Regarding Geneva scene I think people are forgetting that even though he didn't love her and didn't want to be in that situation in the books he was still very gentle to her. It wasn't like Mary where it was a satisfaction of needs for both - he wanted to show Geneva what a first time should be like and how a man should treat her. That's why it is so intimate -and enraging, yes- but it's still not love. He even adds that he doesn't allow her to call him Jamie and *that* I really hope they keep!
Your thoughts prompted me to re-read the Jamie-Geneva scene and you are right - Jamie is mostly gentle, and that is quite a major thing considering how he came to be in her bed. “He was conscious of an extrordinary mixture of feelings.” DG writes there was tenderness, pity, rage, fear, and lust, but “there was nothing of love in this encounter.”
How Jamie treats her, especially from his point of view, is gentle and even erotic, which is what makes this scene so squirmy. I’m not sure if what DG did is brilliant for writing this scenario in such a way that it still spawns heated debate two decades later, or cruel to both characters because their desperation spurs them towards hideous behavior.
DG concludes the chapter with Jamie climbing into his lofted bed above the stables and “feeling empty of everything.” That’s seems like an honest account of how a man, or woman would feel after being coerced into having sex, whether or not they enjoyed any part of it. It’s a wonder Jamie is capable of enjoying sex after all the sexual trauma he’s had.