but urrrr

anonymous asked:

//whispering let it get out of hand

(referencing this post)

THANKS FOR ENABLING ME ANON BECAUSE NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT AN AU I CRAFTED IN 20 MINUTES

SEE MICHAEL ISN’T ACTUALLY A SPY!! i like to think he was recruited as a handler after hacking into university files and erasing student loans. he became a bit of a name on the deep web, successfully stealing shitloads of money and distributing it cleverly over various charities, never getting caught. well. almost. 

director Jenna Rolan basically breaks into his shitty apartment flanked by two scary looking beautiful individuals (aka agents Jake and Brooke). apparently he’s been put on a hitlist for being a high profile goodie goodie, and she offers him protection on the condition that he start working for them. Michael, not in the mood to die and kinda in the mood to being an awesome Q, accepts.

so he gets accepted under the handler division of the organization led by Chloe, and he does incredible work alongside other fellow handler Rich and weapons expert/lead equipment engineer Christine. he does a fantastic job yelling in brooke and jake’s ears about what to do while simultaneously hacking into cctv cameras and encrypted connections to keep his agents alive. no, michael didnt expect that hed end up with this job, but he helps put the bad guys behind bars and he does his job WELL.

ENTER JEREMY HEERE. the only son of a wealthy but evil woman looking to sell state secrets/nuclear launch codes/[insert evil thing] to the highest bidder.  suspecting that jeremy might have important intel, they convene at a dinner/auction/[insert thing rich people go to in spy movies]. michael is in a van outside with at least eight screens while brooke and jake are decked out in fancy clothes, shmoozing their way through rich people, until finally, they find jeremy.

it’s a classic honeypot maneuver, simple and straight to the point. or so they thought, because Brooke goes in for the kill only to get stammers and apologies. prepared for this possibility, they send in Jake who michael would gladly sleep with if rich wouldnt kill him, but Jake is turned down.

(“Think he’s ace? Does he ping on your acedar?” Michael asks Christine as he frantically hacks into CCTV, keeping an eye on Jeremy while Brooke and Jake figure out another gameplan.

“Acedar?” Christine says, unimpressed. “He could be. But, do you want my honest, professional opinion?”

“Go for it, Chris,” Chloe says, also on the line. “If we lose him tonight, that’s another month of nothing. Any opinions at this point are essential.”

“He seems–nervous,” Christine says. On Michael’s screen, he sees Jeremy by an extravagant potted plant downing flutes of champagne like it’s nobody’s business. “You know how Brooke and Jake are beautiful but a little intimidating? Yeah. I think he’s nervous.”

“We need this intel now,” Jenna sighs. “Do we have any beautiful, non intimidating agents who can take one for the team?” 

“I have–” Rich says. “An Idea.”)

which ends with Michael in a suit (”Why do we have this?? Why is it perfectly my size??” “You’re the one who always says to have at least seventy backup plans, M.”) tailing after Jeremy at a party thats more expensive than all the money Michael has stolen over the course of his life.

i dont want to go too much into this because then thatd mean id have to just buck up and write a fic, but by the time michael gets to jeremy, the poor kid is hammered. and a crying a little bit. they end up sitting on the floor of this fancy fancy bathroom while jeremy maybe pours his soul out to michael about how this always happens. he Knew brooke and jake were spies because this always happens. it’s always beautiful people who want to sleep with him not because he’s anything, but because his mom is gonna destroy the world. and he’s totally up for thwarting his mom!!! but his self esteem is just shit tonight and he couldnt take it and oh god, michael, im a bad person. im a bad person and i dont matter, really, and nobody would care at all. nobody.

(“Hey,” Michael says. His heart is breaking because Jeremy seems like an great guy stuck in a horrible life. “I’ve only known you for three hours, not including where I pulled up your entire existence from everything you’ve ever done on the internet, but. But I think you’re a good person. I care.”

“No you don’t,” Jeremy sniffles, head pillowed against Michael’s shoulder as he takes a swig from a bottle of champagne, though his nose wrinkles when he remembers that Michael had emptied it and replaced it with water. “You just want the intel. Which, you know what,” he fishes something out of his pocket. A USB. “Here. Take it. It’s what you guys are looking for and more. I’ve been compiling a record of every transaction my mother has made in the past year. Put her away, for fuck’s sake.”

“Shit,” Michael says. Everybody in his earpiece also says it. “Jeremy. Thank you.”

“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Time for you to go now. Go and save the world. Bye, bye.”

“Fuck that, do you have a phone?”)

and thus begins the friendship between jeremy and michael. so much more happens after this, but if i think about THAT. this will get so out of hand im going to need eight hands.

I remembered a weird conversation I had with a lady who called our store when I worked at the red bullseye.

C: Are y'all missing a shopping basket because I found one near my house with your stores logo on it

Me: Urrrr ok? Did you want to return it?

C: Well I wanted to get money for bringing it back

After she said that I asked if I could put her on hold so I could talk to my mod. My manager laughed his ass off because we don’t give money for that kind of stuff.

I went ahead and told the lady that we don’t give money rewards for returning carts. So the lady basically said that she was gonna hold our cart hostage until she gets money for it and hung up. Ma'am we have plenty of carts for people to use, so go ahead and keep it you greedy bitch.

Headache
  • Graves: *laying on the couch, arm over eyes, groaning* Nnng....urrrr.....anggg...
  • Credence: M-Mr. Graves? *shuffles to the side of the couch*
  • Graves: Ur....eng, whaaa...? *groggy, peeks one eye out at Credence*
  • Credence: Are you o-ok, Mr. Graves? *fidgets*
  • Graves: Jus...can...ya...urrrnng...*clinches teeth* jus sit down here...*lazily motions towards part of the couch*
  • Credence: O-okay... *scrambles to sit down, worried slightly*
  • Graves: *shifts up and lays head upon Credence's lap* Better...
  • Credence: *relaxes back into the couch as Graves lays upon his lap, waiting for the headache he has to wane*
  • Graves: Ya...too good for me....urg...ow...
4

Ereri Week 2015 - June 3: Caught in the act of adding sugar to his boss’s tea. There are certain teas that Levi is adamant that Eren not put sugar in, and he can get kind of scary about it but he’s really just an awkward dork.

anonymous asked:

Do you or anybody else know how old David Haydn-Jones is? I'm really curious but it doesn't say on his imdb and stuff

Urrrr I don’t know but it doesn’t matter to me sorry I can’t help!

anonymous asked:

The service companion: *incoherent sputtering from a large white mass of fabric* Urrrr so sweeeeeeet!!!! Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 *wheeze* Has Shiro and Keith gone out for sushi? Would they have the patience for fishing?

YOU’RE SWEET!!!!! <3

YES Keith would love sushi :3c He loves eating fish so he would love sushi too!!! Shiro brings home take out from a sushi place Keith loves sometimes and Keith can smell it from inside the house when Shiro is in the driveway hehe :’3c 

I think they would like fishing too! Shiro is pretty patient and Keith is content to sit and chill as long as he has his Shiro at his side ;w; 

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1) @JackJackJohnson: Come with me
2) nashgrier: CAHxxavNaoadsaaasfajlzlajsgal
3) thedigitour: 😍 @hayesgrier peeking out at is fans yesterday before the show started 😂😂😂 TUCSON, urrrr next! Did you get tix for tmrw?! 👉 theDigitour.com or LINK IN BIO! 😌 #DigiTour #United26Tour #hayesgrier #hayes #grier #viners #baes #goals
4) skatemaloley: I’m in, Santa Monica posted I’m Rollin an L, O V E sour D I’m loving the smell
5) aaroncarpenter: 98
6) crawfordcollins: Office life☕️ w/ @weeklychris @kennyholland @lance210 & @wesleystromberg
7) wesleystromberg: Takin care of business #TheOffice #Squad @weeklychris @kennyholland @crawfordcollins @Lance210
8) weeklychris: ☕️
9) hayesgrier: I love what I do. Photo by @bryant
10) tmmattjr: Throw back to that one time. If you don’t know who that guy is then you have never taken a cold shower while holding down vomit after soaking your living room carpet in your own sweat.

Jack Gilinsky- Best Friends Brother Part 2

THERE IS USE OF WEED IN HERE SO IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN DO NOT READ.

You never wanted the hug to end, but you knew it had to at some point. What made you a little happier was when you felt Jack squeeze you a little closer to him when Johnson and his sister joined the hug. “Thanks guys. Again, sorry I freaked out.” Jack apologized once more, slowly unwrapping his arms from around you. Instantly you feel a lot colder than before, Jack could really produce some heat. (; “It’s okay bro. Sorry you had a rough day.” Y/F/N said coming over and giving Gilinsky a slight pat on the shoulder. He shrugged, “It happens.”

The room fell silent again. Each of you looked around the kitchen, seeing white powder literally everywhere. “This is going to take forever to clean up.” Y/F/N commented. You and Johnson simultaneously ‘mhmed’ at the same time. “Sure is, and I’m not going to help you clean it.” Gilinsky laughed and began walking out of the kitchen. “Aw, c’mon Jack, please help us. It’ll get done a lot faster.” Y/F/N pleaded, making him stop and turn back around. He stared at her with an unhappy face, “Please.” She said again. He let out a long sigh, and his eyes darted to you. You felt a little intimidated under his stare so you directed your eyes to the flower filled floor.

“Fine we’ll help you.” Jack finally agreed, “but on one condition.” Y/F/N groaned , “And what would that condition be Jack?” she asked, a little annoyed. “You guys have to hang out with us for the rest of the night because we have nothing better to do.” Y/F/N looked over at you with a smirk and her eyebrows. Probably thinking about how much she can stare at Johnson all night. You shrugged and looked over to Gilinsky seeing him looking back at you with a small smile on his face. You felt one forming one you face as well so you quickly turned around and grabbed the rag Jack was cleaning his shirt off with earlier. “Deal! Okay let’s get this over with then.” You exclaimed quickly and began wiping off the counter top.

*****After cleaning******

“Okay promise me you guys will never try to cook anything without supervision ever again.” Jack said plopping on the couch and letting out an exhausting sigh. “Bro, we go through this every time. You know they’ll never stop.” Johnson laughed and took a seat next to Gilinsky. “You are very right.” You laughed and sat on the love seat and curled up, attempting to get comfortable. “You are human roly-poly Y/N, I swear.” Johnson teased and everyone began laughed with him, including yourself. You slightly shrugged, “Maybe, but at least I’m comfortable.” You stuck your tongue out at them playfully.

“Comfortable huh?” Gilinsky snickered, stood up and began walking towards you. Before you really had time to respond Jack was already sat on top of you. You didn’t really mind it at all really, but you had to pretend that you didn’t like it so no one assumed anything. “Noooo Jack. Get off.” You fakely whined. You attempted to actually push him off but it was no use, being as he was much more stronger than you. “Okay I give up. You win.” You surrendered. “As usual.” He bragged causing everyone to laugh even harder than seeing your struggle to get Jack off of you.

Y/F/N turned on a movie and everyone seemed to settle down. About 10 minutes into the movie, Jack leaned down towards you, “Do you want me to move? I’m not hurting you right?” he asked. You giggled and shook your head, “Jack, if I you were hurting me I would’ve pushed you off when you weren’t expecting it. And I’m actually pretty comfortable whether or not you want to move is up to you.” You said trying you hardest to keep your cool. Jack was keeping you pretty warm, you were always pretty cold, and the Gilinskys’ house was always kept on the colder side. If anyone was the uncomfortable person in this situation, position wise, it would be Jack since he was sat on your side.

“Do you mind if I stay over here? I don’t want to want to go back over there and watch Johnson and Y/F/N steal glances at each other every so often. It’s gross.” Jack complained standing up and looking at you. You sat up and made as much room as you could for him. He sat down and his warm arms instantly brushed against yours. “Holy shit. You’re like a freezer. I was going to say vampire but they’re usually cold hearted and there’s no way you can be one because you have the warmest heart I know of.” He said grabbing your hand and enveloping it in his hands. They were like heaters, it was amazing. You thought about how smooth and flirty he was being. Not that you minded at all, it is one of the things you admired about him and it sure got your heart running faster than the Nascars in a NASCAR race.

“Let me see your other hand. I don’t mind warming you up.” He chuckled, making your heart skip a beat. You slowly handed him your other hand. It was an odd position but you enjoyed it. You looked over to the couch and saw Y/F/N already passed out. Johnson looked like he was about to fall asleep too. You only just noticed how close they were and if Y/F/N leaned her head in the opposite direction then it would be rested on Johnsons shoulder. That would’ve been adorable.

“Wait, you know about Y/F/N and Johnson?” you asked, remembering what Jack had previously said. He laughed quietly, “Yeah. I’m not dumb. I can see how much they are attracted to each other. Anyone can see it really. The way they look at each other, the way the act around one another, the way they both try to deny it. They might as well have it painted on their foreheads.” Your eyebrows as he finished he had a good point it was true. As happy as it made you feel for them two, it make give butterflies because Jack looked into your eyes the whole time. Not like it was a big deal or anything but Jacks eyes were so swoon worthy and everything about him is just so perfection.

“Y/N?” Jack asked waving one of his hands in front of your face. “Huh? What? Sorry I dazed off for a minute.” You apologized. “Are you tired?” you shook your head, “Not really are you?” He shook his head as well, “Nope. Uhhh,” he looked over to Johnson and Y/F/N to see that Johnson finally fell asleep and Y/F/N must have shifted in her sleep because he head was now lying on Johnsons shoulder. “Do you wanna get high with me?” he asked with a huge smirk on his face. Y/F/N was the only person you’ve smoked with and you were a little afraid to add to that list, but seeing as Jack was pro at it and that he was your best friends brother, he wouldn’t let you do anything to outrageous. “Sure.” “Alright, right this way.”

Jack kept ahold of your hand the whole way to his room and once you reached the destination you were a little upset when he finally let go. “Come in.” he ushered you into the room and patted a spot on his bed, telling you to sit down, which you did. He walked over to his door, shut it then looked at you. He smiled and walked to the bed side. He crouched down and brought out a small box. He opened it and smelled it, a bigger smile forming on his face. He brought it over to you and you smelled it. The all too familiar smell of weed. “Smells good.” You commented earning a chuckle from Jack. He sat next to you on the bed and wrapped an arm around you. You were sure the whole house was shaking your heart was racing so fast. “Of course babe. I get the good stuff.” He whispered in your ear. He pulled back with a smirk, “Now, bong or pipe?” he asked, awaiting you answer.

“Uhhh…um…I…Urrrr….bong.” you managed to stutter out. “Mmm, good choice babe.” He laughed and removed his arm from around you. You don’t really know what Jack was doing exactly, maybe he was intoxicated and was just really good at hiding it. Or maybe Y/F/N told him you had a crush on him and he’s playing around with you. You kept going on about different possibilities, all except the fact that maybe just maybe, he liked you too.

“Y/N? Babe? Hello?” Jack called trying to get you attention. You focused back into the real world again and saw Jack with a bong on his lap, already loaded. “Sorry. I was just thinking.” You said hoping he wouldn’t ask questions. “Well this outta get your mind of things.” He laughed and handed you the bong. “Have you done this before?” he asked before handing you the lighter or offering to light it for you. You laughed quite loudly, “Of course I have.” Your response made Jack smile and put up his hands in defeat. “Alright Mrs. Professional, you wanna light it or you want me too?” Jack asked holding up the lighter. “I don’t mind, whichever.”

Jack lit the lighter and began lighting the weed, making sure you get a good hit. You sucked in the smoke building up in the clear tube and inhaled it, making sure to take off the little piece after you took it all in. (sorry I have no idea what those things are called). The smoke instantly surrounding your lungs and making a burn a little. You made sure to keep the smoke in as long as you can before you exhaled it. You could already feel your high coming along. “Damn.” You heard Jack say. “What?” you asked confused. “That was fucking ho- I mean, that was a good hit. You feeling it yet?” you nodded your head. “Oh yeah.” “Good.”

Jack handed you the light and you light it for him as he did your previous actions. The only difference was when Jack exhaled he did the French inhale and to say it was hot was an understatement. There’s no real word to describe how hot it was.

External image

You guys went back and forth a couple more times until the bowl was cashed. “Let me reload.” Jack said and reloaded the bowl. You felt amazing. You could feel everything flowing through your body and you felt like you were floating through the sky. “Have you ever done partner smoke tricks?” Jack asked, putting his weed bag back into the small box. “Nope.” You replied simply. “Want to try?” he asked with a smirk. “Fuck yeah.” “Awesome”, he laughed, “come closer.”

You scooted over a couple inches so that Jack and your legs were touching. “Much better.” He stated. You laughed and laid your head on his shoulder. Your high getting you to do something you wouldn’t ever do. “Alright, so when I inhale this, you’re going to bring your face real close to mine alright? Then just inhale what I exhale okay? Simple, it’s called the shotgun.” you giggled for a minute. “Okay.” You lit the bowl for Jack and once he got the full hit you brought your face way close to his and inhaled his smoke. You held it in until felt something bring you forward and bunches of tingles on your lips.

You breathed out the smoke and finally realized that Jacks lips were on yours. You and Jack were kissing. Jack Gilinsky is kissing you right now. You made sure to kiss back and bring your hand up to his nice head of hair. You grabbed it and tugged slightly, earning a slight moan from Jack. You pulled away after what felt like forever to catch your breathe. You know how in every sappy love story the person explains how they feel fireworks going off and all that jazz, let me tell you, when your high, its 1000000x better. The sky is filled with colorful explosion, angels are singing, goose bumps form all over your skin, you feel like you’re just lost somewhere in the clouds with no one else but the person your kissing.

“Wow.” Jack spoke breathless and heavily panting, “That went so much better than I expected.” He mumbled. “You had this planned?” you asked confused and breathless as well. “Kissing you? Ha, no. Psshh, I’ve been wanting to kiss you ever since the first time I saw you and my sister covered in chocolate syrup. I always had a plan in my head to get you alone and show you how I feel but nothing ever worked out, so I stopped trying. But today when I saw you covered in flour I thought back to that day. And I got so angry because I remember how nothing ever worked out and I could never show you how much I truly like you. And I just find it so frust-“ You cut Jacks babbling of with another kiss. You grabbed the bong in his lap and gently set it on the ground, without your lips leaving Jacks.

He took this as an advantage to gently push you back and climb on top of you. Your kiss was filled with lust, love, eagerness, and many more wonderful emotions. The kiss quickly turned into a hot make out session. Eventually Jack pulled away and flopped down beside you. “I guess things do workout if you keep trying.” He said looking straight into your eyes. “I love you Y/N.“

A/N:

Hope you enjoyed… i don’t know about you but my feels are through the roof. I wrote I alot more than i expected….it’s what happens when it’s night time and i’m lonely. So, WHO SHOULD I WRITE ABOUT NEXT? :D REQUEST PLEASE.

10

Happy birthday to Ash aka ambiguousrambles aka hellblazerdean aka prettymessedupsituation aka I’m not going to tag all of your blogs bc if I did we’d be here all day. 

She is of the most wonderful, caring, talented, awesome people I know! I was so lucky to get to meet her in real life and she is just as amazing and fun in person as she is online. She’s basically like a mom to everyone online because she’s so accepting and sweet and is a really good listener and gives really good advice when it’s needed. She is aggressively aro and single-handedly disproves all the ignorant fucks who say that people who are aro are heartless and don’t love enough because she loves more than p much anyone else I know. She has also sent me stuff in the mail and one time sent me a bouquet of flowers at work. Also she writes hella porn. What a nerd.