To the man who left:
I don’t think you’re a bad person for leaving.
You knew I needed you, but I know I made it hard for you to be there when I’d push you far away from me.
I don’t blame you for leaving. I know I can be more than a handful at times. My head loves to get the best of me and my paranoia quickly replaced you as my companion.
I’m not mad at you. I just don’t know how to let someone love me at night without expecting them to leave the next morning. That’s why I sometimes cried while we had sex. I didn’t expect you to hold me afterwards. I wanted you to, but god, I was scared.
I wanted you to stay, but I didn’t know how to be okay with it. I didn’t know how to allow you to love the parts of me that I despised.
Above all things, please know that I did love you, but I was just too scared. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I know you did the best you could. I know a person can only take so much.
I guess what I’m left with now is guilt, but I don’t deserve to miss you. I’ll keep quiet for your own sake. I know I am toxic. I know it is time to move on. Please forget me.
I deserve it.
— to the man who left