I really hate this excuse that as a woman it is your job to have kids. Just because you can, doesn’t necessarily mean you should. It’s not like if every single fertile woman does not procreate humanity will become extinct. Those people who try to convince you that as a woman it is your duty to have children, are basing their opinions on really old fashioned sexist notions of what it means to be a woman, and not on any actual truth.
What it really boils down to is the fact that you want to do something that defies traditional gender norms. This often makes people very afraid and uncomfortable because it questions the things they always took for granted. When you say: “I don’t want what you want”, some people take it as a personal rejection of who they are. When you say: “I don’t want to have kids”, some women hear: “I think less of you for having kids” But it’s not the same thing at all. I touched upon this idea in my last post, in my drawing that says: “I like you, but I don’t want to be like you.” Choosing one thing, doesn’t automatically mean the dismissal of the other. You can choose different things for yourself and still respect the choices of others.
My whole life people told me not to become an artist, because it is a risky job, and I will never make money at it, and I will never be able to afford all the traditional things in life. The older I get, the more people start wondering when I’m going to settle down and start thinking about having a family. When I called one of my family members to tell him that I got an artist residency grant, he was convinced I was calling to tell him I was pregnant. But in reality, babies are the last thing on my mind, and that really weirds a lot of people out. I think that having kids is a wonderful thing, and I know and love a lot of women who chose that path, but just because I understand and respect their path, doesn’t mean that it is the right path for me. And yes, I may change my mind, or I may not, but that is my personal choice to make, not anyone else’s.
My advice to you is to do what you have to do, and let yourself make the hard decisions and change your mind along the way. You will always have people telling you that you are dreaming the wrong dreams. It will never really get easier, you just get better at allowing your own voice to speak louder than theirs.
The next drawing I post is for you <3