I Don’t Love You Anymore (pt. 2)
You can find part 1 right here –> I Don’t Love You Anymore Pt. 1
I’m writing this note because I don’t have the balls to say this to your face. The reason I’ve been acting like a douche these past few weeks is because, well, at first, I thought it was just stress but, for awhile now, I haven’t felt anything with you. Each kiss, touch, laugh and word we shared has felt dead to me. I’m sorry y/n, I really am but I just don’t love you anymore. Please, find it in your heart to forgive me.
I read the painful words over and over again, each time praying that this is a sick and twisted drawn out April Fools joke he’s playing on me; maybe Mikey put him up to it. But as the minutes pass, I come to the bitter reality that he meant what he said, he doesn’t love me anymore. Is it really a surprise? I mean, all the signs were there. He stopped our morning and nighty-night cuddles, claimed he was sore from working out so much. No longer gave me his warm and soft pecks before he or I left work, it was always, “I really gotta go” or “Go, y/n your gonna be late.” He completely stopped all intimacy between us, and not just physically but mentally, he didn’t talk anymore, nor did he want to listen. So no, it’s not a surprise but it still hurts like hell. I get out the bed and walk over into the closest grabbing another shirt of his and placing it on his side of the bed as I snuggle up next to it and cry myself to sleep.
Six Weeks Later
I’m in the grocery store humming along to Tim McGraw’s “Shotgun Rider,” while debating if I want salmon or tilapia for dinner when a familiar and comforting voice behind me says, “You’ve always had a beautiful voice, it’s a shame that you never considered putting it to work.” I turn around and none other than Ashton Irwin is standing there giving me his award winning smile walking towards me. “Oh please,” I say dismissing the thought. “I’m serious, y/n, we could’ve used you in our band,” he admits as he gets closer. “Then you’d actually be five seconds of summer,” I joke as he laughs and his smile warms up my day. Gosh, I forgot how perfect he was. He looks good, his hair is cut nice, muscles seeping through his shirt. “A picture lasts longer babe,” he smirks while finally coming face to face with me. I chuckle softly at his cockiness, “How have you been, Irwin?” I ask sincerely wanting to know how my best friend’s been the past few weeks with the stress of making an album. “Seems like I should be asking you that same question,” he says back and a seriousness falls upon us as I realize what he means. I clear my throat as a shift to the other foot, a little uncomfortable, “I-I’m good. I’ve been fine.” “Really?” he asks not buying it as he senses my whole attitude change. “Yeah I’ve been just focusing on school and wo–
I’m cut off by a sudden warmth that wraps around me and I realize that warmness is coming from Ash. Me and Ashton have always had a great relationship, sometimes I felt he understood me better than Calum, maybe it’s because he’s older. I could always have deep and intellectual conversations with him, something I could never do with Calum. We always understood each other; there were countless long nights of personal thoughts, feelings and blissful moments being shared over Chinese takeout or bowls of ice cream, especially the last weeks before Calum broke up with me.
One Week Before Breakup
“Ash, if I ask you a question, will you be completely honest with me?” I ask as I take a bite of my sesame chicken. “Of course, y/n, you know that. What’s up?” he asks and takes a long swig of his beer. I poke at my chicken, still wondering if I’m a bad girlfriend for even considering this thought, I mean I should trust my boyfriend right? I eat another piece of chicken as I take the beer out his hands and finish it making that my 4th one that night. “Okay, y/n, you only drink this much when we’re celebrating, which we’re not or if somethings really bothering you,” he says pausing the TV. I continue poking at my chicken and Ashton pulls the food off my lap and sets it on the bed side table as he makes me face him. “Y/n, talk to me, love,” he says softly as he lifts my chin forcing me to look in his eyes. “Do you–Is Calum seeing someone else?” I blurt out as tears begin to fill my eyes. The thought of Calum cheating didn’t seem real until I actually said it. “What?!” Ashton gasps, “Why would you think that?”
“Well, we’re growing really distant, ya know? He doesn’t want to cuddle anymore, doesn’t want kiss or touch me, it takes so much for me just to get him to tell me how his day went, which is only a grumbled out, “fine.” And all that has got me thinking that maybe, there’s someone else,” I admit to him. I can see Ashton getting upset at hearing the way his best friend has been treating me. “I’ll talk him,” is all he says before he reaches his phone. “No! Ash, please don’t. Its only gonna create more problems between us, just stay out if it,” I desperately say as I snatch his phone out his hand. “Well, I’m not gonna let him treat you like shit and let him think its okay,” he snaps back at me reaching for his phone. “Ashton, you can’t talk to him about this!” I scream as I hop off his bed, “Why not Y/N?! What’s the big deal?” he asks. “Tell me Ashton, how would you feel if your girlfriend went talking to Luke, for instance, about problems she’s having with you?” I ask him. “I’d be pissed,” he says immediately. “Exactly,” I say back, “He can’t know I’ve been telling you these things. Especially now, he’s so irritable. Our relationship is at a fragile point and any sort of pressure will crash it,” I admit as I flop back on his bed. His face softens as he whispers, “Sorry, love I know–”
“Is it me?” I interrupt, “Am I not pretty enough? Is it because I’m always talking about school and the future? Does that scare him? Am I too boring because I’d prefer to stay in than go out and party? Does he not want me?” I ask as the tears fill my eyes again and they freely fall down my face. “Hey, y/n listen to me,” Ashton says softly, “You are a beautiful woman. You are so intelligent, funny and talented. I mean what normal person, double majors in sociology and philosophy while minoring in Spanish and working two jobs, you’re frickin’ superwoman,” he exclaims making me laugh. “And oh my goodness, that gorgeous smile. Y/n you literally walk in a room and it lights up, you make everything brighter. And you know what else?” he asks wiping away the tears from my face. “You have the most beautiful soul. You have a such a great heart y/n, you’re so selfless, my goodness, I love you.” My eyes widen as I feel that he didn’t mean love as in best friends but love as in lovers. We stay like that for a while just staring into each other’s eyes and as each moment passes I realize which love he meant and I realize that maybe I too feel that way. Not once had Calum ever expressed his love for me in the words my best friend just had. “Ash, I-” “Shhh,” he says softly as he brings his hands to the sides of my face. “Ashton, we can’t,” I say bringing my hands to wrap around his “I know. But I can’t stop wondering how different it would all be if I’d seen you first,” he says. “Me too,” I admit. The moment is interrupted when the sound of footsteps snaps us from each other’s trance. We immediately sit on our respective sides of the bed and return to eating our food while watching FRIENDS as Mikey bursts in the room yelling, “I’m bored!”
We never got a chance to talk about that night seeing as I blamed our confessions of love on too much beer. We always get super mushy with another after a few beers, a reason why Calum never wanted me to drink alone with Ash. Then the next week Calum broke up with me via, sloppy written note and I’ve ignored and avoided all connections to him, including Ashton. However, my best friend who still loves me, is holding me and I finally relax in to him and for the first time in a while, I
feel comfort, cared for, loved even, simply through his touch. He tightens his grip on me as I wrap my arms around his torso drinking in his scent and embracing the memories that I shared with him. Ashton has always been the only who could completely comfort me, its almost as if he peers into my soul, finds out what’s hurting and says the right things to heal me. I don’t know how long its been as we stand there enjoying one another presence, I mean I haven’t talked to him in six weeks, despite his constant tries. I sigh as a
warming tingly feeling comes over me and I begin to grip on him tighter, almost craving him, which freaks me out as I realize that
my best friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend’s best friend is making me feel weird things as I pull away. “I umm, I should go,” I say as I get ready to push my cart. “Y/n, wait,” he says as he softly grabs my arm, “Can we go grab a coffee?” he asks desperately with pleading eyes. “I don’t know about that Ash,” I say despite my mind saying yes. “Y/n, come on, it’s been six weeks. I miss my best friend,” he says. “You still have Mikey, Luke and uhm, Calum” I say looking down. “Yeah, but there’s someone special still missing,” he says as he lifts my chin up to look at him. “Ashton! What’s taking you so…bloody…long…” a voice that I never thought, nor wanted to hear again says. I watch with big eyes as the guy who tore my heart apart comes in to view. “H-hi y/n,” he says.
A/N: Hey beautifuls! I know I promised it would be posted Friday but it’s 11:39pm on the west coast :p and I live in the midwest so, I use both time zones interchangeably /.\ Anyways, this is part 2, what do yall think? Its okay to message/ask me I promise I don’t bite…hard (was that too corny/played out?) Forreal tho, talk to me! 😊