but yes i mean every word

BTS Headcanons: When you’re naturally pretty...

Before we start I want all of you to know that you, indeed, are beautiful. Social standards might make you feel like utter shit, it’s how the world functions. We all have flaws and imperfections but that’s what makes us who we are. You’re beautiful even though I’ve never seen you, inside and out. That’s a promise.

masterlist

If you’re looking at it as a whole, the relationships between BTS and MC are platonic; though you can look at it individually. Without further ado: 

  • You’re never one to wear too much makeup, sometimes opting to wear none at all.
  • People might have been used to how you look, though you weren’t bothered with not receiving compliments too often.
  • Of course, the only exception are the boys.
  • They’ll make sure to compliment you at least two times a day!
  • But, really, you do the same for them.
  • Seokjin likes to feign defeat around you, often exclaiming how your beauty easily outshines his whole existence. You’d say that it’s rather too extra of him to do so, though he would never stop so—usually his dramatic words are accompanied with his body draping over yours or him clutching his own heart.
  • Sometimes you won’t believing him, concluding that it was all a joke and act as usual, and when he notices this it’s ensued that he’d reassure you, proclaiming that, yes, you are beautiful—both your image and soul.
  • Yoongi isn’t one to voice his thoughts about beauty and facial features. Really, the man would rather not step foot in that lane, though he acknowledges how pretty you are, smiling to himself whenever others would mention your looks.
  • You don’t need his words because him caring about you is enough as a stand alone to make you feel like the most special being in the universe let alone pretty.
  • Hoseok is a bit of a tease, really. He has creases from permanently smiling and laughing so much, perfectly hand in hand with that mischief in his eyes; it’s the result of constantly teasing the others and you—specifically how (Y/n) is just so pretty, prettier than worldwide handsome!
  • He’d say that it’s worth it in the end, despite having an outraged Jin at his tail; and, hey, he made you smile and laugh.
  • Namjoon would be the kind similar to Yoongi; never directly remarking what he sees and thinks. Of course, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t acknowledge your looks, though he isn’t exactly a materialist. 
  • Once he might have expressed his thoughts, albeit he fumbled with his words, “(Y/n), yes, I think you’re really pretty but I don’t, uh, want you thinking that it’s the only reason we’re friends? God, no, please don’t think of me as that asshole, please—”
  • Jimin will use every single opportunity to remind you of how beautiful you are, and he’d use the excuse of missing you so much. You’d catch his drift and end up complimenting him back, and you swear that he made it a challenge then which resulted in an everlasting war between you two.
  • But he won’t back down. Ever. He wants to have the last word. Unfortunately for witnesses you’re just as stubborn.
  • Taehyung might be chill about it. It’s a given that he, too, is a little teasing shit much like his Hoseok-hyung but he knows how to be cool about it. He’s the type of person to value things in life, to just say it as innocently as possible with best intent in mind, of course.
  • Though, for one reason or another I see him comparing your beauty to other things in the cheesiest way possible, “you truly outshine every star that twinkles,” and the boy deadpans this, doesn’t even bat an eyelash because he definitely means it.
  • Jungkook would be on the same page as Jimin, ultimately wanting to provide and not having anything in return from you, though he might be a bit aggressive with it considering how competitive he is.
  • Then again, imagine the nerves he had to bundle up to actually express anything close to emotion due to how shy this little bunny is. Though, once he gets rolling he ain’t stopping until his kill streak is satisfying enough for him(I’m a video game nerd, don’t hold it against me).
  • The boys would really want to make you feel loved and a part of their family, that’s a given with how kind and amazing they are. 

dear person reading this:

  • your crooked teeth make your lovely smile extremely cute and endearing  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
  • your splotches of freckles? yeah, those are places where the galaxies whirling inside of you leaked out to radiance their brilliancy into the world
  • your thighs touch? that’s a GOOD thing. you’re getting proper nutrition! you have muscles! d o  n o t  b e  a s h a m e d!!!! also, thigh gaps are awesome too! anything related to thighs is awesome! all thighs are different because every person is different, and honestly, why does it matter what your thighs look like?? people who are bothered by thighs are weak tbh
  • “bingo arms”???? listen up: you only have bingo arms when you’re WINNING. otherwise why would you be yelling “bingo”?? thought so. you’re a winner – you can do anything you set your incredible mind to!
  • your hair is so unbelievably gorgeous and don’t you deny it. don’t forget to style it, dye it, try new shampoos with it, as long as you want to! your hair is your own, whether it be frizzled or dry or thick or thin – be proud of that, and remember that you can always change it up!
  • your eyes are not too small, or too big, or too wide apart, or too ugly. your eyes are your own mortal doorway into your soul, expressing your thoughts and emotions in dazzling swirls and hues for others to decipher. don’t be afraid to cry, don’t be disgusted by the crinkles at the corners when you smile, don’t hate on the small, microscopic blood vessels running through them. don’t lock your door out of needless shame!
  • scars!!! scars are so cool! they’re visual results from a chapter that makes up the story of your life! no matter where scars are, don’t be conscious of concealing them! ppl loVE scars! even the tiny lil ones! anyone who has a scar is automatically known as an ultimate badass sorry that’s the rule
  • same goes for stretch marks! those little ripples on your thighs, your hips, your waist, your belly? those mean that you’ve GROWN. your body has adapted frequently throughout your life, and leaves those little ripples as little hints of your amazing journey from babyhood to adulthood! (or maybe you’re just a mystical ocean god/goddess and those waves are symbols of your enormous power, onlookers should be on the lookout)
  • sorry, did you say you had a pig nose? do you even kNOW how cute piggies are you should be PROUD of your nose cAUSE U CUTE
  • long, thin nose? p l s. that just means you’re king/queen of everything. don’t deny it. you know how powerful you truly are
  • tummy rolls? everyone has them. seriously, no matter how thin a person may seem, tummy rolls are inevitable. you are not alone! tummy rolls rock! ROCK THOSE TUMMY ROLLS!
  • trust me, barely anyone see your feet anyways. besides, feet aren’t that bad – how do you think your hands would look if they walked everywhere over the earth’s rough terrain? feet are hella 
  • ears are so cool omg they’re like fingerprints, unique to you and you only! plus you can pierce them! repeatedly! how cool is that? ears are best
  • do nOT be anxious about flaunting your legs! wear that short skirt! wear those shorts! own that bikini! your legs are marvelous! ppl would kill for a pair of dandy lookin legs like yours! pale or tan, legs are glorious! L E G S
  • lips. lips. do you know how many magic tricks your lips are able to perform? the formation of words, the ability to smile or frown, the ability to express, to kiss, to wear makeup; lips are ethereal and exquisite in all forms!
  • #1 tip: your eyebrows are always on fleek  (▰˘◡˘▰)
  • and lastly: you are not dumb. you are not worthless. you are not a waste of space, an empty void, a meaningless shell. you are loved. you are worth everything. you are so incredibly intelligent, you are utterly unforgettable, and you are breathtaking in every single way.
  • next time you look in a mirror, blow yourself a kiss and don’t worry – you’ll kill it out there today. ♥
Things the Hogwarts Houses say

(loosely based on conversations I’ve had/overheard)

Hufflepuff -

  • “If you don’t start singing along to High School Musical with me in under 30 seconds you will no longer be my best friend" 
  •  "I swear on my chicken nuggets-”
  • “Yes I made that joke up by my self - no it’s not from Spongebob Squarepants how dARE YOU-”
  • “Speaking of Spongebob can we just take a few moments to discuss how much of a masterpiece that first movie was please”
  • “Ah yes, it’s 3 in the morning, time to get emotional and tell all my friends how much I love them”
  • “You made me chocolate??? Oh my God I love you so much thank you I’ll have some right no - THIS HAS RAISINS IN IT YOU TRICKED ME
  • “Oh my God yeah I saw that movie, my favourite part was when - oh shit wait there’s this adorable kitten video I meant to show you last week and I completely forgot let me get it up on my phone”
  • “Sorry I’m late I was up all night watching those videos where kids get surprised with puppies”
  • “Are you awake? Great, let’s start planning our future homes together, I have a pinterest board ready”
  • “This is my favourite photo album! It’s full of photos of all the cats and dogs I’ve made friends with on my walks, I’ve even given them all names”
  • (crying) “Stop calling me emotional God damn it”

Ravenclaw -

  •  "Of course I remember you said you liked the colour red, you told me at like 1:35 am last year in May"
  • “What? Simplifying equations? No, I can’t help with that but I do know all the words to every Simpsons episode in the first 5 seasons if that helps"
  • “Sorry I really can’t go out today. No I’m fine, I’m just stressed I’m doing something important. I’m trying to memorise all the words to this documentary about frogs - What? Yes of course it’s important!”
  • “I discovered and fully analysed that meme 3 weeks ago, step up your game”
  • “What do you mean why do I have a folder full of strategic plans on how to succeed at animal crossing, that’s not weird?”
  • “Sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I’ve been doing my own research and you’re getting all of this wrong. Well yes I know I’m not the teacher here but - Yes, actually, I’d love to teach the class my self I’ve already made a lesson plan, thank you”
  • No, I won’t come and see Jurassic World with you. Because it’s completely unrealistic! Do you have any idea what dinosaurs are actually supposed to have sounded and looked like? Even adult velociraptors weren’t meant to be that b - OK you know what, I will come, but I’ll be pointing out every single problem to you. No, it’s too late, you already invited me. I’m buying our tickets right now, don’t move”
  • “You really think you can beat me at Mario Kart? I have spent YEARS studying this game and honing my skills, spending hours upon hours training until my hands cramp and even my tv is judging the amount of time I’ve spent playing and you think YOU can beat me? Let’s fucking go
  • “I think these guys think I want to murder them because I followed them home but it’s only because I overheard them talking about what would happen if Pokemon is real and I wanted to see how good their logic was”
  • “Shut up? Shut up? I haven’t shut up for 17 years and I’m not about to start now”
  • (crying) "I just want Shakespeare’s ghost to be proud of me”

Gryffindor - 

  • “I’d love to have a sleepover but it can only be when there’s a thunderstorm so we can dance in the rain, let me check the weather forecast”
  • “Did that bee just try and sting you? COME BACK HERE BEE YOU COWARD I’M GONNA FUCK YOU UP - wait shit no run”
  • "What did you say? Don’t touch it? Alright.” (touches it as soon as the person turns away) “Sucker”
  • “Whaaat? Someone wrote on the desk? No it wasn’t me I would never do th - My name was there? Well, I’m not the only one in the world with my na - My surname was there too? What are the chances?!”
  • “Help me I started saying lmao ironically and I can’t stop”
  • “Before you say anything it wasn’t me - unless it was something awesome then I definitely planned the whole thing”
  • Excuse me? They said what to you? … I have to go for a second, I just remembered something completely unrelated. No, no, I’m not taking this fork with me for any particular reason”
  • “Um, did you just tell me it’s impossible to sing along to a guitar solo? Stand back. Your mind is about to get blown”
  • “I am so not drunk! I’m completely drunk! … Wait shit I meant sober”
  • “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU AAAH LET ME HUG YOU! I’M NOT LETTING GO FOR THE NEXT 3 HOURS, GET COMFORTABLE BITCH”
  • “I bet I can stay up for longer than you - what no I’m not tired shut up - nO THAT WASN’T A YAWN I WAS JUST SHOWING YOU WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF I WAS TIRED - SEE I DID IT AGAIN TOTALLY ON PURPO - ok fuck you I’m going to sleep”

Slytherin - 

  • “Oh my God, just tell me what you did already so I can start complaining”
  • “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Did you say STOP saying fuck, or KEEP ON saying fuck?”
  • “Over your dead body? I was hoping you’d say that”
  • “If you even LOOK at them one more time I will take a stick as big as your ego and stick it right up your-”
  • “Don’t come near me or - OK fine, we can snuggle for exactly 15 minutes. I’m setting a timer now”
  • “Hey, I saw you posted a picture of us on instagram yesterday where my eyeliner isn’t completely straight? You’re gonna have to delete that, if anyone thinks my eyeliner isn’t drop dead perfect every day and that I’m not a literal make up goddess I’ll lose my reputation as the Regina George of the school”
  • “But keep the one where I’m wearing no make up so that all those bitches know I still kill it without trying”
  • “Oh come on, you know I’d never do anything to embarrass you! Speaking of which, that video I posted on youtube the other day of you falling down the flight of escalators in the shopping centre has reached over 1000 views”
  • “My dad told me tattoos were trashy so I got a giant tattoo saying ‘trashy’ on my back I’ll send you his reaction later”
  • “I’m not a sentimental person but if you touch my teddy bear I will turn you into a stuffed trophy to put next to him”
  • “What do you mean I look smug this is my normal face”
It’s hard to believe that I’ve found someone like you; someone who has saved me and changed me into a better person, a more lively one. This won’t be enough to thank you for everything you’ve given me, and there won’t be anything I can do in the future to make you see how perfect you are. And yes when I say perfect I mean perfect in every single way, including your flaws.
—  Poets Love Her
2

This scene probably doesn’t mean a whole lot to everyone but the struggle of deciding whether or not to use one or another restroom sticks with trans people. Yes, she’s struggling with which alien bathroom to use, it’s heavily hinted trans symbolism as well. At some point in time every trans person will consider which one they should use. While this is an alien bathroom the symbolism still sticks, especially after season 1 depicting Pidge as a trans girl through the words she uses. It’s all subtext, yes, it’s not “canon,” no, but I see Pidge as a trans girl new into her identity, surrounded by loving and caring friends who support her. Pidge is important and could really help normalize transness, there’s other characters with the same kinda symbolism that can help normalize transness, it’s whether or not that the writers want to give us canon proof or not.

“A Domain of Evil...” “Yes, it is.”

Since it takes me ten years to type out the long posts, and I’m also doing some work, and I’m also also pulling my second all-nighter in a row (meaning I’m even slower, in just about every sense of the word), I’m going to keep posting some of the small (but interesting) details I’ve found.

When Tyler surprises the viewer, there is a gasp. Most of us probably picked up on that immediately, at least if headphones were being worn. It’s a fair assumption that this gasp is from the viewer themselves.

But there’s something infinitely more interesting that happens directly after this: an unknown voice whispers.

Turn up your headphones a bit if you need to.

Here’s the moment, beginning at the gasp. The whisper happens at roughly 10:15. 

Make of this what you will~

( @markired @lum1natrix @fear-is-nameless @caustic-synishade)

2

Spotted at co-worker Kim Bryant’s house: a super classy reference bookcase, complete with dictionary podium. It’s just the kind of thing I imagine putting in my library room, if I could ever afford to have a library room. (Kim and her husband, Chris Willey, keep it in the hallway.)

This thing isn’t just for show: Chris says, “Every few days to look up a word I’ve seen somewhere (in a book or article) or one I’m thinking of but of which I’ve forgotten the meaning. … I highlight anything I look up.”

Is it better than using the Internet? “Yes! If for no other reason than it doesn’t have annoying ads all over it.” I can’t argue with that.

-Nicole

P.S. In case you’re wondering, the highlighted word in this photo is “demiurgic.”

Your hands are Really Nice- Jughead Jones

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: (requested) Reader is too shy to tell Jughead about her feelings, so Veonica and Betty take matters in to their own hands (mostly Veronica)

Warnings: Swears, fluff so much fluff I couldn’t even deAL

————————————————————————————-


Being in love with your best friend isn’t easy. It feels taboo, like it’s wrong, and unhealthy. You’ll lay awake at ungodly hours of the night, wondering “How did this happen?” You’ll replay every moment of every waking minute you spent with them, wondering how in the world you ended up lying on your floor with an empty bowl of ramen beside your head and imagining what it would feel like to kiss them. You’ll catch yourself admiring the tiniest insignificant things about them, and every detail of their stupidly cute face, and every indent and curve and freckle on their body, and let me tell you, it sucks. Falling in love with your best friend isn’t easy, especially when your best friend is Jughead Jones.


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi! I've recently joined the Pansexual Pantheon, and I have one question. In Spanish, the word "pan" means "bread". Is that in any way related to the Pantheon?

Yes! Bread is considered the ‘fuel’ of pansexuals, such that pansexuals need to consume a certain amount every day to survive. For this reason, many pansexuals carry fanny packs full of various breads in order to sustain them throughout the day. Some pansexuals choose the gluten-free variety, while others with a strong preference consume strictly one type of bread, such as baguette or naan. Regardless of one’s preference, however, bread is a staple in every pansexual household.

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Thor: Ragnarok Movie Clip - Get Help (2017) | Movieclips Coming Soon
Thor: Ragnarok Movie Clip - Get Help (2017): Check out the new clip starring Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston! Be the first to watch, comment, and share cl...

I’m gonna deconstruct this scene because I’ve been thinking about it ALL DAY and what the hell, I’ve got time. This clip demonstrates what I love most about Taika Waititi’s filmmaking and it shows off Chris and Tom’s chemistry in the fiercest way. It’s hilarious, sweet, bittersweet, surprising, and poignant.

1) “Loki, I thought the world of you.” 

Even though there was an instinctive part of me that screamed, “OK, WELL, YOUR ACTIONS TOLD A DIFFERENT STORY, THOR” due to residual bitterness over what a dickbag Thor was in the first film, I’m 1,000% here for this line. I’m proud of how much Thor has matured, thrilled that these two are actually talking to each other, and happy that Loki’s hearing something he’s probably always wanted/needed to hear even though it’s bittersweet because Thor’s using the past tense.

Tom’s reaction here is SO GOOD. Just the tiniest shift in his eyebrows to indicate that Thor has Loki’s attention and he’s fucking locked in and hanging on to every word.

2) “I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever, but at the end of the day you’re you and I’m me.”

I know there was a minor (?) uproar over Chris’ comments that Thor will be “indifferent” to Loki in Ragnarok, but this scene seems to suggest a kind of acceptance rather than indifference. Maybe for the first time, Thor truly seems to have accepted that he and Loki are fundamentally different beings–and by extension, he’s accepting Loki’s nature. Yes, part of that acceptance means letting go and moving on (note: I did not say giving up) and that’s sad, but realistic I think. How many fakeout deaths and stabbings can a person be expected to withstand? “You’re you” is a significant break in pattern for Thor and Loki appears genuinely taken aback by it.

“You’re you” is a huge deal because to me, the brothers’ central conflict has always boiled down to the fact that Loki isn’t Thor (thanks, Odin, for exacerbating this tension). For Loki, that fact is a source of self-loathing and resentment, something that he can act out against and, as Tom has often said, define himself in opposition to.

By the same token I think it’s become clearer that what Loki thinks of Thor matters to Thor. For an older sibling, having a younger sibling who looks up to you and wants to be like you is perhaps one of the biggest indicators that you’re a good–dare I say worthy–person. Ever since Loki let go of Gungnir Thor has struggled to make sense of Loki’s rejection, to define himself without the security of having his brother by his side. With that in mind I’ve always seen Thor’s past attempts to bring Loki back to the “good” side as heartfelt and genuine, but also somewhat ego-driven and shortsighted because it came at the expense of Loki’s autonomy and self-identification.

Cut to now. By acknowledging that he and Loki are each their own person, Thor’s relieving Loki of the pressure and expectation to be anyone other than himself. In a way that’s a gift, but it’s also terribly sad because it’s accompanied by loss for both of them. Which brings me to:

3) “I dunno, maybe there’s still good in you but let’s be honest: our paths diverged a long time ago.”

It’s in this moment that Loki really seems to realize where this conversation is headed. And he doesn’t like it.

We know Loki lives to test Thor. It’s his (super dysfunctional and unhealthy) way of making sure Thor still cares about him. In The Dark World, Loki tests Thor’s assertions that he doesn’t trust him and has lost hope for him by … getting himself impaled. Yeah, “dying” was also his “get out of jail free, usurp the throne” card, but it’s not insignificant that he calls Thor’s bluff in the process. 

4) “Yeah. It’s probably for the best that we never see each other again.”

Speaking of calling Thor’s bluff, I think Loki–because he’s a smart little fucker–says this in order to get ahead of the conversation. He knows what’s coming, so he pulls the classic “I’ll reject you before you reject me” move. But I don’t think he means it. It’s more likely that he’s trying to balance the scales so he’s not on the utter losing side of this conversation. And honestly? Deep down I doubt he can bear to hear Thor say it and by proactively agreeing with him he’s holding out hope that Thor will pull a “JK!” and change his mind.

5) “That’s what you always wanted.”

OMG THOR HAS GOTTEN SO SMART. I mean, I guess it’s within the realm of possibility that Thor is still really dumb about Loki’s feelings/motivations, but personally it’s more fun and satisfying to think he sees Loki’s test and raises him an even bigger one.

Loki’s face is so sad-funny. His plan backfired, he’s panicking a little, but he’s got to save face and play it cool, and he’s also legit sad because he knows this outcome is the culmination of his past actions and he did his part in paving this road for both of them. And at the end of the day he’s still the younger brother who doesn’t want to appear weak, so he’s doing his best to match Thor’s tone and attitude.

The moment when Loki lifts his chin and gives a little nod is a dead giveaway; never seeing Thor again is the opposite of what he wants, but he’s prepared to accept that it’s too late for anything else. It’s SO far from an apology, but for Loki it’s about the most mature thing we’ve seen him do.

The fact that for once they’re not arguing with each other is what made me tear up. It’s like they both know they should’ve had this conversation years ago, when it could have made all the difference, but at the same time they know that moment has passed. THIS IS FUCKING TRAGIC.

(If I wrote this movie, this would be the moment where they both dissolve into tears, fall on the floor, and cry-hug it out, which is why I write poetry and not screenplays.)

6) “Hey, let’s do Get Help.”

This was the beginning of the death of me, I will never be the same. I laughed so hard. On the surface this whole exchange may seem like just a gag–and it IS funny as hell–but I feel like it’s working on so many levels and reveals something deeper about Thor and Loki’s bond.

First of all, if you’re me, everything that preceded this moment was really uncomfortable and sad and almost unbearable to witness so I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that Thor and Loki were feeling some of that too.

What I love about this transition is that Thor immediately cuts through the tension, probably to put both of them at ease and bring them back into the more familiar territory of their rapid-fire banter. Loki seems a bit surprised but relieved.

IMO, this brief exchange of dialogue does more to convey Loki and Thor’s bond and establish their history than anything we’ve been shown in the previous films (not counting that deleted scene from the first movie). I thought it was really poignant to see them revert to/rely upon something from their distant past. You can tell this is an argument they’ve had a zillion times before. You can tell from the stunt itself that it’s something they’ve had many opportunities to perfect. 

Even though Loki is reluctant to participate, he does, because he still craves inclusion and acceptance. Even though Thor is no longer quite as overbearing and arrogant as he once was, he regresses into that role so that he can get his younger brother back for just a moment. It’s like they’re consoling themselves without admitting that they want to be consoled. And yeah, on a practical note they also need to find a way off of Sakaar.

In conclusion, they’ve both just conceded that their relationship has reached an impasse with no real way forward, yet in the immediate aftermath of this supposed acceptance they choose to revert to an older dynamic that reflects presumably happier times. They don’t want to quit each other. This is fine. It’s fine. I’m not crying. I love them. The end.

I’m deep in my feels right now and probably projecting a lot (HI, HELLO, I HAVE A TROUBLED YOUNGER BROTHER, I’VE NEVER USED HIM AS A PROJECTILE BUT I UNDERSTAND THE IMPULSE), but even without having seen this scene in the full context of the film, it’s my favorite Thor/Loki moment to date. It’s what I’ve always wanted. It actually brings “We were raised together, we played together, we fought together” to life in a meaningful way, whereas in The Avengers I felt like those were just words.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

Friendly reminder that Dean does NOT even have to be bisexual to date Cas, because:

  • Castiel literally isn’t male. It is canon that the angels in general are agender/nonbinary. I mean, obviously he’s not female either, but:

  • Dean is perfectly aware of the fact that angels are actually genderless/sexless celestial beings  (“You have been with a woman before? Or an angel, at least?”) and yet he’s slept with the angel Anna (note: the angel that was supposed to replace Cas). 

  • Even if Dean’s straight… and even if we take into consideration that Castiel’s vessel is male (which doesn’t really matter) or that he may actually identify as a male at this point or whatever: you do NOT have to be bisexual to fall in love with a person of the same gender. You can be a straight guy and still fall in love with another guy (or anyone that’s not a woman), because:

  • Love. Isn’t. About. Fucking. Yes, Castiel’s vessel is male, but it’s not like we fall in love with other people’s genitals, right? I’m terribly sorry to break it to some of you, but not everything is about dick, so like… How about we stop making everything about sex (in every sense of the word)? I’ve seen people accusing Destiel shippers of sexualizing their relationship (yes, it’s true that there are people who just desperately want them to fuck while completely ignoring the emotional aspects of their relationship, but what can we do about it), but really – if saying “Destiel would never work because Dean is straight” (meaning: “because Dean wouldn’t want to have sex with Cas”) isn’t sexualization, than I don’t know what it is. They don’t have to bang, since their relationship is about so much more than sexual tension. You don’t have to have sex for your relationship to be valid, so seriously, this is such an ignorant thing to say, guys. It’s the fact that these two support, protect, need, love and care about each other unconditionally that makes their relationship so beautiful. The fact that they would never give up on each other. That they can communicate without saying a single word. That Cas makes Dean a better person and vice versa. That they would literally die for each other. That they care and are unable to kill one another even when they’re brainwashed or corrupted. That they would shake up Heaven and Hell for each other (and Earth, and Purgatory, and all those alternative universes, too). The way they gaze at each other. Their chemistry, loyalty, tenderness, trust, the slow burn and this damn “profound bond” – so unique, I’ve honestly never seen any canon couple share this kind of connection before. I could go on for centuries, but you get the point.

What I’m trying to say is that their relationship doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s romantic - and that’s what is special about it. It isn’t about two dudes looking hot while making out - which is actually what a lot of other show and movie makers think a queer romance mainly is, no shade. That’s why Destiel going canon would be an amazing revolution in terms of the portrayal of LBGTQA+ relationships. And I honestly don’t understand what’s so wrong with it or why anyone would be against it.

I’m sorry, that’s just the way I see it, please don’t start drama. The “Destiel can’t happen because Dean is straight” argument is just so invalid to me.

I talked to your Dad, go pick out a white dress...

It’s late in a Fall afternoon when Victor Santiago listens to his voice mailbox.

He’s been out without his phone the whole day, and is rather surprised when he sees the missed phone call appear on his screen. Rather worried as well, when he reads the sender’s name.

Jake Peralta, his only daughter’s boyfriend.

He’s never called him before, let alone left a voicemail, which startles him that he did so that day. A rush of panic starts coursing through his veins as he presses the button to listen to what the other man had to say then, afraid it’s something serious.

Afraid something might have happened to one of the two most important women of his life.

How shocked he is finally, when Jake’s recorded voice starts talking through the other end of the line, letting him know of the news -

Mr. Santiago, I’m calling you to inform you that I plan to ask your daughter to marry me, but…

He listens to the whole thing in religious silence, his heart aching a little at the thought of Amy, his Amy, his little tiger who was still just a baby not so long ago (many years ago), on the verge of getting married. In the end he can’t help but smile too, though – it’s true he didn’t think Jake would make a good boyfriend for her at first, but it seems like he is, now.

And even if he’s not perfect… the most important is that he loves her really, very much. That he could tell from the first time they met, without any doubt.

Just like he can tell his daughter does love him too, he knows that for sure – recalls desperate phone calls in the middle of the night after the detective was found out guilty, then joyful ones when he got out of jail.

(I miss him, Dad, she’d say through hurtful cries.

He’s back, Dad, she’d say through happy tears.)

“Care to share what’s making you smile so brightly?” a voice startles him out of his thoughts, and when he turns in its direction, leaving his gaze away from his phone he’s been holding in his hand the whole time after Jake stopped rambling inside, he finds his own wife staring at him with an amused, but questioning, look in her eyes.

He’s still grining when he answers her, before putting the voicemail on repeat for her to hear by herself what he means, “I think our daughter finally found the one.”

She cries of happy tears in response to the perfection of her son-in-law-to-be’s speech.

(Later, when Jake finally proposed and Amy calls her parents to let them know about the great news, excitation easily recognisable in her voice as she’s telling him that Jake and I are getting married!, he asks to have a word with him after congratulating her. All the fear he’s started feeling when his fiancée gave him the phone, not knowing what her father wants from him, is replaced by his heart simply melting out of happiness when the older man only tells him, meaning every word of it:

“Welcome to the family… son.”)

Cold Remarks

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Prompt: Harry has always been cold towards Y/N, and one day she just breaks. 

Word Count: 1581

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure why Harry was always so…cold towards her. She wasn’t sure how to describe it, he never called her anything rude, never swore at her, never yelled, but the tension always seemed to be in the room. He always seemed to hate being around her, in her eyes he hated her. She felt the negative vibes, he always rolled her eyes when she entered a room, he always ignored her, and if answered her it was with a harsh and cold tone. It made her want to shrink in her spot.

She didn’t understand. Harry was always so happy and warm around others, he was always so quick to help them, but when it came to Y/n she might as well have been invisible. It reached the point where she felt uncomfortable being in the same room as him. She felt weak and small compared to him and she didn’t like the idea of the two being alone.

It was the way he treated her, the small remarks her made every time. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take it, she had never done anything to him. She took each blow extra hard, always having a crush on Harry and having him treat her like this made her want to lock herself in a room and cry. She couldn’t believe how mean he was.

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Nonbinary people who use binary pronouns are awesome. He/him/his nonbinary people are strong and good! She/her/hers nonbinary people are sweet and amazing! Just because you feel comfortable using these pronouns doesn’t mean you aren’t every bit nonbinary. They’re just pronouns, just like all the others. It’s not our fault if society genders words.

anonymous asked:

Can you do a blurb where Gemma and Anne don't like Harry's girlfriend and think she's using him for money. Harry doesn't know and then finds out and is really upset about it

“’ello?”

“Harry, how many times do I have to tell you?”

“That I’m the fittest bloke you’ve ever laid eyes on?” She could hear the smirk through the speaker of her phone, knowing that he knew damn well what she was talking about. “As many times as you want.”

“You know what I’m talking about.” She wasn’t angry, per se- just overwhelmed, for lack of better words, at how much he spoiled her. “Just because I remarked how nice a bracelet was last week doesn’t mean I wanted it.” She sighed, the sparkle of the diamond on said bracelet catching the sun from where she had it laid on the kitchen table in front of her. “And if I did happen to want it, I could buy it for myself.”

“Know you could.” He didn’t sound the slightest bit phased because she put up an argument every time. “Just wanted to spoil my girl,‘s that really such a crime?”

“Yes.” She was quick to answer. “I don’t want you thinking I’m only here for the gifts and the money.”

“I know you’re not.” He shook his head, despite knowing she couldn’t possibly see him. “But it’s my way of showing you how much you mean to me.”

Admittedly, it warmed her heart how much thought and love was behind each and every gift, none of them were ever just a splurge of money because he felt like he had to buy her over.

“And I’m really thankful, but I honestly don’t need gifts to see that you’re genuine about us.” Her voice was much softer now. “Just- promise me you’ll stop spending your money on me all the time? I really do appreciate it but it would make me much happier to see you spend it on one of your ridiculously expensive scarves or something.”

“A’right I promise.” He sighed jokingly, as if she was asking a lot off him. “I hope you know I’m only going to go crazy on your birthday and at Christmas, though.”

“I guess I can live with that.” She reasoned and he chuckled.

He was one of only a few others sitting in the departures lounge of the airport and he was thankful for his own space in the corner, happier to bicker with his girlfriend than to make small talk with anyone else. After speaking for a little while longer, the voice on the speaker announced his flight, notifying him that there was only five minutes until the gates closed.

“I’ve got to go love but I’ll see you later on.” He stood up, throwing his carry on over his shoulder and making his way towards his gate.

“Ok, call me when you land safe.”

“Will do.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

//

On her way to the airport, (y/n) decided she could kill a bit of time by calling in with Gemma as it would beat sitting on an uncomfortable metal bench for god knows how long until Harry’s flight came in. She also figured she could pick up his charger that he mentioned leaving there last week.

Having only been with Harry for just under 10 months, she had met Anne and Robin four times, Gemma three and Des just once. There was the whole formal ‘meet the parents’ meal a few months in and, afterwards, it was a rare occasion that she was able to travel with Harry to see them on his time off- she did have her own work commitments after all.

Despite that, she wasn’t entirely nervous about meeting with Gemma again; she seemed easy enough to talk to when Harry was present so she was sure going solo wouldn’t make a huge difference. After pulling up to the apartment block and being allowed to walk on ahead through by the security guard who had come to know who she was, she made it up to the fourth floor in a matter of minutes and gave a light knock on the oak-wood door.

“Hi!” She greeted the female clone of her boyfriend as soon as the door opened. “I was on my way to the airport to get Harry but figured I may as well drop in to say hello and pick up his charger for him.”

“Couldn’t he have done that once he landed?” She tried to ignore the bitter tone to her voice, deciding instead to laugh it off.

“He’s usually too tired to function after a long flight.” She laughed.

“I know.” She gave her a pointed look. “He’s been my brother longer than he’s been your boyfriend, y’know.”

This time, she decided to stay silent and chose not to address the bitterness in her voice. Without any further word, Gemma trudged back through her flat. Not knowing if she was welcome to follow or not, (y/n) hovered awkwardly by the doorway before deciding to just follow her anyway.

She could hear her talking to someone in the kitchen, but couldn’t make out – and didn’t really have an interest in- what they were saying.

“Hi, Anne.” She gave her a warm smile once realising who the voice belonged to on her arrival to the kitchen. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“Thanks.” She gave her a tight lipped smile, not bothering to maintain any eye contact.

“I’ll just get that charger then-“

“New bracelet?” Anne nodded to the diamond link on her arm; the brand new one that had only arrived from Harry mere hours ago.

“Oh.” She looked down at it. “Yeah.”

“How’d you afford that?” The harshness in Gemma’s voice was painfully obvious now and (y/n) didn’t miss how her mother winced slightly at the tone she had certainly not been brought up to use, but she didn’t bother reprimanding her.

“Harry got it for me.”

“Of course he did.” She laughed a dry, bitter laugh. “Just like everything else you own.”

She was taken aback to say the least and couldn’t find any words to answer with, because what exactly could she answer with?

“What she means is that you seem to be getting an awful lot off Harry lately.” Anne tried to ease the awkward atmosphere in the room but didn’t back down on defending her son from someone she thought was taking advantage of him.

“I don’t-“

“I mean, if it’s not him taking you out everywhere and paying the bill every time, it’s you getting these expensive gifts off him.”

“I don’t ask him to.” She was making a poor effort at defending herself against the two strongly opinionated women, sounding nothing short of timid and nervous. “I don’t like when he buys me things all the time.”

“Sure you don’t.” Gemma rolled her eyes. “Listen, Harry’s an adult and neither of us two can tell him who or what he spends his hard earned money on. But we just wanted to make it clear that we can see you for exactly the way you are and we’ll never accept someone into the family who takes advantage of him.”

“Gem-“

“No, Mum.” She snapped. “You said it yourself. Harry only thinks he’s in love and she’s taking advantage of that.”

She looked to Anne for confirmation that she hadn’t said such a thing after being so nice when Harry was there, but when her head stayed bowed down, eyes focused on the table, she took a deep breath and stuttered out a quiet “I’m sorry.” Before bolting to her car where she would be able to let out the hurt she was feeling.

//

Landed safe. Just getting my bags xx

In the café x

“Boo.” (y/n) jumped, startled from where she was in deep thought and didn’t have to fake the smile on her face when the familiar feeling of her boyfriend’s arms were engulfing her. “Well, somebody certainly missed me.” He laughed, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“I did.” She mumbled into his shirt.

“C’mon, let’s get home, yeah?” He suggested.

“Do you want a coffee before we go?” She asked, pulling a note from her purse that would cover the price of a coffee each.

“I’d love one, actually.” She stopped him when his hand went to the pocket of his jeans where he kept loose change.

“I’ll get it.”

“Love, ‘s only a coffee.” He smirked. “Am I not even allowed to treat you to that now?”

“Not when I’m fully capable of buying it myself Harry!” Her volume had increased slightly, but not to the point where she was drawing any unwanted attention to them. “I do have a job, you know.”

“I’m aware.” He spoke slowly, trying to read her expression.

“And could you please take this,” She pulled the bracelet off her wrist. “back? I’m sick of you throwing away all your hard earned money on me.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stay right where she was until he figured out what the hell was going on in her head. “What’s this all about? Where did you take this notion?”

“I’m not taking advantage of you.”

“No one said you were, poppet.”

Everyone says I am!”

“Well I don’t care what everyone says,” He shrugged. “I know you’re not.”

“You only-“ She took a shuddering breath in. “You only think you love me.” His face fell at her statement. “And I’m taking advantage of that.”

“No this isn’t-“ He shook his head. “This isn’t you. Is this the fans? I’ve told you not to look at what they’re saying.”

“No, it’s not the fans.”

“Who, then?”

She didn’t want to tell him; didn’t want to be the reason for a possible argument with his mother and sister. But the desperate look on his face made her want to take away all his worries.

“It doesn’t-“

“Who, (y/n)?” He was more stern now.

“Your mum and Gemma just pointed out a few things.” She swallowed. “I don’t blame them for thinking how they did.” He looked confused, angry and hurt that two of the people he cared most about were saying such things about one of the other people he cared deeply for. “It could be true-“

“It’s bullshit.” He asserted. “Complete and utter bullshit.”

“Harry-“

“Let’s go home.”

//

Much later that night, Harry crawled into bed after having a shower and could tell by how his girlfriend was breathing that she wasn’t asleep, but was still facing away from him. He decided to give her space but laid one hand on her hip, tracing mindless little patterns.

“I called mum earlier.” She didn’t respond with words but he seen how her shoulders tensed up. “I made sure she knew how wrong that was of them to say such things about you.” Still no response. “She just worries sometimes but I’ll not let them speak to you like that again.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Her voice was cracked with the emotion that had built up inside her all day.

“It’s because I love you.” He placed a kiss on her shoulder blade. “And I know I do.”

|| absolutely ||

{summary: there’s been no girl after me? is this true?}

you guys ready for this au where Peter is hot and popular and who’s also infamous for being a player? bECAUSE I SURE AS HELL AM.

im gonna make you readers thirst for more fuckboi!peter parker with this story 👅👅

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @fandom-flash , @animexchocolate, @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**

warnings: explicit language & attempts at an attack

——

Peter Benjamin Parker, God, just hearing the name had the power to bring girls to their knees for him.

And you were no exception.

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BTS Imagine: Jimin Confessing to Cheating | Part 1

Thank you for the request! I hope I did this justice.^^

word count: 1.6k

part one | two | three *coming soon*

requests: open

masterlist

Jimin sat on the edge of his bed, his laptop on his thighs and his hands in his hair. He had to do it now, he told himself. He had to call you now and confess what had happened. There was no way to hide it anymore. No way to pretend that everything was the same as it used to be. No more having to hide the guilt that had plagued him constantly these past 3 months. He finally pulled his head up to look at your smiling face on his screen. His fingers hovered over the trackpad as he willed himself to hit the call button. He took a deep, shaky breath and tapped on your name. It was time for him to tell you the worst secret of his life.

You were laying in your bed that evening, staring at your BTS poster taped to your closet door. The few people very close to you knew that you weren’t just an ARMY fangirling over the boys in the picture. You were always only looking at one boy. You were only ever looking at your ChimChim.

The chronic times apart hadn’t been easy for either of you. When Jimin had gone to be a trainee, leaving your hometown of Busan, you’d hoped that things wouldn’t be over between you two. You’d hoped that your connection was strong enough to overcome the distance. And it had been. Sure, being limited to video chats or talking on the phone wasn’t nearly as good as having him there in person; but you’d both learned how to navigate the rough waters of him being an idol with a secret girlfriend.

At first it had really bothered you that you had to keep your relationship a secret. Every time that Jimin claimed to have never been in a relationship before used to feel like a stab to your heart. The precious few days you had together when he got to visit home was filled with disguises to prevent fans from recognizing him and therefore wondering about you. You had a strong love-hate relationship with the other ARMYs. You loved that he was being successful. You loved seeing others see all of the good inside him. Loved watching their clever edits that were made with so much care. But then there was the ugly side of being an idol. Having to watch other girls screaming his name and reaching for him constantly. Having to watch him doing his fanservice and smiling his shy smile at them and answering their sticky note questions flirtatiously. It was all part of his job—you knew that. You knew in your heart, even without his constant assurances, that Park Jimin loved you and only you. The girl of his hometown.

At least that’s what you had to keep reminding yourself of more and more often lately. Five months ago, BitHit had asked Jimin to publicly date an actress that had been in their newest music video to help promote their comeback. It bothered you that BigHit often put things on only Jimin’s shoulders like when they told him that only he had to show his abs in their debut song. It had been a tough conversation but you told Jimin you understood. He was doing it for his career and helping hers as well since Jimin was always thinking of others. None of it meant anything. They didn’t even talk outside of their public appearances that were always so carefully crafted even when they were just “going to the grocery store.” The public ate everything up so easily.

Suddenly your phone sounded with a video call. When you saw the familiar handsome face flash across your screen, your mood instantly picked up and you were ready for one of your long five hour conversations that Jimin always called “conversations with friends” when asked about it in interviews.

“Hey, my ChimChim,” you greeted him happily with your favorite nickname for him.

“Hey, jagiya,” he said, his voice noticeably subdued.

“What’s wrong?” you asked instantly, sitting straight up in your bed. You took in his facial features that were filled with a mixture of anxiety and sadness.

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” He gave a nervous laugh.

“Jiminie, I know you better than you know yourself….What’s wrong?”

“Ay, Jaigya,” he sighed, leaning back and running his hand roughly through his hair. “I—I really don’t want to tell you this,” he said quietly.

Your stomach started to sink and you felt your throat starting to close up. There was something very wrong. You’d seen Jimin when he was feeling down more times than you could count but this was something else. This wasn’t just him having doubts about himself. This was him holding back. He was always so caring; always thinking of everyone else first. This was something about you.

“Are you breaking up with me?” you managed to squeeze out through the tightness in your throat.

“Y/n, it’s not that. It’s um…it’s something else.”

“Please just tell me, ChimChim. I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” you admitted.

You watched as his throat gulped on the screen. He ran his hand through his hair again, biting his lip as he did so. If you weren’t in such agonizing suspense, you’d be thinking some rather naughty thoughts right now. If only that’s what was happening you thought to yourself.

“You know h/n noona?” he asked.

“Yes, of course,” you responded quickly. How could you forget the beautiful, talented actress fake dating your boyfriend?

“Something happened one night…with me and her,” he finally said. You stared at the image of your boyfriend on the screen, feeling like every inch of blood inside you was draining out.

“‘One night’?” you repeated softly. “What do you mean?” You had to hear him say the words. It wasn’t real until he said the words.

“Y/n, I was drunk,” he started. “I was drunk and lonely and missing you more than you could possibly know. And I—I slept with her,” he finally admitted. “I don’t even remember any of it. I just woke up next to her.”

You closed your eyes tightly to prevent the tears that had welled up in your eyes from falling down your face. You never in a dozen lifetimes thought Jimin would be that guy. Not your ChimChim. All of those pictures you would send him, all of those video and phone calls—they were all for nothing. You still couldn’t be there to satisfy him and he’d turned to someone else. You were so stupid to think that this would ever turn out any other way.

“Y/n, that’s not all of it,” Jimin’s voice broke in again.

You didn’t care anymore if he saw the tears. Let him see. Let him see how much he’d hurt you. “What else do you want to tell me?” you choked out. You hid the surprise from crossing your face when you saw that Jimin was crying on the other side of the screen.

“She’s pregnant.”

Anger streaked through you. “Are you kidding me?” you burst out. “You’ve always made sure we were careful! Even with you wearing condoms, you asked me to take birth control even though I get to see you only two weeks out of the year! And then you sleep with her without using anything?!” You couldn’t stop the accusing words from coming out of your mouth.

“Jagi, I was drunk. I didn’t plan for it to happen,” he replied.

“How far along is she?”

Jimin stared at you. “Twelve weeks,” he finally answered.

“You did this three months ago and didn’t tell me?” you whispered.

“It was one time. I knew it would never happen again. I couldn’t bear to see you hurt like this.”

You nodded mockingly at him through your tears. “How long have you had feelings for her?”

“What?” He looked like you’d put your hand through the screen and smacked him.

“How long, Jimin?” you demanded.

“I don’t, jagi.”

“Don’t call me that,” you protested immediately. “I know you, Park Jimin. Even drunk, you would never sleep with someone you didn’t feel anything for. What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know, y/n,” he admitted. “She told me she’s keeping the baby.”

You let out a small sarcastic laugh. “Of course she is. It’s your baby. No one could end a part of you…,” you trailed off, your heart squeezing even tighter as the realization that this was happening hit you. She was carrying your boyfriend’s child. She was always going to have a connection with him now. She was always going to have a piece of him that you would never have. And with that thought you realized what your next question needed to be. “Are you going to marry her?” He didn’t respond. “You will, won’t you?” you whispered. “You’ll keep her from scandal.”

“She doesn’t deserve it,” he said. “You don’t deserve this,” his voice broke. “I’m sorry, y/n. More sorry than you could ever know. I would never want to hurt you.”

“Oh, Jiminie,” you said slightly mockingly. “It’s way too late for that.” And with that Jimin broke down into a pile of sobs on the other side of the screen. You couldn’t watch this anymore. “Goodbye, Jimin,” you choked out and hung up the call.

Before you fell into your own mess of sobs, you sent a quick text to Jin. You need to go to Jiminie. He needs someone right now. Please don’t be too hard on him. Because even after all of this, you knew that you would always love that beautiful boy with the shy smile from Busan. 

Wake Up, Dean

Summary: Dean is cursed and Sam thinks reader is the only one who can save him…

Square Filled: First Kiss

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word Count: 1,200ish

Rating: explicit (no smut, just language)

A/N: Written/created for @spnkinkbingo


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we came in peace

Our past was red. A dripping red, it seemed to us, but to all the galaxy, the blood we’d spilt was only a drop. 

We learned, eventually, slowly, how to stop a war before it begins, how to feed everyone’s children and give them a roof and a bed. We learned, and we were alone on our tiny world. But we remembered, like a war-scarred veteran, our past.

And so, when we found out we were not alone in this dark and infinite place, we shared what we had learned.

We come in peace.” Our first words to them. 

Lo and behold they were confused by this greeting. They told us they had no such word in their languages, and for a moment we feared we had stumbled upon a species more bloody and evil than our own. But our fears were unfounded, for this species was the fawn of the galaxy, and ours, the wolf. 

They had never known anything but peace. So deep in it were they (not struggling for it every day, as we must) that they didn’t even know what it was. We taught them how to say “war” in our language, and they spouted the definition but they did not know war. No one was eager to bring war into Eden once again.

They were young, but advanced, unhindered by conflict and destruction. Some say it is a mark of our past that we saw such innocence and anticipated for a time that it might be a ruse. But it was not, and we lived in peace with them.

It was not yet twenty years before we met another. Buoyed by our first meeting in this galaxy, we met them without reserve. We showed them empty palms, and said “We come in peace.”

Our party was slaughtered before they could flinch. And so, we were forced to embrace war again. 

Our friends offered us an alliance, which for a species that had never known war, meant supplies and medics. But even two against one, we were no match. We were not the war mongers of the galaxy we had thought ourselves, not compared to the species who took no prisoners, who had no interest in anything but the riches on our planet. Our friends called them Chaos, for “enemy” was a foreign word.

Not a decade went by before we were on our knees. Our friends? They had never stood a chance. Their planet was taken from them a year into the war. I have not seen one of them since. Our leaders bolster us with false news, but I know. We won’t last the year, but at least we understand. Oh, yes, we understand, for every battle site on Earth’s surface was the site of two things: a victory and a defeat. 

But understanding is a small mercy. Our friends never understood. When death was upon them, they looked their enemy in the eyes and offered them a gesture they were too innocent comprehend. But they saw we were war mongers, and believed our gestures would have meaning to the ones they’d called Chaos. 

“We come in peace.” But the Chaos had no word for peace. They had never known anything but war. So deep in it were they that they didn’t even know what it was.

I don’t think either of them have ever understood. But here our species teeters on the brink of annihilation, and we understand. 

I wish I didn’t. 

a***NOTE: VENT *** (excuse my poor english)

I hate when I am having Social Anxiety and Depression. It’s feels like. Killing me inside. When I was alone, this feeling.. the feeling that you are drowning into the deep ocean and unable to escape from the wild wave. Making me unable to continue what I was doing, just sit and lean there and stare all over the surrounding. I never been checkup with a psychologist, but I could tell that I have these kind of disorders I’ve mentioned from above. How do I know that I’m suffering these disorder?

Well, tbh, i’ve been having Insomnia from what i’ve remembered when I was 12 I guess. Which mean, it has been 5 years straight. I easily lose my appetite, and my weight decrease to Severely underweight. I can’t even do any physical activities because I am easily get kidney pain from the left. Other than that, i can’t even concentrate in class and easy to forget every words of what teachers have said to me. And last but not least, I was acting harming myself (throughout school week), knocking my head to the wall, hitting myself , etc, etc.

Yes, I can feel how depression feels like when I’m studying in boarding school. I don’t have friends that i could trust, all I can see was they are being hypocrite towards me, Including my close friend in school, i know they were judging about my social interaction with others, for being shy, quiet, cannot start a simple conversation, bla bla. something like that. It’s unfair when they forced me to communicate with them, even I DID try,  they didn’t even respond what I was about to say. So, what I do is stay solitude.

I remembered when they being so nice to me, during lunch, they invited me to their table to eat together. Everyday. But, it’s different when who’s come to the table first, they invited me to their table because they came to the cafeteria earlier than me.  But when I was the one who came earlier, and sat the table that can fit 5 people in it, waving my hands, inviting them to sit where I was at. But what they did, they ignored me, and went to the other tables. And I’m here like, “oh, okay. Your welcome then” and eats alone. After that day, I started to avoid them calling me to eat lunch together. I don’t like it, because. backstabbers.

I thought holidays is my FREE times to feel freedom. Actually, I was wrong. I know have so many good friends on the internet, I know they are good pals. I know they are busy with schools/finals/works/assignment/etc. I understand about their inactive, i respect what they were doing. But sometimes, the more they are inactive, I kinda feeling left out. Alone in the silent group chat where we used to be together, makes jokes, sharing ideas, and all wonderful time we experience.

To those friends i’ve been close for so long ( i don’t want to mention their name) I just wanted to say, I am very sorry for not cheering around in our group chat when I was having school holidays. I should tell you earlier about my days to come, but I failed. My ego have taking me over, leave it the group with no ‘cheerful welcome back conversation’. Leaving you guys questioned to yourself, ‘is Golzy left our family group?’ . I really didn’t mean to leave the group. and I never wanted to leave the group because you are like a family to me since 2014. 3 years have passed you guys are all growing up, some of you guys are taking jobs, some of you went to college, schools, family, business, et cetera!

I’m feeling unmotivated day by day, although I have some new friends in a crazy group. It doesn’t makes me very happy. I feel myself i’m betraying my old friends and left them just like that , and I develop hallucination of your voices, to arouse my thought, making me FEAR of you guys.

I’m so sorry, The school have ruined me the way I communicate with people, and I’m feeling much worse lately. Even you can see me being happy, behind this virtual screen, i’m mostly a faker. I’m sorry.

Thank you for reading this.

-Golzy