but then i left it for ages until just now


L is one of my closest guy friends. The only guy friend of mine who knows about my herpes. He’s that friend that I can go ages without talking to but pick up right where we left off. I’ve known him for about 4 years now, I think. But it wasn’t until I told him about my herpes that I realized just how good of a friend he actually is. From the get go, he told me that didn’t change his opinion of me. If there is any guy who makes me feel like I don’t have herpes, it’s him. He knows about EBG and he always tells me there’s no way he’ll turn me down. If he does, “he done fucked up” as L says. From the minute I told him, he never looked at me different and being that he was one of the first people I told, it really helped me. If I ever get down about anything, herpes related or not, he’s there with the best supporting words.

It’s just unreal to have amazing supportive friends. I would have never thought my friends would have taken my telling them “my secret” so well. But so far, no one has run away. And I am so incredibly amazed and grateful for that.


And I don’t want to live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on
            somebody that you used to know…

This song came on again and I was thrown back a few years because I associated it a lot with the breakdown of Snape and Lily’s friendship. (it’s… just a really resonant, bitter and sad song, and works just as well for the falling out of a friendship imo)

It’s probably pretty obvious what this is referencing aka I’m a hack who only ever parodies songs from pop culture g o o d b y e

I'm just going to update on what's going on right now:

My mother may have had a major stroke last night. She was found wandering in the next town over about an hour away in a place the she has never been around dawn, with her dog and the really old farm van. Dad said the house was in a disarray when she left.

She is at the hospital but does not know her age, the date, the president, etc. She is partially lucid right now but does not sound like she really knows what’s happening or who she is. I talked to her on the phone and said, “Momma.. what have you got into now?” and she just said, “Well, I don’t know.”

I love my momma so much and am at a loss for what to do right now. My dad does not want me to drive back to Nashville until the results of the MRI / CT scan are interpreted tonight, but I am so freaking worried. I knew this shit would happen after her TIA. Every instinct I have is telling me to get in the car and go see her.

anonymous asked:

tell me a brief summary of ur ocs youve been making-- it can be beneficial to summarize a character. also so i can ask more questionss ;^o

o !!! thank you so much… the comic im working on has like… 10 different main characters but ill just focus on the Main 4 for now (these arent that brief but i left out a lot of stuff so)

Keep reading

Answering The Door

Is anyone else just terrified to answer your own door? Like the doorbell rings and you panic so you just hope they go away and you wait like 5 minutes then you look through the window to see if they left and it turns out to be your older cousin’s wife and she is still there and now you cant answer the door because you are embarrased that at 18 years of age you still dont know how to answer the door so you run and hide under you blanket and pretend you were taking a power nap until your handicap grandmother lets her in through the garage…becasuse that is literally what im doing at this exact moment. You guys know what im talking about right? Good? Good.


It kills me not to know this but I’ve all but just forgotten
what the color of her eyes were or the scars or how she got them
as the telling signs of age rain down the single tear is dropping
from the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten

there is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
but seldom do these words ring true when I’m constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can’t break through until we disappear

so tell me now if this ain’t love then how do we get out
cause I don’t know

Thats when she said I don’t hate you boy
I just wanna save you while there’s still something left to save
Thats when I told her I love you girl
but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have

but the day pressed on like crushing weights
for no man does it ever wait
like memories of dying days
that deafen us like hurricanes
bathed in flames we held the brand
uncurled the fingers in your hand
pressed into the flesh like sand

so tell me now if this ain’t love then how do we get out
cause I don’t know

Thats when she said I don’t hate you boy
I just wanna save you while there’s still something left to save
Thats when I told her I love you girl
but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have

One thousand miles away
There’s nothing left to say
But so much left that I don’t know
We never had a choice
This world is too much noise
It takes me under
It takes me under once again

I don’t hate you
I don’t hate you, no
so tell me now if this ain’t love then how do we get out
cause I don’t know

Thats when she said I don’t hate you boy
I just wanna save you while there’s still something left to save
Thats when I told her I love you girl
but I’m not the answer for the questions that you still have

Tonight my dad explained to me how I needed to let my daughter cry until she went to sleep because if I went and comforted her I would be rewarding her bad behavior.
I realized this is what he did to me.
Instead of comforting me at a young age about these new, difficult, confusing emotions like sadness and anger he left me alone. To cry uncontrollably when all I wanted was someone there.
Now when someone’s there for me, I reject them because that would be rewarding my bad behavior.
Or maybe I’m just being a fucking over sensitive female who needs to learn to deal with her emotions properly.

Discarded Letters

I’ve writtten letters and re-written letters, left them on my desk to age, only to scrap them and write those very letters all over again. I write letters to those I love. These people are usually living a significant distance from me, and I’m realizing now that it is through the act of writing that I nurture my love for these individuals. Just the act of placing ink on paper, casually and sincerely, until my hand aches, that solidify for me the fact that they are still in my life. The innumerable discarded drafts which I spend a sum total of hours preparing, the effort and dedication this requires, and minor aches that they cause to my hands which aren’t used to using pen-holding muscles for that long- I need these tangible sensations and measurable elapsing of time to help me feel the presence of these loved ones in my life.

Even if the contents of the various drafts may never reach them, penning them down at one point deceives me into thinking that maybe they do know (ya know, through an extra sense or whatever powers that be.. I KID), and that we’re in more routine contact that we actually are. In our busy lives, I understand fully that upkeeping communication isn’t always easy or even convenient. But this truth is unpleasant and rather upsetting to me. So I play these mind-games with myself, something I’m very good at, to soothe my discontentedness with reality. The perceived exchange is all that I need to keep my wheels going. Out of sight, out of mind? Not a chance if I can help it.

One hour left until the poll is closed! I think Zevran is going to win this one!

I must say, I’m surprised! When Leliana and Alistair were both pretty high, Zevran was sitting low. I believe it was 11 to 15 votes for Alistair and Leliana just the end of Monday, with Zevran at about 3. But he skyrocketed! He’s now at the lead with 46 votes, which is exactly 57.5 percent of the votes - Zevran is currently pulling more than HALF the votes!!

Zevran - 57.5% with 46 votes out of 86
Leliana - 31.75% with 25 votes out of 86
Alistair - 11.25% with 15 votes out of 86

I’m so excited that nearly 100 people have turned up for the voting this round, and I really hope that you all stick around for the rest of this blog’s lifespan!


It’s been a while. So much has been going on that trying to put it into words seemed like too big of a task. So just to get me going again, here is a kind of list with no specific order:

  1. Left Waterville and now in Portland Maine until the end of June.
  2. Pride parade in Portland was moving in unexpected ways. From the “Dykes on Bikes” leading it through the old age home marching.
  3. Still processing the residency, the exhibition and the meeting points between teaching art and my own art
  4. The conference for Jewish life in Maine was fascinating
  5. I love Colby museum and so curious to see where it goes in the coming years
  6. Seems I just got invited to my next residency in the US, weird to have a date for coming back and exciting to know I’ll have a chance to explore a new place and time to work on another project.
  7. Friends, new friends, old friendships with new flavors.
  8. Weather in Maine - best explained by the saying they have here: “If you don’t like the weather wait five minutes”
  9. Jews and goats, Jews and trees - things that Jewish people talk about in Maine.
  10. Anti-Semitism sure does change your perspective about things.
  11. Distance does that too.
  12. Invited to work at the print workshop at the MFA in MECA (Maine College of Art) in the couple weeks I’m here. I love printing.
  13. Playing with images, missing my studio.
  14. Mel is an amazing cook.
  15. Beers in Maine are so good, not drinking is really a problem so I developed a method. I order a beer, take a few sips so I get to taste the local brewery and then pass the rest of the drink to the person next to me. It makes me and them happier. 
  16. Portions in America are so big. I know that for almost three months now and it’s still crazy  and strange.
  17. I love skype.
  18. Denver is around the corner and very soon I’ll be in a completely different place. The world is strange.
  19. The “Alphabetical experiences continue in my head, some are already on paper, it’s time to record more.





by Walt Frasier


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