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When Words Weren't Enough

Here’s a one-shot. Been typing this up for a few days. Thought it was decent enough to post . Tell me if you guys like it and leave me some comments if you’re not feeling to lazy. :)

When he thought of it, Jude was video games and food fights, and skateboards and movie nights, but he was also brown eyes and lazy mornings, and warm smiles and long nights.

There was nothing that could have possibly dragged any more slowly than that night. The heat of the summer night was unbearable and lying in a stuffy cabin surrounded by the body heat of twenty other boys, on a mattress that smelt like it had not been washed in years did not help things. His watch read 1:00 am. He had been laying in the dark for nearly three hours.

He had been at baseball camp for almost three weeks. A monotonous hell was what he preferred to call it. Pitching, hitting and running for a merciless coach who knew nothing of limits, boundaries or water breaks. He was miserable. The only reason he had come was to please his dad, who had been trying to get him into the apparently prestigious camp ever since last summer. He knew that if he had not come his dad would probably hold the guilt over his head for the rest of his life. And his dad already still wasn’t pleased about Jude.


He had been hesitant to leave him for an entire four weeks, not only because he would miss him like lungs could miss oxygen but also because Jude had been acting so strange closer to the days of his departure. He had been…quieter, a lot more reserved. Now he knew that maybe it was not a cause for concern, that sometimes Jude did get a little quiet  but what really signaled to him that maybe something was wrong  was when Jude had stood by the driver’s window of the van Connor’s dad had allowed him to drive to the camp. Jude had looked at Connor with the most imploring look. With his hand laid on top of Connor’s on the windowsill, their fingers filling in the gaps of the others, Jude had asked softly, “Do you have to go?”

At the sound of Jude’s voice, he would have, at that very moment, gotten out of the truck, unloaded his bags and stayed, no questions asked. But he could feel his dad’s presence from the driveway, standing there to ensure that his son left for the prestigious camp. So all Connor could have done was sighed, his hand tightening on Jude’s and leaning in for a final kiss. With their foreheads touching he had whispered, “four weeks will be gone before you know it.” In return he had gotten a bitter smile and without any more words between them Connor had slowly driven off, watching Jude from his rear-view mirror, standing on the lonely curb.

He lay on his musty mattress in the dark hours of the morning, miserably sick but more missing and worrying about Jude.  All he really wanted was for this dragging, cruel night to pass so that he would be a day closer to getting out of here, a day closer to Jude.


What he didn’t expect, the next day, was a call on the camp’s only telephone.  No sort of technology was allowed. Something about “both mind and body focused on the craft” (more like “total bullshit” he had thought) but all cell phones had been confiscated and stashed, old God knows where, and the word Wi-Fi was not in the camps vocabulary.

The only thing that the camp had that kept them connected to the real world was an old wall phone, a white outdated thing that looked like it had been on the wall of the camp’s administration building for decades.

As Connor was about to swing his bat, he heard his name call over the camp’s megaphone. Confused, he had gotten permission from the coach to go ahead and he headed to the old hut that served as the administrative building. As he entered, one of the camp staff held out the phone to him with a look that read, “make it quick.” The only person who had the camp’s number would probably be his dad and something had to be really wrong if his dad was calling in the middle of the day.

Taking off his cap, he put the phone to his ear, “Hello?” he answered curiously,

“Connor?”  It definitely was not his dad, though the voice did seem oddly familiar.

“Who is this?” he asked, lowering his voice, glancing over at the volunteer at her desk, no doubt listening to the conversation.

“Hey, it’s AJ.”

Why was AJ of all people calling him? How did he even know  this number? Connor vaguely recalled Jude mentioning that AJ was spending the summer at the Foster’s house. But why was he……unless…there could only be one reason that AJ was calling him and he could feel his heart rate increase,

“Is Jude okay?” he whispered urgently, panic rising in his chest.

“No. No nothing’s wrong with Jude.” Of course Connor would have freaked, it’s not like the two of them spoke, why else would he, an almost stranger to him, be calling the camp.

AJ tried to find the right words to state his case for calling. “Um, well, he’s fine physically.”

Connor’s grip on the phone tightened, “What’s going on AJ?” he said through gritted teeth. He really didn’t mean to sound cold, but AJ had called him, pulling him from a baseball practice that he would most likely have to make up for later in the day, and there was a nosy volunteer burning a hole into his back and if something was wrong with his boyfriend, he wanted to know, and he wanted to know at this very moment.

AJ sighed into the receiver finally giving an explanation, “He’s not talking. He hasn’t said one word in two weeks. Lena and Steph planned not to tell you anything until you got back because they didn’t want you to worry but I’ve been the one sharing a room with him and he’s really starting to scare me. I mean, this morning he didn’t even get out of bed. He’s not responding to anyone, and he’s barely eating. He has not said one word Connor, not one word. So I thought if there was one person who could get through to him it would be you. So maybe you could talk to him over the phone or….

“I’ll be there by this evening,” Connor said cutting AJ off, a plan already formulating in his head. He knew he shouldn’t have come to this camp and he only had himself to blame. God, he ran his hand through his hair, he knew something had been wrong. He could feel the camp volunteer looking at him suspiciously but he had to leave. Jude was more important than any damn  baseball camp.

AJ began to protest, “Wait no. I didn’t mean for you to come, that’s like a  4 hour drive.”

Connor’s mind was already decided. “I’ll be there,” he said firmly. Before he hung up he added, “Don’t tell Jude I’m coming.”


The last time Jude had stopped talking was back when they were thirteen. Connor had never really understood why it had happened, but he always remembered the sinking feeling he had gotten when Jude would just look at him with all eyes and no words. He had hated not knowing what was going on inside of his friend’s head. He had hated not being able to hear Jude’s voice. He had thought that it was his fault, that his best friend would probably never speak again because of some shit he had done and for some reason it had left him feeling absolutely devastated.  He remembered crying to Lena and wishing he had been a better friend.

Jude did eventually start back talking a few days later. He had broken the silence between them by simply saying Connor’s name. They had been looking for a table outside to eat lunch and just as he had eyed a table he heard behind him,


He had froze, slowly turning around, scared that it had been a figment of his imagination, but Jude had the smallest smile on his face and Connor, who had nearly dropped his tray had simply answered with a choked, “Yeah?”

“Um, do you want to go sit by the bench?”

Jude spoke as if he had not been silent for days and now it was Connor who was at a loss for words. Hearing Jude’s voice after such a long time was everything he never knew he wanted and he dumbly nodded his head in response and Jude walked ahead, Connor trailing behind. And they left it at that.

But now, as Connor burned rubber, his truck racing down the freeway, he couldn’t help but question if he was to blame this time. Maybe there was something he had done, and on top of that he had left for the stupid camp.

He sighed as humid summer air hit his face, gripping the steering wheel with worry. He could not get there fast enough. He knew his dad would most likely kill him once he found out he had left the camp, but that was the least of his concerns. Jude was what mattered. And for some reason his dad would never understand that. Even now, after all this time, and everything Connor had done just to be with Jude, he realized that his dad would never really understand his and Jude’s relationship, but few people did. It was hard for even Connor to explain but, the thing was, Jude was so much more than his boyfriend.

So many people spent their entire life searching among 7 billion people for that one person  who would be there forever, and as cliché as it may sound,  that was what Jude was for Connor. Whether it was as a couple or just as best friends, Connor needed Jude as a constant in his life. Jude was what he needed to breathe, what he needed to survive. What they had was more than a relationship. When he thought of it, Jude was video games and food fights, and skateboards and movie nights, but he was also brown eyes and long nights, and warm hands, and lazy mornings. And he was all Connor could ever ask for. And he loved him.


He  finally got to the Fosters at around 6 when the sky was darkening, everything a hazy gold. He shut the door of his truck and quickly bounded up the driveway. He was hungry and tired after being on the road for so long but all he cared about was that he was now only a few feet away from Jude. He anxiously knocked on the door, feeling like it was an eternity until someone one answered it. On the other side of the door was a very stunned Lena who took in the sight of a very disheveled Connor .

“Connor? You’re supposed to be at.”

“Baseball camp,” he finished for her. “I know, but I was worried about Jude. So I left and now I’m here.”

Lena shook her head, “How did you know about Ju…” Understanding dawned on her face, along with slight annoyance,

“AJ!!” she shouted, “I told you not to call him.”

AJ appeared by the door, “Hey Connor.” He turned to Lena, “If there is anyone he’ll respond to its Connor,” he said seriously, “I told him not to come, but he wouldn’t listen but I think Jude needs him right now.”

Connor was becoming impatient, “Can I please see him,” he pleaded.

Lena’s eyes softened, AJ was right. Sometimes it amazed her how much these two boys cared for each other and the lengths they went too to make sure the other was alright, like driving for hours.

“He’s in his room,” Lena finally sighed, “He hasn’t come out all day.”

Connor mumbled a thank you and h tried not to run up the stairs, taking them two at a time, his heart beating furiously.

Finally standing in front of Jude’s door, he knocked, softly pushing it open.

Connor was greeted with the sight of Jude’s figure buried under a comforter with the curtains pulled shut.

“Jude?” he whispered, as he silently pulled off  his shoes. He noticed the comforter shift, just slightly, and now barefoot he approached Jude’s bed,

“Jude,” he said again. “It’s your long lost boyfriend who knows you’re hearing him,” he tried to joke. No response.

He sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, seeing Jude hair peeking out from the top of the comforter. “Okay, well if you’re not going to say anything can you at least move over and give me some room.”

He finally got a response as Jude rolled a bit to the left, comforter and all, giving Connor a portion of the bed. If Connor hadn’t been so worried and tired he may have found it adorable.

Connor lay down on his back, staring at the ceiling, till he finally turned to his side to a cocooned Jude. He sighed again and unceremoniously pulled the comforter from Jude’s head. He smiled softly, finally seeing Jude’s face after three weeks, though he frowned at the bruises underneath his eyes. He rested his hand on Jude’s pale cheek and gently ran his finger over the darkness under Jude’s eyes.

Jude’s closed eyelids fluttered in an attempt to pretend he was sleeping.  

“I know you’re not sleeping you dork.” Connor tapped his thumb on Jude’s cheek.

“Hey,” he said softly, “I just drove down a freeway for hours, can you at least look at me?”

Jude finally, but slowly opened his eyes, focusing on Connor’s face.

Connor smiled, “Hi.” he said.

Miraculously Jude gave him the smallest of smiles.

Connor’s hand  ran from Jude’s cheek to his hair, gently running his fingers through it. His eyes remained focused on Jude’s, hoping maybe he could see through him, and figure out what was wrong. But unfortunately he could not read minds. He mapped Jude’s face with his eyes, studying the tired face and finally asking, almost begging, “What’s wrong?”

Jude shook his head slightly and moved closer,  burying his face in Connor’s neck. So Connor  lightly rested his chin in Jude’s hair and wrapped his arms around him and he held him.They stayed like that for awhile, wrapped up in each other, Connor dozing slightly, the tiredness of the day finally catching up to him.


It was dark when he woke up, and Jude’s head rested lightly on his shoulder. He ran his hand over his face and felt fingers intertwine with his and Jude said, very softly,


His breath hitched and he slowly raised his head to look at Jude, whose eyes were focused on the ceiling,


Jude sighed, “Thanks for coming.”

Connor swallowed, willing Jude to make eye contact, “Hey. Can you look at me?”

Jude focused on him. “What’s going on?”

“Everyone’s leaving,” Jude simply said.

Connor forehead creased in confusion, “What do you mean?”

Jude shook his head, sitting up, letting go of Connor’s hand and resting his head in his hands.

“Callie’s not coming for the summer again, and she said that soonest she may be able to visit is Christmas. College is hell apparently.”

Now some people may think it to be funny that a seventeen year old boy would miss his sister so much, but Connor understood. For a long time Callie was all Jude had. They were each others lifelines and sometimes, Jude could feel a little lost without her.

“And then there’s you,” he continued.

“You going off this summer made me realize that this is how it’s going to be from next year, long term. You’re going to go off to some university on a baseball scholarship…miles away from me. And everything’s changing, and it all just kind of hit me and I didn’t want to talk about it with anybody, so I locked myself away.”

He fiddled with the comforter, avoiding Connor’s eyes, “It’s just, it’s hard to imagine you not being here all the time, and God I sound like such girl,” but before he could bury his head in his hands again, Connor who was now sitting cross-legged in front of him, took his hands.

Jude looked at their hands and heard Connor say, “So you know I love you right?”

Jude looked up, “Yes.”

“And that no matter what happens, wherever we are, no matter how far apart we may be from each other, we’re still going to be us. Jude and Connor, or what’s that crap Marianna calls us?”

Jude rolled his eyes, “Jonnor.”

Connor laughed, “Yeah, that. We’ll still be that. And Jude,I don’t want anyone else. Really. And that’s it.”

He studied Jude’s face, “So how about we forget about next year for now. Leave it to take care of itself for a while and let’s just be.”

“Okay?” he asked.

Jude nodded, tightening his grasp on Connor’s hand “Okay.”

“Are you okay?” Connor asked seriously, brushing the hair out of Jude’s eyes.

Jude looked up smiling, “I’m good.”

The smile was contagious, and Connor grinned, leaning forward, kissing him.

Some people spent their entire life searching among 7 billion people for that one person who would be their forever, and as cliché as it may sound, they both really didn’t have that problem anymore.


Episode 12 was full of so many wonderful things, but this:

The fact that “light appears in the dark color of Haruka’s eyes” (x) after hearing Rin calling out to him is still one of my favorite things ever. It’s such a poignant, beautiful detail and it says so much it honestly kills me. Even more so because it’s a fact that they always, always made Haru speak through his eyes to make up for his silent nature. 

It’s been nearly a year and I’m still not over it ;~;