man oh man
- the perfect sweetest boyfriend
- hand holding
- like the kind you only hear about in books and movies
- cute park dates
- hand holding
- back hugs
- pouty kisses
- playing with your hair
- watch out for Jinyoung
- that’s his baby
- it’ll be a battle for Mark’s attention
- like legit you’ll be waiting for him at practice and Mark’s being all cute and winking at you and shiiiiiii
- suddenly Jinyoung starts getting all buddy buddy w/ yo man
- making kissy faces at him
- “are you jealous, Y/N?”
- “I’m more of a Markson fan”
- You’re also in a relationship with Jackson
- “Y/N I got you somethi-”
- “AW MARKY POO YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE”
- “N-No no this is for Y/N-”
- “ #MARKSON4LIFE”
- “Jackson no that’s-”
- “WE’RE MEANT 2 BE”
- Honestly let’s face it, it’ll be you against the rest of GOT7 in a fight for Prince Charming’s heart
- I mean Mark
- same thing
- you’re close w/ Papa Tuan and he h a t e s i t
- BABY PICTURES GALORE
- AND HE’S STILL JUST AS CUTE
- he’ll get back at you tho
- “hey Y/N you look so cute in this ladybug outfit”
- “what are you- gIVE IT TO ME WHERE DID YOU GET THAT”
- his laugh is the purest thing
- he can totally get away with calling you babe/baby
- especially in the morning
- when he’s spooning you and you’re trying to get up
- deep sleepy voice
- “baaaaabe stayyy”
- “I gotta gooo”
- “just 5 more minutes”
- his smile could bring world peace
- you’ll be in the audience supporting ur boy
- and he’ll see you
- bring you upstage and you’ll go along w/ it pretending to be a fan
- and he’ll kiss your cheek
- BAM everyone on earth envies you
- expect lots of videos
- of him just doing stupid and cute things
- when you’re sad he’ll just listen and be there
- and two minutes later just smother you in kisses and hugs
- he’ll make you feel so wanted and you’ll never feel alone
- speaking of being alone
- Mark + you being the cutest person in the world in his eyes
- american boi knows how to move
- have you seen his floor grinds
- you’re the floor now
- w i n k
- honestly a relationship with this boy would be so
-p e r f e c t
- playing with your hair
- resting his chin on your shoulder
- trying different kinds of food
- you’re his princess
- he’s your prince
- he just loves you s o much
- sometimes you’ll have your days, and other times he’ll have his days
- but you know how to make each other happy and honestly I think that’s what makes you two so perfect
Request: BTS teasin you while you talk with friends/family
Warning: explicit content, daddy issue
A/N: I’ve done the reverse one :) - Li
It was just when the food got ready that your phone started buzzing in the living room. It was no other than one for your boy best friends. He usually never called if it wasn’t urgent. So you picked up. Lost in the conversation, 20 minutes passed by. Suddenly, a gentle hand started playing on your hip, making you look in shock at Jin who was quietly smirking to himself. His hand got higher ad higher until it dissapeared underneath the shirt, his shirt, and played just between your hips, making friction impossible and arousal unbearable. A pair of plump lips stuck themselves to you ear whispering “Whoever comes for dinner first get’s desert first. And by the look of it, it won’t be you. Such a waste for the delicious pleasure that my dessert it. Hang up.”
A normal day at the studio except for the fact that Yoongi was extremly touchy today. He was grummpy and anything and everything could make the ticking bomb that he was explode. But not in normal people manners. No. In quiet and almost evil way. So when your best friend called, the bomb blew off, whitout you knowing. Your hand was yanked towards Yoongi, you fell on his lap and boy attacked your neck, while you tried to keep up the useless conversation. “If you hang up now, I’ll have you screaming in five minutes and hope your best friend enjoys such porn because I won’t stop.”
Namjoon was from the people that once had a goal in their life this goal was unbreakable and sure to be reched. And his newest one was to drive you insane. While talking wiht your mum, he’ll slowly sneak his hands around your waist, kiss your neck, while one of his hands gently caresses your inner thigh. Your mum was telling you about her recent vacation but Namjoon raspy voice managed to distract you. “If you hang up now, Daddy will treat you some extra time.”
Hobi was having the time of his life taking his revenge on you. You thought you’ll get away with you teasing Hobi, but of cours not. Talking to your brother, Hoseok plotted his revenge. Starting off slowly, he bite your ear, under your jaw, your neck, leaving love bites all over it. Your brother quickly caught up to the strange noises you were making and started asking, so Hoseok took the phone,answering for you “She can’t talk now. Call in about…tomorrow.”
Jimin is either the kinkiest daddy around or the biggest fluff bear to ever walk the ground. It seemed as if today was the latter s you didn’t mind him too much whne your favourite cousin called to check up on you. You knew he’ll be a little whiny about you talking on the phone for so long, but honestly, he’ll suvive it. Or so you thought. Truth was Jimin got bored of the sweet, cute whiny Chim chim, seeing he didn’t work, so that meant papi Jimin was in charge. Taking the phone and throwing it on the other side of the bed, Jimin pushed you on the mattress and hovered above you. “Shall I neglect you, like you neglected me? On the verge of cumming, but not really, huh princess? Hang up. Fast.”
It was just a game for Taehyung. A game of nerves. You two made a bet, that no matter what happens, you can always listen to the person talking to you. Taehyung doubled the bet, calling your dad. And just when you thought you had the bet figured out, Taehyung pushed you on your back and started biting your thighs, until his hot breath reached the area of intrest and in that moment you lost. Hanging up fast and pulling Taehyung to you. “You lost. Now you’re mine. Your body is mine.”
He liked public punishments for some reason and that’s why when you overstepped his rules without him overstepping yours, he had a punishment ready. Throwing first you and then your phone on the bed, he told you to call your mother. You were bafled by the request, but did it. When your mother picked up, you started a hesitent conversation with her trying to keep up with Jungkook. And he soon attacked. Straight to the teasing. Kissing, licking, biting,while your mother was oblivious to the situation.
‘ if i’m ever murdered i hope they make the chalk outline of my body hot ’ ‘ i hope you end up ok ’ ‘ i’m crying my best ’ ‘ how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit ’ ‘ some kid just skateboarded down my street crying ’ ‘ do you ever get in an “i don’t know” phase in your life. where you literally don’t have a solid answer to anything. you. just. don’t. know. ’ ‘ i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself ’ ‘ which of the three pillars of modern music is your favourite: burnin’ up by the jonas brothers, beautiful soul by jesse mccartney, or lucky by britney spears? ’ ‘ you know my name… and also my story cause i overshare 24/7 tbh ’ ‘ @ all of u that hate mint ice cream: what happened ’ ‘ there is no doubt in my mind i’m really that bitch ’ ‘ after you hit 21, you start forgetting your age cause ain’t nothing else to look forward to, besides sweet death ’ ‘ why am i not currently in the italian countryside with a fruit plate wearing a light linen dress? unacceptable ’ ‘ hands are weird because one of them can do absolutely everything without a problem and the other one can’t even hold a spoon ’ ‘ remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life ’ ‘ what the fuck is a good day ’ ‘ sleeping pattern: ??¿?¿??¿¿¿?¿ ’ ‘ is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight? ’ ‘ does anyone else have a resting bitch face™, but kinda enjoys looking intimidating ’ ‘ i’m not like most girls [rips off sunglasses]… i like most girls ’ ‘ time flies when u take a 2hr depression nap in the middle of the day ’ ‘ roses are red, i’m going to bed ’ ‘ u know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. and ur entire life. everything is awful bc my hair is greasy ’ ‘ i’m just so glad the word “ugh” was invented ’ ‘ just another day of loving with all my heart and believing in the universe ’ ‘ you know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm that’s how I want to feel always ’ ‘ come into bed and listen to the rain with me ’ ‘ i hope all my girls out here r safe n being loved ’ ‘ people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel, ’ ‘ i want to have angel wings and be kinder, braver and more tender ’ ‘ concept: a really nice italian restaurant but it’s spelled “spagooter” on the menu and the waiters won’t take your order unless you pronounce it like that ’ ‘ i want kids but i’m scared they’ll blame me if they’re ugly ’ ‘ does anyone have any tips for not thinking about it ’ ‘ “what’s a queen without her king?” well, historically, better ’ ‘ i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol but has a lot of alcohol in it ’ ‘ i’m alive out of spite ’ ‘ the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up ’ ‘ a bad person? who, me? that would be correct, ’ ‘ you hate me? wow u think ur hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so u can go grab a number and wait ur turn ’ ‘ my heart does a little “!” when I see you ’ ‘ i just want to say from the bottom of my heart i didn’t sign up for this shit ’ ‘ i deadass lost interest in everything. im just cruising on autopilot rn ’ ‘ still got love for some people i know i’ll never talk to again. ’ ‘ my mitochondria clearly aren’t working because this bitch has NO FUCKING ENERGY ’ ‘ y’all i get attached to people so quickly wth ’ ‘ i wonder how many strangers hate me bc of how someone else described me to them ’ ‘ for the 80th year in a row, the song of the summer is Everytime We Touch by Cascada ’ ‘ it’s weird to think that people who are 5 ft are only 5 subways long ’ ‘ in alcohol’s defense i’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too ’ ‘ man this has been the worst life of my life ’ ‘ having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch ’ ‘ I Have To Be Dramatic. I Have To ’ ‘ forgive and forget?? haha no resent and remember ’ ‘ “you’re obsessed with yourself” and you’re not??? sad. tragic ’ ‘ are people becoming more annoying or am i becoming more angry ’ ‘ do my dark under eye circles and unwashed hair turn you on ’ ‘ KIDS REACT TO existentialism and the inevitability of death ’ ‘ remember to do your best to be positive with a clear mind and believe in aliens because those motherfuckers are real ’ ‘ personality: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ’ ‘ my gender is “pretty boy” ’ ‘ what others call a rebellious phase i call the sudden realization i don’t deserve to be treated like garbage ’ ‘ what is a sex drive? where is the sex going? does it even have a license? ’ ‘ i don’t want to look “pretty” i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening ’ ‘ i’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual ’ ‘ do re me fa so done with you ’ ‘ ctrl alt delete feelings cause i can’t do this shit no more ’ ‘ i may seem like an asshole, but deep down i’m a good person and even deeper down i’m a bigger asshole ’ ‘ should i go back to school tomorrow or should i fling myself into the ocean ’ ‘ am i too judgemental or is everyone annoying: an autobiography by me ’ ‘ are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch ’ ‘ i love drunk me but i don’t trust her ’ ‘ has anyones crush ever actually worked out for them or is that a myth? ’ ‘ i say “fight me” a lot for a girl who is 5′3″ and has a hard time opening some doors because they’re too heavy ’ ‘ if i had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly i’d have 0 dollars bitch u thought lmao ’ ‘ my last words will probably be sarcastic ’ ‘ i used to be a straight a student. now i’m not even straight ’ ‘ ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened ’ ‘ single and ready to find aliens ’ ‘ it’s very important that i am both cute and powerful ’ ‘ i want to make friends but at the same time no ’ ‘ there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me, it’s called the throne ’ ‘ hi i’m here to ruin everything ’ ‘ i’m glad dogs can’t read the ‘no dogs allowed’ signs so they don’t feel sad and feel left out ’ ‘ we’re all better and gayer people than we used to be ’ ‘ every time i speak i am reminded why i should not ’ ‘ every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough ’ ‘ i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it ’ ‘ the rumors are true: i’m soft and i just want to be loved ’ ‘ i’m like a hexagon: all my hecks r gone ’ ‘ we all know that one person you get sexually frustrated just looking at ’ ‘ i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on ’ ‘ my kink: not having to set an alarm for the next morning ’ ‘ on the bright side, at least i am not addicted to cocaine ’ ‘ they called me stupid?? well joke’s on them i don’t even know what that means ’ ‘ i might get a lot of shit for saying this but i think it’s fun to enjoy things ’ ‘ i’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person i know ’ ‘ assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student id number ’ ‘ there she goes again, being over dramatic and by she, i mean me ’ ‘ if u don’t know how to respond to something just say ‘how dare you’ ’ ‘ um that’s u’re* not ur ’ ‘ i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on ’ ‘ so sick of looking at my purse and not seeing $20,000 ’ ‘ literally want to be rich for the clothes ’ ‘ me??? upset???? yes constantly ’ ‘ a good gender neutral term to use is ‘fool’ ’ ‘ today’s schedule: suffer ’ ‘ my middle name is actually $$ ’ ‘ don’t u hate it when u wake up and ur awake ’ ‘ i want someone who will light a fire in me ’ ‘ i want someone who will light me on fire ’ ‘ i’m too cute for 90% of the shit i go thru ’ ‘ who needs therapy when you can Realize™ things about yourself alone at 1 am ’ ‘ why is there so much blood in my alcohol system ’ ‘ no offense but i am a blessing to this earth ’ ‘ haha oops i care about you ’ ‘ they call me calcium because i give everyone strong bones ’ ‘ do you have that one person that you can’t look at when you’re trying to be mad at them because they’re so cute?? ’ ‘ hi i’m here to ruin everything ’ ‘ one day i’m gonna say ‘fight me!’ and someone’s just gonna fuckin deck me ’ ‘ me? a jealous hoe? absolutely ’ ‘ it’s raining but it’s not men so what’s the point ’ ‘ i think i may be gayer than i originally planned ’ ‘ i can’t hang out tomorrow i’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry ’ ‘ me? overreacting? shit probably ’ ‘ i would like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i’m doing ’ ‘ is there a scholarship for trying ’ ‘ me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism??????? what????? ’ ‘ i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it ’ ‘ i require a lot of attention or you get a lot of attitude ’ ‘ “what the fuck” is an emotion now and it’s the only one i have ’ ‘ you’re important to me, you piece of shit ’