but wow why would you type that

history of the entire world, i guess; a transcript

hi. you’re on a rock, floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you. how did this happen? a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why its been everywhere. it’s been so everywhere, you don’t need a “where”. you don’t even need a “when”. that’s how “every” it gets. (pause). forget this. i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start. and that’s exactly where it started. (background noise) woah. i… paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing, in a place. don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees. (about no seconds later). great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three called a “proton” or a “neutron”. and there’s something else flying around too that wants to join in but can’t cause it’s still to (HOT). (about ten minutes later). great news! the protons and the neutrons are now happily married to each other (some of them even doubled up). (about 380,000 years later). great news, the electrons have now joined in. congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together and it’s getting closer together. it’s a staaaar. new shit just got made. some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. space dust! which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into even crazier space dust. so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks, and it kinda made a mess. which is now the moon. weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space. weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside them and now there’s Hot Steam in the sky. weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava. weather update: its raining. severe flooding alert: the entire world is now an ocean. volcano alert: that’s land. there’slifeintheocean. what? something’s alive in the ocean. oh cool, like a plant or an animal? no. a microscopic speck! it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup which is being served hot and fresh made from gnarly space ingredients leftover from when it was raining rocks or whatever. oh yeah, and it can do that. it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say. tired of living at the bottom of the ocean? now you can eat sunlight. using a revolutionary technique you can convert sunlight into food. taste the sun. side effect: now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky’s blue. then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while, maybe even a coupla times. it’s a sponge, it’s a plant, it’s a worm and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish. it’s the Cambrian explosion. “wow, that’s animals and stuff.” but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land? NoO. why? the sun is a deadly lazer. oh okay. not anymore there’s a blanket. now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land! “nope, can’t walk yet. and there’s no food yet so i don’t care.” (100 million years later) ok, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here? “maybe,” said some bugs, and fish. “uh. uh. uh.” (five million years later) “ok so i can go on land but i have to go back in the water to have babies.” (idea) learn to use an egg. “i was already doing that.” use a stronger egg, and put water in it, have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg, baby, in the water, in the egg. works for me. bye bye ocean. aaand now everything is huge. including bugs. wanna see a map of the land? sure. ah fuck, now everything’s dead. just kidding here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one because its about to become the dinosaurs. here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart, don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor. and the dinosaurs are gone. its mammal time! here come the mammals. look at those breasts. now they’re gonna dominate the world, and one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like ‘that’. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make… pointed rocks. “ouch.” and set things on fire. “yeouch.” and make crazy sounds with their voice (“gneurshk.”) which can mean different things. that’s a human person. and now they’re everywhere, almost. ice age. what? you can walk over here? cool. not anymore. i guess we’re stuck here now.

let’s review. there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food. fuck it, time to plant some grass. look at this, i control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food. this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground. better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping. guess what happens next. more food, and more people who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in, and people to make the houses. and now there’s more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come. and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people. and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power. sociiiety. coming soon to a dank river valley near you. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed. why is all my metal so lame and lumpy? tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing bronze, made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land. i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what - egypt. meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also, china. and did i mention indusrivervalleycivilization. norte chico. the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it’s in the middle of the east. knock knock- er, clop clop, it’s the people with the horses? and they made an empire! and then everyone else copied their horses. greeks! ah look, it must be the greeks, or a beta version of the greeks. let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization. they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china. new arrivals in india. maybe it’s thosehorsepeopleiwastalkingabout or theircousinsorsomething. and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff. you could make a religion out of this. there’s the bronze age collapse. now the phoenicians can get down to business. also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks. look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel. and they believe in god. just one though, he’s got like a ten step program. here’s some huge heads, must be the olmec. the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies. here comes the assyrian empire. nevermind it’s the babylonian- median- it’s the persian empire. “wow, that’s big.” ah, the buddha was just enlightened! who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this. oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking confucius was figuring out how to have good morals. ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff. and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them. knock knock, it’s chandragupta, he says, “get the hell out of here, will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye; time to conquer all of india- or most of india”. but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve got spices. who would like to buy the spices? “me,” said the arabians, swiftly buying them and selling them to the rest of the world. hey, china put itself back together again with good morals as their main philosophy. actually they have three main philosophies. out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city. let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload! “bye,” said the parthians, “bye,” said the jews. “hi,” said the parthians, taking over the entire place. “heyyyyyyyy,” said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland. “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular, and then gets arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this. want silk? now you can buy it from china! they just made a brand new road to the world…or you can get there on water. “sick, new trade routes,” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast. hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom. there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again. “remember the persian empire? yup,” said the persians, making a new one. axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick. has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together. china is whole again…then it broke again. still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels. “hell yeah, now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves. “hi i live in the roman empire and i was wondering, is loving jesus legal yet?” “no” “actually ok sure,” said constantine, moving the capitol way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall. it’s the golden age of india. there’s the gupta empire. not chandragupta, just gupta, first name chandra, the first. guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. or actually, just half is just fine. but it’s not in rome anymore so let’s give it a new name. the mayans have figured out the staaars. oh, and here’s a huge city, population everyone. the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks. how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together. how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them. korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear, so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods, and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this. and maybe conquer the world as well. the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors. here’s all the wisdom, in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom, just in time for the islamic golden age. “let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast. remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now. wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere? the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise, you’re the new roman emperor,” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france. the northerners, or just norse if you don’t have that much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north, and they find some land. two types of land, and they name them accordingly. they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as vikings. there’s the rus, the kievan rus. are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. ok, fair enough. the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire, the holy roman empire. it’s actually germany but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms! christianizeallthekingdoms. which brand would you like? “mine’s better,” “mine’s better,” “mine’s better”. “time to conquer england,” said william. it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the seljuk turks. “ahh!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small it almost doesn’t exist anymore, “we need help!” they need help, so they call the pope. “hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you wanna take back the holy land.” “yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.” crusade. they did many crusades, some of which almost didn’t fail, but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals. goodbye mayans. hello toltecs, goodbye toltecs, hello mississippi. look at those mounds. there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff. guess who’s here? khmer. where? here, and pagan is there, and vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government. china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis. i bet that will last a long time! some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india. is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time. i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold. look at this chad (means lake), there’s an empire there, right in the middle of africa. the king of mali is so rich he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said. the christians are doing a great job of conquering iberia which will soon be called spain and not spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you are still christian when you least expect. whoops, half of europe just died. ming. china’s back, yay. hey khmer, time to share, new kingdoms here and there. oh look who controls all the islands, its the mahajapit. majahapit, mapajahit, mahapajit, mapajahit, majapahit? oh, italy’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth. here’s a printer, lets make books. so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? “yep,” said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. whoops, you missed a spot; don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade. “what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless. well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india. “wait,” said christopher colombus, probably smoking crack, “if the world is round, lets go this way to india!” “nah, don’t worry we already got this,” said portugal. so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to go find india by going around back of the world?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.” so he sails into the ocean, and discovers more ocean, and then discovers ‘the indies’ and ‘japan’. let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world. the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent. the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other. move over lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again. move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again. let’s make it the other kind of islam, the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy. hey christians, do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell. “that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck the church, here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation. “you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman, wearing an onion hat, “what if the ottoman empire was really big, which it is now.”  “what if russia was big,” said ivan, trying not to be terrible. portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade, and then that dream was real. and spain realised that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam, “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” question one: can you get to india through north america? no, but at least there’s beaver. question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question but the dutch did it anyway. sugar. guess where all the sugar’s made? in brazil. stolen! in the carribean, and it’s so goddamn profitable you might forget to not do slavery. the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger. britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world, more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did, it’s britain. guess who’s broke? also britain. so they start taxing the hell out of america.

“fuck you,” says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it. france helps them win, now france is broke. and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent. wait if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses? “let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off. you could make a reli- no don’t. haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?” wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back. luckily, they banished him to another island. there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin america wars of independence. britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains, and conquer india and maybe put some trains there. “hey china,” said britain, “buy stuff from us.” “nah, dude we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked actually, but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy-fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island. britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afganistan. also the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now, that’s just where he lives. india had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before. technology is about to go crazy. the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. “it’s bad,” they decided. and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land, and maybe kick out the mexicans too. “i know, let’s rape africa,” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia.  britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand. the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more. hawaii. cuba. wait spain controls cuba. “well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on them? let’s blame the maine on spain!” so they blame the maine on spain. now we’re in business. to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans. britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go. china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government. europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns. it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany. russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government. now everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism, in the soviet union. the arabs revolt, and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind. “let’s cut the cake,” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire. except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey. and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do. hello? yes, it’s the 1920s calling. let’s get in a car and drive to a party and listen to the jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy’s great and it’ll probably be great forever. just kidding. germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model. he’s mad at the jews for existing. japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it. hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all the jews is a bad idea, but he kills himself before they could explain it to him. that’s world war two. bonus round: pacific showdown, united states versus japan. fight! finish him. let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace. seems legit. “hi i’m gandhi and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india i’m going to starve myself in public. wow, that worked?” bonus: now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans. one of them can be bangladesh later. the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me”, they both said at the same time. “let’s divide up the land so everyone’s happy.” sike! they both get angrier. look out china, there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! “no thanks,” said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china. there’s the korean war, korea versus korea, nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever. let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. fight! wait no that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs. “i’ll race you to space. now let’s make some more countries fight themselves.” europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map, with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by. the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it. let’s check the world population. woah. okay. technology’s better too, that might keep happening. the soviet union decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart. europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money; except britain because they don’t feel like it. let’s check the mail. surprise! it’s on the computer! whoops, someone just attacked america, i bet they’ll remember that. phone call, surprise, it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise, it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket. whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to. surprise, flying robots! with bombs. wanna print a brain? some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic. “let’s save the planet,” said everybody, not knowing how. “let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool. by the way, where the hell are we?

Have you ever really thought about how many users there are on tumblr? On ao3? Wattpad? Have you ever stopped to think about how many people are in your fandom? How that shy girl in the back of the class could be reading gay fanfiction right now? How that one football player sitting with his phone in his lap could be reblogging bxb fanart? Hell, even your teacher could spend their free time on tumblr! Fans are all around us and we have no idea. 

psychic: reads my mind
me: hi, you’re on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it’s water. fuck it. actually, most of it’s water. i can’t even get from here to there without buying a boat. it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
a long time ago… actually, never. and also now. nothing is nowhere. when? never. makes sense, right? like i said, it didn’t happen. nothing was never anywhere. that’s why it’s been everywhere. it’s been so “everywhere,” you don’t need a “where.” you don’t even need a “when.” that’s how “every” it gets.
forget this. i wanna be something. go somewhere. do something. i want things to change. i want to invent time and space. and i know it’s possible because everything is here, and it probably already happened. i just don’t know when to start.
and that’s exactly where it started.
big bang— pause
woah. i paused it. i think there’s a universe now. what’s it made of? quarks and stuff. ah, that’s a thing! in a place! don’t like it? try a new place, at a different Time™. try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier. but it’s not empty yet! it’s still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.
about no seconds later
great news! the quarks are now happily married in groups of three, called a “proton” and a “neutron.” and there’s something else flying around that wants to join in, but can’t cause it’s too HOT.
ten minutes later
great news! the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other! some of them even doubled up.
about 380,000 years later
great news! the electrons have now joined in. congratulations! the world is now… a bunch of gas in space. but it’s getting closer together…
ten million years later
and it’s getting closer together…
500 million years later
and it’s getting closer togeth—
star is born
it’s a star
new shit just got made!
some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit.
space dust!
which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into even crazier space dust!
so now, stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things. like this ball of flaming rocks, for example.
meteor hits earth
holy shit, we just got hit by another ball of flaming rocks. and it kind of… made a mess. which is now the moon
weather update: it’s raining rocks from outer space.
weather update: those rocks might’ve had water inside of them and now there’s hot steam in the sky.
weather update: cooler temperatures today and the floor is no longer lava.
weather update… it’s raining.
severe flooding alert, the entire world is now an ocean.
volcano alert.
that’s land!
there'slifeintheocean
what?
something’s alive in the ocean
oh, cool. like a plant, or an animal? no! a microscopic speck. it lives in the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
microscopic speck asexually reproduces
oh yeah, and it can do that.
reproduces three more times
it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself. so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.
tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
now you can eat sunlight!
using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food.
taste the sun!
side effect, now there’s oxygen everywhere and the sky is blue.
then the earth might’ve been a snowball for a while. maybe even a couple of times.
it’s a sponge… it’s a plant… it’s a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.
it’s the Cambrian explosion: “wow, that’s animals and stuff”
but we’re still in the ocean. hey, can we go on land?
NO
why?
the sun is a deadly laser
oh okay.
not anymore, there’s a blanket
now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let’s go on land!
“nope, can’t walk yet.”
“and there’s no food yet, so i don’t care.”
100 million years later
okay, will you learn to walk if there’s plants up here?
“maybe,” said some bugs. and fish.
fish gasps for air
five million years later
okay, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to have babies!
idea: learn to use an egg.
“i was already doing that”
use a stronger egg. put water in it. have a baby, on land, in an egg. water is in the egg. baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
works for me. bye bye ocean
50 million years later
and now everything’s huge. including bugs.
wanna see a map of the land? sure.
Permian extinction
oh, fuck, now everything’s dead.
just kidding, here are the survivors. keep your eye on this one, because it’s about to become
75 million years later
the dinosaurs.
here’s another map of the land. yeah, it broke apart. don’t worry about it, it does that all the time. here comes a meteor.
meteor strikes
and the dinosaurs are gone
it’s mammal time, here come the mammals. look at those breasts.
now they’re gonna dominate the world, but one of them just learned how to grab stuff. and walk. no, like, walk like that. and grab stuff at the same time. and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
“ouch”
and set things on fire.
“yeouch”
and make crazy sounds with their voice:
“gneurshk”
which can mean different things.
that’s a human person!
and now they’re everywhere. almost.
ice age!
what? you can walk over here? cool.
not anymore
well i guess we’re stuck here now.
let’s review: there’s people on the planet. and they’re chasing their food.
fuck it. time to plant some grass.
look at this. i get to control the food now. now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me. let’s all build houses, except mine is bigger because i own the food.
this is great! i wonder if anyone else is doing this.
tired of using rocks for everything? use metal. it’s underground.
better farming was just invented in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers, and the animals are helping.
guess what happens next?
more food. and more people, who came to buy the food. now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales. and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses and now there’s more people and they invent things which makes things better and more people come and there’s more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there’s business, money, writing, laws, power,
Society
coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it. also, guess what?
egypt
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse. now we’re getting somewhere. also,
china
and did i mention
indus river valley civilization
society count: 5

norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated. maybe because it’s in the middle of the east.
knock knock, er, clop clop. it’s the… people with the horses? and they made an empire. and then everyone else copied their horses.
greeks!
ah look, it must be the greeks! er, a beta version of the greeks.
let’s check in with the indus river valley civilization: they’re gone. guess who’s not gone? china.
new arrivals from india… maybe it’s those horse people i was talking about… or their cousins or something…
and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff…
you could make a religion out of this.
there’s the bronze age collapse.
now the phoenicians can get down to business
also, can we switch to a metal that’s a little easier to find? thanks.
look who came back to israel, it’s the twelve tribes of israel.
and they believe in God
just one though, and he’s got like a ten-step program.
here’s some huge heads. must be the olmecs.
the phoenicians make some colonies. the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies. the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
here comes the assyrian empire. never mind, it’s the babyloni— media—
it’s the Persian Empire: “wow, that’s big”
enlightenment
ah, the buddha was just enlightened. who’s the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
oops, china just broke. but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
enlightenment
ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire. it’s a great idea. he was… great. and now he’s dead. hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
knock knock, it’s chandragupta. he says “get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye”
time to conquer all of india
er
most of india
but what about this part? that’s the tamil kings. no one conquers the tamil kings. who are the tamil kings? merchants, probably. and they’ve gotspices!
who would like to buy the spices? “me!” said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy. actually, they have three main philosophies:
confucianism: have good morals
taoism: go with the flow
legalism: fuck you, obey the law
out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
nomads ransack china
let’s check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms: greekification overload.bye, said the parthians. bye, said the jews. hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.
heyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast. “thanks for invading our homeland,” said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
“hi, everything’s great,” said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which actually makes him more popular. you could make a religion out of this.
want silk? now you can buy it from china. they just made a brand new road to the world.
conquers vietnam
or you can get there on water
“sick! new trade routes!” said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
there goes buddhism, travelling up the silk road. i wonder if it’ll reach china before it collapses again.
remember the persian empire? yep, said the persians, making a new one.
axum is getting so powerful, they would like to build a long stick.
has anyone populated madagascar yet? let’s do it together.
china is whole again…
…then it broke again
still can’t cross the sahara desert? try camels.
“hell yeah! now we’ve got business,” said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold. and slaves.
“hi, i’m a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering
is loving jesus legal yet?”
“no”
“actually, okay sure,” said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his main rival. don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.
it’s the golden age of india
there’s the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta. first name chandra. the first.
guess who’s in rome? barbarians. what’s a barbarian? “non-romans,” said the romans, being invaded by non-romans. r.i.p. roman empire. actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it’s not in rome anymore, so let’s give it a new name.
the mayans have figured out the stars
oh, and here’s a huge city, population: everyone.
the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe. great job, göktürks.
how’s india? broken. how’s china? back together.
how’s those trading kingdoms? bigger, and there’s more of them.
korea has three kingdoms. japan has a kingdom, it’s the sunrise kingdom.
intermission
deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammad’s ear. so, he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake. and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town. you could make a religion out of this, and maybe conquer the world as well.
the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope. plus, there’s new kingdoms all over europe. i wonder if there’s room for moors.
here’s all the wisdom. in a house. it’s the baghdad house of wisdom! just in time for the islamic golden age!
“let’s bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast,” said the swahili on the swahili coast.
remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there? someone owns that now.
wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas. “surprise! you’re the new roman emporer!” said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire. then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not-france.
the northerners, er, just “norse” if you don’t have much time, are exploring. they go north, from the north to the northern north. and they find some land— two types of land!— and they name them accordingly.
prankd
they also invade some other places and get called many names, such as “vikings.”
there’s the rus! the kievan rus! are they vikings? “i don’t think so,” said the kievan rus. okay, fair enough.
the pope is ready to make some more emperors of the roman empire. the holy roman empire! it’s actually germany, but don’t worry about it. new kingdoms—
CRISTIANIZE ALL THE KINGDOMS!!
which brand would you like?
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“mine’s better”
“time to conquer england,” said william.
it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s the seljuk turks!
“aah!” said the byzantine empire, who’s getting so small and almost doesn’t exist anymore. “we need help!” they need help! so they call the pope.
“hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks? maybe take back the holy land on the way? come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.”
“yes, i do actually want to do that. let’s do a crusade.”
crusade!
they did many crusades. some of which almost didn’t fail. but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.
goodbye mayans. hello toltecs! goodbye toltecs. hello mississippi! look at those mounds.
there’s the pueblo. i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
guess who’s here? khmer. where? here! and pagan is there. vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.
china just invented bombs, and typing. and the mongols just invaded most of the universe. nice going, genghis! i bet that will last a long time.
some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.
is it tonga time? i think it’s tonga time.
i just figured out where the swahili gets all of their gold.
look at this chad! it means “lake.” there’s an empire there! right in the middle of africa!
the king of mali is so rich, he’s going on tour to let everyone know. “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said.
the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not-spain. please remain christian. we will check in later to see if you’re still christian when you least expect.
whoops, half of europe just died.
ming! china’s back, yay!
hey, khmer. time to share. new kingdoms, here and there.
oh, look who controls all of the islands. it’s the mahajapit.
majahapit.
mapajahit.
mahapajit.
mapajahit.
ma-ja-pa-hit?
oh, italy’s real rich. time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics. it’s kinda like a rebirth.
here’s a printer. let’s make books!
so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire? yep, said the ottoman turks. nice job, ottoman turks. oops, you missed a spot. don’t forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.
“what? that’s bullshit,” said portugal, spiceless.
“well i guess we’ll have to find another way to india”
“wait!” said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. “if the world is round, let’s go this way to india.”
“nah, don’t worry, we already got this,” said portugal.
so chris goes to spain. “hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?”
“no”
“please?”
“no”
“please?”
“wtf”
“no”
“please?”
“…okay”
so he sails into the ocean, and discovers… more ocean. and then discovers the indies, and japan! let’s draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
the aztec and the inca empires are off to a great start. i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent.
the hapsburgs are marrying into so many royal families, they might have to start marrying each other.
move over, lithuania, here comes moscow. ivan wants to make russia great again.
move over, timurids, maybe go invade india or something. persia just made persia persian again.
let’s make it the other kind of islam. the one where we thought the first guy should’ve been the other guy.
hey, christians! do you sin? now you can buy your way out of hell!
“that’s bullshit. this whole thing is bullshit. that’s a scam. fuck the church. here’s 95 reasons why,” said martin luther, in his new book which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.
“you know what would be magnificent?” said suleiman wearing an onion hat. “what if the ottoman empire was… really big?” which it is now.
“what if russia was big?” said ivan, trying not to be terrible.
portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade. and then that dream was real.
and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway. “damn,” said england and france. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.” then the dutch revolt, and all the hipsters moved to amsterdam. “damn,” said amsterdam. “we gotta start pillaging some stuff.”
question one: can you get to india from north america? no, but at least there’s beaver.
question two: steal the spice trade. that’s not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.
and sugar… guess where all of the sugar is made? in brazil! stolen! in the caribbean! and it’s so goddamn profitable, you might forget to not do slavery.
the next thing on russia’s to-do list is to get bigger.
britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world. more specifically, ohio. then it escalates into a seven-year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who’s boss. but what about britain and france, did they figure out who’s boss? yes they did! it’s britain.
guess who’s broke? also britain! so they start taxing the hell out of america. “fuck you!” says america, declaring their independence and fighting for it, and france helps them win. now france is broke, and britain will have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
“let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!” said robespierre, cutting everybody’s heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don’t.
haiti is starting to like the idea of a revolution, especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters. “why didn’t we think of this before?”
wait, who’s in charge of france now? “me,” said napoleon, trying to take over europe. luckily, they banished him to an island. but he came back!luckily, they banished him to another island.
there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.
britain just figured out how to turn steam into power, so now they can make many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast. then they invent some trains. and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.
“hey, china!” said britain. “buy stuff from us!” “nah, dude, we already got everything,” says china. so britain tried to get them addicted to opium, which worked, actually. but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea. so britain threw a hissy fit and made them open up five cities and give them an island.
britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop the other person from conquering afghanistan.
also, the sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now:“that’s just where he lives.”
india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now. “nope,” said britain, governing them even harder than before.
incoming telegram: HI I JUST SENT YOU A MESSAGE THRU A WIRE
technology is about to go crazy!
the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad. it’s bad, they decided, and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.
“i know! let’s rape africa!” said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest. they never got ethiopia…
britain and france are still hungry. they never got thailand…
the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they’re looking for more:
hawaii!
cuba!
wait, spain controls cuba.
well, blame something on them and go to war! what should we blame on spain?
u.s.s. maine sinks
“let’s blame the maine on spain.”
so they blame the maine on spain.
now we’re in business.
to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
britain just found oil in the middle east. it makes cars go…
china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and is controlled by a guy from the previous government.
europe hasn’t had a war since the last war, so they start world war one. look at those guns! it’s gonna be a great war, so great we won’t need a second one. after it’s over, they blame germany.
russia went on strike, and the workers overthrew the government. now, everyone’s paycheck is the same. communism in the soviet union…
the arabs revolt and britain helps. now the ottoman empire is gone, so we can give the jewish people a place to live. hopefully the arabs won’t mind.
“let’s cut the cake!” said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore-empire.
except turkey! turkey makes a brand new turkey!
and then the saudis conquer arabia. it just seemed like the right thing to do.
phone rings
hello? yes, it’s the 1920’s calling. let’s get to a car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies. the economy is great and it will probably be great forever. just kidding.
germany’s back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model, and he’s mad at the jews for existing.
japan is finally conquering the east, and they’re so excited, they rape nanking way too hard. they should probably just deny it.
hitler’s out of control, so the international community tackles him and tries to explain to him why killing all of the jews is a bad idea. but he kills himself because they could explain it to him. that’s world war two!
bonus round! pacific showdown
united states vs. japan
FIGHT!!
united states drops two extinction balls on japan
FINISH HIM!
let’s unite all the nations and have some world peace! seems legit.
“hi, im gandhi, and if britain doesn’t get the hell out of india, i’m going to starve myself in public.”
britain leaves
“wow, that worked?”
bonus! now there’s pakistan. actually two pakistans, one of them can be bangladesh later.
the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land. “me!” they both said at the same time. let’s divide up the lands so we’re both happy. SIKE! they both get angrier!
look out, china! there’s a new china in china. what’s on the menu? communism! no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island. i wonder which one is the real china…?
there’s the korean war. korea versus korea! nobody wins, then its on pause forever.
let’s meet the sponsors. oh, it’s the two global superpowers. they’re having a friendly debate over which economic system is good and which one is an evil virus of satan. and they both have atom bombs. FIGHT!! wait, no, that would be the end of the world. let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead. and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
“i’ll race you to space.”
united states plants a flag on the moon
now let’s make more countries fight themselves.
europe is tired of pillaging other continents, and the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged. so here’s a new map with new countries. now you can’t tell who they’re being pillaged by.
the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad. they decided it’s bad, and the world agrees. south africa might need another minute to think about it.
let’s check the world population!
woah. okay.
technology is better too, that might keep happening.
the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.
europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money. except britain, because they don’t feel like it.
let’s check the mail… surprise! it’s on the computer!
whoops, someone just attacked america. i bet they’ll remember that.
phone call! surprise! it’s in your pocket! wanna learn everything? surprise! it’s on the computer! now your phone’s a computer, which is in your pocket!
whoops, the economy just crashed. don’t worry, the big banks won’t fail, because they’re not supposed to.
surprise!… flying robots. with bombs.
wanna print a brain?
some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and the ocean is full of plastic!
“let’s save the planet!” said everybody, not knowing how.
“let’s invent a thing inventor,” said the thing inventor inventor after being invented by a thing inventor. that’s pretty cool.
by the way, where the hell are we?
thanks for watching history
i hope i mentioned everything
psychic: what the fuck

Dinner

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request:

How about a Whacky Bucky x F!Reader chatroom? Bucky and Y/N have been secretly dating from the team, but when they try setting up Y/N with someone, will Bucky explode or keep it cool? Then when the couple spills the beans Tony and Clint get protectiv            


Bucky has created a chatroom: stevie i know u want to join but don’t. we are already in another chat there is no need for u to join this one too k thank

Bucky has added Y/N.

You: Are you even trying, Barnes?

Bucky: What? He won’t join.

You: He is most definitely going to join.

Bucky: No, he won’t. Trust me, love.

You: Yes, he will. If he wasn’t already suspicious he is now.

Bucky: Don’t worry, I have him distracted with cute puppy pictures in our other chat.

You: I want to be apart of that chat.

Bucky: So, I was thinking, dinner at your place, or mine? Or do you want to go out?

You: Out. I do not want to explain to Nat why you were hiding in my bathroom again, or have to hide every time Steve randomly shows up at your place.

Steve has joined the chat.

Y/N has cleared the chat.

Bucky has cleared the chat.

Steve: Why did you clear the chat? I don’t mind, really. You don’t have to hide. It’s okay. Just tell me the truth.

You: Really, Steve? You mean that?

Steve: Yeah. It does hurt, though. Finding out your friends are making plans BEHIND YOUR BACK BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO JOIN THEM YOU SNAKES

Keep reading

BTS reaction to another member walking in during sex

AAAAAAND guess who’s back with her 3rd reaction hell yeah. and what a great subject, yep, you guessed it: SEX :) you can probably guess what’s coming

btw please check out my new vkook edit on youtube :)

the following content is for mature minds only ;)

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Kang Daniel “Bad Boy” Scenario
  • he was that bad boy in your school that everybody knew
  • was really popular but never showed interest in the girls that would shamelessly flirt with him
  • was known for always ditching class but no one really knew where he went
  • you’re not the type to ditch/miss class a lot but you received a call that your mom was in the hospital because she’d gotten a fracture from an accident
  • you ran out to the school entrance only to find that your bike was stolen while you were in class
  • “no no no no no!” you groaned in frustration. you had the other option of walking which was going to take 30 minutes which meant you’d miss seeing your mom before she went into surgery
  • you heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle starting up and you saw daniel ditching class like usual
  • “hey kang daniel, you ditching again?”
  • he raised his eyebrow as if he was surprised to see you. “i cant stand to hear the teacher blab on about photosynthesis anymore its boring me to death. but why are you ditching?”
  • “im not ditching” you frowned “i have to go to the hospital because my mom got a fracture and is about to go into surgery”
  • “is she okay!?”
  • “yeah, thankfully shes going to be completely fine. she just broke a few bones while she was trying to move a super heavy box down the stairs… i mean the story is irrelevant. but basically i was trying to go see her before she went in for surgery, but someone stole my freaking bike so i have to walk”
  • “i can take you, im heading there anyways” daniel tossed you a spare helmet
  • your face lit up at his offer “are you serious? thanks so much!!”
  • once you guys got to the entrance of the hospital the motorcycle swerved to a stop making you basically get thrown off
  • “yah!”
  • “give me the helmet tomorrow at school!” daniel said before speeding off to park
  • you complained to yourself cursing daniel in your head as you dusted off your uniform and rushed inside
  • you went to the front desk and gave your information to the nurse
  • “she just went into surgery! she will be out in 4 hours so you can wait in the hallway if you would like”
  • you frowned, sad that you’d just missed her “oh okay”
  • you sat down in the hallway and observed all of the busy doctors and nurses shuffling past along with a few patients 
  • after trying to get some homework done, you felt your eyes drooping so you put your backpack in the seat next to yours and your lied down, using it as a pillow
  • “y/n y/l/n?”
  • you rubbed your eyes, looking around and remembering you were in the hospital
  • the doctor explained that your mom had gone through surgery just fine and was in a room resting and recovering and that you could see her
  • you nodded and eagerly followed him to see your mom
  • “hey honey” your mom gave you a weak smile
  • “you must be so tired” you said as you straightened out her bed sheets and pillows
  • “i’m alright” she said in that motherly tone you were so familiar with “how was your day at school sweetie?”
  • “it was okay, i got an A- on my math test!”
  • “good job, im proud of you” she smiled squeezing your hand lightly. “but y/n, where’d you get that jacket from? i dont recognize it”
  • you looked down and realized that you’d been wearing a black sweatshirt ever since you’d woken up from your nap in the hallway
  • “um…” you took off the jacket and saw K.D. written on the tag of the clothing “my friend let me borrow it”
  • daniel must’ve seen me in the hallway and covered me with his jacket
  •  you smiled and hugged the jacket closer to your body as the breeze from the air conditioning flowed through the room
  • the next day at school you saw daniel parking his motorcycle before class so you gave him back his helmet and jacket
  • “you didn’t have to give me your jacket” you teased him as he shoved it into his backpack
  • “you looked cold” he said blatantly and he started to walk away
  • you quickly caught up to him and poked his arm “hey why were you at the hospital anyway?”
  • daniel poked your forehead in response and let out a small smirk “none of your business”
  • that day in class, you found yourself getting distracted from the lecture and gazed out the window as you heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle
  • you saw daniel speeding away once again as he wore that black hoodie he’d lent you
  • after school you went to visit your mom again and you noticed a vase of flowers by her bedside
  • “where’d those come from?”
  • “this sweet boy came by and dropped them off!”
  • “oh wow” you turned the vase around to admire the different colors “did he say why?”
  • “he said that he was a friend of yours” your mom smiled “daniel, i think it was?”
  • “kang daniel?” you nearly dropped the flowers in shock “he gave you these?”
  • you wouldn’t have imagined that in a million years because daniel was the type of guy that would ignore his teachers when they would call on him in class, would run away from police officers who chased him down, would reject girls when they asked him to dances… but he gave your mom flowers ?
  • “he just came by like 10 minutes ago, he might still be outside if you look for him.” your mom waved at you to go find him 
  • you looked through the hallways but found no sign of him so you cautiously peeked through some of the hospital rooms when someone tapped on your shoulder making you jump back
  • “thats an invasion of privacy you know”
  • “god daniel you scared me!” you sighed, clutching at your chest “i was looking for you anyways”
  • “why?” daniel pulled you aside as a nurse went out of the room you’d been snooping on
  • “i was just wondering why you’d given my mom flowers”
  • “is there something wrong with that?”
  • “no… but it was just…. unexpected. i mean we barely know each other”
  • “just think of it as a nice gesture” he responded with a smile
  • “hey daniel, who’s that?” one of the doctors that was walking by stopped to join you two
  • “just a school friend”
  • “ah i see.” the doctor put his hand out to shake your hand “i’m doctor kang”
  • “wait…. dr. kang…… is that your dad?” you said scrunching your eyebrows together in confusion “but….”
  • the doctor sighed “yeah this idiot skips lectures and flunks all of his classes even though his both of his parents are doctors. maybe one day you’ll realize that volunteering at a hospital isnt enough to get you a job here”
  • “volunteering?”
  • daniel’s ears went a little bit red as he explained “i volunteer with the kids here, just like spending time with them and stuff”
  • you hit daniel in the shoulder “aWWW THATS SO CUTE!!”
  • “but dont you dare try and tell anyone at school”
  • for the next week that your mom was recovering and going into check ups and whatnot daniel would come and visit to just chat with you and your mom
  • you’d even agreed to help him keep his grades up by tutoring him at the hospital 
  • daniel would open up to you and you to him and your mom was like “marry this boy”
  • sometimes you’d fall asleep by your mom’s side and he’d gently shake you to wake you up and you’d be super groggy and your hair would be all tangled and daniel would just laugh bc you look so cute
  • even after your mom was released from the hospital, you’d join him sometimes when he would spend time with the children in the hospital and you’d be amazed at how well he gets along with them
  • all the kids love him and would start making fun of you two
  • “are you guys getting married soon?”
  • “when will you kiss??”
  • “daniel do you like y/n?”
  • lots of blushing on both parts 
  • “yeah i do” daniel gave you a really small peck on your cheek making all of the kids squeal
  • “you better not be kidding kang daniel because i like you too”
  • daniel would just have a smug smile on his face and would put his arm around your shoulders pulling you closer to him
  • you would go out on dates after volunteering at the hospital to get ice cream
  • in fact your first kiss was when you two were just talking about random things when daniel noticed a bit of ice cream on your lip and leaned down and kissed you
  • “mmm, strawberry” he would give you a giant smile while you were blushing super hard
  • would also go on lots of dates to the animal shelter admiring all of the cats
  • you found a small cat that’s the runt of it’s litter and both of you fell in love
  • and when you smiled and talked about how you wished you could adopt it with daniel one day daniel began to imagine his future with you and how amazing and fun it would be

Originally posted by kngdaniel

{Reaction} EXO finding out they weren't your original bias

Hello! I love your blog soooooo much and I literally just went through your whole master list on EXO and am about to go to the next group lmao so I was wondering if you could do an EXO imagine where they get jealous cuz their weren’t your first bias in the group? Thanks!💖

Note: I made this kind of short because I didn’t want to repeat myself since it’s all quite similar for each member. I hope you still enjoy it though! 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the gifs/ images used. 

Park Chanyeol

Originally posted by porkdo-bi

Chanyeol: “Are you kidding me right now? I am the face of EXO, how can you not stan this?”


Do Kyungsoo/ D.O.

Originally posted by veriloquentmind

Kyungsoo: “I guess I can see why you’d prefer Minseok, he is a lot better than me at things” *Sheepish - kind of dissapointed*

{y/n}: *guilty af*


Byun Baekhyun

Originally posted by lobbu-lobbu

Baekhyun: “Are you joshing? I’m cooler than Chen! I’m definitely make a better bias than he does!”

{y/n}: “Yeah, so cool you still call it ‘joshing.’”


Oh Sehun

Originally posted by nicelyjaythan

“I bet you thought you liked Kris but then you saw me and thought wow that’s right, my type” *sassy af*

{y/n}: “Please stop”


Zhang Yixing/ Lay

Originally posted by elaysium

“What does Tao have that I don’t have? I don’t understand Baobei”

{y/n}: *guilty af* how could you do this to this baby? He must be protected


Kim Jongdae/ Chen

Originally posted by luedeer

“Waee~ Why are you like this?”


Kim Minseok/ Xiumin

Originally posted by channieschubbycake

“Your bias was Baekhyun? He’s a literal man child, why would you like him when you could like Daddy?” *smirking*


Huang Zitao/ Tao

Originally posted by lil-duckling

Tao: “Your bias was Suho? Of all members, really? Wow, that’s embarrassing” *salty af*


Kim Junmyeon/ Suho

Originally posted by bemineinseoul

Suho: “You liked brainless?”

{y/n}: “No, I said Baekhyun.”

Suho: “So yeah… brainless.”


Luhan

Originally posted by krismehard

Luhan: “Pfft, why would you like someone like Chanyeol? I’m the manly one, you should have noticed me first.”


Kim Jongin/ Kai

Originally posted by illegalkai

Kai: “You liked Kyungsoo? Aish, that’s hurt my ego”


Wu Yifan/ Kris

Originally posted by krismehard

Kris: “You want to see me cry, don’t you?”

Apparently the person(s) I unfriended on facebook today over their “guns don’t kill people, people do” bullshit are vague-booking about me and surprised why none of our friends in common agree with them.

I mean, wow, it’s almost like they’re spouting nonsensical fear mongering propaganda that would 100% make the Lord Jesus’s head spin like the child in the Exorcist if he heard you saying it. Astounding.

This is my surprised typing by the way. If it reads like scathing sarcasm that’s because it is.

dating hoseok

Originally posted by myloveseokjin

dating hoseok would include:

  • lots of fun and laughter
  • i mean
  • have you seen the guy???
  • he’s the epitome of happiness
  • it’s hard for you not to smile or laugh when you’re around him
  • that’s what attracted you to him in the first place
  • you always thought his personality is too much for you, you’re not that happy or energetic or just excited about anything in general, not as much as he is
  • but you’d slowly fall in love with the way he talks and the way he laughs and the sound of his laughter and you’d realize that you’re becoming more excited about everything just by socializing with him
  • and then one day you’d get into a fight with someone very close and you wouldn’t want to talk about it
  • but he’d notice something’s wrong with you, because he always notices those things
  • he tells himself it’s just because you’re his friend, but deep down, he knows he fell for you a long time ago but he thinks there’s no way someone like you would be interested in him, especially because you’re friends
  • so he’d be content with just being your friend and being around you
  • but then you’d get so sad and he’d just want to make you talk about what’s bothering you so that he could help you
  • but you wouldn’t want to talk about it
  • so he’d crack jokes and get a tiny smile out of you and when he’d see that it’s working, he’d try a lot harder, and that’s when you’d admit to yourself that he’s the only guy who can make you feel that way
  • his energy just pulls everyone in and it’s contagious
  • even when you feel like shit, he manages to make you laugh or at least crack a smile
  • he does dumb things to make you laugh like coming up with funny dance moves or rap lines or songs or he imitates other members dancing until you’re crying from laughter holding your stomach
  • there wouldn’t be that many quiet and chill moments with him
  • but when that would happen, you’d be blissful
  • because hoseok is above all really caring and passionate
  • lying around the sofa with his head resting on your chest as you read your book and he takes a nap was what you would live for while he was away
  • he’d never let a day go by without asking you how your day went, even if he was on another continent busy with work and promos and shoots and practice, he would never forget about you
  • he cares about dancing so much and it pays off, he’s amazing at what he does
  • but hobi always tries to be better
  • so when he comes up with new stuff, he sends you a video to brag or to ask for your opinion
  • because your opinion matters to him, even on things he knows a lot more about than you do
  • he secretly lives for your compliments
  • he’s literal sunshine and all that but he’s a bit insecure
  • he feels like he doesn’t get as much love and attention from the audience, and a lot of times he gets sad thinking about it
  • because he works so hard and he tries so hard to outdo himself, to put on the best performance he ever did, just to make people happy
  • but he feels like he doesn’t manage to do that often
  • that’s the thing that gets him down - he’s always so happy and energetic and playful and he’s trying to make other people happy, too, but he feels like he doesn’t manage to do that
  • he often feels like he’s in his friends’ shadows, but not in an envious way
  • oh no, he loves his friends and he loves the fact they are praised for their hard work and talent
  • and you know all that and it breaks your heart when you see someone disrespecting him or saying mean things about him or doubting his talent
  • you never get why someone would do that, he’s the best person ever ??? he’s everything you ever wanted in a guy and more and you’d hate seeing him insecure
  • seeing hoseok cry would break your heart because it’s so different from what he really is and you’d know he must be really hurt if he were crying and you’d just want to protect him from whatever is making him feel that way, and you’d always end up crying when he cried just because you’d be so angry that somebody made him feel bad about himself when he’s the best person you know
  • god forbid someone said something like that to you in person, you’re usually calm and collected, but all hell would break loose if you heard someone talking shit about your hobi
  • he doesn’t let a day go by without asking about your day, and you don’t let a day go by without telling him how much you love him for what he really is
  • not for what jung hoseok aka jhope, bts member is, but for what he is as a person
  • a smart, funny, talented, beautiful, caring, hardworking individual !!!! who appreciates everyone for what they are and what they do !!!! and always tries to make everyone feel better !!!
  • you praise him all the time and he always gets shy when you do and he tells you to stop as he blushes and giggles nervously and makes dumb jokes, but you know he secretly loves it and that your compliments make his day
  • when you compliment him, he says things like
  • “are you saying that just to get me in bed? cause it’s working”
  • “thanks, but you’re still not getting free tour tickets”
  • he tries to laugh it off, but he’s actually enjoying it so much
  • he feels like you’re the only person that really gets him and appreciates him
  • but you know that’s not true because literally everyone he knows loves him
  • and also millions of people he has never met adore him
  • but since he’s so positive and outgoing, it breaks his heart to see even one hateful comment, he can’t understand why someone would say such a thing, because he would never in a million years treat someone like that
  • but you’d love your hobi so much that he’d just know it, and he’d gain a lot more confidence because he had you, he wouldn’t feel like he’s in anyone’s shadow
  • spending time away from you would kill him
  • but you’d always find ways to talk to him, even if it only meant texting, and he’d always make time for that
  • “i think i did so well today, i can’t wait for you to see what we filmed !!”
  • “taehyung got fucking lost, can you believe what an idiot he is… i felt so sorry for him, though”
  • “did you see the reaction to yoongi’s mixtape??!?!?! i’m so proud of him”
  • “oh and i love you”
  • “i thought about you all day today, i can’t wait to finally see you”
  • “don’t make plans for friday night, i have everything planned”
  • “wow, that picture………………… let’s just say its HARD not to think about it”
  • “what did i ever do to deserve you !?”
  • “good luck with your exam today, you’re the smartest person i know, there’s no doubt in my mind you’ll pass”
  • “and if you fail, i’ll be home waiting with food”
  • “i was sad today, but then you texted and i remembered i’m the luckiest guy on this planet”
  • i think life with hoseok would be so much fun because he’s so energetic
  • he’s the type of guy who’d burst out in laughter during sex and you’d be all concerned as to why he’s laughing and it would be something stupid like 
  • “i just saw the face I was making in the mirror, how do you not laugh at me while we do this, it’s beyond me”
  • but he’s also very loving and caring, so you’d just be happy all the time
  • and even if you weren’t, his presence would make everything better
  • just seeing him would make your heart beat faster, let alone hearing his laughter
  • with time, you’d just keep falling more and more in love with hoseok
  • and you’d thank god every day for having such a sweet nice guy in your life
  • brb still crying about his flower costume thing today

A guide to :nth-child 

This is a pseudo-class that I end up using a lot, so I decided to share how to use it and how I incorporate it in my themes! 

Let’s start off by explaining what a pseudo-class is. A pseudo-class is something you add to a selector to style it for a specific state. :hover is probably the one I see the most, which is used to style an element when the mouse hovers over it.

:nth-child and its related classes (nth-of-type, first-child, last-child, etc), let you style an element based on its order. This is especially useful for styling lists. This is also how I positioned the individual posts for my honeycomb theme

Here’s how to use it!

Let’s say we want to take this list:

<article>
           <li> one </li>
           <li> two </li>
           <li> three </li>
           <li> four </li>
           <li> five </l>

</article>

and make only the second item have a blue background.

After the css for the list, we would add new styling for li:nth-child(2), which will look like this:

li {
   padding: 8px;
   font-family: Helvetica;
}    

li:nth-child(2) {
   background: cornflowerblue; /* this is just one of my favorite blues*/

}

the results:

Now we can do the same for any number in the list too, like :nth-child(3) would be the third item, and :nth-child(4) would be the fourth. If we wanted to do the first or last item, a better option would be :first-child and :last-child

Using formulas

If you wanted to make every third item blue, you would use :nth-child(3n).

so changing the CSS to this (and adding another list item in the html)

li:nth-child(3n) {
   background: cornflowerblue;

}

will look like this:

More formula examples and explanations under the cut!

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi there! Wanted to let you know I adore your work and that you've actually made me love Humanformers, which I hadn't even liked before stumbling upon your gorgeous blog. Also, I have a question: would you mind if I used one of your drawings as my phone's wallpaper? Pretty please! Also, I'd love it if you could draw Racer Dads taking care of a hurt Raf or KOBB after a falling out making up? Dunno why so dark and I guess you may not like the idea, so it's cool if you don't wanna. Love you!

Wow thank you that’s really awesome. I’m touched to hear i’ve had that type of an impact,thank you! 
And yes of course you can use, i’ve got nothing against that. Just really amazing to hear you like some pic that much,thanks.
And sure i can do that but i’ll add a personal little lighter tone if that’s ok

(Translation) Rouge et Noir vol. 3 + Tokuten

(R18!! Please proceed only if you’re above 18!)

CV. Furukawa Makoto


T/N: commissioned!! ok to be honest this cd is such a Ride, like i hate it at first?? but then i like it?? and when the Good Engrish comes i hate it again?? and then there comes the parts in the cd when the plot finally uncovers and im like!! wow i love this cd, everything about this series makes sense now!! like bruh, im so conflicted, should i love it or hate it? the whole cd just makes me feel like:

I mean voice-wise he’s not my type since it’s so…daddy lmao but ngl this is one of the best-crafted smutty cd series, except for the fact that mc is always a rookie… like why. WHY would you send a NEWBIE…for an undercover operation…. against a highly dangerous man, to boot. chief suou what the heckie r u thinking!? lmao.

wait was that a spoiler?? ………

ok just…listen to the cd first then… i’ll…meet y’all at the end of the post.

(also, there are a lot of literature/history/medical/alcohol names references that i might have mistaken so feel free to correct me.)

Keep reading

My TA

For the August Prompt EventOops, I accidentally slept with my TA.”



You don’t remember exactly how it happened. You were at a fraternity party, and college fraternity parties meant alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Honestly, you weren’t the type to be partying all night. You weren’t a drinker. You didn’t like tightly packed spaces. But it was your first year in college, you were dragged into this fraternity and now forced to be here for the party.

Keep reading

Oh, how would the guys react if someone came up and started flirting/hitting on them? While they were on a date with their S/O?

Get ready for some awkward encounters indeed

Korekiyo Shinguuji

  • The two of you were having a nice time together in a bookstore
  • While you were browsing, a man you’d never seen before angled up to your boyfriend and got right up into his personal space
  • “Well you’re an odd-looking guy, but you’re still hot as hell. Let’s get to know each other…” His sly grin was almost insulting.
  • Shinguuji slowly turned to face the man, whose face went from confident cockiness to abject horror in an instant. 
  • Shinguuji’s face, on the other hand, was full of such murderous intent it seemed to emulate a dark aura that swept through the entire store.
  • The man felt mortal terror for the first time in his life.
  • “Uh… n-nevermind, then! S-Sorry!”
  • And thus, he took off, leaving you both behind.
  • When Shinguuji turns back to you, his face is perfectly calm. “Shall we move on?”
  • You stifle a laugh.The poor dude never stood a chance.

Rantarou Amami

  • It was supposed to be a simple date to grab some crepes, but out of nowhere…
  • The girl standing behind the two of you in line asked for Amami’s phone number!
  • While the two of you were holding hands!
  • He politely declines, but she insists that he hands it over, so -
  • Amami, smiling as sweetly and serenely as ever, leans closer to you and kisses your cheek. 
  • The girl is a bit shaken but puffs herself up and presses on. “You’d be better off with -”
  • Amami doesn’t even let her finish that sentence.
  • “Sorry, but I have no interest in rude, pushy people like you. Maybe next time, before you insult other people, you should take a look at the glass house you’re standing in.”
  • Amami’s savage words and seemingly innocent smile land the finishing blow… the girl flips him off before stomping out of the store.
  • Amami looks at you expectantly, seemingly asking, ‘did I do good??!’
  • You just roll your eyes and step up to order
  • (He sees you smiling, though).

Kokichi Ouma

  • When a random guy came up to Ouma and asked for his number, you were flustered and about to object
  • Before you could, Ouma grabbed the phone out of the guy’s hands
  • “Oooooh, yeah, great! I would just looooove to hear from you!!” he said, smiling innocently as he handed the phone back.
  • What.
  • “Ohh, that’s awesome! My name’s-”
  • “Can’t talk now, sorry! Bye-bye now!” Ouma hurriedly shooed him away. 
  • “Why the heck would you give him your number??”
  • Ouma giggles. “Oh, I didn’t. Don’t worry. He’ll be in for a fun surprise!”
  • Ouma refused to tell you what he did exactly, but knowing him, you were sure it wasn’t anything good.
  • Later on, the guy who asked for Ouma’s number received a “Dice” virus on his phone, which then transferred to his computer, rendering both useless.
  • All in a day’s work for Ouma.

Shuuichi Saihara

  • Saihara’s surprised by their forwardness.
  • Out of everyone here, they chose to ask him out?
  • Disregarding the unknown variables that led to him being asked out, there was also the fact that he was sitting right next to you. On a date. With you.
  • Maybe he should make it more clear that the two of you are together..?
  • After a pause, Saihara reached over and held your hand.
  • “Um… come on, let’s finish out our date at home, okay?” He said to you, shying away from the person standing in front of him.
  • The two of you walked away hand-in-hand
  • You couldn’t help but giggle.
  • “Wow, I’m glad that’s not how you reacted when I asked you out.”
  • Saihara laughed weakly. “Yeah… let’s talk about something else.”

Kaito Momota

  • The two of you were stuck on a ride with four other people. It had been a fun day at the amusement park, and Momota was telling you all about the kind of “rides” astronauts-in-training would use.
  • One of the women across from you interrupted Momota all of a sudden. “Wow, are you an astronaut? That’s amazing! You seem like the kind of guy anyone would be lucky to have!”
  • “Uhh…. okay,” was all he said.
  • “Why don’t you come sit with me?” she continued. “I’m single, by the way. And you’re just my type.”
  • Momota was a bit ticked off by this. “Sorry, I don’t think so. See, I’m taken, by the way. And you’re not my type.” He gestured to you. “They are,”
  • The woman was struck silent, and that was that. 
  • Momota returned to your conversation. This time, though, he kept his arm wrapped around you. And he didn’t move it until you were able to exit the ride.

Kiibo

  • “Hey, good-lookin’… Can I have your number?”
  • Kiibo stared blankly at the woman who’d asked him that - totally unprepared for her question. Then he shook his head firmly.
  • “….I apologize. I do not know you. Good-bye.” He then walked right past her, pulling you along and unintentionally snubbing the woman in question.
  • You start laughing. “Kiibo, that girl was flirting with you. She wanted your number so she could get to know you, not because she already knew you.”
  • “Oh?” Kiibo was unconvinced. “In any case, I would not date anyone other than you. So why should she bother?”
  • You shrug. “Because people only think about themselves sometimes?”
  • “Fair enough.”

Gonta Gokuhara

  • The two of you were at a nice sit-down diner for a casual date. Things were going well, as always, but you noticed that the waitress was trying to hit on your boyfriend the entire time.
  • She would wink at him, speak only to him, ask him if there was ‘anything special she could get just for him’, laugh at almost everything he said, the list went on and on. She even asked to feel the muscles in his arm and gushed about how handsome he was.
  • Honestly you’d be ticked if it wasn’t so hilarious.
  • Because although Gonta was a perfect gentleman to her, he did not give two shits about engaging her in the slightest. He would respond to her politely, and then immediately go back to talking to you. He was focused on you the entire time, and the waitress nearly ran herself ragged trying to get his attention. But he just wouldn’t give it to her.
  • You made sure to take Gonta’s arm as you walked towards the door. The waitress was giving you the evil eye from where she was standing at the front. You only smiled at her in reply.
  • It was a flawless victory in your book, and Gonta was unawares the entire time.

Ryouma Hoshi

  • Some fucko was trying to chat Hoshi up right in front of you
  • He was utterly disinterested, didn’t even reply to them at first, but after they refused to stop…
  • Hoshi stared at them before decisively stating: “I could cleave your head off with one swing.”
  • Well, they didn’t take Hoshi seriously before, but he said it so seriously -
  • They laugh weakly and scurry away.
  • “Pfft- Well, that just happened,” you say.
  • Hoshi just shrugs. He’s used to it by now.

Series: Soulmate au bts and svt
Member: Joshua (svt)
Prompt: Non idol au // Whatever your soulmate writes on their arm will show on yours and vice versa
Find the tag for this series here: x

  • Joshua is a meme I just need to get that out of the way before anything else
  • Gentleman more like gentlememe OKAY ONTO THE AU
  • Joshua had a bit of an interest in drawing pictures at a young age, which meant that you often found yourself covered in doodles and paint and the like 
  • Which sucked because in the first grade because you weren’t allowed to write on your arms because your teacher was really mean so you’d always get in trouble
  • She’d write you one of those cursed pink slips and you’d cry over it and then scribble on your arm all angrily when you got home LMAO 
  • You were a petty 6 year old 
  • But as you grew up and got out of that nasty teacher’s class you didn’t mind so much 
  • You found yourself doodling on your arm back and you guys would wind up making these little pictures together and honestly,, how cute
  • You’re just these little beans drawing monsters and your families on your arms in like red and green markers 
  • And you show your friends like look at what me and soulmate did!! And just hjsfhe SO CUTE MAN
  • As you guys learn to read and write more and all that jazz you write little messages to each other 
  • It’s really nice to talk to him,,, he’d find himself sneaking a night light to talk to you, clutching a book while he waited for you to write him back and a damp washcloth on the bedside table for when it got too crowded with words
  • You guys were dorky little kids together through contacting on your arms, telling each other about your friends and what you wanted to be when you grew up and what you liked to do 
  • Joshua was a big hecking weeb and always talked to you about anime and you found yourself watching some of it just for him lmao 
  • You really like your soulmate,,, you couldn’t help but feel so fortunate to have someone so easy to talk to sharing your bond??? Like yeah maybe romantic feelings hadn’t quite surfaced because you both were so young but you found comfort in the knowledge that you were friends and you could rely on him
  • As you started to hit more middle school age your friends were always gushing over how lucky you were to be able to contact your soulmate whenever you wanted and that he was such a nice person 
  • None of your friends had the same connection with their soulmate as you did,, one had the timer, one had a vast array of lies their soulmate would tell her once they met, another got hurt when theirs did,,, you get the picture
  • None of them had the chance to talk to your soulmate quite the way that you did 
  • When he told you that he played guitar one of them was like omg my sister’s teen novel said that playing guitar was really hot I bet he’s really cute
  • You: psh what no shut up,,, but also keep going what else did this teen novel say about guitar players
  • Joshua started doing little things for you once you guys hit that age 
  • Like he taught himself to do pretty lettering and then you woke up won morning with your name written in this fancy script
  • He did it cause he thought it would make you smile and you bet your ass it did because it was so dorky and cute dsgefhgh
  • You left him little messages on mornings that he had a difficult test and they always made him smile like an idiot
  • One time you left a little emoticon too and Joshua was rekt
  • Seokmin: Why do you keep smiling at your arm like that Jis?
  • Joshua: WHAT NO NOTHING NO REASON PSH 
  • Seokmin: Yeah okay whatever you say :~)
  • Joshua was the first one out of the two of you to catch feelings and he found himself asking what you looked like
  • Which led to the two of you dorky 12 year olds describing yourselves on your arms and he was just waaah they sound so good looking I don’t,,,
  • Save him he’s whipped as early as middle school lmfao 
  • Your late night talks also began to get a bit deeper,, especially with all that Angst tweens seem to carry with them (I know this because I was an emo tween who hung out with other emo tweens at the time)
  • But it’s not like super Edgy™ really
  • It’s you guys talking about your classes and how your friend group is shifting while his is growing,,,
  • It’s about how high school is coming up and how much pressure there’s gonna be on your shoulders once it happens and how they’re already talking about next year you guys are gonna have to take career questionnaires so you can start thinking about what you might want to do 
  • Joshua is a really good listener and he tells you that he’s known you for a long time and he can tell that you’re a very strong person with a good head on your shoulders and he’s sure you’ll make it through all this okay
  • And he reminds you that he’ll be there for you through the messages on your arms as much as he can
  • That, my friends, is when you begin to catch feelings for him 
  • BECAUSE LIKE WOW WHAT A MAN HE’S SO SUPPORTIVE AND KIND AND ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOU??? God bless him 
  • You tell your friends a couple days later and they all give you a look and then they’re just like “ABOUT TIME” 
  • But soon you guys are all giddy and talking about what you should write to him next lmao
  • When high school starts your conversations get a bit,,, flirtier you notice
  • Like you’ll be writing about your day and you might mention a new guy friend that you’ve made and he’s like “You’re not gonna fall for them right??”
  • And you’re like “sdfjeh of course not,,”
  • “Good, you’re only allowed to fall for me <3”
  • GOD JOSHUA THAT WAS GREASY BUT OKAY
  • You have to stop every time he flirts with you because wow that’s got you feelin some type of way okay 
  • Eventually you both wind up getting cell phones which makes communication between the two of you MUCH easier 
  • Plus there’s the added bonus of a face to the name and conversations
  • One time he asks you why you used to just scribble all over your arm in the first grade and you’re like lmao cause I was mad at you
  • Joshua: WHAT
  • You: yeah you used to draw on my arms and it got me in trouble with the teacher so for revenge when I got home I would scribble all over your drawings
  • Joshua apologizes like 300 times because he really had no idea those were getting you in trouble omg,,
  • And you’re like dON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT how could you have know you barely knew how to read the words fire truck back then so I couldn’t exactly tell you,,
  • He uses the XD face still and like that’s so middle school,,, but you can’t bring yourself to tell him,,
  • You just have to hope he’ll figure it out himself or one of his friends will tell him lmao
  • He makes Jeonghan film him playing the guitar upon your request and he looked so soft and sweet and the tune he was strumming sounded so nice and you were like omg is it gonna be a love song,,,
  • No it was an acoustic version of All Star by Smash Mouth
  • G e n t l e m e m e okay sorry
  • DIDN’T TELL YOU HE WAS GONNA GET HIS EARS PIERCED HE JUST DID IT AND SENT YOU A PICTURE 
  • You were like oH MY GOD DID IT HURT and he’s like only a little!!!
  • Starts blushing when you shower him with compliments like he is a soft soft man for you 
  • If you thought that writing on your arms stopped when texting became a thing for you two you are dead wrong
  • You still leave lots of encouraging messages for one another and sometimes little reminders
  • One time when you guys were like 16 or 17 you found him writing his family’s grocery list on his arm and obviously it showed up on your arm too so you started writing random things on there whenever he paused, presumably to keep figuring out what he needed to get
  • You get a text like 30 minutes later like “DID YOU WRITE DONUT POOL INFLATABLE ON MY GROCERY LIST MY MoM SAW THAT-”
  • You’re cracking up laughing like you have absolutely no regrets and you know he probably almost bought it without thinking too lmao
  • When you guys hit your final years of high school you start planning to go to the same college together, wanting that to be where the two of you finally meet 
  • And honestly the summer beforehand is so boring to you like you’re counting down the days to you finally meeting Joshua Hong
  • These days also entail a lot of teasing from your friend and also a lot of flirty texts exchanged with said boy 
  • Out of curiosity one night, you ask what he’s gonna do when he finally first sees you 
  • But he just sends you a freaking wink emoji and goes “You’ll just have to wait and see”
  • For some reason your heart is beating really fast now wow where did that come from um???
  • But the moment is effectively ruined when he sends you a meme with another one of those damn XD faces like JISOO YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW 
  • Your first day of college you’re bouncing in the seat of your car and then you’re super duper chipper as you bring the boxes up to your room and change your sheets and everything and wait for the okay text from Josh cause you know he’s gonna arrive a bit later than you 
  • You’re well into your unpacking process by the time you get it, along with his room number and you find yourself speeding off to a nearby dormitory where Josh was paying a little extra to have a room of his own 
  • And you barely knock more than once before the door is swung open and you’re met with Joshua’s smiling face
  • He’s in a total boyfriend outfit with a black and white sweater and blue jeans, earrings in all his piercings and his hair recently dyed a shade of brown and brushed away from his face
  • You guys look at each other for what feels like a very long time but in reality was probably only like 2 seconds before you’re launching yourself into his arms and he’s laughing out of delight 
  • And he drags you inside and shuts the door and he’s smiling so widely as he hugs you tight to his chest
  • Everything about holding you just feels,,, so right
  • You’re the person he’s been writing notes to and drawing pictures with since he was very small, the person he’s stayed up late to talk to hundreds, if not thousands of times, growing up, the first (and most certainly the last) person he had ever fallen in love with, the person he felt like he knew like the back of his hand despite the fact that this was the first time he’d ever seen your face outside of a screen 
  • The soulmate bond between the two of you always made sense to him, but in this moment, he realized he would never ever be able to doubt why the universe made the two of you soulmates for all of eternity 
  • Because he found it outrageously believable to think that in this life, in all his past ones, and in all his future ones, you were the only one who would have his heart feeling this way 
  • You were the only person who would fit into his arms quite this perfectly, and he was certain that this always had been and always would be the case
  • “I’m so happy to finally see you-” you started to say before you met his eyes, his gaze searching yours and his expression one of seriousness 
  • “Can I kiss you?” ever the gentleman, he was careful to ask before he did so. “I know we just met and everything but all I can think about right now is kissing you.”
  • You feel your cheeks redden because WOW that was awful forward of your Joshie but you nod nonetheless
  • And the first kiss is just perfect
  • It’s not the cheesy fireworks and hunger that has him coming back for more that you always see in the movies
  • It’s familiar and comforting, like this was something you must have done hundreds of times in the past, maybe not necessarily in this life but definitely somewhere in the past
  • It was full of warmth and adoration, and it was like all the waiting to meet him you had to do growing up was worth it just for this one kiss
  • He pulls back with the most affectionate smile and rests his forehead on yours and says “I’d really like to do that more in the future”
  • And you’re smiling back as you take his hands and go “I think I would too”
  • After that you guys are closer than ever
  • You don’t really have anything against jumping into a steady relationship like you guys have crushed on each other for years??
  • But Joshua is just like “NO let me WOO you”
  • And you’re like okay first of all does anyone really still say woo-
  • But you go along with it and it’s really cute,,, like he takes you out on all these cheesy little dates and buys you flowers + chocolates and when you guys attend the last day of the fair he wins you a teddy bear
  • Joshua Hong LIVES to do cheesy romantic gestures
  • Honestly it’s just so fun and it makes you so happy that he’s going to such lengths to show you that he’s gonna treat you right for the rest of your lives
  • He finally asks you to officially start dating when you guys go on a (you guessed it) long walk on the beach and of course what else can you say but yes???
  • You’ve landed yourself the sweetest, kindest boy in the universe like he’s so down to earth despite his grand memehood, treat him
Something Just Like This

Felicity Smoak has had a mini crush on a man she’s never met for years and one day he walks into her office for help.

This is my entry for the Olicity Hiatus Fic-a-Thon prompt - Malfunction.  

No beta so all mistakes are mine. I hope you like! Also available on AO3.


Felicity was terminally single. At least that’s what her mother told her. Donna Smoak meant well but comments like that - well, they didn’t help.


Honestly, Felicity was pretty happy with her single life and it would take a pretty amazing guy to make her change that. It would take someone like Oliver Queen, the local celebrity due to his stint on The Bachelor.  


She laughed herself she had harboured a secret crush on the infamous Oliver Queen since the first time she saw him. He, on the other hand, didn’t know she existed so progress in that situation was never going to happen.

Keep reading

I like how the Anti-Reylo people are usually against Reylo because it is “not healthy” and it is “abusive”. Acting like they are saints because they ship “healthy” ships and speak up against what they think are “unhealthy” ships. But then they are ATTACKING and speaking horribly of the people who do ship Reylo. Like, c’mon.  

Are we affecting you by shipping Reylo? Nope. 

I have never spoke out on a ship because I personally didn’t like it, or attacked the people who ship a ship that I see has flaws. Because:

A. Not my business

B. It’s not affecting me

C. It’s fucking rude

I don’t see why someone ships something.

 *shrugs* 

Moves on.

Why are you wasting your energy on harassing people who ship something you don’t? Do you think that’s going to change peoples perspectives of their ship? Because if not then why? Just to be an asshole?

 I have seen people, including me, start to feel like shit for shipping something. That is not fair. 

I have even been attacked for something I shipped before so heavily that I started having a panic attack (no stranger to me) and crying, it’s not fun.

  (╯◕_◕)╯ 彡┻━┻

I’m gonna touch on the main point’s Anti’s bring up so I can state my opinions. (that no one asked for.) (oh well.)

Let’s start with “Ew incest”

I’m really not gonna get into this one because, personally, I find it quite silly. For one, it has not even been confirmed that Rey is related to Kylo. We have no clue who Rey’s family is entirely so immediately assuming that they are family is just a reach so Anti’s have something to throw at us tbqh. I can’t speak on everyone’s behalf, but personally if Rey and Kylo are related- I would not ship them. I do not ship family member’s together like some people do. Which, I’m not going to attack anyone who doe’s because that’s not my business. I just personally could never do that because it makes me uncomfy.

Next topic “You’re a pedophile.”

Okay, first of all. 

whAT?

Honey, I know someone irl who married someone 16 years older than them. Does that make the older person a pedophile? Because Rey is a young adult, who is also mature from what we have seen (Her parent’s left her so she obviously had to grow up pretty fast. Sadly.) and Kylo is 29-30. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s just me but in my head it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Seeing as if Kylo is 29, then when he is 30, Rey will be 20 and that’s a ten year age gap. ❗ AND IT DOES NOT MAKE ME A PEDOPHILE ❗ 

Also, their age gap is LITERALLY the same age gap between Han and Leia. So if you have an issue with Reylo, don’t contradict yourself.

Abusive

Yup, that usually happens between people on opposite side’s of the team. Keep in mind that Kylo treated Rey completely different than he did with Poe, he could have hurt her severely like he did with Poe who was tortured basically for the information he had. Yes, he invaded her thoughts- again- opposite sides. Needed the information. 

The fight scene he fought Finn extremely forcefully, punching at his side to become stronger, punching Finn in the face. Take note of the fact he did not do that with Rey. He was hesitant until he realized she was going to kill him if he did not fight back, and obviously he did not want to die. So he was protecting himself. He also knocked Rey back into a tree, only when she raised a gun to shoot him.

Try telling me that if someone raised a gun at you, you wouldn’t do the same LMAO.

People who ship Reylo are not stupid (most of us), we know that Kylo isnt a good guy. But he isn’t all bad. (which is shown through novelization and his facial expression.) 

Personally if they give Kylo Ren his redemption arc that is perfectly set up, I would ship Reylo more than I already do (which is crazy because I already ship them so much.). 

Lastly I’m gonna be speaking on the racist comments that get thrown at Reylo shippers.

I actually don’t understand how to talk about this because, for one I am not racist and don’t know why people like saying it. “You don’t ship Rey and Finn? You’re racist.”

Uhm, funny, but inaccurate. 

I think Rey and Finn are extremely adorable. But I shipped Rey and Kylo right from the interrogation scene because my gut told me something was up. My gut told me “Something is gonna happen with them. Why is he treating her differently?” 

The fact I shipped them so early on completely clouded any other ship from the movie. 

Actually no, I do ship Stormpilot. ALOT actually. So all I really noticed was Reylo interactions and the Stormpilot hug and “Keep it. It suits you.”

I also have seen Anti’s call Reylo’s Misogynists? 

Don’t know what that’s about.

Also been called a rape romanticist.

Which, i don’t know if I missed something. But nothing rapey happened in The Force Awakens. Unless I am oblivious. But either way, I don’t appreciate being called a RAPE ROMANTICIST. whAT THE FUCK. Get out of here with that shit oml.

UPDATE: I have been informed that going into Rey’s mind was the ‘rapey’ aspect of the movie. I would just like to say, did not find that romantic LOL.

Anyways I just typed for like an hour so, I am probably gonna get attacked.

Another update: Someone reblogged this and said:

Stupid racist: writes long, dumbass racist rant. 

Stupid racist: I’m not racist ! Stormpilot!

(the rest I can’t see because I was promptly blocked.)

AND THEN they leave another then that say’s “How white of you.”

Wow. Humans are amazing.

I wasn’t saying I shipped Stormpilot just so it would seem like I’m not racist?? I was saying I shipped Stormpilot because I was touching on how I was feeling during the movie.

I don’t know why people always feel the need to point out people’s skin colors like? Thank’s for making me hate myself more though LOL I appreciate it.

Also I would like to say that, I don’t know how this whole thing was racist when I literally was speaking about Rey and Kylo most of the time. But, okay.

(Don’t know why they resorted to being horribly rude to me when no where in this post I spoke like that about anyone.)

Anti’s why can’t we just get along*. I’m a Hufflepuff who like’s reading, eating and crying. 


      XOXO Reylo trash 

BTS reaction to someone attractive at a fansign

A/N: I’m sorry this is so short I wasn’t really sure how to expand on this.

Yoongi/Suga: He’s not really the type to get flustered like if you were really flustered he’d smile and compliment you maybe, Min Yoongi is a really cool guy, you’re probably the one getting flustered if I’m completely honest. He also remembers fans really well so you can sure as hell bet that not only is he gonna remember you he’s also gonna remember your name. 

Seokjin/Jin: Also going to be pretty normal about it. Might flirt a little like he’d maybe tell a cheesy joke or something to try to get you to laugh. He’d definitely tell you that you were pretty. From his point of view he’s got nothing to lose, he knows that you already like them. Would maybe ask you who your bias was. 

Hoseok/J-Hope: Sunshine is gonna talk to you a lot more than normal like he’s always really fun but he’s gonna try to be just a little more fun so you’ll remember him out of the group. Would also ask you who your bias was, secretly hoping that it was him. 

Namjoon/Rap Mon: He king of being cool but at the same time I feel like he’d be really flustered? Like okay maybe not REALLY flustered but man is going to stammer a bit maybe as he’s talking to you because wow look at those visuals??? Would honestly want to ask you a lot but wouldn’t be able to think straight enough to actually get it out? Am I making him too nervous? I feel like he would be though? Nams seems like the type to wonder if pretty people are out of his league and that’s why he might be so nervous. 

Jimin: Also gonna be a bit flustered but in a cuter giggly way. Like he’s laughing way too much why is he laughing so much? Why am I making Jimin a nervous giggler I don’t know he laughs a lot I can see him being a nervous giggler. The type to like fantasize about conversations with you long after the fanmeet. Would barely have any conversation with you during the fanmeet because he’s not sure what to ask you other than the basic questions that he asks everyone. Is gonna really hope that you come back to another fanmeet tbh. 

Taehyung/V: He gon flirt. Like Taehyung isn’t that shy like he’s very straightforward in my opinion so he seems the type to unabashedly tell you that you’re really pretty. Again he has nothing to lose, he KNOWS that you like him or at least his group so he’s not gonna hold back. If he’s your bias then he’s probably gonna full on flirt with you like he’s wishing he could get your number or something but he’s not sure if you’d keep his number a secret, good looks doesn’t mean good person but dang those good looks. 

Jungkook: He’s gonna stare. Like he’s really gonna stare. You guys have all seen those fancams like he’s the type to just admire the pretty ones even if they aren’t in front of him. He just gets that dazed look in his eyes like wow you’re beautiful oh my god and he’s not really gonna do anything because he realizes that he’s an idol and you’re a fan and he’s gotta be professional but he’s just going to make the most of the time that he does have and he’s gonna stare. 

17 Questions About OCs

1. How many characters have you created?
2. Have you created characters for a fandom? If so, which one/ones?
3. What is the most important thing, to you, about creating a character?
4. Have you created content featuring your character?
5. What do you like most about a character you’ve created?
6. Has anyone else created content featuring your character?
7. What are your characters, to you?
8. What’s your favorite type of character to create/write for?
9. What’s the first thing you work on when you create your characters?
10. Have you created a character or type of character that you are now ashamed of?
11. What are the major inspirations you draw from for your characters?
12. Do you have a type of character you simply cannot or don’t want to create?
13. Do you really like someone else’s character? If so, why?
14. Do you change your character based off of your own change in mindset?
15. What character type do you want to see more of?
16. What’s an idea for a character you had, that never became more than an idea?
17. If someone wanted to direct a movie involving your OCs, would you let them?