PSA for victims of sexual assault re-entering into relationships:
It is absolutely your responsibility to co-establish healthy lines of communication and to speak up when you are unhappy with something.
You are not owed sex. Your partner doesn’t owe you anything just as YOU don’t owe them anything either. Sex is about uniting as a couple, not demanding goods for your pleasure/convenience.
“Hey honey, I’m horny. Sex later?”
“No thanks sweetie, I’m tired.”
*during sex* “Ow! This way hurts.”
“Sorry! Let’s do try something else then. ;)”
“I am not sure why, but doing this reminds me of my assault.”
“It’s okay, you can talk it out if you want or do something different.”
If you feel that you are unable to do these things, then you should NOT be entering into a relationship until you can. (Or if you feel unsafe doing this with someone, you may be in a toxic/abusive relationship and should get out of it). Seek therapy, find a support group, read a book: whatever you do, learn about how to establish and maintain healthy relationships. Sexual assault can seriously damage how we view sexuality, so do NOT take this lightly
As fellow victims, @emeraldboreas and I are happily married with loving husbands who communicate with us about everything. But we only got here because we learned about how to care for a relationship and protect our integrity and that of our spouses. Being raped or assaulted doesn’t give us a free pass to avoid healing or to practice unhealthy relationships.