but without the text

  • some asshole: “Why do you even like that character?”
  • me: “Because they’re a great character.”
  • asshole: “But they’ve done so many shitty and problematic things, you can’t just excuse-”
  • me: “I said a GREAT CHARACTER not a GOOD PERSON you imaginationless wet napkin, this character is an asshole and a human disaster who deserves everything coming to them but they c a n s t i l l b e m y f a v o r i t e”

Duke, just starting working with the batfam: wait jason how the hell didn’t you know this super important pop culture reference.. were you living under a rock or something?

every single other batfam member: oh no

jason, wrapping his arm around duke’s shoulders: well young duke, now that you mention it, I did kind of live under a rock for a while, six feet underground actually,

Allura: Don’t push me. As a princess, I’m well-versed in politics. I’ve honed my ability to zero in on a person’s greatest insecurity. 

Lance: Oh, I’m real scared, Allura. Whatcha gonna do?

Allura: Eyebrows. (walks aways)

Keith: Eyebrows? Like that’s gonna make you…

Lance: 

Falling

“I put Veritaserum in the wine,” Malfoy said, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief. So that was why every time he looked into those grey eyes Harry felt like spilling all of his deepest secrets. Wanted to bare his soul. Wished for nothing more than to confess his innermost passions and accept whatever happened as a result.

Harry supposed he should be a bit more upset about being dosed with Veritaserum without his consent, but the imminent culmination of the tension that had been building between him and Malfoy for months was a prospect too sweet to be ruined. He’d always felt a bit like he was balancing on the very edge of a cliff above the sea in a storm whenever Malfoy was around, and the idea of finally just leaning back and letting himself fall somehow made him feel more relaxed than he had probably ever been in the other man’s presence. 

“So, Potter, let’s play a game.”

“Did you dose yourself as well?”

Malfoy smirked. “It would hardly be sporting not to. Tell me, why did you invite me here?”

The answer rose automatically from somewhere deep inside Harry, up his throat, and to his lips. Harry reveled in the fact that he didn’t even need to attempt to stop it. “I wanted to eat with you.”

“But why invite me here, to your house?”

That was easy. “I wanted to see you in my kitchen.”

Malfoy’s smile was predatory. “Why did you want me in your kitchen?”

“I thought you would look good here.” Harry had thought that might be enough to satisfy the potion, but he couldn’t stop himself from continuing. “I didn’t just want you in the kitchen. I wanted you everywhere. Every room.”

Harry swallowed. His heart was pounding so heard he thought that if he could be bothered to look down and away from Malfoy’s eyes, he might be able to see his chest actually moving with the rhythm. And yet he was somehow still incredibly relaxed. Falling off a cliff, feeling the rush of adrenaline, and he couldn’t be more content.

“Did you fantasize about me here, Potter?” Malfoy’s breathing was harsh and his eyes were hungry, and Harry considered for a brief moment that Malfoy might be falling– no, jumping– off a cliff as well. 

But then Harry stopped thinking. He didn’t have to think. Just answer. Just fall. “Yes.”

“What did you fantasize about?”

Harry inhaled. There were too many. “Everything. Fucking you.”

Malfoy stood. Harry had a brief moment of panic that he was going to leave now, but Malfoy only walked around the table so that he was standing beside Harry’s chair. He reached up and trailed a single finger softly along Harry’s jawline. Harry focused on the touch and felt himself relaxing again. Falling again.

“Do you still want to fuck me in your kitchen?”

“Yes,” Harry replied immediately, and then felt his breath hitch belatedly.

Malfoy swung a leg over Harry’s own and settled on his lap. Harry was hard and aching and his hands shook when he gripped Malfoy’s waist, but he was still falling and he didn’t think he’d ever been so calm in his life. This was happening.

Malfoy leaned in close and flicked the tip of his tongue gently over Harry’s earlobe. “Your turn to ask me something, Potter,” he whispered. “This is supposed to be a game, remember?”

“Yeah,” Harry breathed. “Why…” Had his voice always sounded this rough? “Why did you dose me with Veritaserum?” 

Malfoy pulled back from where he had been nipping lightly at Harry’s ear and Harry watched his face spread into a wide grin as if in slow motion.

“Oh, very good question.” Malfoy paused. “I didn’t,” he said, and then leaned in for a kiss.

Harry vaguely thought he should perhaps be a bit more upset about not being dosed with Veritaserum without his consent after all, but it was too late. He was already falling.

hunk: hey keith i’m making cookies and they’re done baking, can you take them out of the oven?

keith: yeah sure. [opens up the oven]

hunk: wait wait - WEAR OVEN MITTS-

keith: [touches the pan with his bare hands] FUCK

hunk: I TOLD YOU-

keith: [cradling his burned hand] HOW COULD YOU LET ME DO THAT-

hunk: I DIDN’T-

keith: [crying] I TRUSTED YOU!